


Remember when (we used to be between the sheets)

by Tanagariel



Series: Loving you in the light & dark [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blood and Injury, Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Love/Hate, Sequel, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:59:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 143,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5353211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanagariel/pseuds/Tanagariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin is giving all hear heart and soul in her studies to become an art major. After being left with a broken heart, Clarke has only her art and her two best friends to find solace. Filling herself with hate and anger for the betrayal of the woman who changed her world forever, Clarke will try to forget, to move on and erase once and for all every memory Lexa left.<br/>In her path she will find a mysterious writer who will remind her what she used to have with Lexa.</p><p>Lexa Woods left her heart in a mountain. The stoic former English literature teacher buried herself in her work at Polis Magazine. The column “Between the Sheets” of her alter ego, Alexandria, had garnered the attention of millions of readers nationwide, particularly a sassy big mouthed fan who tests her patience every time she can.<br/>Lexa has tried to move on but she cannot forget the memories of her former student with those sky blue eyes that were imprinted in her mind and soul; she knows there won’t be anyone else for her, only Clarke.<br/>Can Clarke and Lexa remember when they used to love each other in the dark so they can move on into loving each other in light?<br/>Or this is another story meant to be kept between the sheets?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> * This is a direct sequel of the fic Between the Sheets, do not continue reading if you have yet to read the first part since this fic follows BTS storyline.
> 
> commanderlexaofthegrounders.tumblr.com/the100fics

The birds were chirping as they flew over the trees.  The sun was high above with its golden light shining through the thick forest, and the white puffy clouds covered the light blue sky. The soft wind blew, and the tree branches moved with it as if they were in a slow dance.

With each step she took towards her destination, her heart beat faster.  The only sound disturbing the peaceful nature of this cursed place wasthe sound of crunching leaves under her heavy boots.

Her breaths came out harsh as if the physical activity was demanding. But she was as nervous as when she first met _her_.

This meeting could change everything or maybe she needed to do more cardio. God knows she had been a lazy ass on the weekends.

Clarke Griffin, art student of Ark University, was doing exactly what her common sense was telling her not to do. To return to the place where her heart had been smashed into a thousand pieces such a long time ago.

Back to the mountain.

Pretty stupid plan but here she was again, like a trusting fool, and trust was the worst thing she could do right now. Clarke was usually torn between punching her or kissing her senseless. That was the effect that Lexa Woods had on her.  It didn’t matter that they had been at this for the past year.  No, this stupid dance between them had to come to an end.

Clarke followed the dirty trail of mud and rocks that lead right to where she knew Lexa was waiting.  This weather had been unforgiving lately, and the heat was drowning Clarke.  Sweat coated her skin as she made her way up the mountain - the place where Lexa betrayed her love.  She kept her pace steady, not too fast nor too slow, she didn’t want to seem eager. It was better to make Lexa wait just like Clarke waited for her last year.

In her short 19 years of life she had learned two important things:

  1.     Love was weakness.
  2.     Lexa was full of shit.



Clarke chuckled just thinking about the hard lessons of life given by the woman at the top of the mountain - the traitor, the liar, and the lover. Lexa was all of those things to her, not necessarily in that order. If Clarke learned something else from her own experiences, it was:

  1.     Maybe they both deserved better than this.



And that’s why Clarke accepted the invitation to come to this forsaken place that was full of memories, TonDC - where Lexa was everywhere. She had hated her. God knows she did despise Lexa with all her heart and soul, and yet, when Lexa came back into her life with her stupid smirk, with her green eyes full of love and desire, it had been hard to keep her walls up.  After all, Lexa knew how to reach her just like Clarke could see through her idiotic coldness.

The worst part of this story, or probably the best, depending on your point of view had to be fucking Alexandria.

Alexandria who was so open and kind.

Alexandria who was there for Clarke whenever she needed to talk to someone.

Alexandria who was light versus Lexa’s dark.

Alexandria who made her fell in love again (with that lying moron) and ruined her forever.

In conclusion, she couldn’t escape Lexa Woods.  She couldn’t deny her destiny anymore and so she had to face it.

Clarke reached the clearing at the end of the thickest area of the forest. There she found Lexa standing on a rock as if she were a conqueror or a commander looking down at her troops. Here was the woman who wrecked her completely, who she couldn't simply forget no matter how hard she tried, and she had tried.  But Clarke wasn’t going to admit that out loud, less in front of her, not yet.

Lexa was staring into the horizon, lost in thought, her hands clasped at her back, her legs spread apart, her body relaxed but alert. The black pants hugged her mile long legs, and the grey shirt she wore under a black open coat revealed a bit of cleavage.

_Boobs. Yeah, my weakness. Fucking Lexa._

Clarke took a deep breath before crossing the final path and walked until she was just a few feet away from the brunette.

 

“You came.” Lexa said without turning around while she kept her attention fixed on the natural surroundings.

“I did.”

Lexa turned on her heel and finally met Clarke face to face jumping down the rock. Her big green eyes mixed with those tiny gold flecks were buried in her own blue. Lexa’s expression was soft, not angry nor irritated as Clarke was or at least tried to appear, but peaceful, hopeful. This was the mystery of Lexa Woods.  Clarke could see the vulnerability in moments between them because Lexa only allowed herself to be _weak_ in her presence.

“So?” Clarke arched her brow, crossing her arms in front of her chest, boot tapping on the ground with impatience.

Lexa smirked with that charm that made Clarke’s heart skip a beat; the brunette shook her head and started to walk back into the woods. “When is it going to be the day when you learn to be patient, Clarke? Come, let’s sit.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes but trailed after Lexa nonetheless, following another rocky road that led to the resting area for hikers. “In case you haven’t noticed, this is not a date, Lexa. You asked me to come to clear things up, so let’s cut this bullshit so I can go back—”

“Where to?” Lexa cut fast. “To the Ark? To Costia? Or Bellamy?” Lexa’s tone clearly indicated her petulance and a tiny tint of jealousy, but her face stayed composed and never betrayed her thoughts. The brunette indicated with her hand an empty bench inviting Clarke to sit.

The blonde huffed but took the seat obediently; Clarke smiled flashing her white teeth, acting a bit arrogant if one must say, Clarke had to admit that she was being childish provoking Lexa. But she had to rub salt in the wound, to hurt her as much as she could. “That’s none of your business. You should be more worried for your girlfriend. Now let’s be done with this.”

“She’s not my anything. Care much?” Lexa perked her brow.

“No.”

Lexa nodded and took the empty spot in front of Clarke. “I won’t take long. Once you hear what I need to say you may as well leave me for good.”

“Great.” The sarcasm palpable in Clarke’s tone.

_________________

♪ Bring, bring the thunder and the

Loud, loud rain

Lead our woes asunder

`Neath the proud, proud veins ♩

“Hmmm, shit!” Clarke fumbled out of her sheets and shut off her alarm.  She padded barefoot to the bathroom to shower before her classes. It has been 3 months since she began studying art at Ark University. She had been working her ass off in her classes since she was one of the few that benefited from a scholarship awarded by the Greene Foundation, and she had to keep her grades as high as possible to show Ms. Greene that she didn’t make a mistake by offering her the scholarship.

 

The young woman remained under the spray of water trying to cool down her hot and bothered body. Her dreams haunted her often with fantasies and desires that no longer had a place in her heart. Sometimes, the dreams relived memories of that ominous night almost 6 months ago when Lexa destroyed her heart by leaving her. Even though she fought against any thoughts of Lexa during the day, at night the recollection of her skin and her lips beset Clarke. On a few rare occasions, it was the blood of Finn Collins on her hands. The massacre of TonDC was something that she was never going to forget, even though the nightmares now were few.

It has been a slow process nonetheless. Erasing the nightmares of her bloody hands and Lexa from her thoughts was not easy, but time was indeed her best friend.

The last time she saw the woman had been on that cursed mountain, and her heart was more at ease, yet not at peace. Clarke was never going to be at peace after that betrayal.

Those words still hurt as if they had been said yesterday, words that she was never going to forget.

_“I can’t risk it Clarke. My dreams, my life? Sacrifice it for what? Love?”_

Clarke toweled off her body then looked herself at the mirror. Her blue gaze was not of a child, but of a woman who had to grow up too fast and accept that fairytales don't exist.

Lexa chose her career over her, period.

_“I do care Clarke, but I made this choice with my head and not my heart.”_

“I’ll forget you.” Clarke said to her reflection with certainty. That had become her mantra since she resolved to stop suffering over her, a promise that had yet to be fulfilled.

 

Clarke came out of the bathroom and started to dress quickly -  blue jeans along with a blue and white plaid flannel shirt that went well with her blue Converse. She strolled through the tiny hall of her dorm and knocked on her roommate’s door.

“O, get up! Aren’t you supposed to be at practice in 30 minutes?” Clarke snuck through the door.

“Oh fuck!” The brunette sat on the bed startled, “I overslept!” The brunette went to her closet to take her soccer equipment out and dragged her bag to the living room followed by Clarke.

“I mean if you hadn’t stayed up Skyping with Raven all night you’d have listened your alarm.” Clarke opened the fridge and took out the orange juice carton and left it on the kitchen counter. Then she took out some pancake mix so she could prepare breakfast.

Octavia smiled just thinking about her girlfriend Raven while she packed her sports bag with her soccer shoes and uniform. “She’s coming to the ‘Arkers’ game in four weeks Clarke. It’s been months since we last were together.”

Clarke returned the smile knowing how her two best friends were dealing with the long-distance relationship. She was happy for them, however, she was envious. Envy over not having what they had.

Clarke quickly shook her head and started to add batter to the pan, cooking for her and her friend. “I miss her too, O. I’m glad she has time to come.”

“I’m gonna hit the shower, and then after my practice we can meet and plan something fun with Echo and company for the weekend.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be in class and then with Miss Greene.”

“Man, you lucky bitch. You totally won the jackpot befriending your former art teacher, huh?” Octavia removed her pj’s throwing them in the laundry basket inside the bathroom.

Clarke smiled as she flipped a pancake. “Just hurry up, this will be ready in a second,” Clarke announced.

 

Costia Greene had become a great supporter of her studies. Always patient when Clarke became too intense and perpetually kind, offering advice. If it wasn’t for her help, Clarke had no idea where she’d have ended up studying. Costia knew about art and was involved in several projects, one that involved the scholarship that Clarke earned to study art.

She had been painting and drawing nonstop.  Most of her classes were helping Clarke refine her technique and style. Other classes were boring as fuck but necessary to complete the credits required for her degree. The blonde was living the dream; she was on the path to become the artist she was meant to be.

Clarke turned off the stove and served the pancakes on two plates. She left the plates on the table and poured a tall glass of juice for her and her friend.  She checked her watch and ate her breakfast before it became late.

Octavia joined her a couple of minutes after getting ready, and the two chatted rather briefly. Clarke was the first to leave the table; she brushed her teeth and grabbed her backpack.

“I’ll see you later at ‘Camp Jaha’ at 3, alright?” asked the blonde. Octavia gave her thumbs up in confirmation so Clarke left her dorm room to head to campus.

 

With the art history class finally over, Clarke stashed her notebook inside her backpack and checked her watch.  She still had to meet with Ms. Greene before going to the coffee shop to meet Octavia.

Clarke walked through the halls of ‘Ark U.’ The place was huge, but the architecture of the place made it look modern with technology accessible everywhere. One could get lost if you didn’t know where you were heading since the metallic sliding doors tended to confuse most of the new students.

Clarke was in the art school building so chances of running into Octavia were zero since she spent her days in the soccer field with the rest of the ‘Grounders’ who joined the ranks of ‘The Arkers’ – Monroe, Harper and Echo.

Clarke reached the backyard of the campus. During her walks she enjoyed the fresh air of autumn and the gorgeous park that surrounded the art building, particularly now that the leaves were starting to turn into a gorgeous blend of red, yellow and orange. The hue of indigo, blue and orange of the sky was a perfect combination that invited the most skilled artists to try and copy mother nature.

Clarke pushed open the glass doors and entered a gallery sponsored by the Greene Foundation that the art students used for their own expositions at the end of each semester.  She headed straight to a small office to the left behind a wooden door. She knocked the door announcing herself first. “Hello, Miss Greene? It’s Clarke.”

“Come in.” A voice indicated and so Clarke turned the knob and went inside.

There, she met the stunning woman with warm brown eyes and black curls tamed in a half bun with smooth dark skin. Her former art teacher, Costia Greene, the ex-lover of her ex-lover. Figures.

“Hey Clarke. Please sit.” Costia offered her the empty chair in front of her desk.

“What is it, Miss Greene?” Clarke sat, leaving her backpack on the empty chair to her right.

Costia smiled. “I told you, Costia is fine Clarke. I was at school earlier organizing the projects for this year’s exhibit.”

Clarke nodded. “Cool.” The girl had tried to show no emotion, but last year during that exposition her father passed away in a car accident. If it wasn’t for—

_Nope, don’t go there._

“I know I told you to prepare just one work, but I’m going to require more.”

Clarke frowned looking at the woman with certain apprehension. “More?”

Costia shook her head. “A full exhibition Clarke. TonDC High is proud of their students, and you are one of the most talented we had in art.  It makes sense that we would host your first semi-professional exposition during our yearly exhibit. Principal Kane already gave me the green light, and that would be a marvelous time to honor all of those we lost at the TonDC shooting with your wonderful art.”

The silence that engulfed the small office started to become tense, even gloomy. The sounds of screams and gunshots echoing through the school gym was something that had taken so long to erase. Clarke had gone through a slow healing process, and even though she was much better, there are things you can’t completely erase. How things can change so fast, in moment she was laughing, dancing with--

_Hell no. Don’t._

Clarke cleared her throat trying to hide the slight blush of her cheeks. “I’d love to, Miss Gre, err, Costia.” Clarke curved her lips upward.

Costia laughed pleased to hear that. “Very well. I know that you have to keep up with classes, but make sure to add more paintings following the style of the ones you have already completed. After that, I’d love to take your art to New York. As a student of the Greene Foundation, promoting the work of our students is of the utmost importance.”

“Woah, talk about pressure.” Clarke scratched her head, thinking about what she could do to prepare a collection that was of worth. “I have to start working right away.”

“I know you can do this Clarke. You’re beyond talented.” Costia started to type on her computer now that she had disclosed the information of the exhibit. “I have to go back to DC tomorrow, but I’ll return in a couple of weeks and hopefully you can show me your work, okay?”

“Alright, sounds good.” Clarke lifted up from her chair, picked up her backpack and slid it over her shoulder. “Thanks for this opportunity, I won’t fail.”

“I know.” Costia offered a kind smile and watched Clarke go.

 

Clarke started her way to the coffee shop where she hung out with Octavia most of the time, ‘Camp Jaha.’ The coffee shop was close to the campus library, only a small walk from Costia’s office. Clarke was excited to be able to do a full portfolio of work and expose it for the whole world to see, not just in DC but in New York. This could be a great opportunity to acquaint people with her art. The enthusiastic girl turned around the next corner of the campus area, went through a small park that had a small bridge to cross a tiny pond to get to the other side of campus. She finally reached a gazebo at the end of the park to access the wing of the college bookstore.

The art student made her way into the store noticing that there was still time until Octavia finished her soccer practice.

The first thing that she observed at the counter was the newest edition of ‘Polis Magazine,’ and she quickly grabbed a copy and paid for it before heading to the library. Clarke had become a fan of the ‘Between the Sheets’ column, but not because she believed in what that woman, Alexandria, wrote. Clarke loved to pick fights with the author.  That’s exactly what she had been doing since she was introduced to the column in her old hangout,  ‘The Dropship,’ right before she came to college at the beginning of summer.

The magazine had been like a revelation. Finding this column made every month exciting for Clarke.

 

After the short walk to the library, Clarke took an empty table in the back of the wide room where several students came to learn content or read in a quiet place. Usually the space was empty except during finals and midterms week.  Luckily today was not one of those days.

Clarke grabbed her laptop, booting it up while she flipped through several pages looking for the column, and a smile was drawn on her face as soon as she found ‘Between the Sheets.’

Her eyes scanned quickly the questions of some fans that were clearly infatuated with Alexandria by the type of questions asked. Next, she reached the part of the article she was most interested in.

_“Some of you have asked about moving on and starting a new relationship. I don’t know really what to say about this, readers. I started a relationship and ended up losing my heart completely months ago. Since then, I have been stuck in the memory of what was and never will be. I am not sure I want to move on because I loved you, and I still do. So maybe time will lessen the pain, maybe not. But those who are still looking for those kind eyes, for a smile that makes you laugh, don’t give up. Maybe you can mend someone’s heart._

_Forgetting is not easy, less alone quick. Patience is what you need now more than ever reader. And maybe one day you will wake up and find yourself free of those chains. However, to me that would be the end of my dream for my love for you is forever…”_

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You have to be kidding me,” Clarke pulled her laptop closer to her and accidentally pushed the magazine off the table.  When Clarke leaned over to pick it up her heart stopped for an instant. The magazine had flipped over to a small article signed by Lexa Woods.

Clarke took a deep breath; she knew that Lexa wrote different kind of articles regarding social media and culture for ‘Polis.’ Not that she sat to read those as well, not at all. And yet, seeing the name made her feel butterflies because that reminded her that the woman was real, that she existed and that she had loved her.

“ _Latinos and Proud_ by Lexa Woods.” Clarke sat comfortably to read the article of her old flame. “Oh, Los Angeles. I see you were at the Hispanic Heritage Festival. Good for you, live your dream. After all you dump me for that, didn’t you?” Clarke shut the magazine and threw it on the table with rage and instead focused on the search bar of her computer and entered her twitter account.

 **@Princess69: @AlexandriaBTS** let me tell you that as usual u r wrong. I can bet my ass that while u r pining for that person they’re having the time of their life. Love is not worth it.

Clarke typed and sent the tweet. Then she sat to read the blog of the magazine when a notification popped up on her phone. Clarke chuckled knowing full well who it was.

“There you are mystery writer.”

 **@AlexandriaBTS: @Princess69** you never stop to amuse me, from all the msgs I get for some reason yours are the ones I’m eager to see the most. Why are you mad now? Is it because you want to move on or you don’t want to? – A

“Yeah yeah laugh at me. You probably are an old lady stalking her crush who won’t even give you the time of day.” Clarke started to type a response.

 **@Princess69: @AlexandriaBTS** Nah, I’ll move on, not worth my time. You should do the same? Maybe? idk but no one deserves that kind of pain. I know how it feels.

Clarke sent the tweet and returned to reading the blog.

It was interesting how many people asked questions and how Alexandria took the time to help as much as possible. As if by doing these things Alexandria could hold onto whomever had her heart. Clarke found refuge in her art, maybe Alexandria found refuge in her writing, or that’s what Clarke pictured.

By the time the clock hit 3 pm Clarke packed her things and went to meet Octavia at the coffee shop.

 

Clarke chatted with Octavia for a while, organizing their activities for the weekend with their friends and planning something cool for Raven who was going to ‘Ark U’ for next month’s soccer game. Raven and Octavia were doing amazing, considering they have been apart for some time. Raven was busy with community college and her carshop and Octavia with soccer practice.  It was hard to keep their relationship.  Still, they did what they could to stay in touch.  Clarke, however, always made the mistake of thinking about relationship possibilities if Lexa had chosen her instead. How would they have managed a long distance relationship? Would Lexa visit her every weekend? Clarke smacked herself mentally and reengaged in the conversation.

After drinking some coffee, chatting and making plans for the weekend, Clarke said her goodbye to Octavia and headed to her workstation in the art gallery to work on her paintings now that she had to prepare a collection.

 

Clarke dropped her bag on a table and turned on the lights of the workshop. The place was located inside the campus art gallery in the back of the building near Costia’s office. The location was convenient and allowed her to keep the paintings where her sponsor could easily check them anytime.  Therefore Clarke occupied the small back room and created her art with total confidence.

Clarke took out several cans of paint and brushes and laid them on the table on her left. She grabbed an easel and then went inside a walk-in closet to take out her current painting and positioned it over the easel. Next, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and plugged it in into the small speakers on the top of an empty prep table next to the back wall and opened a couple of windows to let the chilly breeze in.

Clarke took a step back to look at her current work, it was an abstract painting with a combination of colors that were mostly dark tones - purple, grey, blue and black.

She closed her eyes and for the briefest of seconds she could feel warm arms surrounding her waist and a chin resting on top of her right shoulder with tepid breath over her neck and the shell of her ear.

 _It’s beautiful,_ she would have said.

Clarke opened her eyes.  She fiercely held onto the resentment that resurfaced within her and began to paint.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, Clarke wiped her hands with a soft cloth and released her breath softly, looking at her completed work. “Well, 9 more to go.” Clarke checked the clock on the wall; it was already past 8 pm so she shut the windows and headed to the restroom to wash the paint from her hands when she heard a female voice calling from the other side of the building.

Once she had washed her hands scrubbing the dirt away and dried them in a towel, Clarke went to see who was making so much noise.

The artist walked to the main gallery section where she encountered one of the security officers of the Ark.

“Hey Sgt. Miller.” Clarke greeted the older man with black skin and warm brown eyes meeting hers.

“Hello Clarke. I see you’ve been working late again.”

“Yeah, I’ll be more in the workshop now more than ever. I have a full exposition soon.”

“I‘m glad to hear that.”

“I heard someone calling outside? Is it Miss Greene?” Clarke hung the towel around her neck.

“Oh no, another woman. Pretty eyes, fancy style, tall. She was asking for Miss Greene to do an interview.”

Clarke paralyzed for an instant. “A writer?”

“Yes, she writes for a magazine if I recall correctly and wanted to speak with Miss Greene.  I told her she was in a meeting with Miss Cartwig at the moment. She said she would talk to Miss Greene later.”

Clarke gulped down, her beat suddenly increased as she imagined what journalist would want to speak with Costia.

_Oh shit. Oh my god, Fuck. What if it's her?_

“I uh, I’ll see if I can talk with her.”

Sgt. Miller offered a smile and a curt nod. “Very well, she was at the reception desk.”

 

Clarke made her way to the front of the gallery, her heart was galloping so hard she thought she was going to die.

_What if it's her, then what Clarke? What?_

Clarke opened the gallery door that led to building’s reception area, and there she saw the journalist. Clarke exhaled, but she wasn’t sure if it was on relief or disappointment.

“Oh hello. Looking for Miss Greene?”

The woman turned around before she exited the glass doors and smiled, yet for some reason that smile seemed fake. “Yes, I’ve been wanting to speak with her for a while.”

“Anything I can help you with, I’m kind of her assistant, sort of. My name’s Clarke.”

The woman arched her brow. Clarke was clearly not a usual name for a girl; the woman’s smile turned wider, sly. “As in Clarke Griffin?”

Clarke tilted her head, “Yeah? Do I know you?”

The woman laughed. “Oh no, not yet, but I am glad to finally meet you Clarke.” She extended her hand to Clarke.

“I’m Quinn, Nia Quinn.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Lexa knocked on the door and waited. She breathed in and out, in and out trying to calm down; she shifted her weight from one foot to the other while opening and closing her sweaty hands. Lexa was unbearably nervous, never in her life had she felt this way. Today she was. Today she was taking responsibility for her actions._

_The door opened, and she held her breath._

_“You!”_

_“Dr. Griffin, may I speak with you?” Lexa tried to remain calm. The woman was eyeing her with complete mistrust._

_“How dare you come to my house!? You should be rotting in jail! You abused the trust my daughter gave you!” Abby growled, but she still had the door open. And she thankfully had not called the cops._

_“Please listen to me! I know that I made a mistake. But not because of your daughter, I do care for her. I really do Dr. Griffin and that’s why I’m here.”_

_Abby crossed her arms in front of her chest with her brown eyes narrowing, gazing intently at the writer as if she was ready to chop her head off._

_“I know where Clarke is going to be.”_

_Abby immediately lost her aggressive posture.  Her face changed from angry to worried. “Where is my daughter!”_

_“She wants to meet me and run away Dr. Griffin. So can we talk?”_

 

_Abby let Lexa in; the woman pulled a chair from the dinner table and sat. Lexa did the same but still kept a respectful distance from the doctor._

_“I didn’t know I was going to develop feelings for your daughter.” Lexa began, next she exhaled slowly before continuing. “I did care for her and I still do. I am sorry I didn’t make the right choice to be upfront with you. I should have come to you and told you that I had feelings for her.” Lexa paused. “In this lifetime or in the next, I’m always going to choose Clarke’s well being. I love her.”_

_“Ms. Woods, Clarke is just a girl!”_

_“She stopped being a girl a long time ago Dr. Griffin. You weren’t there for her.  You didn’t see how low she fell.”_

_“You took advantage of her! You manipulated my daughter! You monster!!!”_

_Abby knew Lexa had a point; she was busy with her work long before Jake died. She expected Clarke to handle herself and yet, after the death of her husband she vanished completely from her daughter’s life._

 

_Lexa lowered her gaze. The spiteful words hurt her, but she came for a reason._

_“I didn’t! I taught Clarke how to manage these hardships. She needed you, but you weren’t there. I was, and I helped her as best as I could falling in love in the process. I’m not here to point a finger at you Doctor; we all have our own burdens to carry. I will take you to her Dr. Griffin. Clarke is young, and damn stubborn that unless I do something she won’t let go of this idea to run away.”_

_“What exactly are you saying Miss Woods?”_

_Lexa bit her cheek; this was what she had to do to keep Clarke safe.  She had to keep Clarke away from her. “I’ll leave her for good. There are people who would do anything to hurt me, and I want Clarke nowhere near my problems. I want her to fulfill her dreams, and you have to be there for her Dr. Griffin. She will need you now more than ever.”_

_“In exchange for what?” Abby frowned. The woman was still guarding herself from Lexa._

_“Nothing. You want to throw me in jail, go ahead. I won’t deny the charges. I know that what I did is wrong, but I swear I didn’t touch your daughter wrongfully. She was a consenting adult when things happened between us. I respect Clarke too much, and her consent is the most important thing for me.”_

_Abby closed her eyes processing this information and released a deep breath. “Take me to my kid.”_

 

_As Lexa reached the mountain there was no one to be seen. It was dark and empty; it was pretty late but Clarke had to be here. Lexa kept walking leading Abby to where she and Clarke used to meet. A place full of fond memories._

_“Clarke?” Lexa called. Her surroundings were still empty, only the sound of insects could be heard._

_“Where is my daughter!” Abby demanded to know._

_“I, I don’t know.” She kept walking trying to pinpoint the location of the blonde._

_At the top of the path she saw the blue car that Clarke received for her birthday. Lexa ran and check inside the vehicle, but it was empty, no keys inside either._

_“Clarke!” Lexa called with more strength. Her loud voice echoed in the thick forest, but no answer was received._

_“Are you looking for Clarke?”_

 

_Lexa turned around recognizing that mocking tone and saw Nia sitting on the hood of Clarke’s car. She was smiling and had a medium sized box resting on her lap._

_“Where is she?” Lexa clenched her fists and walked towards the woman._

_“I have a gift for you Lexa,” Nia offered the box, “hope you like it.” Nia laughed and walked away leaving Lexa with the box in her hands._

_The writer felt how heavy the box was and the stench was awful. Still, Lexa removed the tape covering the top of the box, but as she barely opened the lid she saw blonde hair. Lexa felt the bile rise in her throat, and covered her mouth holding in whatever contents she had inside her stomach._

_The box fell to the ground tumbling on the soil. Lexa approached it with fear.  And with trembling hands , she lifted the lid._

_Clarke’s head was inside.  The blue eyes looking at her with emptiness and hate._

_So much hate._

 

 

Lexa’s eyes abruptly opened. It was still early judging by the lack of sunlight filtering into her room.  She rolled over on the bed and sat upright, resting her back against the headboard. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her arms over her knees.  She closed her eyes in meditation trying to bring calm to her mind’s inner storm. A droplet of sweat ran over her temple; her breaths were labored after the horrific nightmare. Nia Quinn was responsible for all of them. There was not a night that she hadn't thought about leaving Clarke, and knowing that Nia was still around fed her fear for the girl she left behind. Good thing that Clarke was far away from Nia’s grasp.

 

Every single day was a day without her sun, a day living like a zombie because the one who made her heart beat was away fulfilling her dreams like she deserved.

Lonely was not an adequate description for living in this penthouse that was too big for her.  Now that she had become rather successful she bought a place that Clarke probably would have liked. She bought this place thinking that maybe Clarke would have enjoyed the view. The nature surrounding the place was magnificent, almost like living in the woods, and that’s why it was an extravagant purchase, but Lexa didn’t care.

The spacious penthouse included floor-to-ceiling windows that offered the most gorgeous view of DC, and she had a balcony that was perfect for drinking at sunset.  The room that was for Clarke in her mind was a mostly empty studio awaiting to be filled with colors.  The only exception - the gorgeous painting that Clarke made last year that almost ended up in the trash.

 

The penthouse has three bedrooms - master bedroom, second bedroom, and a guest room.  Of course, Lexa is in the master bedroom and Anya is living in the second bedroom.  She invited her best friend to move in with her because the pain and loneliness were becoming unbearable.  Anya always had a way to bring logic to any situation and calm Lexa’s treacherous thoughts.  

It’s been 192 days since she left Clarke at the mountain. Everyday that passed was a day that Lexa died a bit inside.

Lexa was happy to hear from Costia that the girl was doing well.  Clarke was studying hard and her art was improving. Now Clarke could be safe from the shadow of her mistake, be free and never be pointed at for engaging in an illicit affair with her.  She made the right choice.  In her mind she knew it was for the best, but her heart didn’t think so. Lexa always pushed those feelings aside.

She glanced at her watch on the night table.  It was almost 6:30 am, and she had a lot of things to do. Reluctantly, Lexa made her way downstairs to her kitchen when the smell of bacon hit her senses.

 

“Morning Lex!” Anya looked like she was pretty awake. She was wearing only a white t-shirt and it looked like her neck was covered probably by bruises which meant she had fun last night.

“Morning An, you seem pretty energized today.” Lexa pulled the stool at the kitchen counter to take her seat while Anya cooked.

Anya laughed chirpily, “That’s what a good and healthy sexual life does to you Lex. You should try it someday.” The blonde smirked but kept focused on her task.

That was one of the things that Lexa envied of her friend and sister of the heart. Anya could be pining for her ex, but that didn’t stop her from enjoying casual relationships with men and women constantly. Lexa had a harder time hooking up with random strangers without picturing someone else. Lexa looked for pieces of Clarke into every girl who flirted with her at a bar or club. The kisses she shared with them were lacking that connection she felt with the blonde, and so she would return home alone to her empty cold bed to take care of her physiological desires. She couldn’t have sex without imagining Clarke spread in her bed sheets moaning loudly, marking her body, feeling her soft hands and her clever mouth on her tattooed skin. It was as if her life was split into two parts.  There was her life before Clarke and after Clarke, and her body recognized and accepted the ultimate truth that Clark was the one.

 

“I rather focus my energy on writing Anya. You know that I can’t waste time, not after I got the book deal.”

Her escape was her writing. Her hideout to pour her feelings out into the light and not keep them in the darkness that enveloped her since she left Clarke.

Alexandria could reach a large audience of people that needed hope or someone to talk to them. If she could talk to them and make them feel good, ease their pain just a bit, engage them, then she would feel like she is making a positive contribution to the world.  It really didn’t matter whether she sometimes pissed them off as with one of her twitter followers, Princess69, she enjoyed the connection and banter with the readers.  Princess69 was unique and rather intriguing as one of the most fervent critics of her column, maybe even the only one.

Two months ago Lexa was called back to Dante Wallace’s office. The man was extremely satisfied with the huge success of ‘Between the Sheets.’ He thought that he could reward Lexa’s effort by securing her the chance to write a book based on her successful column. He put her in contact with a publishing company, and she made an unbelievable deal for 1.5 million dollars.  Such a deal was unheard of for a first time writer and was truly a testament to her impact on her readers.  The book was supposed to be published next year. Therefore, Lexa put all her effort into her writing.   The book was in addition to all of her other columns and duties at the magazine.  All those late night parties with Anya usually ended early for her, returning home to sit in her austere office and write until she heard Anya coming back with random strangers late into the night.

 

“I know Lex, but writing is the only thing you do lately. I don’t want to lose you to despair. I want my best friend back. You have shut down in a vicious circle of pining.”

Anya served breakfast and distributed the plates. She took the empty stool beside Lexa and sat looking Lexa with concern.

“You won’t lose me Anya. And I’m not pining.” Lexa offered a small smile and focused her attention to eating her breakfast before hitting the magazine.

 

  
The day usually passed rather quickly at ‘Polis’ where writers, photographers, models and everyone involved in the industry kept going up and down the elevator. Editors requested copies as secretaries made calls, and on the 12th floor of the large building Lexa was discussing with Ryder the topics that her readers commented on the most to prepare interesting discussions and material to publish.

 

Lexa was still in her office some time later answering questions from readers on the magazine blog. She liked to interact with each one of them or at least as many as she could. Alexandria’s fame had risen through the roof and her twitter account was followed by more than 100,000 users.  The number of mentions and replies were insane.

It was easy to reach out as Alexandria.  Her alter ego that had nothing to hide from the world, no sin and no shame, the one who could express in daylight what she felt for Clarke. On the other hand, Lexa hurt the most wonderful girl and left her to fend for herself.  She left her with a broken heart, and now Clarke hated her for it.  Lexa’s only choice was simply to love her from afar in the dark. This was her day to day existence, interacting with readers and pining for a girl she intentionally pushed away.

_“The most important thing is to love yourself first, don’t give your heart away to someone who doesn’t deserve it or who might not value you in the same regard. You are important and I know that you feel that no one will ever lay eyes on you. Let time take care of it and when the time is right you’ll see that person is standing right in front of you - A.”_

 

Lexa posted the last reply on the blog and quickly reviewed the mentions she got in her account.  A smirk spread on her face as soon as she recognized her most interesting follower’s username.

“Hello again, Princess69.” Lexa read the tweet out loud feeling the bitterness of her words burning her tongue. “@Princess69 says To forgive a traitor? Ha! A thousand cuts is what they deserve if you ask me.”

 _Why are you in so much pain?_ Lexa questioned herself in wonder. She clicked the reply button and started to type her tweet.

 **@AlexandriaBTS:** Why do you have to hold a grudge **@Princess69**? Isn't it better to forgive and move on? - A

Lexa didn’t expect a reply.  In fact she was about to shut her computer when she received a notification.  A frown formed on her face when she read the girl’s reply. The more she interacted online with this person, the more glimpses of their persona she discovered. She knew that Princess69 was stubborn by the fact that she was clearly bitter from whatever happened to her. The username implied some cheekiness, so she imagined it was a young person.  And their responses were filled with attitude making Lexa smile.

 **@Princess69:** I can’t believe the amount of crap you write, how can you forgive someone who basically shattered your heart and soul ? **@AlexandriaBTS**

 **@AlexandriaBTS: @Princess69** I believe that forgiving won’t make you less of a person, you can forgive but not forget. Who hurt you? - A

Lexa waited for a response, but she guessed she hit a sore spot. “One day Princess69, I hope you can trust Alexandria one day.” Lexa shut down her computer and began to pack her things after a long day.

 

A knock on the door directed her eyes to the entryway where she met pretty brown eyes and a smile that was comforting.

“Hey you, working hard huh?” Costia pulled out the chair in front of Lexa’s desk and sat leaving her handbag on the edge of the wooden desk.

“Yes, I’m done for the day. I still have to finish a report I wrote about new technologies, but I’ll wrap that up later.” Lexa pulled her messenger bag from under the desk to stash her laptop inside and a couple of folders spread over the desk. “What do you need Costia?”

“I thought that since you’re also writing about lots of cultural activities you could come to the TonDC High Art Expo. The theme is to remember the ones we lost.”

Lexa took a deep breath; she felt a small burn in her shoulder where the bullet tore through skin and muscle. Lexa clasped her shoulder as if to contain the ghostly pain.

“That’s good. Focusing on the positive will help the community keep pushing forward.” Lexa sighed and sat again on her big leather chair. The night of the Winter Formal left many scars, not just physical but mental in the DC community and in her. Also that was the night she dared to kiss Clarke for the first time.

“Count me in.” Lexa smiled honestly.

“Thanks a lot Lexa. The exposure in an important magazine such as ‘Polis’ is going to be good for the kids.” Costia took Lexa’s hand in hers and squeezed in gratitude.

“Anything for a friend.”

Lexa was thankful that her friendship with Costia had remained after all the troubles they went through. “How…” Lexa bit her cheek holding the in question that always made its way out of her lips without her permission.  The writer rubbed her tired eyes gathering her thoughts.

“She’s fine. Clarke is doing really well actually; she’s making progress.”

 

Since Costia became the guardian angel of Clarke Griffin, she grew to know the young artist personally and comprehended that it was inevitable for Lexa to fall hard for Clarke. Clarke was brave and smart with a huge heart, and she helped people without asking anything in return. She was selfless and her smile could light a whole room. After experiencing Clarke in a new light, Costia understood that Lexa was doomed since day one.

“She misses you, Lexa.” Costia knew how much Clarke suffered. Her pain was tangible in each and every painting the girl did. Still that didn’t stop Costia from trying to help her ex reunite with the blonde.

Lexa lowered her gaze, fidgeting with her hands. “She’ll get over it.”

“Don’t fool yourself Lexa, you know she’s the love of your life, and I can assure you. You’re hers.”

Costia suffered for them. Lexa might not love her as she wished she did, but she wanted the brunette to be happy. How can two people love each other so much and be apart? Costia couldn’t get that.

 

“She needs to stay away from me. Clarke being with me only puts her in danger. Besides, I rather see her happy with…” She couldn’t say the words. For Lexa the simple fact that Clarke could move on from her was one of her worst fears because for Lexa there wasn’t going to be another one, Clarke Griffin was _it_. “Just make sure Clarke’s safe, Costia.” Lexa lifted up from her chair slung her bag on her shoulders and picked up her keys.

With every nightmare she had, the more she worried about Clarke. Maybe she was paranoid. Maybe Nia didn’t hate her enough to act and her threatening words were blown by the wind, leaving an empty threat. Nia had no proof to sink her, and Clarke was away.  There was no need to fear.

“I’ll see you at the Art Expo, thanks Cos.” Lexa waved goodbye to her friend and returned home.

 

 

On her way to her apartment Lexa drove through the crowded streets of DC. The traffic was intense at this time of day as people made their way back to their respective families. To be met by their loved ones.

Lexa sighed and turned on the radio. She wasn’t going to try and picture how different her life would be if Clarke was there waiting for her to return.

Driving into an intersection Lexa stopped her car at a red light. Her phone buzzed with her ringtone, and Lexa pressed the answer button.

“Lexa Woods.” The brunette said. “Oh my God, how are you!” Lexa smiled hearing the friendly voice on the other side of the line. “Yes, how was Milan? Really? When? Christmas?”

Red changed to green, and Lexa put the car in gear.  She drove until she reached the next corner on the main avenue and took a left turn.

Lexa chuckled. “I’m really glad to hear that and—”

Walking on the sidewalk she recognized the young brunette making her way alone in the dark. “Uh yes, um, I have to go. I guess I’ll see you when you return. Have a safe flight and talk to you later.” Lexa concluded the call and maneuvered the car to take the lane closest to the sidewalk.  She kept driving until she caught up with the girl.

“Raven?” Lexa lowered her window as she called the name.

The brown eyes looked at her, and when Lexa saw the flick of recognition, the brown-eyed girl’s features hardened right away.

“Miss Woods.”

“Can I take you home? You shouldn’t be walking alone so late Raven.”

“I’m fine on my own Miss Woods.”

“Please, let me drive you home. It’s a bit chilly too.” Lexa insisted, Clarke would like to know that her friend was being taken care of, and Lexa could offer her that.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Fine! Just because you hace a nice car.”

Lexa stopped and let Raven get inside before returning to the intense traffic.

 

“How are you? How’s college going?” Lexa tried to make small conversation.

“It’s okay.” Raven responded not giving much, but at least it was something.

“To your place?” Lexa glanced at the young mechanic knowing that she wasn’t going to get anything of substance from her. She noticed the brace her former student had to wear; the Winter Formal changed the lives of too many.

Raven nodded, and Lexa drove to the place where she used to go pick up Clarke for their secret dates. Raven had been supportive of their relationship and Octavia too that Lexa felt that she betrayed them when she left Clarke. Lexa left the radio on to fill the silence that engulfed them.

Minutes later Raven finally addressed the older woman. “I should blow you up into pieces.”

Lexa smirked. That was the response she expected from Clarke’s friends. “Probably.”

“You fucking hurt her! We let you get close to her, and you broke her heart! I trusted you with my best friend, and you fucked it up!”

Lexa had no comeback, no retort, Raven was right.

“Clarke loved you. I won’t forgive you for that Miss Woods.”

“Lexa’s fine Raven, I’m not your teacher anymore.”

Raven arched her brow. “Commander suits you better.  You’re a heartless bitch after all.”

“I did what was best for her Raven.”

Raven shrugged trying to accommodate her leg to feel more comfortable. “I can see that. Still, you deserve to pay Lexa. Clarke suffered so much. You weren’t there. You didn’t have to see a former shell of my friend lying on bed crying til there were no more tears.”

Lexa fisted the wheel harder until her knuckles were white.  Picturing Clarke in pain made her heart scream in agony. “Is she okay now?” The brunette dared to ask keeping her eyes on the road. Not sure if Raven was going to offer that piece of information or not.

“Yeah,” Raven pondered answering, the least she could do was be honest. Lexa Woods might have betrayed their trust, but that doesn’t change that the woman helped her escape from her alcoholic of a mother and Carl Emerson. Raven answered after a beat. “The few times we talked she seemed more like herself, she’s better. I haven’t seen her and O in a while, soon I will though.”

Lexa nodded thankful to hear that.

 

She reached Raven’s place. The neighborhood was quiet, a couple of cars here and there, and Lexa parked in front of the old dark building.

“You live here alone?”

Raven opened the car door and turned to face Lexa. “Yeah, with Clarke and O gone it's pretty crappy, but I deal with it. Always been on my own.”

“You don’t have to be.” Lexa offered. “I know we’re not on good terms Raven. But If there is anything I can do for you let me know. You were there for me and Clarke.  It’s only fair that I’m there for you if you need me.”

Raven chuckled. “Guilty conscience, Commander?”

Lexa smiled at the moniker. “No, I don’t regret what I did Raven. I lost Clarke and I guess your trust too, but I owe you.” Lexa offered a business card. “I’m serious Raven, if you need anything just call. Take care, it was good to see you.”

Raven hopped out of the car. “Thanks for the ride Commander. And watch your back, the knife you plundered in my friend’s back might find its way to yours.”

Lexa laughed. She was really happy that Clarke had friends like Raven. Raven was protective like Anya and a force to be reckoned with. “Anytime Raven. Good night”

Lexa revved up the engine of the car and drove back to her home looking through the rearview mirror at that loyal brave young girl who loved Clarke fiercely.

She could at least do this for Clarke, to watch over her friend on her behalf and maybe, just maybe feel a little bit closer to the blonde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now you know what has been Lexa up to. What do you think is gonna happen with these two, huh?
> 
> Until next Friday,
> 
> Tana


	3. Chapter 3

All the bleachers were practically packed as the first game of the soccer season was today.  The band of Ark University was currently performing on the field entertaining the public that would soon be cheering for their favorite team.

The sun was high in the sky, and the students from Ark University started to fill the place with their flags and vibrant colors. Emotions and excitement ran rampant in ‘The Arkers’ locker room.  Everyone placed their hopes for victory on the unusually talented group of freshmen about to take the field.  

Octavia was in the locker room pacing from one side to the next.  The brunette had already changed into her soccer uniform wearing her grey shorts and white jersey with the name Blake written on the back in big bold black letters and the coveted captain armband placed on her left arm.

“O, Raven will be here soon just be patient.” Clarke smiled offering her support to her friend who was tense about her debut game.

“I need her Clarke. She promised to be here soon. What if something happened?” Octavia checked her watch for the 10th time.

Clarke rested her hands over Octavia’s shoulders keeping the girl in one place. “Look, relax dumbass, Raven is on the way. I’m gonna go wait at the bus stop for her, okay?”

Octavia nodded. “Okay.”

Clarke affectionately rubbed her friend’s arm and made her way back to the field. On her way out she greeted her other friends on the team - Monroe, Echo and Harper.

“Good luck today.” Clarke offered giving a hug to each one of the girls.

“Cheer for us out there. After all we are the ‘Grounders’ of TonDC.” Monroe winked.

Clarke smiled kindly, “Oh Echo, by the way, how’s Luna?”

Echo arched her brow. “Luna is doing well.  She might come for the holidays to stay with the fam in DC.”

“Great, if you talk to her say hi for me.”

Echo chuckled with some amusement on her face, “will do Clarke.”

 

 

Clarke was back at the campus heading to the bus stop to wait for Raven. She passed several students who were on their way to the soccer field chanting with furor.

The blonde quickly turned around the parking area to reach the main street when she spotted a very known figure looking pretty lost.

The thick dark brown curls framing the handsome face dusted with freckles was a clear giveaway of his identity.

“Bell?”

The man turned around, and then a huge smile spread on his face. “Clarke, holy shit, so good to finally find a friendly face.”

Clarke fell into the embrace of the young man who had been the brother she never had. “I thought you were busy in DC.”

Bellamy pulled away from Clarke to look at the girl he loved as family. “Yeah, law enforcement never rests, but I had to come and see my baby sis debut.”

“O is gonna flip.”

Clarke was beaming; Bellamy was the only family Octavia had left. And the man had made sure to offer everything the girl needed during her early years. As Octavia became closer with Clarke and Raven, so did Bellamy, acting as the big overprotective brother of the three girls.

“And where’s the third musketeer?” Bellamy looked around, his brown warm eyes scanning the crowd.

“Oh right, Raven is supposed to be arriving soon.”

Bellamy removed the snapback he was wearing to remove the curls from his face, then he put the hat back on. “Oh crap, I should totally have thought about that; I wanted to surprise Octavia, and I forgot Raven didn’t have a car.”

“Don’t worry Bell, you know Raven is very independent and probably would have declined the ride. Anyway, I have to meet her at the bus stop.  Why don’t you go ahead to the bleachers and save us a place?”

“Alright princess, that way?”

“Yeah, just keep walking down that path filled with banners.” Clarke pointed towards the line of colleges students wearing the soccer team jersey and carrying the flags of the team.

“Got it. I’ll get some drinks first.” Bellamy tipped his hat and made his way to the field.

 

 

By the time Raven arrived the first half had already begun. Thankfully Bellamy had saved them a good spot where they could closely watch Octavia play.

“Hey! Ref come on! That’s a yellow card!” Raven whooped from her seat, seeing that Octavia was on the grass holding her leg.

Bellamy laughed. “She’s tough Raven, Octavia is fine.”

“She’s very passionate about O’s games Bell, trust me.” Clarke took a sip of her can of Coke and sighed. She remembered the soccer games back in school.

How hard it was for her to pay attention to the game because her eyes were focused on someone else. Clarke had no idea what was going on when she used to think only about one person during the whole 90 minutes of the game.

Clarke closed her eyes, and she could see the woman lean back watching the game intently, the way her chestnut curls flowed with the wind. Her perfect posture and her perf—

 _No more!_ Clarke scolded herself mentally and returned to the game unfolding in front of her.

 

“HELL YEAH THAT’S MY GIRL!” Raven shouted to the top of her lungs while Octavia dribbled skillfully with the ball through the midfield.

“Woah! Possessive a little bit don’t you think?” Bellamy crossed his arms over his chest looking at Raven with a playful smirk.

Raven shrugged. “Well, she _is_ my girl Bell.”

Bellamy frowned, and let his arms fall on his lap. “Wait, go a bit slower, did I miss something here?”

Clarke felt the shift in Raven who was sitting between her and Bellamy.

“Duh! Bell, you’re a bit of a slowpoke aren’t you, nerd.” Clarke joked grinning, but then Bellamy seemed seriously baffled.

“You don’t know.” Raven stated, looking at Bellamy then she lowered her gaze to look at her fidgeting hands. “Octavia didn’t tell you about us.”

“Us?” Bellamy removed his snapback again and with the back of his hand removed the layer of sweat on his forehead. “Nope, I had no idea that my baby sis was boning her best friend.” Bellamy rubbed the stubble of his jaw. “I mean, it’s not that I’m complaining, better someone I trust than some weirdo who wants to do god knows what with my baby sis. I’m glad it’s you Raven.  It’s just pretty surprising.” Bellamy returned his attention to the soccer field. “I mean, I remember you three playing in the park jumping on each other’s backs. And now you two are jumping each other’s bones?” Bellamy laughed heartily.

“Oh shut it Bell!” Clarke threw him chips trying to change this topic of conversation which clearly made Raven very uneasy. “Go Arkers Go!” Clarke chanted with the rest of the students, standing up and jumping when the ball hit the net, and Octavia raised her fist in the air.

“YEAH!” Bellamy clapped as Octavia left the group hug with her teammates to do what she always did after a goal celebration and dedicate it to her best friends in the bleachers by  pointing at them.  Yet Raven couldn’t even look at her.

 

The game resumed. It was a tough and intense match, but the ‘Arkers’ played well, and Octavia was a really amazing captain keeping the spirit of the team high during the match while pushing them to their limits. If it wasn’t for how tense Raven was during the game, Clarke would have enjoyed it more.  She hoped that whatever was in her friend’s mind wasn’t too troubling. She hated when Raven and Octavia fought; the last big fight they had was in high school during the time Octavia was avoiding Raven and vice-versa. Clarke would have never guessed that those two had sex at Monty’s holiday party. How could she know? She was banging Luna that night and getting high after her dad passed away. Clarke was on the verge of falling over a precipice of despair, but the woman who destroyed her heart was there to pick up her pieces and put her back together.

 _Lexa_.

How could Clarke ever forget about someone who took care of her during those sad times? Lexa had been there for her as a steady rock during the shit storm that was her life. Lexa was the constant in her shitty lonely life, and Clarke couldn’t regret loving her.  At the end of the day no matter how many nights she tried to ruin Lexa’s memory, the good things always came back to remind her of the woman she really was.

The whistle of the referee and the intense shouting of the cheerful students signaled Clarke that the game had ended. She was so distracted that she had barely noticed the rest of the game. The ‘Arkers’ won 2-1.

 

 

Octavia came rushing out of the locker room with her hair wet after showering. When she met Clarke, she jumped at her giggling like a 5 year old.

“Nice game O.” Clarke hugged her once more before letting go. Octavia then caught sight of her big brother.

“Bell! Oh my gosh you came!” Octavia hugged Bellamy with all the strength she could muster. Bellamy turned around and lifted little sister and spun in circles.  Then he kissed her cheek.

“Good game Octavia. I’m more at ease seeing you doing incredibly well.” Bellamy dropped Octavia on the floor, and then she spotted Raven next. Her smile grew exponentially bigger. She ran to hug Raven, squeezing her hard, but Raven didn’t hug her back.

Octavia frowned and took a step back holding Raven’s hand. “I missed you so much Ray.”

“Yeah, clearly. Um, my leg is killing me Clarke so I’ll go ahead back to your car.” Raven pulled away from Octavia and started to walk back to the parking lot.

“What the...? Ray wait!” Octavia was left wondering what was wrong with Raven and followed her girlfriend.

“Uh well I guess you have to go back to work Bell.” Clarke shoved her hands in her pockets.

“Yeah, DC awaits. I’m relieved to see you adapting to college life with success. Take care of my baby sis Clarke.” Bellamy winked.

“Will do Bell. You have a safe trip back home.” Clarke hugged him and kissed his cheek.

“Take care Clarke, and if you or O ever need anything please don’t hesitate to contact me, okay?”

Clarke giggled. “Bell, please chill. Octavia is a big girl,” and strolled to her car to take her friends back to their dorm since Raven was staying the weekend with them.

 

 

Back at the dorm room Clarke dropped Raven’s bag on the table and invited her friend to sit on the couch while Octavia came behind with a questioning look.

Clarke opened the fridge and grabbed 3 bottles of beer. She distributed the beer to everyone in the awkwardly tense room.

“So how’s work going?” Clarke asked to break the silence taking the sofa in front of Raven. Octavia took the spot beside Raven, but the mechanic scooted away.

“Pretty good. Clients are steady and money’s good.” Raven took a swig of the beer still giving the cold shoulder to her girlfriend. “The other night I talked with the Comm, err... I talked with Monty and Jasper. They’re planning some mad party for the holiday break again.” Raven changed her mind at the last minute deciding she better keep the Commander info to herself. Lexa had been nothing but polite and helpful whenever she gave her a ride back home late at night. Not that she needed the help, but Lexa Woods had shown that she didn’t have any ulterior motives behind her offer which was the reason why Raven had decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, Raven wasn’t sure how her best friend was going to react if she knew that her ex was giving her rides in her Ford Mustang Shelby GT500, and she could never say no to a ride in that beast.

“It reminded me of the time we used to spend together.” Raven added.

“Raven, what’s going on babe? Why are you like this?” Octavia moved closer to Raven, her beer long forgotten.

“Really? You dare to ask me why I’m like this?” Raven eyed Octavia, her dark brown eyes burning deep into Octavia’s.

“Talk to me, did I do something wrong?”

“Bell had no idea, O! We’ve been dating for how many months already? And your brother had no idea we were a couple!?”

“Oh.” Octavia scratched her head, and then she took Raven’s hands. “That’s none of Bell’s business Ray, I didn’t think it would matter.”

“He’s your only family O, I thought we were serious! That you wouldn’t mind telling your only brother that we’re together!”

“Yeah of course we are! You’re my bae, Raven. I didn’t think it would matter. I’m sorry babe, and you know how Bell is. I didn’t want to worry him either.” Octavia cupped Raven’s cheeks, and that was the cue for Clarke to get lost.

The blonde finished her beer in one gulp. “I uh, I better go to bed, you two um, talk it out okay?”

 

Clarke left her two friends to their own endeavors and walked back to her room. She turned on the tiny lamp on her desk and slumped in her bed. Looking at the ceiling she thought about why Octavia wouldn’t share her relationship status with her brother who was everything to Octavia when suddenly the memories started to flood her mind.

_“…I’ll love you in the dark Clarke, if you let me.  I’ll love you and cherish you because all the light I need is you.”_

“Arrgh!” Clarke threw a pillow across the room. “So much bullshit!”

Clarke walked to her desk and pulled out the chair.  She turned on her laptop and logged  into the ‘Between the Sheets’ blog. She frequented the blog as much as she kind of stalked Alexandria on her twitter account.

She tried to find an interesting topic to read. Usually Alexandria posted short articles weekly and then in the magazine the writer covered one topic in greater detail. However, these shorter articles allowed a real time interaction with her readers and fans.

 

Clarke read for what seemed like hours when in reality she had been on the website for about 20 minutes. For some reason the writing style of Alexandria captured her in such a way that Clarke really felt that she was talking to the woman, whoever she was. Clarke felt as if Alexandria spoke to her face to face, openly, without fear of being caught or hiding, and yet it felt intimate as well as if the words were only meant to be whispered in secret.

Something that really caught her eye was a question from a fan, Trikru52, who asked Alexandria about how much she loved this mysterious person of hers.

_“That is a question that I can only answer with an extract of a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Trikru52._

_‘I love thee with a love I seemed to lose_

_With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,_

_Smiles, tears, of all my life! And, if God choose,_

_I shall but love thee better after death.’_

_I wish I had been brave to scream this truth to the world before Trikru52, but sometimes you have to choose reason and not heart.”_

Clarke felt a knot in her throat at the beautiful words. How wonderful would it be to be loved like this. If only Lexa had loved her as Alexandria loves this person, _if_ this person was even real though. Clarke still thought that this entire ‘love’ might be a marketing campaign to sell ‘Polis Mag’ which was actually working by the number of fans in love with Alexandria. Legions of fans declared their love online telling her how much they were crushing on her except for Clarke. She was like Alexandria’s number one enemy online calling her out on all of the bullshit. Deep down Clarke knew the real reason she lashed out at Alexandria was because those words touched her and made her feel things she wanted to forget. It reminded her of Lexa.

There was always in the back of Clarke’s mind the what ifs:

What if Lexa hadn’t chosen her own dreams?

What if Lexa had chosen her love?

Maybe things could have been a little bit different for them.

Clarke was going to write a response to the post when she heard muffled moans from the other side of her bedroom door.

“Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Make up sex?” Clarke stopped what she was doing to make sure she wasn’t hearing wrong.

“Oh FUCK Raven!”

Clarke sighed. “Nope, not wrong.” The blonde quickly took her phone and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans and left the dorm deciding it was better to give some well needed privacy to her eager friends in the midst of their make-up sex.

The make-up sex ignited regret inside of the art student because she never had chance to experience make-up sex with Lexa.

The fights that arose during the brief but intense relationship between her and Lexa were never serious, and Lexa was always mature enough to keep from falling for Clarke’s childish taunts. And yet, the girl couldn’t stop wondering how amazing it would’ve been to have make-up sex with the traitor. Because if there was something Clarke could never deny, it  was that sex with Lexa Woods was fucking amazing. Beyond all her horniest fantasies.

Top 1 on her list of ex-lovers. No doubt about it.

Lexa was the most gentle of lovers.  No matter how angry or pissed the woman was, she always treated Clarke with a softness and tenderness that made her heart scream in love and desire. The Commander as everyone called her in school was nothing compared to the woman behind the façade.

 

 

After walking for some time, the girl decided to sit on one of the benches under the big trees in the middle of the park outside her dorm. She pulled out her phone and went to her twitter feed.

 **@Princess69: @AlexandriaBTS** Is this person you say you love even real? I can’t believe that a love like yours exists. I thought once the same but I was being fooled.

 **@Princess69: @AlexandriaBTS** I bet a bottle of wine you’re just another liar.

Clarke sent the tweets and plugged in her headphones and listened to her music list trying to find inspiration. After all she had to come up with a full exhibit in a couple of weeks for the school’s annual exposition in TonDC.

Not even 2 minutes into her current music track she received a twitter notification.

 **@AlexandriaBTS: @Princess69** Send it to Polis Magazine, 12th floor for Between the Sheets department :) - A

And immediately Clarke exploded in laughter.  If someone passed by and looked at her, they might think she had lost it. She typed a reply with a grin on her face; maybe they weren’t going to be online enemies after all.

 **@Princess69** : **@AlexandriaBTS** Someone is being sassy huh? So it’s true then, there’s a lucky bastard w the perfect woman out there.

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : **@Princess69** I don’t think lucky is the word I’d use. I do hope that at least happy. I wish love was easier so I could shout my love in the light. (1)

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : **@Princess69** It’s not and I think you can tell me about that. – A (2)

“Yeah I do know about that.”

Clarke shoved her phone back in her jeans hoping that she could finally be free of this pain, the pain of _her_ betrayal.

For now all she had was art to hold her together.

 

 

Day after day in the workshop Clarke centered all her attention on her art.  Weeks passed like a breeze.  Her current routine of  going to classes, studying and doing small projects helped her push Lexa away from her mind - at least during the day.

Painting always helped the art student. The fact that Clarke could spend hours painting and doing what she loved allowed the artist to bury the hurt in colors and shapes. To push past the betrayal and see beauty in the darkest moments of her life.

Octavia was back on good terms with Raven after the two of them sat and talked or in this case banged their worries away.  And the two had planned to meet again once Clarke returned to TonDC to mount her exhibition along with Ms. Greene’s students in the upcoming week.

She was giving the final touches to her 8th canvas when someone knocked on the door of the workshop.

“Come in!” Clarke walked to where her phone was plugged into the speakers and lowered the volume. Clarke thought that maybe it was Ms. Nia Quinn who interviewed her for her magazine the last time she came, and they agreed to meet again.  However, it was Costia who entered the workshop and smiled as soon as she saw Clarke.

“I came to check on things, but I can see that you’re doing beyond well, Clarke.” Costia approached the canvas to check the details.

“Yeah, it’s been a bit crazy, but I’m really enjoying all this pressure. It feels good.”

Costia frowned and took a step back from the canvas. She lifted her hand and with her fingertips she traced closely the pattern that Clarke had painted.

“Wait a minute.”

Clarke gulped down and took a deep breath; it was obvious now that Ms. Greene had discovered the main theme of her exhibition.

Costia arched her brow and eyed Clarke, not asking for an explanation but to understand why.

 

“I did not see this coming.” Costia took a step back away from the canvas and took a stool to chat with Clarke.

Clarke pulled another stool and sat beside the woman who had become a good friend and mentor. “Yeah, me neither. It just happened. It’s like I have the damn image stuck in my head, and so I went with it.”

“I’m not criticizing Clarke. I do see the pattern and what you want to convey. It’s masterfully done. The colors on your first canvases were dark, lost in a storm of blackness and blues and purples, but little by little you have been revealing this design all along, using brighter colors.”

“Right, like removing a veil to reveal the ultimate truth. That she abandoned me!” Clarke spat. She didn’t mean to sound rude, not to Costia who was nothing but an incredible friend, but well, when you used for inspiration the woman who broke your heart that was kind of expected. Costia was of course the only one who would recognize the design besides Clarke, the only other woman who had seen the tattoos Lexa had on her body, which of course were the tats that she had drawn for the past several months. The one on the back to be precise was showcased in this painting.

That sent her into jealousy mode which was stupid since Lexa had dumped both of them. Still, sharing this knowledge with Costia made her feel a bit angry.  She had to wonder if Costia had idolize those tattoos as much as Clarke did. Clarke had loved to trace her fingertips over every curve, every section of black ink, almost reverently.

Costia took her hand and smiled tenderly.  The woman was good, so understanding and full of love and care. Clarke had to admit that she felt terrible for getting between her and Lexa in the past. Not that she did it on purpose; she was simply a girl in love.  Still, Costia didn’t deserve the pain she caused, and in the end it was not worth it.

“Clarke I told I’m not one to judge. You have used your own experience to bring this amazing collection to life, and I can assure you it will open the doors for you. I know that you’re hurting, but…” Costia bit her tongue as if reassessing her next words carefully. Costia knew how much Lexa loved Clarke, and she could clearly see that Clarke was in love with Lexa, but she couldn’t say the words.  It wasn’t her place. “Just don’t punish yourself for loving her.”

“How did you forget her, Costia? If it’s not too much to ask.” Clarke let go of the warm hand of the woman and stood up to wash her brushes. Costia stood up as well and walked to the door turning around to face Clarke she smiled. “I haven’t. I think that I will never stop caring for her.” Costia curved her lips upward slightly. “Keep it up Clarke,” and just like that she was gone.

Clarke was left there, and her mouth fell open to the floor.

“Holy shit, she’s still in love with her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Costia, Costia, Costia. What are we going to do with you?
> 
> See you next Friday,
> 
> Tanagariel


	4. Chapter 4

With summer gone and fall about to end, Clarke, barely slept as she painted nonstop to complete her collection that was going to be shown to the general public for the first time in the TonDC High School Art Expo. This was a delicate time of year for her family as Clarke’s father, Jake, passed away last year while she waited for him at TonDC’s exhibit.

Today, the rain had been merciless just like that awful night last year and brought up horrific memories. The pain of losing her father sent Clarke into a downward spiral, a path of self-destruction while her mother mourned and buried herself in work leaving her only daughter alone. Clarke could have lost it all, but she found refuge in one person. The same person who betrayed her.

 

“Shit!”

Clarke checked the clock ticking on the wall, it was almost 5pm on this rainy Saturday, and her last painting was almost done. Clarke left her brush on the table and removed her apron before heading to the washroom and removing the paint from her hands and fingernails.

“Hello?”

A female voice called from the outside of the workshop. Clarke dried her hands with a hand towel and walked to meet the now familiar face.

“Hey Miss Quinn, I have been waiting for you to come back. Didn’t like my interview?” Clarke smiled as Nia approached her kissing both of her cheeks in greeting.

Nia laughed. “Of course not, Clarke. And it’s only Nia, we are friends aren’t we? Oh by the way happy belated birthday! You turned 19 right?” The older blonde made her way into the workshop observing the latest painting of the young artist.

“Sure thing,” Clarke smiled as she stashed her materials in her bag, “we’re friends, Nia. And yup, b-day was couple of weeks ago. Did a small gathering with my best friends, nothing out of the ordinary.” Taco and booze night just like last year, the only difference had been that instead of wanting Lexa to love her she wished to be able to forget her.

“Oh that’s good, the young should have fun.”

 

Clarke had met Nia Quinn at the end of the summer while she worked on one of her paintings. The woman was a journalist and was looking to speak with Costia, to her luck Clarke met her instead, and she arranged to interview Clarke to promote the exposition and her work. They met a couple of times to discuss art and her involvement in the shooting at TonDC High. Even when they developed a good relationship, there was something about Nia Quinn that Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on. Her gut was telling her to be careful, but she had no idea what that could be, instead, Clarke blamed her lack of trust to having been abandoned by that traitor.

“Your interview was pretty good, but I feel it’s lacking substance, I think that if we want to expose you to the world we need to see who really Clarke Griffin is. To get to know the girl, not just the artist.” The journalist said as she took a closer look to the painting. She had seen those green eyes before, oh yes, she has. The woman portrayed in the painting was a warrior, war paint covered her face, but the fierceness of her eyes were unique. Nia knew because she had seen those eyes filled with hatred towards her. Nia smiled wickedly.

Clarke frowned as she turned to meet the icy blue of Nia’s eyes. “I really don’t have much more to say. I’m just an art student who had a chance to present her work at a small exposition.”

Nia laughed casually. “I heard that New York is the next step for you, my dear.”

“Yeah,” Clarke shrugged as she stashed the paintings inside the storage. “The Greene Foundation is sponsoring my work, I’m really grateful for that.”

“Yes, Costia Greene has good eye for talent, doesn’t she?” Nia walked closer to the girl, inspecting her features. “But like I said Clarke, we need substance so let’s begin the interview, shall we?”

Nia turned on her voice recorder. “For instance, who holds the heart of Clarke Griffin?” The journalist offered a vicious smile observing the slight tremor of the girl and the clenched jaw.

Clarke laughed it off quickly though. “No one, I have no time for that shit, my heart belongs to me.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. The hero of TonDC High has no one to give her heart? After your boyfriend shot your friends you became a sensation Clarke, we have talked about it.” Nia did a thorough research regarding the goldmine that was Clarke Griffin. Everything that happened with the girl was somehow related to Lexa. If only Nia could get a confirmation that indeed Lexa had a relationship with this girl illegally while she was her student, she finally could create chaos in Lexa’s life and take revenge on the woman.

 

Clarke sighed. “Finn wasn’t my boyfriend, not anymore. He was going to kill Le— He hurt my friends and I did what I had to in order to protect them. I’m no hero and you should already know that Nia.”

Nia rested her hand on the shoulder of the blonde. “Yes, you are a hero Clarke. And I need my readers to recognize that.” Nia kept observing the the subtle body language of the girl. “So no love life at the moment. After that boy Finn, was there anyone else Clarke? Every kid in high school has a secret crush?” Nia pushed, moving the interview little by little to where she needed.

Clarke laughed bitterly. “Nah, a crush? Please.” Clarke made a pause. “After Finn, there was a girl.”

Nia arched her brow interested, she was so close to the pot of gold. She just needed Clarke to say Lexa.

“Her name was Luna, but I wasn’t ready. I lost a good friend of mine, Wells Jaha. My best friend got hurt too. That night changed us all.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes for an instant, and she could feel her warm breath on her neck while they danced in the darkness of the gym. Almost feel her hands moving softly over her thighs, the music involving them as if they were in a trance, Clarke had never felt more alive than in her arms. And then…

_Our first kiss._

Clarke touched her lips absentmindedly. Seeing how stupid she was acting Clarke snapped her eyes open and chastised herself mentally for being weak, again.

“It’s in the past now, Nia. I’m interested more in loving my art at the moment.”

“Of course Clarke.” The journalist offered a cold smile in return and turn off the recorder. “Anyway I would love to invite you for drinks tomorrow, and we can chat some more if you want. I feel that in a more comfortable place you can relax and be more open. Trust me Clarke, I want only to offer the most authentic and honest side of you to our readers.”

“Sure, why not. Thanks Nia.”

The woman chuckled. “That’s what friends are for Clarke. I’ll see you tomorrow at ‘Camp Jaha’ in the morning. Thanks again for giving me a few minutes for my magazine.” Nia kissed the girl’s cheeks and left her to her own business.

 

Clarke waved goodbye to Nia and took a last look at her painting, she breathed in deeply and exhaled softly, keeping her feelings in check while looking at her subject’s features, her lips, her eyes. Clarke hated her muse because all of her inspiration was from the one and only traitor.

_Lexa._

She let out all her hatred towards the woman in her paintings, the full collection seeing as a whole was a clear statement of her anger, her passion and her broken heart. Each canvas represented a feature of the woman, something that Clarke used to express all the pain she was still feeling inside. The dark colors spread in each canvas told a sad story, a painful one that came from her broken heart. At least with this she could find comfort since she had no one to talk to about her feelings, Clarke could not open this wound and share something that was so intimate and delicate. Clarke was not going to burden someone else with her pain.

She closed the windows of the workshop and headed out to go back to her bedroom. After all, she was tired and had to finish some homework before organizing her trip back to DC next week for the exposition.  Plus she had to meet Nia tomorrow to continue her interview.

 

 

Once in her dorm she took a quick shower and went to the kitchenette to eat whatever leftovers were in the fridge.

“Hey Clarkey, ready to go back to DC?” Octavia asked from the couch while she read a book.

“Yeah, painting should be done tomorrow afternoon, and then Costia is gonna pick them up to send them to the gallery in DC.” Clarke took a slice of pizza and put it into the microwave. Clarke pushed the timer to let her meal start heating up.

“It’s going to be a good weekend. Many will be back for the memorial ceremony so we might see more of our classmates.”

The microwave beeped, and Clarke took out her plate and sat on the sofa near Octavia to eat. The brunette offered her a can of Coke, and Clarke accepted it gladly.

“Yeah, probably. I’m just excited to see Raven again. I miss her so fucking much.” Octavia pouted. She bit her chocolate bar and kept reading. “It’s gonna be good to be back Clarke. Bell is gonna go to the exhibit too, but I’m getting rid of him to go party hard later.”

Clarke giggled. “Oh come on O, Bell is not so bad to hang out with.” Clarke ate with gusto, enjoying the cheese dripping from the top and the crust that crunched as she bit.

Octavia made as if she was gagging putting her finger in her mouth. “He’s a nerd, and an overprotective ass who probs won’t let me be near Raven. You know how he is.”

“That’s why you didn’t tell your bro about you and Ray?” Clarke arched her brows, that was one of the things she wondered. Octavia and Raven were handling their long distance relationship as best as they could, but Octavia never mentioned Raven to her big brother until he found out at the game by accident. Why would someone lie to the people they are suppose to care about was one of the things Clarke had on her mind.

Octavia hesitated before speaking. “I was afraid he was going to go nuts. Still he might be trying to cuntblock me once we’re back so yeah, not hanging out with Bell.” Octavia leaned on the pillow of the couch and made herself comfortable reading her book not giving much importance to Clarke’s question.

Clarke still wasn’t sure what Octavia really meant by that. Bellamy was a good man and a loving brother, who took care of all of them. Clarke was pretty sure that the older Blake wasn’t going to interfere in her baby sister’s love life knowing how good Raven was to her. But she wasn’t going to push Octavia for now. It wasn’t her business anyway. “Don’t be too harsh, Bell worries about you too much.”

“Yeah yeah.”

 

After Clarke brushed her teeth and took a quick shower, she changed into a large comfortable t-shirt and went back to bed trying to get some sleep.  However, once questions became trapped in her mind, she always found answers with Alexandria.

The mysterious writer had become a confidante for her even though Clarke would never admit that out loud. With Alexandria, Clarke could spit all the pain out, and the woman would always find a way to calm her and see things through. Clarke felt she could trust Alexandria. It was odd, but she couldn’t deny that there was something special between them since Clarke began battling her on twitter. Their relationship had escalated from online enemies to maybe online pals. _Maybe._

 

Clarke took her cellphone out from her drawer and clicked the app to start writing at the woman who eluded her with her words.

 **@Princess69:** Hey **@AlexandriaBTS** why do you think ppl lie to the ones they say to love the most?

She knew that Alexandria received on a daily basis tons of tweets from very hormonal fans who wanted to bang her and others who called her their baby and child. Clarke was like in-between those obsessed fans and haters. She even got some crazy tweets from zealous followers of Alexandria since the woman always replied to her without fail, well to Princess69 that is.

Clarke was about to stash her phone away when a notification popped in her screen, and a smile drew on her face as she noticed the username. “Don’t you ever sleep, Alexandria?”

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : **@Princess69** People lie to protect the ones they love in some cases. Other times the truth hurts more and is better to come clean. Depends. - A

Clarke narrowed her eyes and typed a quick reply.

 **@Princess69** : **@AlexandriaBTS** that is some uber shit, lies are lies! Why would you lie to someone you love? I don’t get it. Have you lied to someone you love???

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : **@Princess69** Yes, I hurt the love of my life. Lying wasn’t the best option but I saw no other choice. Hope one day I can clear things up. - A

“Woah, this is really some deep shit drama here.” Clarke said to herself still looking at the screen trying to decipher the mystery of Alexandria, the woman who had an infinite love for some strange person, and still she had lied to them. Not even the perfect Alexandria escaped lying to their loved ones.

Clarke typed again trying to put into the damn short 140 characters all her frustration and confusion.

 **@Princess69** : **@AlexandriaBTS** Why would you do that? I don’t understand. I can’t just get it? Do they know why you did it?

But after that reply Clarke didn’t get any other tweet from Alexandria.

“Whatever, it’s not that you can explain to me why the traitor left me either.”

Clarke pulled the blankets over her body and put her phone back into her drawer to get some sleep, not before easing her frustration with some needed orgasms having the traitor on her mind.

 

 

And the day had finally arrived. Clarke’s debut with her first collection. Costia made a quick review of Clarke’s work in the gallery before opening the doors to welcome students, parents and school authorities.  The woman had to make sure that her protegé was going to get the necessary exposure since she was the main attraction of this year’s art class exhibit of TonDC High School in honor of the victims of the shooting at last year’s Winter Formal.

Clarke was not only a former student of TonDC High but a talented prospect of Ark University, and the girl needed to show her work as soon as possible. Costia gave her word to keep an eye on this formidable but very resented girl, and with this exhibition Clarke was going to start to get the recognition she deserved.

 

“This is really amazing Clarke.” Costia smiled at the blonde girl who looked nervous. Costia rested her hand on the arm of the art student to reassure her. “It is a very beautiful

work, I can clearly see in each of your paintings the story you want to tell. From the intricate tribal patterns hidden in the raw deep colors and edges of your first design, to the evolution of the patterns in complexity as this woman evolves and changes from painting to painting, forming each one of your canvases a tiny part of a whole.” Costia glanced at the final painting. “The warrior after all the battles had come victorious, but she doesn’t look happy or sad.” Eyeing with attention the details of this particular piece - the black of her war paint, the blood splattered on her face, the pain in those jade eyes.

Costia observed the finished product, then looked back at Clarke. “It’s an incredible piece of art Clarke, all the visitors will be impressed with this work, and I can guarantee that in New York this is going to sell for some hundreds of dollars if not more.”

 

Clarke lowered her gaze, looking at the tiles she asked what has been eating at her for the past few weeks. “Why do you still love her? After all she did?” The student didn’t want to sound accusatory or anything, but that’s how it ended up coming out.

Costia remained silent for a couple of seconds, thinking carefully about her words and making sure to speak as honestly as she could to this girl who was filled with anger and hate that it was going to be hard to make her open her eyes, at least for now.

“I can’t control how I feel, Clarke. I fell in love with a woman who was a visionary, brave and kind. She hasn’t changed at all, and even when she hurt me she was honest with me and ended our relationship because she didn’t love me anymore, not in the way I wished and that’s okay.” Costia took a deep breath before adding. “You do understand that what happened between you two could have ended badly for her?”

Clarke finally dared to meet Costia’s eyes. “I know. I wanted to run away with her, and she left me! She didn’t love me enough I guess.”

“To go where?” Costia asked seriously, brown eyes on the blonde. “Clarke, you’re in college right now, you have no job, and you’re taking your first steps in your career. Why is it so hard for you to understand what Lexa really did, huh?” Costia crossed her arms, holding Clarke’s hurtful gaze. The woman knew that the girl was filled with resentment, but also Clarke was intelligent and logical; she had to see reason behind all her pain and anger. It was about time that someone confronted Clarke about what happened between her and her former English lit teacher.

“She betrayed me!” Clarke pointed out, her voice a low growl.

“Yes, she did it for a reason. I do wish that one day you can see past your own hate Clarke. Lexa Woods is a woman that is worthy of love and respect. You might not understand now, but I really hope you do one day.” Costia didn’t want to push the blonde too much, it was an important night after all, instead, she smiled once again to the girl and left her to receive the rest of the kids and parents for the opening ceremony.

Clarke remained where she was; she relaxed her hands that were fists and tried to bring back some semblance of normalcy. Her friends and mother were going to be here soon, and she really wanted to offer them the best version of herself even when inside she was broken.

She pulled out her phone and texted her amazing roommate Octavia Blake.

 **Wanheda:** hey dumbass, you gonna come or what?

 **Pocahontas:** and who says I’m not cumming ;)

 **Wanheda:** wtf??? eeewww too much info O, get your ass right here and bring Raven already, jfc.

Clarke rolled her eyes, and waited for her friends patiently hoping to have a really amazing day.

The words of Costia echoing in her mind.

What was the reason Lexa abandoned her?

_Why? Why? Why?_

_____________

Lexa rolled over in the bed again, she was perspiring by her uneasiness caused by the nightmares she had, and the sounds coming from the other bedroom were driving her mad.

She had been drinking again, going out as Anya’s wingman back to that nightclub, ‘The Skybox,’ where Anya hooked-up with some random guy, and Lexa simply drank as she got hit by a nice gorgeous redhead whose name she didn’t remember, nor her lips and caresses because they weren’t _hers_.

Things got interesting in the bathroom stall but she felt numb.  That charming woman was not her Clarke. And as it was the normal end of those nights, Lexa came back to her lonely bed hearing Anya fucking her conquest of the night in the other bedroom while she tried to get some sleep. But the moans were loud tonight. Not that she minded what Anya did with her life, still, Lexa always wondered if that helped her friend forget about Costia. Anya was set on moving on because she wasn’t going to break the rule of dating the ex of a best friend. Anya was a woman of her word and for all the heart eyes that she had for Costia, she was never going to do anything about her feelings simply because Costia had been Lexa’s girl, and in the girl code book that was the number 1 rule to obey.

NEVER DATE THE EX OF YOUR BEST FRIEND.

 

When one loved as much as she loved Clarke, she didn’t think lying in bed with another woman was going to erase it, not for lack of trying when her body cried for release. The few kisses she shared with the pretty girls at the nightclub had been short and filled with emptiness. Because once you ride a Lamborghini you wouldn’t like to ride a Toyota ever again. And Lexa had tasted heaven in Clarke and replacing Clarke with something temporary was not going to do the job.

Was it tempting? Yes.

Alluring? Absolutely.

Was she going to do it? Lexa wasn’t sure.

Lexa was human after all.  Even behind her stone cold facade she was a woman in need of comfort and the pleasures of the flesh. Anya was right though, Alexandria could have at her disposal any girl she could dream of, and still the one she wanted was far out of reach. The one she desired was better off without her. So no, Lexa was not interested in revealing to the world that she was the popular writer just to get laid.

 

Lexa sighed and sat on the bed.  She was not going to sleep tonight; instead she walked to her office and turned on her laptop. Better to sit down and answer some of her fans and readers than keep her mind wandering on things that had no remedy at all.

She read some fan mail and replied to the best of her ability in her semi-sober state.  Next she checked her mentions on twitter and replied to some questions of fans. She was scrolling through the screen when she spotted the username that had been driving her nuts, Princess69.

Lexa could feel this person was in need of someone who could offer them unconditional support, and if Alexandria could become that person for Princess69, she was going to do everything in her power to help them.

Alexandria sent back and forth a series of tweets when she read the last one from Princess69 that made her still for a minute.  She leaned back in her leather chair thinking of a response.

 _“Why would you do that? I don’t understand. I can’t just get it? Do they know why you did it?”_ Lexa read the tweet.

“No, Clarke doesn’t know why I did it.” Lexa answered to no one. “I thought I was doing the best for her.” The brunette tried to type something but she couldn’t, it was too close to home, too intimate to reveal the truth to a stranger when the girl who might be asking why had no clue.

Lexa closed her eyelids, her fingertips running circles in her temple, the pressure reducing the beginning of a headache. What if she reached for her? What if she finally told Clarke the truth? Maybe she could still have a chance. Together they could solve this, maybe Nia wouldn’t dare hurt Clarke.

“No.”

 

Lexa shut the laptop lid and made her way downstairs into the kitchen; she opened the fridge and poured herself a large glass of water and sat on a stool.

The cool water refreshed her dry mouth, the pounding of her head was diminishing by the minute. She had to remind herself that what she did was offer Clarke the opportunity of a future.

If they had run away what would Lexa have done? Her parents were coming to terms with her homosexuality. If she came to them for help with an 18 year old girl, they would have condemned her.

_A monster._

Anya was a simple teacher. Her salary was never going to be enough to support an unemployed journalist and a young adult. Clarke was willing to quit high school just to be with her. Clarke was impulsive, and she wouldn’t have thought things through until it was too late. Lexa had a responsibility to Clarke.  She made the best choice for her - even though  Clarke may hate her for it forever.

Lexa thought also about Princess69, this person - a boy or girl - Lexa had no clue, was engulfed in confusion. As Alexandria, she could be as open as she wanted but always kept a certain professional distance from her readers. Still, Princess69 needed help and something inside her told her that she needed to be there for this person through whatever was going on. She walked back to her bedroom and grabbed her cell phone.  She opened the twitter app and looked for Princess69 and when she found her profile she clicked the follow button.

“It is done.”

Lexa returned to bed and tried to get back to sleep.

 

 

As soon as the sun rose, Lexa wrote nonstop to finish the latest edition of the ‘Between the Sheets’ column. Since they were also printing a holiday edition, Lexa had to do double the work to prepare the extra issue. The office was total mayhem, but she loved being there. Lexa was always grateful for this opportunity that life gave her; she lost her sun but at least she had _this_. Lexa also kept writing the book; the first draft was due right after the holidays, and that meant she only had a couple of weeks left to finish it. She was feeling the pressure to complete everything.  She was aiming for perfection, and all of this helped her occupy her mind with things that weren’t related to Clarke.

 

The blog was running smoothly, and Alexandria had everything under control. Now Lexa Woods had to get her shit together and get ready to leave for the TonDC High art exhibit since she had promised Costia she was going to cover that event.

Lexa packed a small notebook to take notes in and stashed it in her messenger bag before heading out of her cubicle. It was raining, but the darkness of the clouds and the wind implied a larger storm might be heading their way. Lexa thought they should leave early.  Better to be early than late to the expo. The impending storm reminded her of last year’s exhibit when Clarke’s father died in that awful car accident.

 _Clarke_.

Lexa knew that this had to be a tough week for Clarke, after her father died Clarke suffered horribly, and now Lexa wasn’t there to be her support.

_No, she doesn’t need you. She has Octavia and Raven, even her mother can do a better job than you Lexa so stop this._

“Ryder!” Lexa called. “Get your camera, we’re leaving early for the art exhibit in case it pours later.”

Ryder had been working with Lexa since she started at the magazine, and she trusted him completely.  The man was an excellent assistant and photographer.

“You got it!” Ryder went gather the equipment as Lexa headed to the parking lot.

“Meet me in front of the building!”

 

Lexa walked through the line of cars as she looked for her keys inside her bag. A sudden sound of heels on the hard concrete made her stop her search. She lifted her gaze and looked around when she met the person she despised the most.

“What are you doing here Nia?”

“Good to see you too Lexa, always a pleasure.” Nia smiled as she walked towards the brunette. The _click clop_ of her shoes echoed in the empty parking lot. Her blue eyes lowered to meet the forest green of Lexa’s. Oh yes, those were the same eyes as in that painting from the Griffin girl. Nia was right on track. Time to push here and there, and then let things move by themselves.

Lexa dropped her arms to each side, her stance defensive, her jaw firm in place not giving Nia a chance to crack her psyche.

“It’s been some time, you should be happy to see me.” Nia chuckled as she walked around Lexa, observing her with her predatory eyes. “I have made some new friendships this summer. I don’t blame you for falling for that kid, Lexa.”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa gulped down.  She didn’t like where Nia was going.

“Still in denial? Lexa, sadly for you I’m not blind. And this new friend of mine will destroy you, and then my revenge will be complete.”

“Nia, you are wasting your time. You are talking gibberish but whatever you’re planning is not going to work.”

Nia clasped Lexa’s face, sinking her nails in the writer’s angular face. “I can’t wait to see you break. We’re not done Lexa, on the contrary I have just begun.”

Lexa shoved Nia away. “I’m not afraid Nia. Stop playing games, make your move or shut up.” Lexa turned around and left Nia.  She fished for her keys. Once she caught them, she clicked the button to deactivate her alarm and jumped into the driver’s seat. She wasn’t going to waste her time on Nia. She turned on the engine and drove to pick up Ryder at the entrance, but right before she left she watched the sly smile through the rearview mirror of the Ice Queen.

 

 

Lexa and Ryder arrived a bit after Principal Kane offered some words to honor the victims of the TonDC shooting for the inauguration of the expo. Lexa was right, as soon as she reached the highway the storm hit them hard, luckily for them they left with time to spare so they didn’t arrive too late.

There were many parents walking around, and their kids were showing their paintings with enthusiasm. The art exposition was once a year and Costia, as the head of the art department, organized all the logistics of this event. Lexa looked around remembering when she was right in this place giving her support to Clarke.  Remembering how jealous she was after learning that Luna and Clarke were together, and how horrible that was for her. Lexa understood how important it was for Clarke to have her parents back then, even though she couldn't replace them Lexa had been here for her.

_“You still have the support of amazing friends Clarke, and you have me.”_

_“Sadly that’s not true. She has you.”_

Costia was her girlfriend during that time, but her heart already belonged to Clarke. She was not acknowledging that she was in love with Clarke.

“What do you need boss?” Ryder got Lexa out of her temporary trance startling her.

“Uh right, take some photos of the paintings, and I’ll make sure to interview a couple of the participants and the main guest.”

“Very well.” Ryder nodded and went with his camera to capture the magic of the different paintings and sculptures that the kids made.

 

Lexa made her way through the halls crowded with people observing the art hung on the walls, and the sculptures exposed under the dim light of the gallery when she was surrounded by warm arms.

“Thanks so much for coming Lex!”

“I told you I was going to write the article. I keep my word Cos.” Lexa briefly hugged Costia and took a step back. Costia was always elegant with her dark curls and pretty brown eyes. Today, her bronze dark skin was covered by a white silk blouse and a pencil skirt that made her look like a princess. “You look amazing.”

Costia smiled widely shaking her head. “Not at all, you look as smooth as always with those suits you like to wear. You’re a woman who knows how to wear a tie and make it look good.”

Lexa’s cheeks flushed a bit at the compliment, making Costia giggle. “Well I have to work so I’ll talk to you right before I leave Cos.”

“Sounds perfect, I’ll be in the main hall.” Costia left Lexa with a kiss on the cheek and continued tending to the visitors.

 

Lexa nodded and made her rounds to observe more of the works. She noticed several paintings that looked pretty good.  Some of the kids had potential, but none approached _her_ talent. The young writer kept walking through the exposition and stopped to chat a bit with some kids here and there.  When she reached the other side of the gallery, there was an exclusive collection by a former TonDC High student - the main guest of this art exhibit to honor the fallen from the TonDC massacre.

Lexa pulled her notepad from her messenger bag to use during an interview with this person when she lifted her eyes and saw the first painting.

She froze.

Lexa knitted her brows, and her left hand went absentmindedly over her right arm, right where she had a tattoo.

“What on earth?”

Lexa was mesmerized by the painting. The colors were dark, gloomy, it was scary, but there was an inherent beauty as if the traces had been like cuts, yet the colors provided life in that pit of darkness. She moved to the next one noticing a similar pattern.

“Wait a moment.”

Lexa lifted her shirt discreetly to check the tattoo over her right hip bone, this was starting to seem rather bizarre.

 

She was extremely confused by the pattern in each of the 4 paintings on this wall of the gallery. Lexa was crossing to the next hall when she heard a voice that she hadn't heard in an extremely long time, precisely 244 days ago. Eight months after she last spoke to her on that mountain where she stabbed her own heart in the process.

The brunette lifted her gaze to see the same blonde curls that shone like the sun, the same fair skin that was soft to the touch, and to hear that laughter that could raise the dead from their graves.

Lexa stood there petrified looking at the scene before her.  She could run away or she could finally confront her destiny. Lexa has never been a coward.  She faced danger and adversity in head on, and so she stood her ground.

 

“Oh my god Bell you came!” The brunette laced her arms around the man’s neck with the dark mop of curly hair covering his features. Lexa couldn’t distinguish the stranger touching her Clarke, however, the gesture made her clench her jaw. Lexa didn't like it.

The interaction between them was familiar and yet, the way Clarke surrounded the man with such affection was bothering her. He lifted Clarke up in a bear hug, and she laughed loudly as if she was a small girl.

“You’re the best!”

“I told Octavia I was going to be here, Princess.” The man expressed with a sincere smile.

Lexa’s heartbeat was out of control as this scene was making her anxious.  Her body was reacting out of its own volition, and Lexa always had a steel control over her emotions.

The blonde took a step back from the man and took his hand in hers, she was smiling and it was the most amazing view of the whole night, worthy of being photographed by Ryder.

The girl turned her face as she stepped back from the man, and her smile was erased immediately because that’s when blue met green once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!!!
> 
> Hope you all had a wonderful holiday.
> 
> Best wishes,
> 
> Tana


	5. Chapter 5

THUMP THUMP   THUMP THUMP   THUMP THUMP

Heart racing, holding her breath, her eyes were not deceiving her, it was her. The traitor, the liar, the woman who discarded her and didn’t look back when she left her alone. The green eyes that haunted her dreams every single night were vivid, her high boned cheeks that were a pleasure to view on sight and those lips that tasted of sweet honey were real, this was not an illusion or a dream.

Lexa Woods was standing in front of her after many days and nights suffering for her, crying alone and hating her.

“Hello Clarke.” The brunette said in her usual way where she clicked the k of her name making  it sound holy and sacred. It sent shivers down her spine.

That soft and alluring voice, how she missed that sound. Still Clarke was not going to bend to her unwelcome feelings. she was stronger now. She didn't care for that woman, not anymore. Clarke was different.

Silence.

A silence that extended for several minutes.

A silence enveloping the awkwardness of the brunette standing in front of the blonde, eyes fixed onto one another.

 

Clarke couldn’t muster words at the moment, she was still assimilating the fact that Lexa was standing right there in flesh and blood. All the feelings Clarke had bottled up inside of her started to rise to the surface, the pain and the hurt, the anger and the hate.  Clarke clenched her fists.

“The Commander honors us with her presence.” Clarke finally spoke.

Lexa perked her eyebrow, the mocking tone Clarke used was intended to humiliate. But Lexa was not going to fall for childish provocations. She took a step forward, then another until she was close enough to the blonde.

“Mockery is not—”

“The product of a strong mind.” Clarke cut in. “Yeah, I got that the first time Miss Woods.”

Lexa flinched hearing the formal name, but she kept her facial expression intact, completely stoic. There was nothing left of the loving way and feeling of closeness that they had shared in the past.  Lexa knew this was going to require all of her patience and determination to remain of stone.

“How dare you come here? You have no right! You left me, remember?”

“Clarke, I did what was best for you.”

Clarke burst in laughter, pretty sarcastic and the sound was lacking the brightness of her laughter, it was soulless. “Really?” Clarke gasped between her humorless laughs holding her stomach in the process, taking more air into her lungs. “For me? That’s not how I recall it. You betrayed me!” Clarke growled.

Lexa inhaled deeply, holding her stance, keeping herself under strict control, but Clarke was relentless. And it was hurting her former teacher.

For a few seconds Clarke managed to see pained emerald eyes staring back at her, and yet, the moment was brief, the cold facade of the commander back in place. She felt her heart stammer, but she dug her nails in her palms to stop from feeling anything at all.

“I never meant to hurt you.” Lexa’s voice came out slowly, a soft breath of air, raspy and low.

“But you did!” Clarke spat.

They locked eyes, neither backtracking their words or backing down from their stance. The tension could be cut with a knife, a tense silence that made the air felt heavier, almost asphyxiating. Nothing existed beyond the two of them, it was simply Clarke and Lexa standing in that gallery, face to face.

 

“Oh right! Miss Woods!” Bellamy intervened taking a step closer to his friend, seeing the tense scene unfolding before his eyes, even though he was not clear on what really was going on between them, Bellamy felt it was time to interrupt the quarrel. “You were at the graduation ceremony. It’s good to see you.” The man offered his hand using his trademark charming smirk, trying to bring some calm to this storm in which he found himself trapped.

Clarke widened her eyes and looked at Bellamy. She had no idea that Lexa had been there. That was surprising.

It was not until now Lexa paid attention to the man. “Mr. Blake.”

Lexa eyed Bellamy, her cold stare boring into the man, observing his relaxed stance and the way he stood protectively beside Clarke. Still she shook his hand firmly. Then she was back to her staring contest with Clarke.

“You have no business here, Miss Woods.” Clarke entangled her hand with Bellamy’s, trying to use him as support, to gather strength and not succumb to the threatening tears stinging her eyes.

“Actually I do. I came here to write a piece on the exposition and the main artist. You.” Lexa said, she took out the notepad to prove it. “I am very interested in hearing about what inspired you to create this collection, Clarke.”

 

Of course Lexa was going to recognize her own damn tattoos in each of her paintings. Clarke wanted to scream at her, to slap that stupid smug look off of face, she wasn't going to give her the pleasure, and much less facilitate her work. “No.”

“Clarke, don't be childish.” Lexa sighed and closed her eyes for one second to keep her composure, to avoid falling into the web that Clarke was spinning.

Clarke was fire, her anger seeping in angry waves from her glares. And to beat fire you needed something as cold as ice. Lexa had to remain cool, not moved by the angry spats of the girl. “This is not personal, Clarke. Costia asked me to do this.”

“It is to me,” the blonde was not going to relent on her bitterness. “Bell, let’s go meet O and Raven, they should be here already.” Clarke walked past Lexa pulling a dumbfounded Bellamy away with her.

 

Once she was out of view she took several deep breaths, she was shaking and she had to lean on a wall to avoid falling. Her legs felt like jelly. Her heart was beating fast as if she just ran a marathon.

“Clarke are you okay?” Bellamy reached for her arm stabilizing her.

Clarke nodded. “Yeah.”

“What was that bickering about?”

“Nothing worth your time Bell.” Clarke felt more at ease now that she had calmed her spiking heart rate. “You met Lexa at the graduation ceremony?”

“Yeah, I arrived a little late and had to go through the back door. Miss Woods was standing in the back wearing a black hoodie all alone. I told her I was here for O trying to make small conversation thinking she was the big sis of a senior, but Miss Woods told me she used to teach Octavia English lit.” Bellamy recounted that night where he met the brunette during the graduation ceremony telling Clarke what he remembered which was not much considering graduation had been months ago.

Clarke remembered she had seen someone, but back then she wasn’t sure it was Lexa. Now she was and that hurt her more, knowing that after dumping her, Lexa had been there for her.

_Asshole._

Clarke shook her head removing those thoughts.  She was not going to feel anything for Lexa.

 

“There you are Clarke!” Octavia came with Raven, the two girls were walking hand in hand. Their coats were drenched in water, but that didn’t deter them from reaching the art exposition “It’s pretty crazy out there with the rain, but we made it.”

“Hey Bell.” Raven greeted Bellamy with a kiss on his cheek. Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Big brother, now that we’re here, would you like get lost or something?” Octavia shoved Bellamy out of the way. “It’s girl time so buh-bye.”

Bellamy chuckled, “I still need to see the other paintings O. I’ll be around for a while.”

“Bell, you’re making up excuses to keep an eye on me. I’m a big girl Bellamy and this is a gallery, I don't intend on doing anything sinful here.” Octavia articulated with some sassiness looking at Raven and making the characteristic Blake sibling puppy eyes to her girfriend. “Unless Raven wants to.”

“Oh hell no. No sex anywhere here O, I forbid it!” Bellamy crossed his arms in front of his puffy chest, eyeing his little sister with a stern look.

“Bell, I could tell you all the ways Raven has made sure to keep me warm and wet.”

“Alright alright, I'm outta here. I didn’t sign up for this. You three take care and go home right away after you’re done here O, I’m serious.”

Octavia huffed. “Yes dad.”

Bellamy hugged Octavia, next Raven and Clarke last. The blonde held him a little longer thankful for his presence kissing him on the cheek. “Okay then, have fun and don’t do anything reckless.” Bellamy winked at his sister.

“Yeah yeah.” Octavia waved farewell to her brother and focused on her friend.

“Let’s see your paintings Clarkey.” Raven proposed, but she caught Clarke staring at something or someone.

Octavia frowned and Raven shrugged. The two girls followed the line of sight when they met the cause.

 

“Oh my fucking god.” Octavia gasped.

Raven smirked. “Look what the rain brought in. Commander Hot Stuff.”

“I think I need to have some words with that bitch.” Octavia rolled up her sleeves of her coat, and headed towards the brunette who was talking with Monroe probably catching up and nerding about books.

“Woah, O. Calm your tits!” Raven followed her girlfriend, who was a tiny ball of rage. Clarke sighed and went to stop her friend.

“O, she’s gonna kick your ass. Don't forget she fought Emerson and company last year bare-handed.” Raven warned Octavia, however, Octavia was set on getting at least some justice for her friend.

“I got this Ray.” Octavia decided to punish that woman for what she did to Clarke. “I should kick her traitorous ass!”

Raven grabbed Octavia’s arm stopping her in her tracks. “O, stay put. There are other ways. We don't wanna create a scandal at Clarke’s big debut.” Raven was more worried about Octavia getting punched in the face. Raven couldn't let such a pretty face be ruined with a bruise. Particularly since she had been witness to the incredible strength and brutality Lexa was capable of when in a fight.

“Guys,” Clarke finally spoke, “please don’t.” Clarke glared at Lexa who seemed more at ease now that she was with someone showing her some kind of respect. Monroe was always the kind of student who participated in all English class discussions stealing her time with Lexa. Clarke didn't like that Monroe was still swooning over her former english teacher either. But she wasn’t going to stay around to watch Monroe and walked away with her friends to show them the exposition hall.

 

 

For the rest of the stormy night, Clarke presented her work with a smile on her face, trying to keep a positive attitude at her debut. She even had some potential buyers enthralled in her work and were interested in commissioning her. The goal was to stay busy and not think about Lexa who was interviewing people for ‘Polis Magazine.’

Octavia and Raven stared at Clarke’s paintings in awe of the designs and the raw emotions that they evoked while always keeping a close eye on her friend.

“You know O?” Raven leaned on Octavia’s shoulder looking intently at one of the paintings. “I think I have seen this design before.”

Octavia kissed Raven’s head trying to find what her girlfriend was seeing that she didn’t. “Well, not to me.”

“I think this is like one of those things Clarke drew during recess in school.”

“Oh! One day she got so mad at us because we stole her sketchbook, she had something like this.”

Raven nodded, “yup, when she was head over heels for the commander.”

“Good thing Clarkey is way over her.” Octavia concluded taking Raven back over to their blonde friend.

 

Clarke’s mother squeezed some time from the hospital to stop and look at her paintings and that made Clarke happy.  After her dad passed away her relationship with her mother had been strained, but little by little they started to fix it. This was another step to overcome their differences or at least close the gap that years of being distant had created.

“Your father would be so proud, Clarke.” Abby pulled her daughter closer, a smile spreading on her face.

“You think?”

“Yes sweetie. I know Jake is happy for you.”

“Thanks mom.”

Clarke took a moment to silently pray that her father was happy for her and that he was okay wherever he was. Jake was the one who supported Clarke the most with her aspiration to be an artist, her mother wanted her to be a doctor, but Jake always pushed her to follow her dreams. Too bad he didn’t live long enough to see it in the flesh.

“Hey sorry to interrupt Clarke. Can I have a word?”

Clarke’s smile disappeared, Costia greeted her mother briefly thanking her for coming and walked away waiting for Clarke in the corner of the exhibit hall.

“Go ahead sweetie. Lots of accidents today so I better go back to the hospital. You drive safe honey.” Abby kissed her daughter goodbye.

“Stay safe mom.” Clarke smiled briefly because it was necessary. No one was going to see her broken again, she wouldn't let it happen. She showed her strength and kept the fake smile on display to avoid worrying her mother and went to meet her sponsor and friend.

 

“You invited her.” Clarke accused.

“Yes, I asked Lexa to cover this event. ‘Polis’ is one of the best selling magazines nationwide, Clarke. This is good exposure for your art. You need this.”

“No I don’t Costia! You knew how I felt about her, you knew!” Clarke censored her other thoughts, she clenched her fists biting her cheek.

“Clarke, let her do the interview and be done with it. Don't let your pride ruin this opportunity for you.” Costia had a point.  ‘Polis’ was a great chance to expose her name to the world and if Lexa was the way to do that, she might as well use her.

Clarke frowned observing Costia closely. The woman had become close to her since Lexa left her. That didn't make sense to Clarke, why would Costia help her? The same girl who envied her and wanted what she couldn’t have.

Clarke closed her eyes sighing. “Shit! You did all of this for her.”

That clearly made more sense. Costia was in love with Lexa, and Costia would do anything for Lexa. Even help the girl who took the love of her life away.

“You helped me because of Lexa. Just fucking great!” Clarke pouted lowering her gaze.

Costia rested her hand on Clarke’s shoulder shaking her head. “She asked me to keep you safe, to watch over you Clarke, I admit that. The rest came because I saw how talented you were, this is not because of pity or guilt. I saw your potential Clarke, you were on the verge of self-destruction, about to throw your potential career away. We both got hurt by the same woman, we bonded over it, and we created something special.” Costia cupped Clarke’s cheeks to make her look her in the eye. “I consider you a friend Clarke. I got to know how amazing you are, and I knew this was the right thing to do. Even if you don’t forgive Lexa ever, I’m glad I did this. Don't ruin this because of your hate Clarke. Do the interview and move on.”

Clarke sighed in defeat and nodded. “Whatever.”

Costia felt at ease smiling kindly at the blonde, she meant every word she said to the young artist. Costia had developed a tenderness for Clarke, no wonder Lexa was so into the girl. Lexa would do anything to keep that girl safe, and she did. The problem as Costia saw it was that Lexa burned bridges between them without thinking about the consequences of her actions.

“Those paintings mean something to you. You poured your feelings into each one of them. Hearing you talk about them fills me with pride, and I want you to be successful.” Costia leaned down and kissed Clarke’s forehead surprising the blonde by the gesture. The art teacher nodded, and she headed back to the exposition are continue her work.

 

And right on cue Lexa made her entrance into Clarke’s exposition hall. She was followed by a tall bearded man with brown eyes, olive skin, a weird punk-ish haircut and tattoos on his face, which reminded her of her Calculus teacher Mr. Gustus.

“Ryder, make sure to snap a couple of pics of this collection. I want to have enough material to choose from.” Lexa ordered, and the man nodded getting to work immediately.

Lexa approached with firm steps yet cautiously, biding her time with each of her strides. Octavia and Raven came closer to Clarke standing on each side of the girl keeping an eye on the two girls.

“Thank you.” Lexa curled her lip slightly causing a break in Clarke’s resolution to be cold. She hated Lexa for making her weak.

“Let’s get this over with.”

Clarke made her way to the centerpiece of her collection that was on the other side of the room, the main piece was hung at the center of the wall by itself. The rest of the paintings combined told Clarke’s story, but this piece alone was enough to express the rage and sadness of the artist, the conclusion to her series of paintings. Therefore earning an exclusive spot on this whole wall to shine.

Lexa followed the three friends keeping her hands behind her back, her posture tense and defensive until they reached the last section of the gallery where the biggest canvas was located.

The name of the piece read ‘Heda.’

“What the…” Octavia looked from the painting to Lexa and back to the painting again. She checked the other paintings but not this one. And that’s when Raven’s earlier words clicked. The whole collection was about Lexa Woods.

Raven whistled. “Damn, good shit.”

“I think we better give Clarke some space Ray.” Octavia was reluctant, but this was an important moment for Clarke to describe her work to the writer. To face the woman and show her that she was over her.

“We’ll be around Griff.” Raven grabbed Octavia’s hand and moved away giving space to them.

 

Lexa pulled her notepad out again to take notes, and took a deep breath before proceeding to do the interview.

“What is the motive behind this collection?” Lexa used her teacher voice, the one that was focused on her task and did not convey emotions. The one Clarke loved to hear every single day in class.

“Betrayal.” Clarke replied. The blonde look at the painting and touched it. “All my work was done in acrylics. I added more texture to the first couple of paintings, to show the rocky pathway of Heda. The chiaroscuro effect is predominant in most of the collection.”

“Light and dark.” Lexa added as she scribbled in her notepad.

“Yeah, it adds more depth. And to finish it up I glazed it to give it life since the colors I used were pretty dark.”

Lexa nodded, her gaze stuck on Clarke’s beautiful golden locks instead of her notepad.  She blinked again and returned to her task.

“Heda?” As Lexa asked she lifted the sleeve of her shirt and glanced at her left wrist.

Clarke recognized the bracelet Lexa was wearing. She gave her that bracelet on Christmas day. Clarke did it herself and the word _Heda_ was weaved into the pattern in color of grey as the black and red colors complemented the design. Really similar to what she did here, the difference was that the bracelet was done with all her love, these paintings with all her loathing.

Lexa let the sleeve fall in place again. Green eyes examined Clarke, coldness was what the artist expected to see reflected in them, but the more she paid attention to Lexa the more pain she recognized. And that was something she really didn’t want to see.

“The woman.” Clarke answered. “Each painting is a part of Heda, part of her body. This painting completes the body, it’s the head.” Clarke pointed at the big canvas behind her back. “The blood represents what was spilled on her journey, the betrayal remains heavy in her mind, and her eyes are haunted because of it.”

“Head over heart.” Lexa knew this was her doing, her teachings had clearly permeated the brilliant mind of Clarke.

“Yeah, I had a great teacher.”

And that was the truth.

 

The magazine writer kept thinking, analyzing the features of the painting, her own face looking back at her with sad eyes. She put her notepad back in her pocket and took a step closer to Clarke so only she could hear and not her troublesome friends Raven and Octavia. “What if _Heda_ did what she thought was right?  What if the betrayal meant something else?”

Clarke chuckled at the pitiful tactics of the writer. “Like what? _Heda_ lied, and she has to carry that burden forever, she won’t be forgiven.”

Another step took her closer to Clarke’s warmth, where she could almost feel her breath. “Maybe she’s not looking for forgiveness, maybe what she really wants is understanding.”

Clarke was glued to the green emerald depth of her former teacher eyes, and why was she so close to her?

Lexa’s words were reaching her, affecting her to the core of her heart, and Clarke hated her for it, hated Lexa for the simple fact that having her close like this could falter her determination to keep her bitterness alive.  But Clarke was stubborn, and this display of whatever the hell this was, was not going to break her down.

“Maybe, that doesn’t change the fact that I hate you. Because I hate you Lexa.” The blonde took a step back needing air to breathe, as far away from Lexa as she could. Spewing poisonous words that showed how much anger she had inside.

Those words pushed the dagger deeper into Lexa’s heart, hearing those words from Clarke’s mouth was the hardest thing to do as she tried to keep her composure and control.

“Fair enough.” The brunette conceded.

“You got what you came for. We’re done here Miss Woods.”

The formality again between them, Lexa gave a stoic nod pleading with her eyes for her to listen, but tonight that was not going to happen, maybe another time would be good to tell her why she left. Lexa turned around on her heels to get her photographer. There was nothing else to do here. Clarke had been clear all night by expressing what she thought of her. Clarke hated her, and that had to be enough for Lexa.

Clarke’s hate in return for her happiness and safety.

 

Clarke sighed once Lexa left, and her friends returned to her side. The faces of Raven and Octavia were serious, looking for any sign of discomfort from their friend, preparing to soothe her if she needed it. They would be here to keep Clarke together, in one piece.

Raven circled Clarke and pulled her in a tight embrace. “You okay Griff?”

“Yeah.”

Octavia joined her friends and leaned on Clarke’s shoulder. “We should totally celebrate tonight. It’s been awhile since we hung out with the crew. Jasper and Monty are having a meet up at ‘The Skybox.’ Time to get wild ladies.”

“Aye aye captain.” Raven winked earning a smack on the ass by Octavia.

“Yeah, that sounds perfect to me.  I’m gonna need some booze after tonight.”

_______________

Lexa walked with Ryder towards the gallery exit when her cellphone started to ring, she pulled it out from her bag and checked the screen, it was Anya calling.

“Hey Anya, what is it?” Lexa turned the next corner passing a set of stairs right before she found the exit of the gallery. However, she spotted Costia talking with some parents probably, and she clearly needed to have some words with her friend. “Yeah why not, I guess I’m going to need some drinks. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Got to get back to the office to write this article first.”

Lexa removed the phone quickly from her ear. “Ryder go ahead, I’ll take a couple more minutes here.” Lexa offered the car keys to the man, Ryder gave Lexa a thumbs up and went outside as Lexa put the phone between her shoulder and ear to continue her call with Anya.

“Costia is here An, we should invite her too.”

A pause, then she heard a long sigh on the other end of the line.

“Come on Anya don’t be an idiot. You two see each other at school everyday, what is the problem if we invite her to drink?” Lexa approached Costia now that she seemed to be concluding her little chat with those parents. “Anya, I’m inviting her so cut your crap and be ready in an hour. Yes, I know jerk.” She put the phone away and crossed the distance to reach the art teacher before other parents took her away.

 

“You and I need to talk.”

Costia twisted her body to meet a not so happy and very grumpy Lexa. “You’re mad.”

“Mad is an understatement Costia, you kind of forgot to mention that Clarke was showing her art here.” Lexa narrowed her eyes, locking them with the caramel eyes of her trusted friend.

Costia grinned and that lowered the defensiveness of the writer. “You wouldn't have come if I told you. It wasn't so bad Lex. You can relax now and see for yourself that Clarke is doing great. Win-win situation.”

Lexa shook her head, raking her long fingers through her chestnut curls in frustration. “Yes, I’m glad Clarke is doing great Costia. Still it was low of you to use such petty tactics.”

Costia placed her hands gently on Lexa’s arm. “You saw the paintings.  You have been on her mind all this time Lexa, that has to mean something.”

“Yes, that she hates me. Which is fine by me. I can take her hatred Costia.”

Costia kissed Lexa’s cheek with softness, seeing the stoicism of the woman whom she considered so special. “Yes you can, but I know that what you really want is her love back.”

“Nonsense.” Lexa rolled her eyes, Costia was pretty insistent, and Lexa wasn’t in the mood to discuss this again with her friend, at least not here. “We’re going clubbing tonight. We as in Anya and I, you should join us. It’s been sometime since the three of us spend some time together, and then we can talk.”

Costia tilted her head pinching her nose, her lips were pressed together giving deeper thought to Lexa’s proposal. “I’m not sure about that Lexa. Anya has been distant since the school year began. I don't think she wants me there.”

Lexa shook her head laughing at the irony of it all. Costia playing matchmaker with her and Clarke, but she couldn't see, actually denied to see what she had in front of her nose with their mutual friend. “Anya wants you there Costia. You two were friends way before she introduced me to you, maybe it’s time you go back to the root of your friendship with Anya, don't you think?”

“I guess it would be nice to speak with her again as we used to. Count me in then.”

Lexa was glad that at least her friends might end on a positive note today. Lexa wanted to drown her sorrow and forget the words echoing in her head over and over like a broken record.

_I hate you Lexa._

 

 

Thankfully the roaring storm ended, and the sky cleared for the discouraged writer to go with her friends to ‘The Skybox.’ The nightclub had become the go-to place to hook-up with random strangers. The place was always packed, and people minded their own business. Lexa usually came with Anya to keep an eye on her friend as the World History teacher flirted her way to the nearest bathroom stall to have sex.  If it was good enough Anya would take the rest of the fun back home.

Lexa nursed a glass of vodka as Anya and Costia chatted in their weird awkward way. Anya had sworn to herself that she was never going to make a move on Costia, not when she clearly could see how much the dark-skinned girl still harbored feelings for her best friend and sister of the heart, Lexa.

Lexa in the meantime took another swig of the liquor and closed her eyes, seeing Clarke breathing close to her, blue eyes that she missed too damn much and lips that she yearned to taste again.

Clarke was doing beyond well, she was sure Clarke was going to be big in the art world, calling the attention of the art community with her talent and charisma, away from the stain of their relationship.  No one was ever going to know what happened between them, always in the dark. A secret that was meant to be kept between the sheets.

“Lex?”

“Hmm?” Lexa lifted her gaze to meet Anya. “What?”

“I was asking if you want to go grab a table in the VIP lounge? Lincoln knows the guy, and he gave me the green light to go in.”

“Sure, why not?” Lexa shrugged and followed Costia and Anya.

 

Moving through the dance floor was a gargantuan task, drunken college kids grinding against each other in the midst of euphoria and booze was hard enough. The heat of their bodies irradiating the floor, the smell of weed permeated through the air, and the faint sounds of groans and moans completed the experience.

They made their way to a more secluded area where they could have a more interesting conversation away from the young loud kids.

Lexa squeezed her way through a couple of dancers when she heard Anya complain about someone throwing beer on her shirt.

“Crap! I’m sorry, my knee… Oh fuck - err - Miss Forrest.”

Lexa pushed her way to the end of the dance floor and found Raven Reyes looking at Anya with that characteristic miss know it all smirk that was common to see in the girl during her years as a high school student.

Anya quirked her brow, eyes hard on the raven-haired girl. “Miss Reyes, not going to say I’m surprised because I’m not. Getting wasted so early Miss Reyes?”

Raven chuckled. “Not my beer Miss Forrest. I was doing a favor for a friend.”

“A friend whose name reminds me of Gaius Octavius also known as?”

“Augustus.” Raven smiled widely. “Quizzing me Miss Forrest? Miss my genius in your classroom?”

Anya laughed. “You wish Reyes. You’re still the same little shit I taught. Good thing you’re not in school anymore.”

“Ouch.” Raven eyed Anya from head to toe, “on the other hand yeah, good thing I'm not in school anymore.”

“Okay.” Costia pushed Anya away from the young girl. “Let’s move on Anya.” Dragging the taller blonde away from Raven.

“Do you have a DD?” Lexa asked, concern etched in her face knowing very well that where one of the girls was the other two followed. And whenever the trio partied, mayhem ensued.

“Yeah, O is driving us back to Mrs. Griffin’s home where we’re staying, it’s cool. By the way, I believe your Mustang is due for a tuneup, you should bring it to my shop.” Raven grinned confident in her advances.

Lexa rolled her eyes. “You’re not touching my car, Raven. Give up. Take care of…” Lexa whined.

“Clarke is going to be fine, Lexa. I won’t let her do crazy shit if that’s what worries you.”

Lexa nodded once, “Does she knows you and I are on neutral ground?”

“Nope, Clarke is not ready to hear I’m buds with you. She wouldn’t believe it’s because of your car anyways and probs be mad at me.” Raven smirked seeing Lexa’s reaction of uber dismay.

“If and only if my car needs a check up I’ll take it to your shop.” Lexa conceded, “Thanks Raven,” _for being there for Clarke_ Lexa didn’t say and moved on.

“See ya around Commander.”

At least she was glad that her interactions with Raven were civil. Clarke’s friends were as important to her as Clarke herself. Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake were ⅔ of Clarke, if one was hurt the other two felt it as well. And she had to admit that getting to know them through Clarke had been a cheerful experience. Lexa respected them both and having Raven to talk to was good. The girl was as brave as Clarke, never giving up, and Lexa admired her tenacity and wit. Not that she planned to tell Raven, the girl was already full of herself.

 

 

As the night moved on Lexa kept her gloomy face drinking glass after glass of rum. Making small conversation with Anya and Costia. The music was great and the environment felt light, fun and enjoyable, however, Lexa could only stare from afar at the table where Clarke and company was. Who would have thought that they were also in the VIP area?

“Lexa, you’re still pissed.” Costia took a sip of her margarita trying to find a way to make things right.

Lexa downed the rest of her alcoholic beverage, then paid attention to Costia. “You should have told me Costia.”

“If I have told you, you perfectly know that you’d come up with a cheap excuse not to go.” The curls on Costia’s head bounced as she shook her head in frustration.

“No I wouldn’t.” Lexa defended.

“Lexa yes! And you know it. Where is the girl I fell in love with?”

Costia took Lexa’s hand in hers, and Anya rolled her eyes, drinking her shot right away and standing up. “I’ll get more booze for the table. Excuse me.”

“Anya wait!” Lexa saw her friend go. She propped her elbows on the table cradling her head, then she eyed Costia. “Okay fine, yes. I’d send someone else if I had known.”

“You used to be happy, you smiled more, but now it’s only constant brooding and pining from afar.” Costa made a quick glance to the group of college friends at the corner of the VIP lounge. “I want you to be happy Lex, you deserve it too.”

“And so do you Costia. Why don’t you talk with Anya? I mean, you two are seated right here and you barely speak with each other.”

Costia slumped in her chair and took another swig of her margarita, licking the salt from her lips away. “Anya is, how do I put it, distant? I talk to her and she just smiles and goes away. You two are acting like children if you ask me.”

“Maybe it’s because you wouldn’t get it.” Anya collapsed back in her chair distributing shots for her friends at the table and taking a swig right away.

“Why don’t you tell me then?” Costia perked her brow, crossing arms in front of her chest waiting for the blonde to address the current issue between them.

Anya simply shrugged, and hid her face behind the amber bottle. “It’s not important.”

Costia sighed exhausted. “See? You two are unreasonable. I swear to god you two are like real sisters, you are so much alike.”

 

Lexa noticed the weird commotion at Clarke’s table, the girl was holding her cellphone with a huge smile which didn't sit well with the brunette, it was the smile that used to be aimed at her. Not anymore.

It seemed that Octavia and Raven were teasing Clarke by the soft blush of her cheeks, even under this light Lexa noticed everything about Clarke Griffin. Whatever Clarke was seeing on her phone had to be interesting to capture the full attention of the young girl. Maybe it was a text from someone special.

It didn’t matter how Lexa felt, Clarke’s presence meant that Lexa couldn't escape her attraction to her, she was like a magnet and the pull was too strong to deny it. Lexa simply couldn’t stop caring about Clarke. She excused herself from the table after downing her shot.

“I’ll get more drinks, you two talk, will you?”

Anya glared at her friend, but Lexa decided to ignore her and casually moved to the bar which was near Clarke’s table.

 

The brunette weaved her way through the bodies moving with the beat in the middle of the lounge, she passed the dancing college kids and reached the bar. She stood in a corner and waited for the bartender to finish serving some patrons.

“Hey gorgeous, what can I get you?” The bartender came seconds later, the woman eyed Lexa and offered an easy grin.

“Three tequila shots please and could you please serve a round to those college kids of whatever they’re having.” Lexa pulled a bill from her wallet and gave it to the bartender. “Right away.” The woman winked and got to work. Lexa turned around slightly and heard a bit of the familiar voices of the three girls who used to interrupt her classes most of the time. With the music so loud she couldn’t tell what kind of conversation they were having, only heard bits and pieces.

“Damn princess, you’re now the most hated girl or at least the most envied on twitter. No wonder you had so many notifications.” Octavia cackled in laughter as she pushed Raven who was making her faces as she read the feed.

“Like all her stans are gonna send you more hate than ever. Oh this one is good, from @alexandriasbitch ‘What did you do to get a follow? Are you fucking her?’ Damn that bitch is salty or in need of a good bang.”

“Ah no this one is the best.” Octavia clicked the tweet to read it. “@betweenyourslit ‘they say that there is one fine line between love and hate. I bet that Alexandria is in love w Princess69’ is what said the tweet.”

“Woah listen to this from @alexandriastans ‘@Princess69 is always sending hate towards my bby, why would she follow that asshole???’ That is amazing Clarke you’re famous.” Raven was laughing pretty stunned at the turn of events.

“I really don’t care about the haters, I already changed my profile to private.” Clarke commented. “I guess Alexan—” The blonde stopped abruptly as the bartender delivered the extra round of booze to each of the friends hanging out with Clarke. The woman leaned down to speak to Clarke’s ear in order to be heard, and that’s the moment when the blue eyes found the green of Lexa standing at the corner of the bar.

“Hell yeah, cheers Commander!” The white kid with goggles on top of his head cheered in Lexa’s direction. Lexa didn’t know the kid, he wasn't in her class, but she knew he hung out with Clarke regularly.

The asian boy and the white one with goggles drank, even Blake and Reyes accepted their drinks, not Clarke. She didn’t touch it, of course she was going to reject her drink, otherwise she wouldn’t be Clarke.

 

“Here you go.” The bartender made her way behind the bar and put the order of Lexa on the table with a kind smile before retreating to take care of other clients.

“Thank you.” Lexa tipped the bartender and faced Clarke. She lifted her shot glass, “Cheers Clarke,” and took the tequila shot. “Congratulations on your exhibit!”

Clarke rolled her eyes and walked to the bar glaring hard at the brunette. “Are you following me?”

Lexa chuckled. “Clarke, this is public space, and people like me can come to have a good time. It has nothing to do with you.” Lexa noticed the sadness of the girl, even when she tried to smile to her friends she could see it. “I know it is a hard time for you, I just wanted to offer you and your friends a drink, no harm intended.”

“I don’t want anything coming from you, and you know nothing!”

“I know you miss your dad, Clarke. You can lie to your friends, but I see how sad you are.” Lexa almost dared to take Clarke’s hand in hers. Almost.

“What I feel is none of your business, when you left me you lost that right!” The girl growled.

Lexa wanted to try anything to bring a smile to the girl’s face, she was angering her at the moment though, still that wasn't going to deter Lexa. “Okay, you won’t accept my drink, but I am sure this poem fragment will be to your liking:

‘I do not love you except because I love you;  
I go from loving to not loving you,  
From waiting to not waiting for you  
My heart moves from cold to fire.

  
I love you only because it's you the one I love;  
I hate you deeply, and hating you  
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you  
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly...’

It is from—“

“Pablo Neruda.” Clarke answered surprising a very stunned Lexa. “I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You, right?

‘Maybe January light will consume  
My heart with its cruel  
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

 

In this part of the story I am the one who  
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,  
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.’”

Lexa smirked, and she couldn’t be more proud of the girl. “It is Clarke. I see you’ve been reading.” Lexa smiled. “I remember when you used Neruda to spite me in class, Clarke.”

“Like I said, I was taught well in school.” Clarke snapped her mouth shut, probably not what she intended to say, but she did anyway. “Just go away, Lexa.”

Lexa knew she pressed too much today, it had been an intense and overwhelming day for both of them. The writer understood that she already had caused too much discomfort to the blonde. “I wish to speak with you Clarke, but not now. I do have to explain myself.”

“It’s too late Lexa.”

“Maybe it’s not. Good night, Clarke.”  

Clarke didn’t reply, she remained silent watching as the brunette made her way back to her table.

 

 

Lexa sat at the edge of her bed after a long night of hanging out with her friends.  She already changed into shorts and a tank top to sleep in after a quick bath. Or at least to try to sleep, as she knew it wasn't going to come easily tonight or ever. Clarke probably would have stabbed her to death if she had a weapon or shot her if she carried a gun. Lexa was sure of it. Clarke loved with a passion and hated with the same depth.

Nonetheless the short exchange they had really surprised her. Clarke had kept reading poetry, maybe as a tool to keep finding inspiration or probably as part of her curriculum. Whatever the reason and knowing it was Neruda, one of her faves, Lexa was beaming. Even after being treated like complete garbage by the girl, Lexa couldn’t find hate in her heart for Clarke.  She had to be patient though. Clarke’s anger towards her was huge.  But Lexa wanted to find a way to return to her, to find that rebellious girl she met last year in her classroom because the one at the club was the real Clarke she fell in love with and not the one filled with hatred at the gallery.

Lexa started to feel hopeful, and that was one of the most dangerous things she could do at this moment in her career and life. Hope that Clarke could trust her again, and maybe love her once more. The question was how?

 

Lexa had been dead inside. She couldn't feel anything at all but guilt. Guilt for leaving Clarke behind, for hurting her. Guilt for ruining the happiness of the blonde and erasing the smile on her face. With a low sigh Lexa tried to gather inner peace.

Looking out through her floor-to-ceiling window Lexa pondered her decision. Eyes trained on the nature surrounding her, the faraway city lights fading away as the hours passed in the hopes of calming the storm in her mind and heart.

Her concentration was interrupted when her phone bleeped with a notification, she reached for the electronic device and unlocked the lockscreen.

Slowly a small smile tugged on her face as she read the private text message.

 **Princess69** : you stalking me or smth? lol, thanks for the follow.

 **Princess69** : I guess we can now chat privately huh?

 **Princess69** : sorry for flooding your inbox so late disturbing your sleep. I need to talk to someone. When you read this maybe we can chat? pls? I had a tough day, I miss someone whom I lost some time ago and I met another one who hurt me badly.

 **Princess69** : sorry to fill u w my crap, forget it.

This might be just what Lexa needed, this person who was almost like a friend, an online friend that is. If she could aid Princess69, then the guilt she felt for failing Clarke might diminish. At least she hoped so.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I wasn't asleep. Talk to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
> 
> 2015 had been a wonderful year thanks to each one of you who kept reading my fics. Your support is invaluable and I am so grateful for each comment. You make me laugh and have a lot of fun. Thank you so so much for everything and I wish you all an incredible 2016.
> 
> Best wishes,
> 
> Carmen aka Tanagariel


	6. Chapter 6

After an incredible and intense year, the holiday season was here. The snow covered most of the trees, and it was getting chilly on campus. The college art student was already getting ready to return to DC to spend the holiday break with her mother and her friends.

Clarke sat cross-legged in the floor of her dorm bedroom while she finished packing her clothes from her drawer. The blonde was listening to music, earphone in her ears as she hummed along. She folded her clothes carefully trying to fit them into her already stuffed duffel bag.

After the huge success of the TonDC High Exhibit, Clarke received overwhelming positive feedback and attracted a few buyers. Costia was arranging for her work to be sent to the New York Greene Foundation gallery, which would definitely open up more doors for her. Clarke should be radiant.  She should be jumping on the bed bursting with excitement like a 5 year old, but she couldn’t find the energy to do so.

All because of Lexa.

Meeting _her_ again at the art exposition caused conflicting emotions - anger, hate, want, desire - that she couldn't contain for much longer before she exploded.

Lexa was really the same woman, all regal and composed, a stoic marble statue. However, her eyes were expressive.  Clarke could read her now with such ease, a far cry from when she was a crushing student praying that Lexa would pay attention to her. During their short time together, Clarke developed an understanding of Lexa Woods, and that knowledge made Clarke feel like crap.  Clarke could totally see the logic behind Lexa’s actions.  Lexa was smart, and she never made rash decisions, always followed head over heart. And using her head, Clarke could make sense of why Lexa left her on that mountain, their mountain. Lexa couldn’t run away with a kid who hadn’t even finished high school. Costia was right, where would they have gone? The scandal would have buried Lexa, her aspirations as a writer completely destroyed.

Lexa risked not only her career but her freedom for Clarke.

That realization tore Clarke apart.  It was easier to hate Lexa instead of opening herself to Lexa and trust her again. Directing her anger towards the woman who did what was logical, even when it meant breaking her heart in the process, was simpler. Lexa had been ruthless, emotionless and did what she had to do for both of them.

 

Clarke was almost done packing when a knock on the door snapped her out of her thoughts; she pulled the earbuds out and paused her playlist. “Yeah?”

An obviously sleepy Octavia peeked through the door. “Hey Clarke, you know where I left my soccer jersey? I’ve been looking for it without any luck, and my training begins in 20 minutes. If I don’t go to the gym now, the coach is gonna kick my ass.”

Clarke quirked her brow. “Really? O why are you such a mess? You’re worse than me.” Clarke stood up from the floor reluctantly and went to help her friend look in the laundry room.

Clarke checked the laundry basket taking out all the dirty clothes, but there was no jersey. Then she made her way back to the small couch in their tiny living room and checked underneath it.

“See?” Clarke lifted her ass from the tiles and showed Octavia the wrinkled jersey.

Octavia came running and jumped Clarke hugging her gratefully. “I knew you could find it.” Octavia kissed Clarke’s cheek and went quickly to change into her soccer clothes.

“We’re going back home after lunch, okay? Be here on time O. My mom is going to cook a special dinner for us, and I’d love to be on time.” Clarke reminded her friend before she left their dorm.

“Gotcha, Mrs. G won’t have to wait. Love ya!” Octavia ran out of their dorm.

Clarke returned to her bedroom and placed her ridiculously heavy bag on the bed to zip.  She decided to arrange her bookshelves and leave everything clean since it was going to be some time before she returned to her dorm.

While taking out some books to dust her bookshelf, she found Lexa’s Christmas gift from last year. Clarke had no idea why she kept it. She destroyed every other remnant of Lexa from her life. Erasing their pictures from her phone even her contact number. But this book, ‘Sappho: One Hundred Lyrics’ by Bliss Carman, she couldn’t throw away.

Clarke read all the poems in the book. She found that reading poetry allowed her to get in touch with her feelings and find inspiration in the simple things of life. So Clarke immersed herself in several authors such as Neruda, Blake, Lord Byron and many more.

She sighed and opened it, she read the XXII poem.

“Once you lay upon my bosom,

While the long blue-silver moonlight

Walked the plain, with that pure passion

All your own.

Now the moon is gone, the Pleiades

Gone, the dead of night is going;

Slips the hour, and on my bed

I lie alone.”

The poem reflected how she felt at the moment. Clarke put the book back in its place. No need to remind herself that she had enjoyed Lexa’s class either. She hated English Lit, but when she saw the enthusiasm and passion of Lexa she couldn’t resist falling in love with literature. Not that she was ever going to admit Lexa’s role in it.

 

Her phone started to ring, and Clarke pressed the answer button. “Raven hey. Yeah she’s in training. We should be back before nightfall. Yep, I’ll pick you up and from there we go to my place to celebrate. My mom is gonna cook dinner for us, aha, yeah you got it.”

Clarke concluded arranging and cleaning her shelves.  Still on the phone, she went to the bed, grabbed the strap of her heavy bag.  Then she took her backpack and slung it over her shoulder as she went downstairs to her car to pack the trunk. “Nope, hell no Ray. You do remember how fucked up last year’s holiday break party at Monty’s was? Yeah yeah, we’ll see Reyes, I’ll think about it. I gotta go now, Costia is waiting for me before I leave. I’ll text you when I get home.” Clarke finished the call and shoved the phone into her backpack. She unlocked her car and put her duffel bag inside before going to Ms. Greene’s office.

 

 

On the way to the art workshop Clarke stopped at the campus bookshop and to her surprise there was a holiday edition of ‘Polis Magazine,’ which she quickly bought. After Alexandria and her became mutuals on twitter, the two of them texted each other almost every day. They started to become close online pals, and Clarke was pleased to have the famous writer on her follower list. The writer always found ways to bring calm to her inner rage and offered words that were kind and wise. She felt connected to Alexandria somehow, as if they had a deep understanding of one another, and so Clarke found it more helpful to discuss topics with her than with her own best friends.

Clarke stashed the magazine inside her backpack.  She was going to meet first with Costia, and then she could sit down in the workshop to read Alexandria’s article in the surprise extra edition of ‘Polis.’  She planned to text the woman with her comments on her column as soon as possible.

 

After a 15-minute walk Clarke approached Costia’s office.  As always, she knocked.  After receiving the response to come in, she opened the door. She noticed that Costia was speaking on the phone so she only waved. She started to remove the bag from her shoulder when she heard the name of the person on the other end of the phone.

“Don’t be so stubborn Lexa, this is a great opportunity for you, and it’s also a way for me to make up for last time. I’ve been honest, and told you all expectations.  It’s a couple of months Lex. Good, and don't worry, Anya offered to take me to the airport. Yeah you too, bye.” Costia smiled at Clarke when she concluded the call.

“Hello Clarke, how are you?”

“Good, thanks.” The girl wanted to ask what that was about, but it was clearly none of her business.  She bit her tongue and waited for the woman to address her.

Costia stood up from her chair and opened an oak storage cabinet. Inside it was filled with several files and dvd’s of previous expositions. From the lower shelf she took a small package wrapped in Christmas paper. Costia walked towards Clarke and handed it to the girl.

“Merry Christmas, Clarke. I won’t be here for the holidays to give you this personally.”

Clarke accepted the gift with hesitation. “You shouldn’t have Costia, um, I didn’t get you anything.”

Costia laughed heartily, her dark curls bouncing with her cheery laughter. “No need Clarke, what you do with your art is more than enough for me and the Foundation.” Costia returned to her seat. She licked her lips, preparing her next words. “I travel to New York every holiday season to be with my parents. Last year I invited Lexa, I had hoped to introduce her to my folks, make our relationship more official.”

Clarke couldn’t meet her stare; it was her fault that Lexa had declined that invitation.

“She was in love with you around that time; her rejection hurt me. I was still hopeful knowing that she had been distancing herself from me. As you know she broke up with me after I returned.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

Costia shook her head. “No Clarke, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad about it.  You already suffered for this. I can tell. Lexa did what was best for us.  She hurt me, but she ended our relationship for my sake and hers. If she had kept me by her side Lexa would’ve been miserable and me too. It was the right call, even when at the time to me it seemed heartless and cruel.”

Clarke raised her sight to meet the brown dark eyes of the woman in front of her friend and mentor. There was no judging from her tone, instead, it sounded sympathetic. Costia had shown by example how to be forgiving; she is a formidable woman who couldn’t harbor hate in her heart. Costia Greene was indeed remarkable.

 

“Head over heart.”

Costia grinned nodding, “Yes, exactly.” The gorgeous teacher chewed her lower crimson lip. “It’s Christmas time Clarke. It’s a time to be joyful, not filled with bitterness.” Costia reached for Clarke’s hand and held it firmly in hers. “You’re someone I have learned to appreciate and care for, and I cannot wish anything more for you than to let go of that anger. Whether it is to find someone new in your life to love, or to simply be single and happy, I don’t care. I need you to be that girl I met in school with a huge smile on her face.”

Clarke curved her lips. Costia was really an amazing woman, she couldn’t be more grateful to have her on her side. “I’ll try.”

That answer apparently was enough for the woman.  She let go of Clarke’s hand. “It takes time Clarke, god knows I wanted to hate you too. You were younger, beautiful.” Costia chuckled at the irony; she had been in Clarke’s shoes as well. “In my mind I doubted myself, and I hated you for taking what was mine. I realized that I never had Lexa’s heart in the first place, she didn’t trust me completely. I cried for many days and nights and Anya...” Costia stopped abruptly. “Anya... she, she has always been there for me. Anya looks like a cold-hearted woman, but she’s not.”

“Miss Forrest is your version of Raven and Octavia. Yeah, I talked about Anya with Lexa a lot. She seems like a total different person in class, but she’s cool.”

“Not exactly, not to me. Anya has always been that to Lexa.  They are like sisters actually.  They behave pretty much the same way; both have that cold demeanor but inside are caring. Anya is... I really don’t know. I guess we both need to fix our life Clarke. I’ll depart to New York tomorrow, your paintings are already on their way. Are you going to sell them all?”

“Yeah, like you said it’s Christmas time, I guess I better get rid of the things that make me sad and mad.”

“Good decision.”

“Alright then, um, have a happy holiday and New Year, Costia.” Clarke stood up and slung her backpack ready to depart.

Costia stood up, took a couple of steps towards Clarke and hugged her. The embrace was comforting. Clarke leaned onto the woman’s shoulder and her arms circled her back, relishing in the warmth of each other. Costia broke the embrace, “you too Clarke.”

Clarke nodded and walked out of the office seeking the privacy of the workshop in the back of the building.

 

 

She opened the curtains to let the sunlight into the working area. She dropped her bag and even though she was tempted to open Costia’s gift, she decided to wait til Christmas day. She took out the magazine. Walking to the nearest stool, Clarke pulled it out and sat down. The first thing she did, of course, was read Alexandria’s ‘Between the Sheets.’

_“Sometimes we are lucky to have family and friends to spend the holidays with. Other times we aren’t. We are the ones who are rejected by our family for our beliefs, sexual orientation or preferences. There is no shame in not wanting to celebrate with them when they hurt you so badly. It’s okay to want to stay away from celebrations and parties if it makes you uncomfortable too._

_Find the time to care for yourself because you deserve it. Enjoy the holidays however you see fit, dear reader. Most importantly find the time to recognize your mistakes and free yourself of the burden of harboring hate inside your heart. Start this new year with positivity and surround yourself with friends that love you the way you are._

_I am thankful for everyone reading this column. I want to thank you deeply for opening your arms to me._

_And to you, my love. I miss you. I know you don’t want me anymore but what can I say other than I need you to understand me. I feel certain that you’ll come around one day; you’re smart and wonderful. Your heart is what makes you strong, don’t let the pain take that away from you. This holiday I can’t give you my love for you don’t want it, however, take these words. Wherever you are, I wish you a Merry Christmas! Wherever you are, it’s just you and me between the sheets.”_

 

Clarke couldn’t erase the smile on her face. Alexandria had an inexplicable way of expressing a wide array of emotions in one magazine page. Alexandria knew how to reach her audience with compassion and love, writing of forbidden feelings and desire. This article made her feel giddy inside, no wonder half of Alexandria’s fans were in love with her.  Clarke could also fall for these words of love if she had not given her heart to another long ago. Maybe she could hope to love again. Clarke desperately wanted to rid herself of feelings for Lexa and love someone new, someone like Alexandria.

The art student grabbed her phone and clicked the twitter app to text her bud Alexandria about her column.

 **Princess69** : ur getting corny for the holidays Alexandria. I’ve never read smth as sappy as this ;)

Clarke put the phone back in her backpack and took out her sketchbook; she was tempted as usual to continue looking for articles in the magazine written by the other writer she knew. The one whom she hated and probably still harbored other unwelcome feelings for that she refused to acknowledge. Focusing on her art was what she was going to do.  She retrieved pencils from a nearby desk to begin a new sketch.

She closed her eyes and pictured happiness.  She wanted to make something nice, filled with joy. Costia was right.  She had to find her old self. She had the right to find love again, and Lexa was not going to stop that.

 

Clarke began to draw what beautiful sky she could see from the window above her, she was tracing the first lines when her phone bleeped. Clarke left her materials on the table and opened her bag to grab her phone. As soon as she saw the new message, she unlocked the screen.

 **AlexandriaBTS:** You think so? The same thing said my best friend.

Clarke tried to picture it, Alexandria being pretty oblivious of her words and her friend telling how dumb she was being.

 **Princess69** : totes. I mean, did u even read ur shit? Ur like all holiday advice gal and then you go back to sappy in love Alexandria. Who is this person really?? U sure they don’t want u back?

 **AlexandriaBTS** : haha I guess when I write I express all the things I can’t say to her face.

 **Princess69** : HER???

“Oh shit. I had no idea it was a woman she was writing about all along.” Clarke said to no one and sent another text to ease Alexandria’s tension, if any.

 **Princess69** : Not a homophobe or anything like that. Sorry if I seemed rude. I was surprised. Guess I have heteronormativity ingrained in my head. I shouldn’t have assumed the person you wrote about was a man.

Still no answer.

 **Princess69** : I was in love w a woman too. I’m bi.

She thought Alexandria slipped. They have been chatting as if they were regular friends. Commenting on Netflix TV shows whenever one was bored or had the time, recommending movies to watch or foods to try. Alexandria had never revealed anything about this person in the magazine. Clarke assumed that she was comfortable enough that Alexandria simply wrote it without much thought. Clarke finally saw that Alexandria was writing.  She was taking her time for sure. Clarke didn’t want to ruin the friendship she was building with this woman, Clarke enjoyed chatting with her. Neither revealed particularly personal information, and Clarke was okay with that, but now she didn’t know if she fucked up.

 **AlenxadriaBTS** : Hi bi, I’m gay.

And that was all it took for Clarke to burst in laughter, a laughter free of anger and hate. Authentic laughter had been missing from her life for too long. Alexandria was starting to become the bringer of light into her life.

 **Princess69** : dooooork. lmao.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I guess we have that in common, our past lovers are of the female kind :)

 **Princess69** : yeah, mine ended being a total asshole tho. Hope yours was better.

 **Alexandria** : She is the most amazing girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. It is my fault things ended. I’m not perfect but in my imperfection I found the one who made me be the best version of myself. My equal in all aspects.

 **Princess69** : sorry things didn’t work out. Anyway, I liked ur holiday issue very much <3

 **Alexandria** : Thank you, and can we keep this between us?

 **Princess69** : u mean between the sheets??? Loool, yeah it’s cool. U can trust me.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I do :)

 **Princess69** : plans for xmas?

 **AlexandriaBTS** : None, small dinner with my best friend. Probably will drag me out to one of those random parties.

Clarke tried to imagine Alexandria being dragged to a party.  It was obvious to her that the writer wasn’t the type to go wild.  She would call her conservative if she had to describe her.

 **Princess69** : yeah, my friends probs will do the same. It was a nice article for reals. ttyl.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Take care.

 

Curiosity was dangerous, and danger thrilled Clarke. She passed the page of her buddy Alexandria and reached the section where the one and only Lexa Woods wrote her piece. Her article was a full spread and the title in bold letters, ‘May We Meet Again by Lexa Woods,’ triggered too many painful memories. Clarke closed her eyes trying to shut down the screams in her head, the sound of bullets hitting flesh, and the blood, so much blood flowing like a river, deep red staining Lexa’s shirt.

Clarke snapped her eyes open focusing on the article and pushing aside the horror trapped in her mind.

Clarke began to read.

_“A year ago our city suffered a huge loss. It was a cold night filled with laughter and above anything love. A celebration where the students of TonDC High School had their Winter Formal...”_

Clarke read as Lexa described the incredible night they had, it had been a magical night for them both. Clarke couldn’t have been more in love with Lexa, and Lexa was in love with her. However, the woman had been strong keeping her at a distance. But Clarke had made sure to look as beautiful as she could to seduce her, to lure her into her arms and to conquer once and for all the woman who had been elusive to her.

A night that had ended with a kiss and tragedy.

 _“... We remember each of your names – Trina, Pascal, Atom, Dax, Charlotte, Jones, John Mbege, Deek, Roma, Diggs, Connor, Myles, Fox, Del, Bree, Glen, Derek and Wells – you are in our memories everyday,_ _and you are missed. May we meet again_.”

 

The tears fell on the magazine one after the other. Lexa’s words had been touching, offering comfort to the families and bringing hope after the tragic event.  She didn’t even mention the perpetrator, Finn Collins, nor her name. Lexa wrote about the special night all of her classmates celebrated in unison and happiness. This article was about remembering the ball and honoring those students, not to remind the population the name of the monster who did it and the girl who ended his life.

She was no hero. Nia insisted on calling her one, but she didn’t get it. Clarke was to blame for their deaths; Finn killed the 18 of TonDC because she dumped him.  She used him, and he was jealous. Raven was hurt and suffered permanent injuries because of her stupid games. Wells was killed because she decided to hang out with him that night. Lexa was shot, and Anya was almost killed.  All because of her.

Clarke was never going to forgive herself.

And yet, reading this article that promoted a message of peace and forgiveness, she remembered Lexa’s words _“Blood must have blood and Finn paid with his. Justice was served.”_

Clarke promised Lexa after that night to try to stop blaming herself, however, it was easier said than done. And a year later she still had nightmares about her bloody hands sinking the sharp object in Finn’s abdomen, and the fear of Lexa stepping in front of the gun ready to die.

 _Because of me_.

Clarke tried to calm her heartbeat.  She wiped the tears with the back of her hands and headed to the washroom. She splashed cold water on her face and washed her hands. Looking back at her reflection in the mirror on the wall she could see the redness and puffiness of her eyes. If Octavia saw her like that, she was going to make her friend worry again, and this was not the moment to do so. Clarke had to be strong.

 

 

The trip back home took Clarke a couple of hours. Octavia was babbling about the amazing parties that they were going to go during the holidays and how much fun they were going to have with their squad. Also, Octavia was pretty excited to spend the holidays with Raven, the couple had spent little time together since they began their studies.  The rare times they saw each other were far too short.

Clarke parked outside of Raven’s place and texted her friend to come downstairs. Octavia got out of the car anxiously waiting for her girlfriend. As soon as Raven reached the front door Octavia ran and hugged Raven with all the happiness in the world. Raven’s smile got wider, and she pulled O harder into her frame. The two girls were smiling and being all mushy with one another.

Once her friends became reacquainted, Clarke drove them back to her house.

 

“Welcome back honey!” Abby opened the door of the Griffin household. Clarke parked in the garage and met her mother with a kiss. Abby trapped her daughter in a crushing hug. “I missed you so much, Clarke. Welcome home baby.”

“I missed you too mom.”

“Hey Mrs. G, thanks for having us tonight.” Raven held Octavia’s hand, and the two girls followed Clarke inside the house.

The wonderful aroma of a homemade meal made their stomachs growl in anticipation. The Christmas decoration of her house was pretty simple. Her mother was busy at the hospital and of course, taking the time to decorate a house on her own was almost an impossible task. Still, the Christmas tree glowed with its red, blue and green lights. Small decorations hung from the branches and on the kitchen door a huge candy cane adorned the wood. It was simple but pretty. Little green and red stockings were on the living room and outside in the garden Clarke thought she saw a couple of reindeers lighting the porch.

“How are you doing girls? How has college life been treating you?” Abby asked the dynamic duo who were helping Clarke set the table while Abby pulled the turkey out of the oven.

“It’s intense, combining soccer practices with studies is hard.” Octavia said as she arranged the silverware.

“There are some boring classes too, not gonna deny that.” Clarke added.

“Yeah, that too. But it’s another thing being away from home on your own. I miss my bro and this cute wrench monkey here.” Octavia pecked Raven’s cheek making her blush.

“I missed you too.” Raven distributed plates, and Clarke helped with the beverages.

“And I missed you all. This house feels very silent without the three musketeers.” Abby brought  the different dishes of food. Once every plate, glass and cutlery was on the large table, the four women sat to eat.

Clarke was happy to be back after living in the dorm since summer. Tonight was special; she was back with her mother and had the best friends in the world at her side. The only thing missing was the one who broke her heart. That was the price to pay, she couldn’t be 100% happy. However, what she had at the moment was enough or at least had to be enough.

 

Later that night being back in her bedroom with her friends sleeping in the guest room, it was as if no time has passed. It felt like she was back in school and her friends were staying over after a big weekend party. Clarke was supposed to be blissful.  She was reunited with her mom, back in her bed and her bedroom that was just like she left it, but cleaner. Nonetheless she was still grieving the loss of her father, and the recently stirred memories of the TonDC shooting totally ruined that joy she was supposed to feel. Guilt was starting to creep again into her consciousness, and she needed a distraction. She took her phone from the nightstand and sent a quick text to Alexandria. It seemed that neither of them slept much because they tended to message each other late at night. It was another perk of being friends with the famous writer.  She could write her whenever she wanted and almost instantly she got a reply.

 **Princess69** : I’m conflicted. I hate my ex but is it normal to still be attracted to her?

She sent her question to the woman and put her phone back in place. She looked back at the ceiling, her hands entangled on top of her abdomen. She waited for a response, but none came. Her mind started to wander to Lexa instead of seeking sleep.

Green, green, green.

The damn color was stuck in her mind, and her wild curls were soft in her hands. Her senses could almost smell her and taste her.

“Fuck!” Clarke felt the pool of heat starting to drench her panties. Because she could feel it on her tongue now, the tangy taste of Lexa she had memorized, of her silent whimpers flooding her ears. Clarke inhaled and let the air out slowly through her trembling lips. Clarke closed her eyes, the vivid image behind her lids was glorious and perfect. She slid her hand under the waistband of her navy blue pajama lounge pants and met drenched cotton underneath.

“Fucking hell!”

Her fingers started to circle her clit, and her mind raced with images of Lexa kneeling in front of her sucking it, lapping with her tongue and eating her alive.

Clarke couldn’t take it anymore and pulled the material covering her sex.  She spread her legs wider and slid her fingers inside as she kept working her sensitive organ with her other hand.

Her breaths came out harsh and faster. She tugged her lower lip between her teeth keeping her moans to herself; she didn’t want her mother barging in her room and finding her in this compromising position.

“I. Hate. You!” Clarke breathed as she felt the muscles clamp around her fingers and the tension in her abs as the waves of her orgasm rippled through her body.

Minutes later after she came down from the high her eyelids started to close, the guilt of the dead was gone, only to be replaced with guilt for wanting someone she despised.

“Fuck you Lexa! Fuck. You.” Clarke snarked.

She wiped herself clean and put on new undies. She returned to bed, covered her body, and let sleep take her away from the ugly truth.

_________________________

Her breaths were harsh, intense, the drop of sweat that ran down between the valley of her breast sent a major tremor of arousal. Pushing deeper and faster, her phone bleeped in the distance. Lexa kept working herself harder, relentlessly, never stopping, it was around midnight, and she could only imagine who it was at this time.

“Not... now.... ah aaah... Princess69... I’m busy here.” Lexa gasped as her fingers plunged deeper and she bit her lip. “Claarke please...” Lexa begged as she closed her eyes and remembered how good it was, the way Clarke touched her intimately and took possession of her. Her marks all over her body, Clarke was not shy regarding sex, and she took and took and took. Lexa would give everything and anything for her.

The climax hit her hard, Lexa clenched her teeth drowning the name of her beloved. After a couple of minutes splayed in a bed too vast and bleak for her taste, she rolled on her side to check the phone.

As expected it was Princess69, however, the question was interesting. She knew that this girl’s ex had hurt her deeply, according to her follower she was a complete asshole. Lexa was not one to say if it was true or not, but if the girl still felt a physical connection that was going to make harder to forget whoever hurt the girl.

Lexa received a huge amount of fanmail asking these kind of questions. Cheating boyfriends, broken hearts, lonely girls. Every fan of her column had gone through one of these situations, and she tried to help them as much as she could, however, she had to admit that she had developed certain fondness for Princess69.  It propelled her desire to help this particular girl.

Okay that was utter bullshit. Princess69 reminded her of Clarke when in high school. That was the real reason.

 **AlexandriaBTS** :  Hate is a strong word, a strong feeling and that means what you felt for her was big if it translates into hate. Being attracted to someone even when you are no longer together is still part of letting go.

Lexa pulled the covers over her sweaty body, it was too cold and lonely. God, how she missed sharing her bed with someone else, feeling the body heat emanating from the other person, the warm skin keeping her sweltering and comfy at nights and during daylight feeling their hands roaming on her body. She missed it. She missed Clarke.

At least she could feel from afar the company of Princess69. Lexa wrote a reply trying to be as honest as she could.

 **AlexandraBTS** : My best friend would say to get underneath someone else’s body, to forget what it felt to be with them. I’m not sure that works, I can only advise you to be patient. Your feelings will fade away. Time is what you need. Don’t beat yourself for liking your ex, okay?

With that Lexa left the phone on her desk and went back to bed dreaming of blue.

 

 

Winter was full speed ahead. Snow covered completely the trees and houses of DC. A white that looked so pure that almost gave a celestial appearance to the city. Snow fell in small quantities.  The air was chilly, but a good jacket could keep you warm, The sun hid behind thick white clouds, and the eerie silence in the cemetery added to that atmosphere.

Today the students and authorities of TonDC High were reunited to commemorate the anniversary of the deaths of the 18 students who were killed last year. People were sitting in foldable chairs while Marcus Kane offered a speech. You could hear the sobs and cries of some attendees.

Lexa was sitting with Anya and Costia on the second row. The three women listened to words of remembrance and support to the families of each of the fallen kids and for those that survived that night.  Lexa looked at the tombstones thinking that she had been close to being one of them. Or Anya, who was very silent as Costia held her hand in comfort. Anya almost died too.  Her friend spent many days in the hospital while Lexa waited for news on her recovery. It had been difficult for all of them.

Lexa lifted her gaze and turned around, seeing through the sea of black and grey coats the faces of so many who had been there - Murphy, Monroe, Harper.  Other kids that weren’t in her class were also there. Her eyes scanned quickly the rest of the attendees until she found the color she was seeking, the yellow that shone like the sun. Clarke was sitting on the other side in chairs aligned with her inseparable friends Raven and Octavia. Clarke didn’t shed tears, but her face said it all. She needed her. Lexa could read her from afar because as much Clarke could see through her, Lexa could see through Clarke. And the girl was in need of her guidance and nourishment. However, this was not the time to do that. Or maybe never, she lost that right too probably.

Lexa blinked when she heard Marcus calling her.  She returned her attention to the Principal of the school where she worked last year.

“Miss Lexa Woods, another survivor and writer for ‘Polis Magazine’ has prepared some words. Marcus invited Lexa to come to the small podium.

 

Lexa fixed her tie and jacket as she walked to begin her speech.  She could feel all eyes on her, particularly the blue ones that made her heart sing.

“Thank you Principal Kane. Many of us sitting here today carry the physical and mental scars of that night. I can assure you I do too. As I wrote in my article we should celebrate the life of those who departed too soon, and those who stood valiantly against adversity, I say to you, we will thrive.” Lexa looked at the audience solemnly, scanning the young kids expressions that still hurt from the memories. “We have suffered enough, don’t beat yourself anymore.” Lexa’s eyes moved to Clarke. “We did what we had to do that night to protect our people. No more guilt.” The writer cleared her throat. “This poem was written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in 1932, she gifted us with her only poem that I dedicate to you today.

‘Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.’”

 

With that Lexa returned to her seat as Marcus offered his final words and thanked everyone from coming. The gathering started to scatter in a heavy silence, more tears and sobs could be heard, but it wasn’t as sorrowful as before.  It was as if a weight had been lifted from their minds and hearts.

“That was beautiful Lex.” Costia kissed Lexa’s cheek and hugged her. “I’m going to go ahead with Anya to the car.” Costia looked at the taller woman on her side, her face was as stern as Lexa’s. Sometimes Costia wondered if her two friends weren’t really sisters separated at birth because they acted alike so much. Costia remembered as if it was yesterday the shooting, the screams, Anya guiding the students to a safe place with Gustus and Indra. And then the boy, Finn, pointed the gun at them and started to shoot randomly, Anya shielded Costia as the bullet tore through her chest, the valiant woman fell on her knees as blood stained her suit. Costia had cried thinking the worst, thinking that she had lost Anya that night as well. Costia pushed away those thoughts. Anya needed her and glowering behind her shoulder she saw the younger blonde girl standing in front of a grave. “We’ll wait for you, take your time.” Costia patted Lexa’s shoulder encouragingly and made her way back to the parking lot with Anya.

 

Lexa took a deep breath before approaching Clarke again. Her steps were slow, tentative. Making sure that the blonde could see her approach miles away in case she didn’t want to meet her, giving plenty of time to Clarke to go away. She didn’t.

Lexa stopped beside her, her gloved hands inside her long black jacket pockets. The puffs of condensed air was the only manifestation that they were alive.

The brunette read the name on the tombstone - JAHA - the family name of Clarke’s friend who escorted her to the ball. Next her eyes moved to look closer at Clarke. The blonde was wearing a grey beanie covering the crown of her head and ears, her pink cheeks probably were due to the cold surrounding them. Lexa wanted to pull the girl into her arms to warm her, but touching a former student in front of these people was not a good idea.

“I understand.” Clarke was the first who broke the fine balance between them after several minutes in silence standing side by side. Her blue eyes aimed at her. “I understand why you did it.”

Lexa nodded, but didn’t say a word.  She was going to let Clarke say all the things she needed to say. This moment was about Clarke, letting her vent and Lexa was on the receiving end, whatever Clarke needed to say Lexa - hate, anger, remorse, pain - she could and would take it all.

Clarke looked at her hands, probably seeing the blood that haunted her nightmares to this day. “I would have done the same, probably.”

“I know.” Lexa curved her lips slightly.

Clarke faced Lexa again taking a step to meet Lexa’s gaze closely. “Doesn’t mean you have my forgiveness.” Her voice was soft like velvet, but it carried the bitterness that Lexa was already getting used to.

“What about you? Have you forgiven yourself, Clarke?”

“With Finn, I did what I had to do. Forgiveness? I’m not sure.”

Lexa sighed lowering her stare before meeting the hypnotizing blue. “I wish it had been me Clarke, the one to plunge the object in his heart, but it is done.”

“I know.”

Clarke closed the space between them and embraced Lexa tenderly, her arms pulling Lexa closer surrounding her arms and neck. Clarke hid her face in the crook of her neck, and the brunette could feel the humidity from silent tears that Clarke didn’t want the world to see. Lexa lifted her hands unsure, moving them afraid to disrupt this moment of understanding. Slowly she snaked her arms around Clarke’s waist and leaned the side of her head into Clarke’s blonde locks. She closed her eyes and let herself feel the warmth of Clarke, to take the generosity of the embrace, the compassion and kindness of the gesture.

This felt more like a truce than anything else, a cease to fire from both sides. Yes, Clarke was angry and bitter, but she also had come to comprehend the difficult decisions that both made. Lexa let her walls down.  She pressed closer to the girl offering the only thing she could, her acceptance. Being selfish and having Clarke to herself for the briefest of moments, forgetting about the rest of the world, ignoring reality. It was just Lexa and Clarke.

Whether they could be forgiven or not, that's another story.

For now, this was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby steps. The road is long but they'll hopefully get there.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Tana


	7. Chapter 7

There was a cryptic silence in the office; the accustomed vibrant rhythm on the 12th floor of the ‘Polis Magazine’ building was missing. The majority of the employees were at the company’s Christmas party. For Lexa, it was another day at the office to write to her fans and followers, check the blog and advance on the final draft of her upcoming debut book. Besides, Christmas had no meaning to her. Christmas meant a call to her parents to wish them a happy holiday which was stressful enough for her. Even after all these years her father was still not used to having a lesbian daughter.  Her mother had begun to accept her throughout the years, but there was still distance between them. She wasn’t looking forward to Christmas at all. Besides this year had been shitty enough, she lost Clarke who was the center of her world. She couldn’t celebrate her birthday, couldn’t be there for her during the anniversary of Jake Griffin’s death, much less be able to celebrate Christmas with the blonde.

Shitty year indeed.

 

Lexa was typing when she took a peek at the bracelet on her wrist that Clarke gave her last Christmas. The pattern was nice, and the colors were sober but pretty, the word _Heda_ clearly legible on the accessory. Lexa returned her focus to the computer screen avoiding giving much thought to how happy she had been that day with Clarke, exchanging gifts and being simply in love with each other.

The ding of the elevator was the only sound that interrupted the clicking of the mouse and fingertips hitting the keyboard. Lexa stopped writing and waited to see who was wandering onto her empty floor at this time of night since everyone was supposed to be at the party on the 7th floor exchanging gifts and drinking.

The door to her office was opened after a couple of knocks, and the first thing that Lexa noticed was the bright hazel eyes and then the wide smile aimed at her. Tanned skin covered by a dark strapless cocktail dress that reached right above her knees and brown wavy hair that was a tad longer than shoulder length.

“And here I was wondering where was Lexa Woods.”

Lexa stood from her desk. “The bastard from the north is back. I’m glad to see you’re finally here, Ontari.”

The hazel-eyed girl walked and hugged the writer after leaving a kiss on her cheek. “Yes, it’s been a long time, and you should stop watching Game of Thrones, seriously. When we talked on the phone, I told you I was going to be here for the holidays though I was expecting a warmer welcome.” The smooth tanned skin had the marks of a bikini top on her shoulders meaning Ontari had spend some time under the sun. “Why are you stuck here? The party is not so bad, you know?”

Lexa offered Ontari a chair and returned to her previous place. “I know, but as my book editor you should know I like to comply with deadlines.” Lexa started to type again as she made small talk with her editor and friend Ontari Snow. Dante Wallace recommended her as an editor once she got the book deal. They met in Los Angeles where Ontari currently worked, and things clicked instantly between them. Ontari was around her young age, but she had vision, offered quick feedback and was honest; it was easy to see why she was known as a beast in the editorial world. It was that raw brashness that appealed to Lexa.

The editor smiled scanning the expression of her friend. “True, so far I have no complaints. You’ve been writing nonstop, and as I reviewed your first draft, I think you’re doing a pretty good job at it.” Ontari smoothed her skirt to sit with her right leg crossed on top of her left. “I made some important contacts in Europe while I was on vacation, but I will brief you later.” The dark-eyed woman propped her elbow on the desk and cupped her face looking intently at Lexa.

“I’m still worried about your protagonist Lexa.”

“And why is that?” Lexa asked unconcerned.

“Because you’re pouring too much of yourself into her. I’ve read your draft a million times, and I can feel your pain in her Lexa.” Ontari expressed thoughts with her hands which allowed her passion and ideas to become alive and clear. “You need to separate her from you, she’s miserable because her love interest moved on, or at least is trying. She’s struggling to find her footing because the love of her life is with another. And I know you’re projecting your fears, which makes a good angsty story and great drama, but I need a resolution Lexa. Your writing is becoming sloppy because you can’t find an exit to the angst as long as you’re struggling to find your own outcome.”

Lexa stopped typing and reclined in her leather chair.  She brought her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose and a loud sigh escaped her lips. “I’m trying here Ontari.”

“I know but your writing needs to be less about you and more about your two lovebirds and how their forbidden relationship is not going to stop the way they feel for one another. How keeping their relationship between the sheets is an obstacle to be free of the shackles of their forbidden romance. Your characters are suffering because you have not set them free.”

Lexa shrugged, trying to come up with a proper answer. This story was all about her inner frustrations coming to life, to at least let a fictional character have the happy ending she couldn’t have. “I don’t think I can cut myself from her Ontari.”

Ontari nodded, she licked her pink lips thinking about her next question. “Fine, just make sure to step up your game. However, I think this has to do with your own forbidden love. Any advances on your secret crush?”

Lexa perched her brow eyeing Ontari momentarily before returning her eyes to the computer screen. “I don’t have a secret crush Ontari.”

Ontari’s lips opened wider until her white teeth were exposed. “You’re as broody as ever my sexy writer. I guess no advances then. Which again opens the possibility of my offer.”

“I already told you, I’m not interested in a one-night stand. We were going to keep this professional between us, remember?”

“Yes, sadly. Just a little reminder that if you want a booty call, I’m in town. I like you, you like me, no strings attached and it’s fun for both. It’s a win-win situation Lexa, and you know I don’t mind sharing.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, her lips curved in amusement. “Anya would totally be on board, not me.”

“Sometimes seeking comfort might help too, you know? Whatever you do Lexa, I need you to get your shit together and move the story forward.  You’re stuck in the damn angst. Like how fucked up is it that the love interest is sleeping with her new boyfriend while thinking of her old flame? Girl I need you to get laid or something because your readers won’t tolerate the angst for too long. You’re killing me with the awful decisions your protagonist is making!”

Lexa snorted. “It’s not that bad Ontari.”

Ontari glared at Lexa, her dark brown eyes narrowed. “Lexa trust me, it’s bad.”

“Geez, fine I’ll review it again.”

“Good enough. Now, speaking of Anya, we should totally go out and have fun. I’ll be here working with you on the book, and then I’m back to LA to finish the editing.”

Lexa nodded. “Anya would love to talk to you.  She’s been lowkey pining for my ex and it’s been torture watch her like this.”

Ontari pulled her brown locks behind her ear and laced her fingers resting her hands on her lap. “Lexa, you’re highkey pining for that crush of yours, every time I read your ‘Between the Sheets’ it's so obvious you’re still hooked. Anya and you need to get their shit together.”

Ontari stood up and rounded the desk; she tilted Lexa’s chin up and pecked her lips. “It was lovely seeing you Lexa, now I’m back to the party.”

“Have fun.”

Ontari moved her hand to her ear showing her thumb and pinky finger. “Call me,” and the brunette was gone.

 

Lexa sighed slowly, the air leaving her lungs at a slow pace before she filled them again with fresh air.

Ontari was damn sexy, successful and a great listener. The perfect catch. In another universe Lexa could have fallen in love with Ontari, or maybe she could have married Costia. Who really knew what would have happened if she hadn’t met Clarke.

Lexa had been lucky meeting wonderful women who had helped shape who she was today. Anya, one of the most important influences in her teen years, and then Clarke who showed her how to be more open and trustful. Too bad things didn’t end fairy tale style with her and Clarke. The only consolation she had was that Clarke was safe.

Lexa returned her attention to her work answering some tweets from fans before resuming work on her book. The clock kept ticking as night progressed.  In a couple of days they would be celebrating Christmas, and Anya was already preparing their usual dinner in their new home. At least she could enjoy a bit of the holiday spirit thanks to her best friend. They really needed to spend some quality time together and speak frankly to one another.  Sometimes she could feel a bit of resentment from Anya, and Lexa imagined that had to do with Costia.

Another ding coming from the hall alerted Lexa of another presence in the 12th floor. After knocking on the door Ryder came in.

“What is it Ryder?” Lexa pinched her nose and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, sitting for several hours in front of a computer screen drained her sometimes.

“Excuse me boss, someone left this for you at the reception desk earlier in the day.”

Lexa frowned and stood up to take the colorful Christmas bag. “Thank you Ryder.”

The big man tipped his head and immediately left her office. Lexa found a tag hanging from the bag. Lexa sat back down to open the bag. Inside the gift bag there was a bottle of red wine with a red ribbon tied lovingly around the neck of the bottle. Lexa left the gift on her desk and read the tag containing a short message.

 _“I think I owed you a bottle of wine, didn’t I??? Have a wonderful Xmas! xoxo, Princess69.”_ Lexa read the message, and her reaction was to smile from ear to ear.

Lexa took her cellphone and unlocked it, she clicked the familiar bird app and went to her messages.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Thank you for the gift. I’ll make sure to open it on Christmas Eve and drink on your behalf.

 

Lexa stashed her phone in her bag and shut down her computer. She planned on briefly stopping at the Christmas party before going back home. Maybe the holiday mood will reach her if she hangs out with her co-workers.

Lexa left everything in order on her desk and made her way to the elevator. Her phone bleeped and when she checked the notification she chuckled.

 **Princess69** : cool. Happy to hear you got it ;D

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I’m going to the office party now. Not a big fan but I guess I have to spend some quality time with my peers.

 **Princess69** : that sounds like more fun than hearing your best friends have loud sex again.

Lexa smiled as the lift opened up.  She boarded and pushed the button for the 7th floor.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Your friends do that??? Mine too. We’ve got some stuff in common!

 **Princess69** : lol totally. I assume you’re not getting any action then, huh? Me neither btw, just cos I have a 69 in my username doesn’t mean shit. I get to do zero 69’s. Maybe I should get back in the game.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Haha yes, that sounds about right. Maybe we both need to move on, but it’s hard when you have someone else in your heart. Got to go, party time :)

 **Princess69** : enjoy that party for me, pls??? take care xx

Maybe she could enjoy the party after all. Princess69 caused her to feel lighter, even less sad. After all the crap she had endured this year, Princess69 was the bright spot that held her together and made her smile. This friendship was something she was definitely glad to have.

 

 

A day before Christmas Eve, Lexa and Anya had everything ready for their dinner tomorrow night, and the duo could finally relax now. Not that Lexa was stressed out, but Anya tended to get extra annoying for the holiday season. Anya was a perfectionist, and Lexa couldn’t expect less from her friend.

Lexa had invited Ontari to spend some time with her and Anya at ‘The Dropship’ where they could drink, eat and chat about anything other than work.  It was a clear day, cold outside but pretty. The coffee shop was adorned with beautiful Christmas lights blinking on the windows.  Inside the shop the decorations matched the Christmas motif with candy canes, tiny elves and Christmas hats. Now that the school kids were on holiday break, the coffee shop wasn’t bursting at the seams with young noisy students, and the adults could comfortably enjoy the warm ambiance.

 

The three women chatted comfortably at a table in the back. Eating pastries and telling anecdotes that were fun and enjoyable to share among friends. Anya always had interesting stories about her students, and Lexa always had a story about some fan messages that made her blush madly or laugh, depending the case.

Ontari couldn’t help but notice the slight tension between the two almost sisters. And of course she had a good guess about the source.

“Let’s be honest, what is this mess you two are in?” Ontari sipped her Frappuccino and licked her lips. “You’re into Lexa’s ex.” Ontari eyed Anya, then she pointed at Lexa, “and you’re pinning for mystery girl. When are you going to fix this disaster you have on your hands?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Ontari, this is not a topic I would like to discuss.”

“And that’s the issue. You need to open up Lexa. How are you going to move on if you don’t talk about it?” Ontari asked.

“She won’t get over it, this dweeb even bought her a present.” Anya grinned seeing Lexa’s ears turning red. “Romeo here is waiting for a chance to give it to her though.”

“Shut up Anya. I’m not… I don’t think… shit.”

Ontari giggled. “That is so cute Lexa, you have to give it to her.”

“She won’t want it, probably.” Lexa shrugged and finished her cup of tea.

Her phone bleeped, and as Lexa checked the message, a small smile tugged at her lips.

 **Princess69** : it’s fucking cold today. My damn nipples are hard af.

“Oh man here we go again.” Anya rolled her eyes and took a sip of her coffee looking at her best friend chat with her secret fan.

“Shut up, Anya.” Lexa quickly typed a message.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Nothing that a good cup of hot tea can’t solve :D

 **Princess69** : even erect nips? XD

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Yes, there are other things I could recommend but I don’t think they are suitable for public audiences.

 **Princess69** : lmao, ok. I’ll stick w coffee. Hmm I wonder what else you have up your sleeve, writer ;D

“Lexa has been chatting with this Princess for some time.” Anya told Ontari who was curious about Lexa’s text conversation. “She told me it was a fan who needed her, but for some reason I think it is the other way around. Lexa is getting into very friendly territory if you ask me.”

“She’s just a friend, Anya. Gosh, you’re always thinking things that are not! Just like with Costia!” Lexa blurted out, not her initial intention, but the words came out.

Anya clenched her jaw at the mention of this very sensitive topic for her. This was their golden apple of discord.

“Look,” Lexa huffed running her fingers through her hair, “I’m going to get another tea before we go. Excuse me.” The brunette stood up and went to the line to place her order.

“And there she goes, Lexa always finds ways to avoid talking about blondie or the mystery chatter.” Anya let out a long frustrated sigh, she ran her delicate fingers through her long mane, pushing her hair back behind her shoulder.

“And what about you?” The brunette propped her elbow on the table and leaned on the table to look at the pensive woman drinking her coffee.

“I can’t compete with Lexa. Costia still loves her, and I’m just her loyal friend. I don’t want to make things awkward between us.” Anya admitted.

Ontari tilted her head and frowned. “Compete? Lexa is head over heels for her crush. I don’t think there needs to be any kind of competition between you two. Have you ever mentioned this to Lexa?”

Anya shook her head. “Not worth it. Nothing is going to happen anyways.”

“Shit, you two are the most closed up, stubborn sisters in the world. Why are you afraid to tell Costia how you feel? Talk to Lexa too.”

Lexa didn’t give time to Anya to reply before she was back from the cashier.

“Order should be ready in a couple of minutes. Thanks so much for joining us Ontari, seriously.” Lexa offered a small smile to the brunette.

“You know I love hanging out with you guys. When Costia comes back I would love to do this again.” Ontari offered a sincere smile to the two women.

“Commander!” The barista called.

“Okay let me get that, and I’ll walk you to your car Ontari.” Lexa went to pick up her order while Anya and Ontari grabbed their purses.

Ontari and Anya headed to the entrance to wait for Lexa. “Commander?”

“Yeah, that’s a story for another day.” Anya smirked.

 

Lexa joined them a minute later with her steaming cup in her hand. The three women made their way to the door. Lexa was going to pull the door open to let her friends out as the gentlewoman she was when someone pushed the door to get inside almost bumping into her.

“Whoops sorry.”

“No, it’s o… Clarke?” Lexa met blue eyes staring back at her in surprise.

“Lexa.” Clarke said, eyeing the company of the writer. Recognizing Anya with a nod and a frown when she noticed the pretty brunette a step behind Lexa.

“Hi.” Lexa managed to say and of course, Ontari noticed the slight change. A smile crept on her lips.

“Blondie huh?” Ontari quipped her eyebrows looking at Anya then back at the young girl. “I see.”

Lexa ignored Ontari and focused on the blonde girl. Her puffy red cheeks and lips seemed a bit colorless, probably from the cold outside. Clarke always looks pretty. Today she had her hair in a half-up ponytail, a blue scarf around her neck, below a black and blue jacket and those jeans that hugged her curves to perfection, complementing her look with black boots. Clarke always was on point.

Lexa slapped herself mentally because she was staring like a perv. “Clarke, what are you—“

“Apologies for the delay Clarke, this call took me longer than expected.“

“Quinn?” Lexa turned pale as soon as she saw the tall blonde woman who made her blood boil in anger that amplified as she approached Clarke. Nia had referred to Clarke in a friendly way, almost like close friends. It was like they had been acquainted for some time. Lexa clenched her jaw and took a step blocking Nia’s path.

“What are you doing here?” Lexa growled.

Nia realized to her astonishment who was also in the coffee shop. Not the conditions that Nia had hoped, but this might as well work in her favor. “Woods, what a coincidence. What? Can’t I come here and have a coffee with my friend?”

“What? Friends?” Lexa looked from Nia to Clarke and back to the older writer.

Clarke shrugged matter of factly. “Yeah.”

Lexa’s mouth opened slightly, she was shaking her head in disbelief. “You two know each other? Since when!?”

Nia circled her arm around Clarke’s shoulders in a gesture of camaraderie. “This is a small world, the hero of TonDC also knows you? And here I thought I had an exclusive interview.” Nia chuckled, her shoulders shaking slightly with her laughter.

 

Ontari noted the rigid spine of the brunette and took Lexa’s hand in hers to give her comfort. Ontari offered a top model smile to both women in greeting, eyeing particularly the short girl. “Who is this pretty friend of yours Lexa, if I may ask?”

“I’m Clarke.”

Ontari smiled politely and analyzed the girl in front of her. Clarke had a tight-lipped expression, her blue eyes were piercing, examining her from head to toe, carefully, alert to every detail. Clarke was observant, and Ontari liked that.

“Nice to meet you Clarke. I’m Ontari.” The brunette winked, moving much closer to Lexa on purpose. “Anyway, we have to go. Have a great day Clarke.”

Lexa was still speechless, the deep frown meant she was drowning in speculation and angry thoughts, her rigid frame evidence that she was uncomfortable, even sullen, so Anya interjected giving a slight push to her friend on her shoulder.

“Good seeing you Griffin. Take care.” Anya walked out first.  Ontari hooked her arm with Lexa’s to guide her outside of the coffee shop as Clarke watched how close that Ontari chick was to Lexa.

Lexa walked in silence back to the parking lot. She couldn’t believe this situation, her worst nightmares coming true. Nia and Clarke were friends; the blonde had no idea the kind of woman Nia was. However, she couldn’t go back and drag Clarke away. She had to speak with the blonde alone and warn her. The question was how could she speak with her when Clarke wanted nothing to do with her?

“Lexa? Something wrong?” Ontari turned around to check on her friend before opening her door to get inside her car.

“Don’t worry Ontari. Drive safely.” Lexa moved on to her car, and Anya followed closely behind knowing that Lexa was anything but okay.  Nonetheless this was not the place to talk about it, Maybe when they got back to the apartment it would be time to sit down and finally try to talk about the rift that was forming between them before it gets bigger.

_________________

“Let’s go Clarke.” Nia’s voice took her out of her reverie.

“You know Lexa?” Clarke removed her scarf once she was inside the warmth of the coffee shop. Alexandria was right, a hot cup of coffee might help her with her strained nipples, because she was effing cold, particularly her soul after seeing Lexa with that brunette.

“Yes, we were competitors while I worked at ‘Polis’ before she was promoted over me. The brunette I suppose is her girlfriend. They look like a cute couple.” Nia smiled seeing the tension in the jaw of the college student. “And you know Lexa as well?”

Clarke remembered that day in the art classroom when Lexa announced to her the she got the job at the magazine. Lexa had been over the moon, and Clarke was ecstatic for her then secret girlfriend. She would have been there for Lexa every step of the way, but things were different now. Lexa left her for her career, Clarke understood that Lexa left her to let her fulfill her own dreams as well.  But still, the betrayal hurt like a bitch. Still hurts.

“Uh yeah, She taught me language arts English when I was in my senior year. Miss Forrest, the blonde with Lexa, was my World History teacher.”

Nia laughed, but her laughter was void of life and eerie, and she had noticed how affected Clarke was by seeing Lexa with that new girl on her arm. This was the moment to use that bitterness to get what she needed. “What a small world. I bet you have great memories from school.”

“Yeah, some I guess.” Clarke placed her order and took a seat at a table close to the window. Her heart was in pain, she felt discarded, replaced by Lexa, she let the anger simmer.

Nia took out her recorder and pressed the red button. “Tell me a little bit about your days as a student Clarke. Was English class interesting? I’m very curious how someone as stoic as Woods could be teaching high school kids?”

Clarke smiled sadly at the memory of her first time meeting Lexa. She had been late for class thinking Ms. Rivers was in the classroom; little did she know that the beauty of deep green eyes and pretty chestnut curls was going to be her teacher. And hot damn, her threatening voice was fucking scary and unexpectedly arousing. Nonetheless, what Clarke found most interesting about Lexa was her passion. Clarke knew right then and there that Lexa Woods was going to rock her world.

“Yeah, you have no idea. Miss Woods was the best substitute teacher I had the honor to meet and the biggest liar there is…”

 

 

After spending some time with Nia to finish the interview, Clarke took out her phone and texted her friends. She was sullen, utterly crushed that Lexa had been able to move on. Lexa was hers, how in the world could Lexa be with anyone but her? To forget her so damn quickly with that hot brunette. Clarke wanted payback.  She wanted anyone who could make her forget, anybody, man or woman, Clarke didn’t care; she just needed someone who could fill this void inside her soul. A moment of human connection, maybe even intimacy, was what she needed.

 **Wanheda** : we are totally going to Monty’s party 2nite.

Clarke sent the message before she turned on the engine of her car. Her head spinning with wild ideas to find a way to numb this awful pain.

 **Pocahontas** : I thought u didn’t want to go to the massive orgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Wanheda** : we are. I think Echo mentioned her cousin was going too.

 **Pocahontas** : mmm rekindling some old flame, Clarkey??? ;)

 **Wanheda** : idk, I just wanna have some fun O. Tell Bell that I’ll drive you back home.

 **ZeroGRay** : shit I have to be @ shop til late. I’ll meet you at the party then losers.

 **Wanheda** : k, O meet me at my place and we meet Raven @ Monty’s.

 **Pocahontas** : gotcha, c ya 2nite bby.

 **ZeroGRay** : sure O, love ya.

Now that the plans were all set for tonight, she drove home.

 

She had been spending the holidays with her mom and going back and forth to Raven’s place. Octavia was staying with her brother Bellamy, but most of the time the three friends stayed with Clarke or at Raven’s. Their company was what kept her mind busy during the day and at night she had Alexandria. She always found being alone at night the most difficult because the memories always were there to haunt her. When the memories overwhelmed her, she would seek out Alexandria. That woman was simply amazing.  She let her ramble at night; it didn’t matter if it was late, and she would give her words of comfort and acceptance. On occasion, she made her laugh which was a feat nowadays. Alexandria was starting to become someone important. Clarke had no idea what was developing between them, but she was starting to feel this rush of excitement whenever she texted with the writer.  It was special.

Clarke noticed the eerie silence in her home, her mom must be at the hospital. Clarke grabbed a package of red Twizzlers from the kitchen and went upstairs to her bedroom. Clarke plopped on her bed. Clarke quickly texted her mom to let her know she was going to party tonight with her friends so that she wouldn’t worry. Next, Clarke flicked the bedside lamp on and flipped on the TV to watch Netflix while she tried to forget the way Ontari stood right beside Lexa, how her hand grasped Lexa’s hand.

This was going to be a long night if Clarke didn’t get herself under control.  Lexa didn’t deserve anything from her, certainly not the burning sensation in the pit of her stomach or the bile rising in her throat.

 

 

When the veil of night fell upon the city, it was time to head to Monty’s place. Clarke had been pre-gaming with Octavia for a while talking and discussing random topics.

When the hour to get dressed came, Octavia advised Clarke on the best combinations of clothes to get her laid tonight. In the end Clarke opted for a low cut shirt and jeans that hugged her ass tightly. Her hair was loose, and her makeup was on point. Octavia gave her a thumbs up once the blonde was ready, and the two headed to the car so Clarke could take them to Monty’s place.

 

The music could be heard a couple of blocks away from the big house. Clarke went wild at last year’s party, not that she was intending to get drunk tonight, she just wanted to have some light fun.  If she could get under someone else’s body, that would be a big bonus.

The two girls walked through the entrance and met several familiar faces. Octavia and Clarke greeted Monroe and Harper who were in the living room playing beer pong. Next they headed into the kitchen to meet Jasper and Monty.

As expected the two boys were mixing some drinks. Monty was pouring some plastic cups and Jasper was adding god knows what into the mix.

“Hey hey hey. Where is the third musketeer?” Jasper offered two cups with a crooked smile on his face. “You gotta taste this.  It’s pretty strong but amazing.”

“Raven will be here later.” Octavia accepted the cup and took a tentative sip. By the twist of her face, it was clear she disliked the beverage. “Ugh! This is really strong Jasper, you wanna kill us?”

Monty laughed. “Told ya!”

Jasper shook his head. “No one appreciates my efforts. Gimme one sec and I’ll improve it.”

Clarke also took a short sip. “Fuck, this almost burns a hole in my throat. No thanks.” Clarke left the plastic cup on the kitchen counter. She pulled a stool and took a look around. “Nice decorations Monty.”

The house was filled with candy canes, elf hats, snowflakes and lots of colorful lights blinking on and off. Clarke noticed a couple of mistletoes hanging around the house.  If you weren’t careful, you might end up kissing the wrong person.

“Thanks,” Monty scratched his neck shyly. “Miller gave me a hand.”

“Yeah and more than that.” Jasper joked getting a slap on his arm by Octavia.

“Don’t be an idiot Jasper. Miller is cute.”

“Way to go Monty!” Clarke cheered and laughed seeing the Asian boy’s reaction.

 

“This is the booze headquarters.” A voice cut the laughter as she made her way into the kitchen. “And I think you remember these nerds.”

“Hey Echo.” Octavia waved at the taller woman who was clearly accompanied by someone very familiar.

“Hi Luna.” Clarke stood up from her chair to greet the marine biology student from UCLA. “It’s been a while.”

“It has Clarke. But you look amazing as usual.” Luna eyed Clarke from head to toe. Clarke met Luna with a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug. “Visiting your family for the holidays I presume.”

“Yep, my little cousin here invited me to the party since we were bored at home. I’m glad I came.”

“Me too.” Clarke smiled and dragged Luna to the dance floor.

________________

Lexa was pacing like a caged animal inside her apartment. She wanted to go to Nia, to warn her to back off and stay away from Clarke, but that would be giving too much away. Nia had her suspicions since she witnessed her fight with Anya outside her old house several months ago. Nia had been the one to tip Dr. Griffin on her affair with her daughter that resulted in the decision to leave Clarke. Even without evidence Nia could do 2+2, and she has been on her trail ever since. Lexa had kept all information about Nia to herself carrying that fear alone, but she couldn’t do this anymore. She had to share this burden.

 

Anya was sitting on the couch trying to read, but apparently that was not going to happen when Lexa was acting irrationally again.

“Lexa stop for fuck’s sake. You’re going to make a damn hole in the carpet.” Anya quipped keeping her eyes on the book.

Lexa strained her neck, moving it to one side then the next. “You don’t get it Anya. Nia is dangerous.  She’s the one who tipped Clarke’s mom, the one who has been trying to destroy me since I began at ‘Polis’. Clarke has no idea what she’s doing.”

“Clarke is none of your business anymore Lexa. You left her, remember? So what that bitch Nia does is not your problem.”

Lexa stopped her pacing to look at Anya, her brows furrowed, and her anger was bubbling slowly to the surface. “Nia will use Clarke to destroy me! I thought it had been Costia who tipped Abby, but it was damn Nia. That woman can’t be with Clarke!”

“Why are you telling me this now Lex? It’s been months.”

“Sure Anya, if I had told you that I suspected Costia was the snitch, you would have punched the fuck out of me again!”

“Griffin is nothing but trouble Lexa. Stay away from her! Maybe you should give Ontari a chance instead, and let others live their life.”

Lexa balled her hands into fists.  This discussion was starting to heat up, and it was going to end badly.

“Yes, I said it. You left Griffin and for good reason, now let her live her fucking life, and you move on with yours!” Anya dropped the book on the table and stood up. “You stopped living your life and worry about that _girl_ all the time. She’s making new friends, let her.”

“Yes, but at least I’m doing something, not like you!” Lexa spat pointing her finger at her friend. “You’re just hiding behind random strangers every damn night!”

Anya rested her hands on her hips, her gaze on Lexa. “Fuck you Lexa. What do you expect me to do, huh? You have no idea the wreckage you left behind cause you only have eyes for fucking Griffin!” Anya raised her voice and walked towards Lexa’s personal space. “I had to deal with your mess. Costia was left broken. She came to me crying from a hurting soul because the woman she thought was the love of her life fucking lied to her!”

“I already apologized Anya, you know I didn’t do this on purpose!”

“Yeah but you destroyed Costia. How do you expect me to deal with that? When all she does is for you, you fucking moron! You asked your ex to keep an eye on Clarke, who does that crap?” Anya shoved Lexa hard on the shoulder making her back track a step. “How can I compete with your damn memories when all you do is keep the flame alive! I love her, but I can’t do shit because you won’t let her go!” Anya shoved Lexa again harder this time. Lexa stood her ground, clenched jaw and eyes hard on the hazel of the taller woman. They were one more shove away from punching the fuck out of each other, but Lexa gritted her teeth “Are you done?”

“Yeah, I’m done.” Anya bumped Lexa in shoulder when she walked past her to on her way to her bedroom.

Lexa let out a long painful sigh. She heard the strenuous sound Anya made when she slammed her bedroom door shut.  The adrenaline was pumping in her veins, and Lexa wanted to punch something or someone.  Instead she walked to the kitchen pantry. She needed a drink.

 

This all went to hell really fast. She listened to Anya’s angry words, and it had hurt her. Anya had every right to hate her because she really did fuck up Costia. Not her intention but still, and she didn’t take into account Anya’s feelings even though she knew Anya was in love with her ex. Anya had been there for her all this time and not once had Lexa taken the time to ask her best friend and almost sister how she was feeling.

“I’m really an ass.” Lexa needed cool air.  She was hotheaded, and Anya was as well. They were similar with strong personalities that melded well together in sync, but right now they were going to do more harm than good if they didn’t cool down before talking again. Lexa took her car keys from the coffee table and went to the parking lot.

Her mustang was awaiting for her in her parking spot. It was pretty late at night, and she thought a drive around the city was going to help her a bit.

 

Thankfully traffic at this time of night wasn’t as heavy so she could drive around for hours trying to put her life in perspective and her terrible decisions. She had wounded not just Clarke but also Anya and Costia. People who had been there for her and in return she had isolated herself and carried the burden alone, not thinking about the consequences of her actions and how wrong she had been.

Anya was her best friend in the whole world; she was the first one who offered her a place to stay while the disaster with Clarke exploded. The first one to put her in her place for being an idiot. In return, Anya had been carrying not just her burden but Lexa’s as well, and Lexa didn’t even consider it. She took her friendship for granted, and now she knew how crappy of a friend she had been.

 

Lexa turned around at the next intersection when she caught the young mechanic trying to hail a cab. She drove to the car shop and stopped near the dark-haired mechanic.

“Hey Raven. Let me take you home.” Lexa offered through the window.

“I’m not going home, Commander. Actually I’m trying to get to Monty’s.” Raven put her hands inside the pockets of her red jacket.

“Oh, I have nothing else to do. I’ll drive you.”

“You sure?” Raven arched her brow, skepticism in her tone.

“Yes. Not a problem.”

Raven shrugged and got inside the car she loved. “Okay it’s at 3800 52nd Street Northwest.” Raven instructed, but Lexa hit the brakes suddenly. “Woah what the hell?”

“I know that place.” Lexa remembered the desperate voice of Clarke calling her, telling her she needed her help. “I uh, I picked up Clarke there last year.” Lexa finally put the car back in motion.

Raven tilted her head. “I had no idea. You rescued Clarkey huh? That night had been crazy for all of us. Thanks for being there for her.” Raven commented, not meeting Lexa’s gaze.

“You’d do the same for her.” Lexa simply stated, keeping her eyes on the road as she maneuvered her car around the streets of DC.

“Yeah but I didn’t, neither did O. She needed us, and we weren’t there for her. You were Lexa. So thanks.”

Lexa didn’t add anything. That was a lot coming from Raven Reyes, and she wasn’t going to ruin that too.

 

The drive had been rather smooth the rest of the way. Lexa and Raven talked a little bit, nothing too serious, but it was good to have someone else to talk about general stuff.

The music reverberated through the windows of her car, and she drove down the street to reach the house filled with college kids at this ungodly hour.

Lexa found a parking spot in front of the house and killed the engine. She took a quick glance at the place. Her heart started to beat in anticipation because she knew that if Raven was here, her other two friends were waiting inside the house. And she needed to speak with Clarke.

“Thanks for the ride Commander. I do love this car of yours.”

“Yes, you have stated as much Raven.” Lexa unlocked the car to let the Latina girl out of the vehicle.

“You know?” Raven leaned on the passenger car door, “she’s in there. Maybe you should talk.” Raven winked and made her way to the house.

Lexa squeezed the steering wheel wondering if it was wise to go inside and speak with Clarke. She opened the glove box and took out the small package enveloped in dark green Christmas wrap.

“You have to start somewhere.” She breathed in and gathered her courage to go inside the house. Lexa locked her car and walked towards the house storing the present inside the pocket of her leather jacket.

 

The music was a bit deafening, but nothing she hadn’t experienced before. Lexa made a quick sweep with her eyes looking for the familiar luminous hair that attracted her like pollen attracted bees.

She moved past some kids shouting around a table where a group of college students were playing cards. She kept walking until she reached the back of the house. It seems upstairs was off-limits. She really didn’t want to look for Clarke upstairs and find her in bed with someone else. Instead she opted to go to the patio where some boys were shooting each other with Nerf guns. Lexa walked past them and in the corner around a bush there was her heart with another girl.

 _Luna._ Lexa recalled.

Still that wouldn’t stop her, she had to speak and warn Clarke. She moved with her usual silent grace, her eyes fixed on the girl who was whispering things into Clarke’s ear, touching her here and there, subtle but with undertones of flirting. Lexa wished she could murder Luna, but Clarke wasn’t hers.

Not anymore, maybe never again.

 

Clearing her throat enough to be heard she finally broke the intimate moment between Clarke and her fuck buddy from hell. “Hello Clarke.”

“No way!” The brunette exclaimed when she raised her face away from Clarke and took a step back recognizing the murderous green eyes of the chestnut-haired woman who she met last year.

Lexa narrowed her eyes. Luna had been Clarke’s something, and Lexa had hated it with every fiber of her being.  She had a lot of issues with Clarke being with this girl again, but she couldn't express her discontent and ruin the little progress she had made with Clarke.  Instead she kept her mouth shut. “Sorority girl, I see you’re back in town.”

Luna smiled awkwardly, still holding Clarke’s hand. “Yep, DC has something special that the west coast doesn’t have.” Luna already knew the kind of murderous vibes Lexa gave off, and she really didn’t want to step in her way, but a little prodding wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Lexa took the challenge and took a step forward getting into Luna’s personal space. “And what that might be?”

“Lexa, what the hell are you doing here, you stalking me?” Clarke jeered crossing her arms with a stern expression in place, stepping between Luna and Lexa. The blonde really wanted to avoid any kind of disturbance at her friends’ party.

“We need to talk.” She glanced again at the brunette. “In private.”

“Luna um, sorry about that. Can you get me a drink, please? I’ll meet you later.” She offered an apologetic smile, kissed Luna’s cheek and strolled back into the house followed by Lexa who glared at Luna one more time.

 

Clarke found a silent hall between the kitchen and living room where it was fairly empty except for the Christmas decorations filling the space. She turned around with exasperation and arched her brow, tapping her shoe on the floor.

“What do you want?”

“Eager to return to the arms of your friend, Clarke?”

“Actually, yeah.”

“I’ll be brief then.” Lexa clenched her teeth, but she still kept her thoughts to herself.  She had done enough shit for one night. “You need to stay away from Nia.” Lexa began.  She clasped her hands behind her back keeping them in place and avoiding the temptation to reach for Clarke.

“The fuck!?!” Clarke grunted. “What the hell is this? Now you’re going to tell me whom should I associate with? I’m not telling you not to be with your latest conquest. Why should I do the same?”

Lexa shook her head. “Conquest? No Clarke, this is not my intention. If you want to be with sorority girl so be it, but Nia Quinn is not to be trusted.”

“First, her name is Luna. Second, last time I checked it was _you_ betraying _ME_! You’re nobody to talk about trust!” Clarke angrily spat, she wanted so badly to make Lexa hurt. To make her feel the pain of many sleepless nights because of her abandonment.

Lexa bit her cheek.  It was clear she was getting upset, but Clarke didn’t care.

“Please, Clarke. I know you’re angry at me, but believe me. Nia is not a good person, she is using you to get to me.”

Clarke tilted her head, licked her lips, giving some thought. “Why would she do that? So far we’ve been talking about me for her article. I know you two worked together, she told me. Still, I see no reason to not trust her.”

Lexa inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with most needed air. “Clarke, I need you to listen to me on this one. Stay away from Nia.” Her pleading voice made her lower her guard. Lexa did look concerned.

“Why?” Goddamit, Clarke Griffin had one job to do, to look pissed.  Instead her voice was low and husky, and why was she getting so close to Lexa?

“Because…” Lexa gulped down the sudden lump in her throat, her eyes moved from the blue eyes to the rosy lips and back up again.

_Because I love you._

_Because I need you._

_Because I want to keep you safe._

“Because Nia is resentful of me.” Lexa managed to say.

“You make yourself hard to trust Lexa.” Clarke mumbled, her eyes lost in the chiseled jaw of the taller woman, in her slender neck and how good it would feel to leave a mark in there.

“Clarke…” Lexa whispered, the name she revered left her lips like an almost prayer.

“YOOO! You gonna kiss or what?” Raven peeked through the kitchen door. She had been clearly drinking the nasty concoction Jasper made by the way her tongue pronounced the words in a convoluted way.

Clarke frowned not getting what on earth Raven was talking about. The mechanic pointed above Clarke, and that’s when she noticed the fucking mistletoe hanging on top of their heads.

“No shit.” Clarke felt a sudden heat rush crept in her face.  She bit her lip before meeting Lexa’s darkening gaze. And she was smiling, that damn tight-lipped smile that made her heart jump in excitement.

“It’s okay Clarke. I’d never force you to comply with traditions that derive from many centuries ago.” Lexa opened her jacket and took out the small package. “Merry Christmas Clarke.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Now you’re mocking me. Just great.” Nonetheless, the girl accepted the small gift.

“Be careful.” Lexa took a step back, but Clarke gripped her wrist before the brunette went away and in a very unexpected move kissed the corner of her mouth.

“Merry Christmas, Lexa.” Clarke let her go and made her way into the kitchen leaving the writer burning with desire and love.

“That went well.” Lexa put her hands inside her slacks pockets and returned to her car. Now she had to find a way to fix her friendship with Anya.

At least she felt that she was getting somewhere with Clarke, and that was more than she could hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh oh, Nia is up to something.  
> Ontari wants to bang.  
> Clarke is still angry.  
> Anya is pissed.  
> Lexa is a mess.
> 
> What on earth is going on?
> 
> Enjoy,
> 
> Tana


	8. Chapter 8

The holiday season passed in a blink of an eye.  Now that a new year has begun, Clarke was hopeful that things were going to be better. With spring approaching, she hoped that the warmth of spring would thaw the iciness in her heart.

Not even Luna could begin to fill the emptiness in her soul. Yes, she had fooled around a little bit with Luna. But she didn’t sleep with her and avoided last year’s debacle when they had sex, and she fucked up by calling out the wrong name. However, Luna was good company, a good friend, and it had been fun while it lasted.  In the end it was a band-aid for a huge bleeding wound. It didn’t fix her or alleviate the burning sensation that Lexa left her aching for.

In her exploration of her sexuality after her dad passed away, Clarke had come to understand that sex was a temporary mend for the emptiness inside, merely a fleeting moment of human connection to make her briefly feel alive. Lexa had lifted her up and mended her broken pieces, made her whole again, filled the emptiness. Lexa had been her rock.

Clarke had learned that an orgasm couldn’t replace the way Lexa looked at her while they cuddled in bed, nor could it change the way her skin prickled when Lexa’s fingertips ran along her thigh.

One of her biggest lessons from her high school years was that sex is not the same as making love.  No, there was an immeasurable difference.

Clarke had some experience regarding sex. Ordinary, physical, comforting sex that is. She was certain, however, that she had made love to only one person.

Her name was Lexa.

Because that was what it was, she couldn’t put another name to the way Lexa gently touched her or kneeled patiently between her thighs, and gave everything she had to make her feel pleasure. Every action was done with the utmost care and love. It wasn’t just sex or a good fuck; Lexa had gone way beyond those petty terms to describe what they had. Lexa had idolized her body and soul during their shared intimate moments.

 

The loss of Lexa tortured Clarke. How could it still hurt to think about her? Clarke was angry, bitter because of the past.  But she also was not over her yet.

And Clarke hated her to death because of it.

Clarke couldn’t sleep anymore; she rolled off of her bed and padded to the bathroom where she brushed her teeth and showered quickly. She put on light blue jeans, white shirt and a grey cardigan. She tied her hair in a simple bun and left her dorm room with her backpack slung on her shoulder. Octavia was still deep asleep by the light snoring coming from her bedroom. She left a note for her friend and went to the art workshop to release her frustrations.

On the way to the small building Clarke bought a cup of coffee and muffins to go. Sadly the bookstore wasn’t open this early in the morning so she was going to be sure to pass by again later to see if the newest edition of ‘Polis Magazine’ was on sale.

Clarke greeted Sgt. Miller who was making his rounds in the area as usual, and Clarke made her way inside. She unlocked the windows to let fresh air inside and sat to eat her breakfast.

 

Clarke brought the charcoal that Costia gave her for Christmas out of the storage room. She decided to work on some basic drawings today to keep her mind from wandering too far away. She started with a portrait of her friends, Octavia and Raven. She used a selfie she had on her cellphone as reference. She traced the lines and added texture and shading. The faces of her smiling friends were coming to life before her eyes.

After spending a brief hour on the drawing, Clarke took a step back to see the final result.  It wasn’t outstanding or her best, but she was pleased with the result. Clarke went to the washroom and wiped her hands clean before returning to the studio.  There, she sat on a stool releasing a long breath.

Opening her backpack and looking inside, she found the book that Lexa gave her for Christmas. It was a novel, ‘Persuasion’ by Jane Austen, and she had to admit that she had read it as soon as she returned home from the Christmas party. Clarke would never admit it to Lexa, but she loved the book.

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you." Clarke read a fragment out loud.

Lexa was the sappiest woman in the whole world, that was a fact. Behind her badass cold exterior no one would suspect how soft and tender she was, but Clarke knew. Even when she was still angry at her for leaving, for breaking her heart, Clarke could not deny that was the thing that captured her heart, knowing the eternal struggle of her love interest between head and heart.

Lexa was romance and passion, and this book was basically Lexa telling her in a very subtle way that she was the Captain Frederick Wentworth to her Anne Elliot.

If things were only this easy, there was a lot of bad blood between them, but Clarke missed talking to Lexa about novels and poems. Clarke closed her eyes, pinched her nose and put the worn book back inside her backpack.

Clarke knew she had been acting like the ultimate douchebag. Lexa had done nothing other than been there for her, guiding her, teaching her, protecting her. Yes, she had been hurt, but Clarke had to grow the fuck up, to woman up and move on.

Second chances. She believed in second chances so why not give Lexa a second chance. Not to be with her in the romantic sense, no. But to put their differences in the past and be polite, respectful and see where that took them. At least she could do that.

 

The art student made her way back to her dorm now that she had spent a good portion of day in the art workshop. She, of course, stopped at the bookstore and was excited when she saw ‘Polis Mag’ on the shelf. Clarke quickly took some bills out of her purse and paid for the magazine. Clarke detoured to the small gazebo in the middle of the park located in the center of campus and sat under a tree to read this month’s ‘Between the Sheets.’

_“Jealousy is a topic that some of you have asked about. We are humans, we feel all range of emotions. Being jealous is normal when we form relationships whether of love or friendship. Like Robert Graves wrote in his poem ‘Symptoms of Love,’ jealousy is one of them._

_I know the feeling. I wish I did not feel the way I do, but my beloved being with someone that is not me, hurts. And it burns and it is painful acknowledging that you are happier without me. I wish those smiles were for me, that your touches were for me but they're not. Being in love is not easy, it takes courage to endure the pain._

_Trust and communication are key for any relationship, I try to find the balance, and I hope you find it as well…”_

Clarke creased her brows. This article felt a bit flat Clarke had to admit. Alexandria always spoke with her heart, shedding light to important issues. but this piece was without a soul.  It hurt her to read it, the pain of the writer could be felt through the page. She thought about  texting her friend and asking about it but first, she flipped through the pages to find Lexa’s article.

Her eyes widened when she saw the pictures of her art in the magazine. Lexa had fulfilled her word; this was the interview she did back during the art expo.

Her blue eyes read every word Lexa wrote. Her heart was beating hard, like drums being played with the intensity of a rock band.

_“…The most interesting part of the exhibit was the work done by Ark University student Clarke Griffin, special guest of the exhibit. Heda, the name of her main piece, provokes a deep pain.  It is ruthless in its message, but the execution is exquisite. The tone of the collection is dark but filled with passion, and it is satisfying to find such young talent in our city. It touched me  deeply. The collection was sold in its entirety in New York for thousands of dollars which demonstrates the incredible value of this young talented student’s work.”_

Yes, as soon as Costia returned from her vacation in New York, she told her that all ten paintings had been sold. She hadn't expected to sell them for much, but the check that Costia gave her was indeed for a total of $1,200.69.  Clarke couldn’t believe it, but Costia had been confident and trusted her talent. Maybe Clarke should do the same and start trusting in her skills. Costia believed in her, and apparently Lexa did as well. She packed the magazine in her backpack and pulled out her phone.

 

 

Clarke had arranged to meet with Octavia, Harper, Monroe and Echo to discuss their activity to collect funds for the soccer team. Every February the team came up with interesting fun games to raise funds, and as the captain Octavia had to organize all the logistics of this year’s fundraiser.

 **Wanheda** : O, I hope you’re awake. I’ll meet you and the girls in the gym to talk about the fair.

Clarke sent the text and was going to stash her phone back inside when she remembered to send a note to Alexandria.

She accessed her twitter app and clicked the messaging icon.

 **Princess69** : hey lover girl, your fans might be disappointed in this edition. It felt soulless. Kind of sad. You ok?

A minute later her phone bleeped signaling a notification had popped up.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I know. Sorry.

Clarke was now worried. Never had Alexandria ever answered with such a flat tone in her responses.  Something was up with her online friend. Alexandria had been there for her since last summer even during their constant online bickering.  The least she could do was try to help.

 **Princess69** : what is it? you can tell me.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Thanks, but this is something I have to deal on my own. Not your fault or anyone else’s but mine.

 **Princess69** : hey, it’s not a burden. You’ve been there for me before pls tell me what can I do to help you. Is your ex gal hurting you?

After several minutes of waiting for a response she finally got one.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I rather not speak about her. It’s not her fault. I fought with my best friend and it’s a mess. Every time I try to talk with her we end up fighting more. I think I hurt her deeply and I don’t know what else to do.

Clarke thought for a second.  She had fights with her friends all the time; they argued, and then they made up with nachos and beer. Alexandria was a good soul, and it bothered Clarke that she was unhappy.

 **Princess69** : ice cream is a good way to offer peace. Just buy her favorite flavor and watch a movie together. Talk about it but don’t be passive aggressive. Be honest but calm and let her talk. The most important thing is to offer apologies if needed.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Ice cream? Well I guess it doesn’t hurt to try that one. I think you could be writing my column instead.

Clarke was smiling in relief, if this helped this amazing person be on good terms with her best friend so be it. Clarke drew a smiley caricature with a marker on the article Alexandria wrote and took a picture.

 **Princess69** : haha nah, you’re pretty good at that.

Clarke attached the picture and waited for the response.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : That’s a nice drawing. I can only draw sticks figures.

 **Princess69** : they can’t be that bad, come on send me a pic.

After a couple more minutes she got the file, and she laughed heartily. It was two sticks figures holding hands.

 **Princess69** : cute lmao. Yeah stick to writing ;D

 

The rest of the day was incredible as she spent it chatting with Alexandria. She made her feel  happy and at ease. She was the friend that would make her smile and cry from laughter whenever she needed it. Even the innocent flirtatious texting between them was fun. Clarke was becoming curious about Alexandria. This friendship was comfortable, and they seemed to know each other well, as if they had known each other for a long time. Clarke wanted to ask her for a picture, and she wanted to send her one too, but she was afraid. After all Alexandria was a stranger and even the world didn’t know Alexandria’s true identity. That woman liked her privacy. Clarke respected that, and so she pushed her curiosity away.

“Clarke, Jesus leave that phone for a second. Your girlfriend won’t go away.” Octavia smirked seeing the red face of her friend.

“She’s not my girlfriend O, just a good friend.” Clarke objected as she put the phone back in her jeans back pocket and began to paint the sign for the booth of the soccer team.

“Clarke admit it, Alexandria makes you tickle your pickle. You’re a lucky bitch that an almost celebrity has her eye on you.” Octavia opened a can of paint to help Clarke with the booth sign.

The phone bleeped, and Clarke pulled it out.  Another smile spread on her face, and she quickly texted her reply.

“Gosh you’re disgusting Clarke, look at that shit eating grin you have because of the sexy mystery writer.”

Clarke hid her face trying to ignore Octavia.

Octavia dissolved into laughter. “Oh my god you can’t even deny it cos it's true. You wanna get in the pants of Alexandria huh? Go get it girl.”

Clarke splashed red paint on her friend. Octavia complained while still laughing; she retaliated by sprinkling black paint on Clarke.

In the middle of their small paint war Echo cleared her throat interrupting the display of childish behavior.

“We need to finish this booth today you know? The fair is in two weeks, and we are late.” Echo quirked her brow.

“Yeah chill Echo, Clarke and I got this.” Octavia winked at her teammate.

“You better cap’n. Monroe needs more paint from storage. Clarke can you get us more?”

Clarke stood up, clearing the dirt from her jeans. “Sure thing Echo. Be right back.”

 

Clarke started the short trip to the art workshop and sent another message to Alexandria along the way.

 **Princess69** : srsly your jokes are terrible, idk how you got that girl to fall in love w you w those lines.

She pulled the door to enter the familiar building. The lights were on in Costia’s office so Clarke decided to stop by and visit her friend and to notify her of the usage of materials.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Hey, I’m a writer I assure you that I have game. Besides I’m talented in other areas ;)

Clarke exploded in laughter at the dumb flirty text message. She typed a reply.

 **Princess69** : you’re gonna have to prove that miss talented writer.

Okay, maybe the flirting between them was getting a bit out of hand, but so far Alexandria had replied in the same fashion. And she didn’t show any discomfort.

Was she really falling for Alexandria’s charm? Clarke thought about that. She had been thinking about Lexa all of the time for months, but lately Alexandria had filled her sad nights with laughter and light.

Alexandria was sunlight, and Lexa was moonlight.

Alexandria was day, and Lexa was night.

Alexandria was light, and Lexa was dark.

How could Clarke develop feelings for a stranger? She wasn’t shallow; at least Clarke thought she wasn’t.

Lexa was a good woman - responsible, loyal and selfless. The fact that the brunette was hot was a bonus.

Alexandria also was a good woman. She was open, kind and cared for her fans. She had never seen a picture of the elusive woman, but Clarke didn’t care because she was getting to know her heart, and that was enough.

Clarke sighed. Better not give it thought right now. It won’t do her any good.

 

When she opened the door to say hi to Costia, she was met with the familiar chestnut curls that were soft to the touch, and that sexy braid that she loved to pull when she was about to org—. Clarke shook her head, not a good idea to think about that at the moment either.

The young woman turned around and saw her at the door.  It was too late to sneak away before being seen. Lexa was standing with a messenger bag slung on her shoulder.  Her cheeks were a deep shade of red along with the tip of her ears as if embarrassed. Lexa put her phone back inside her bag as if she had been caught stealing candy.

She was as usual dressed to kill a man, well, in this case a woman. A grey pencil skirt that revealed her mile-long legs, and black heels that made her look taller. A white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Lexa was dressed rather formal for her, and that was intriguing. Not that Clarke was going to complain, she could do with some eye-candy. Lexa looked damn good.

“Clarke. Hi.”

“Lexa.” Clarke felt the urge to act like a bitch again, but she repeated her mantra of second chances. She could be polite, and Lexa had been nothing but respectful towards her. “Um, thank you for the book.”

That brought Lexa’s unique smile, the smile that was rare and precious to her, on display. “You read it?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, too much boredom during the holiday break.”

“I see.”

“And your article, um, I really appreciate it.”

“That was the truth Clarke. You’re talented.”

Costia returned to her office and smiled at the unexpected visitor. Costia greeted Clarke with a kiss on the cheek and gave Lexa a folder.

“That’s all you need to take to the office Lex. And we’ll finish talking about Anya later, okay?”

“Yes, I want to be on time for my first lecture so I’ll be going. Thanks.”

“Wait what?” Clarke didn’t mean to involve herself in Costia and Lexa’s affairs but this, she didn’t like.

“Lexa will provide a special literature course for the English department.” Costia answered. “Dean Cartwig couldn’t wait to have such an excellent writer on her staff.” The caramel skinned woman winked at Lexa.

Clarke paled a bit. Lexa noticed it of course.

“I won’t be here long Clarke. It’s just for a couple of months. Besides, you won’t have to see me at all since your major does not require the level of English I’ll be teaching.”

“Good.” Clarke answered seriously.

Lexa felt a small pang of pain, but concealed it to perfection. Lexa strapped her messenger bag filled with class material tighter to her shoulder.

“Let me know how things go with Anya, please.” Costia begged.

Lexa nodded, she eyed Clarke briefly and left.

 

“What can I do for you?” The former art teacher asked.

“I’m gonna be taking more paint from the storage to finish the booth of the soccer team. Hope it’s not an issue.”

Costia shook her head. “Not at all. Whatever you need is yours Clarke.”

“Thanks.” Clarke was about to leave, but she stopped on her tracks. “Um, Costia. It would be fun if you came to the fair. You’ve been really nice to me and um, well, I want to thank you properly if you let me invite you and buy you ice cream or something.”

“Sounds fun. I’ll make sure to attend.” Costia answered with her usual smile.

Clarke nodded with a smile herself and left to get the painting.

_________________

After a long day at Ark University, Lexa drove back all the way to DC, not before stopping at the quick-e-mart and buying Anya’s favorite ice cream flavor - Rocky Mountain Road.

Teaching again was not something that she despised. She was passionate about teaching others to love literature as much as she did. And this temporary job could help keep her busy now that she was done with her book. Keeping her thoughts away from Clarke or Nia was the best she could do at the moment.

Lexa reached her apartment 15 minutes later and took a deep breath before heading inside her penthouse. She unlocked the door and noticed Anya at the center table grading some stuff from school under the big chandelier lamp.

Lexa left her keys on the kitchen counter and her messenger bag on a couch.  She removed her black heels and left them by the door and popped the top buttons of her button-up shirt. She took the ice cream pint from the brown paper bag, took out a spoon and walked towards a concentrating Anya.

“Hey Anya, a peace offering?” Lexa showed the pint shaking it a bit to call her attention to the object.

Anya pulled her eyes away from the worksheet she was reading and noticed the ice cream in her friend’s hands.

“Ice cream?” Anya left the papers and pen on the table. “I’m not sharing.” The blonde grinned.

 

The two of them sat in the spacious living room and were watching a movie on the huge smart TV that Anya enjoyed. Anya always had a thing for comedies that had Melissa McCarthy in it.

Anya took another spoonful when she almost choked laughing maniacally.

Lexa hit her softly on the back.

“Okay?”

Anya nodded with a solemn look at her friend. “Yeah, I’m good.”

They kept watching the movie for some time until Lexa felt it was the right moment to speak. “Anya, I’m sorry I’ve been a terrible friend to you. I knew how you felt, and I kept throwing my shit at you.”

Anya sighed and paused the movie. She changed her position on the couch so she could look directly at Lexa’s face.

Now that she had her full attention Lexa proceeded. “You took me under your wing when my parents rejected me for who I am. You always had my back, even after the Clarke situation bit me in the ass, you were still there for me. I have never been there for you, and I’m sorry Anya. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

Anya sighed. “When I invited you to that Christmas party where I introduced you to Costia I was so sure she was the perfect match for you. You asked her out, and I was really glad for you both. Next thing I know you are pushing Costia away.  No one knew what’s going on with you, and Costia came to me. I was in love with her cooking first, you knew that.” Anya smiled reminiscing of the times Costia cooked for them, it was such a far away memory since they barely spoke to each other now. “And little by little I fell in love with the person, the woman you were hurting was relying on my friendship to be her support. I admit I became angry at you because how could you discard the gift that was Costia Greene? Then, the entire Griffin shit blew up, and Costia was destroyed. I was left there to pick up the pieces, and I knew I wanted to protect her as much as you, to love her and be what she needed the most. But you’re my sister Lexa, not by blood but by something way stronger, and I was torn between my loyalty to you and my feelings for your ex. I chose you.”

Lexa nodded again. She really had hurt the people she cared about the most. “I’m sorry.”

“Chicks before dicks, or pussy in this case.” Anya added with a tiny smirk. “I’m your friend, and I failed you as well.”

“I want you to be friends with Costia again. She misses you Anya.”

“I miss her too, but is hard when she’s still hung up on you.”

“She doesn’t feel that way for me Anya. I swear she doesn’t see me as anything but a friend.”

“I hope so Lex, because I just want to make that cutie happy.”

“You’re going to tell her how you feel?”

“Maybe.” Anya shrugged. “And what about you and the princess? She makes you laugh; I’ve seen it. Don’t you think is time to move on from Clarke? Maybe this girl can be what you need.”

Lexa stole a glance at her phone.  It had been quiet for a while, but she did miss the texts of Princess69. “I left my heart with a girl on a mountain a long time ago; I don’t want it back Anya.”

“You sure about that?” Anya finally picked up the ice cream bucket and offered a spoonful to Lexa. Lexa accepted the offering.

“Pretty sure.”

 

Thankfully after speaking with Anya, Lexa felt happy again. She went to her studio and opened the door. Turning the lights on ,Lexa could see the only decoration in the otherwise empty room - the painting that Clarke threw in the trash which she kept. It was a special painting because it was the only remnant that tied her physically to Clarke.

This was the canvas from a Clarke at the height of happiness. A painting completed way before everything went to hell between them. You could feel from the explosion of colors and textures how happy the girl had been. It was as if the painting had life.

Even when the interactions between Lexa and Clarke had finally become courteous, it wasn’t the same as before. It was cold.  It was impersonal.  It was lacking heart.

Clarke might understand the basic reasons for leaving her behind, but she still had to explain the why. However, with Nia after Clarke she had to be more careful.  She had no idea they were friends, and Nia was confident that Clarke was going to be the one to destroy her.

Nia has to be doing something to Clarke, maybe brainwashing her. Lexa had no clue. The only thing left for the former teacher was to stay alert and be ready to keep Clarke safe if the need arises.

 

A notification sound brought her wandering mind to the reality of her life. Lexa pulled out the phone and read the expected text from Princess69.

 **Princess69** : you talked w your bud?

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Yes, it went well. Thank you.

 **Princess69** : cool.

A second later she got a picture of Mario Kart.

 **Princess69** : guess who kicked ass???

Lexa noticed that Princess Peach had won first place followed closely by Yoshi. Of course Peach had to be the character that her online pal was using.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : good job Princess. Guess your friends can’t beat the blonde in pink.

 **Princess69** : nope, these losers can’t. BTW don’t call me Princess that name actually sucks.

Lexa turned off the lights and headed back to her bedroom to remove her clothes and get ready for a hot bath.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Ok, what should I call you then?

Lexa removed her skirt, and then she tossed her shirt on the laundry basket. She grabbed a towel from a drawer and padded to the restroom with phone in hand. When she heard the notification ring she picked it up.

 **Princess69** : hmm hottie? loool

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Hottie? haha a bit overconfident aren’t we?

 **Princess69** : nah, you’d be gay for me.

Lexa chuckled at the sassiness of this girl. She left her phone and turned on the hot spray of water. Twenty minutes later she toweled herself off, brushed her teeth and grabbed her phone. She dressed in comfortable sleepwear and sat on her bed unlocking again the screen of her phone to read the latest message from Princess69.

 **Princess69** : actually I was kidding, the hottie part not that you’d be gay for me.

Lexa laughed at the boldness of her friend, she reminded her of Clarke. A hell of a lot.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Then how should I address you? 69? Bisexual Princess?

Lexa left her phone on her night table and grabbed a hair dryer to blow her hair dry and planned to ask Anya to braid it for her.

Speaking with Princess69 was for sure a lot like speaking with Clarke. Lexa remembered how much fun it was sharing her thoughts with the blonde.

“Wait a minute.” Lexa froze.

_Princess69 hates her ex. Clarke hates me._

_Princess69 has loud friends who have sex. Clarke has two best friends who are dating._

_Princess69 is a big-mouthed fan. Clarke is not afraid to speak her mind._

_Both bisexual girls._

Lexa was panicking.  This couldn’t be but there were too many coincidences, too many to deny the connection.

“No way. Please please please I have to be wrong.” Lexa heard the ring of her phone. She stopped everything she was doing, left the dryer back in its place and walked cautiously to the phone.

She extended her arm to reach her phone slowly, as if it were a bomb she had to defuse, and unlocked the screen. She tapped the app and read the text.

 **Princess69** : I’d prefer Wanheda, sounds way cooler than Princess.

Lexa dropped the phone on the carpet. _Wanheda._ This was not a mistake; she was chatting with none other than Clarke Griffin. That was her username when they chatted in the past.

If this was destiny’s way to tell her that she was forever entangled with Clarke; that was one hell of a way to do it. The universe had to be laughing at Lexa right now.

Lexa knew she couldn’t fight this; it was futile. There was no way she could escape and keep Clarke at arm’s length anymore.

Her fight was truly over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cat is out of the bag, at least on Lexa's side. How is she going to manage this situation?
> 
> See you next time,
> 
> Tana


	9. Chapter 9

Anya’s laughter echoed in the rather silent penthouse. Anya bent over shaking her head. The woman had to take a drink of her bottle of water to calm down a little,  but then she looked at Lexa’s steely face.

Anya stopped the laughter right away. “You’re kidding, right?”

Lexa kept seated on the armrest of the couch with slumped shoulders and a confused expression that clenched Anya’s heart.

“Gosh, are you really sure it's her?”

Lexa assented with her head looking at the screen of her cellphone. “It’s Clarke.”

“Hell, this is sad. The princess ended up being her.” Anya went to the chair and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “This changes everything. What are you going to do?”

Lexa took a deep breath, trying to find logic or any sense in this messed up situation. “I don’t know. I had no idea it was Clarke. But she started to share more about herself and her pain.  It was too damn similar to our past and everything clicked. She clearly has no idea it’s me, but I can’t tell her that all this time she has been bashing me to me.”

Anya chuckled but bit her lip. “That has to be weird.”

“She hates me Anya. She won’t ever forgive me and will believe that I fooled her on purpose.  Just when I didn’t think her opinion of me couldn’t get any worse.” Lexa was hopelessly lost on any alternatives to get out of this mess without hurting Clarke. She bowed her head looking intently at the notification messages. She stopped replying to Clarke, and of course the blonde had worried she sent something offensive to the author and was texting trying to find out what was going on.

“Well, maybe you can use Alexandria to really help Clarke forgive you? Don’t you think?” Anya suggested, her hazel eyes set on the green of her friend.

Lexa shook her head. “It’s complicated Anya. She thinks we’re different people, I could never do that to her. Use Alexandria to take advantage of Clarke.”

“You’re going to keep lying then?”

“I guess it’s the only way I can be there to help her forget about me. Keeping her away from me but being there from a distance until I can come clean.” Lexa didn’t want to lie.  This was going to make things worse, but as long as Nia was around Clarke, it was going to be difficult to approach her without endangering her.

Anya kissed Lexa’s temple. “Go to bed, try to get some sleep.”

 

Lexa nodded and watched her friend go to her bedroom. The brunette unlocked her phone and finally wrote a response after several minutes without replying.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : That is a weird name.

She padded back to her bedroom.  Peeking through the curtains she stared into the dark night, grey clouds filled the darkness, and the trees in the background could be barely seen since it was getting a bit foggy. Lexa pushed the duvet out of her way and laid in bed, leaving her phone within reach and stared into space. Getting lost in her mind, trying to come up with a solution to this disaster.

Using Alexandria was her method to be free of the responsibilities she had as Lexa, it gave her the freedom to speak her mind without fear or worry about the repercussions.

Her phone vibrated, and she grabbed it and read the message on her screen.

 **Princess69** : Alexandria is sexy tho. Can I be forward w you?

Lexa creased her brows, but replied positively with a simple yes and waited the next text.

 **Princess69** : I think I like you. Like really really like you.

Lexa read the text post several times making sure this was not her imagination. She started typing again, but at the last minute she erased it.  She typed again, but nothing she wrote communicated exactly what she wanted to say. The phone bleeped again.  Damn, Princess69 beat her to it.

 **Princess69** : sorry if I made you feel awkward, don’t be. We’re friends, but I just wanted to be honest w u.

 **Princess69** : don’t be mad, talk to me pls.

Lexa brought herself out of her stupor, hitting her cheeks slightly and typing a response.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I could never be mad at you.

“Because I love you, you’re the most important person to me.” Lexa clearly wasn’t going to tell her this.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : We’re friends. Sorry I can’t give you my heart for it is taken.

 **Princess69** : I know. I wish someone loved me like that. I guess getting a crappy  bf/gf is what I deserve.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I assure you someone still loves you Princess69. Very very much.

 **Princess69** : who? My ex?

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Yes.

“Shit, this is not what you’re supposed to be doing.” Lexa ran her fingers through her hair knowing she slipped. She let her desire to win Clarke back interfere with her responses.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I mean no. Just don’t shut your heart yet.

Before she fucked up more Lexa shut her phone inside her drawer and tried to sleep. She had a lot of work to do tomorrow.

 

 

The sun sank into the horizon. The orange hues mixed with purples and blues were visible  above the city line.

Lexa had been discussing her book that was scheduled to be published next month with Ontari.

“I liked the ending. I was expecting you to go with your broody angst, but you surprised me. It’s not happily ever after, but it leaves a sense of hopefulness for the protagonist. It makes the reader believe that indeed those two belong to each other, and that life will bring them back together one way or another.” The young editor commented as she took a sip from her bottle of water.

Lexa raised her own water bottle celebrating those supportive words. “Glad to hear that. I heard your advice, and I followed it. I hope the readers enjoy the story. Writing it has given me peace and comfort.”

“The book will be ready to launch on time. The pre-orders are insane Lexa, and I assure you this book will be on the fiction best-seller list. You’re on the road to stardom.”

“I just hope the story provides some answers and hope to the readers of my column.” Lexa finished her water and stood up to look out of her window.

Ontari nodded and rose from her chair. “I’ll send you the invitations to the book launch party as soon as I have them. What I want to know is if you want to reveal your real identity? Are you going to sign using your pseudonym or your name?”

“Alexandria is the name used in the column, and people relate to her so it makes sense to keep using the pseudonym.”

“Alexandria Woods then. That’s how we’re going to launch it. Be ready Lexa. Your days of anonymity are about to end.” Ontari kissed Lexa’s cheek and let herself out of her office.

 

“Alexandria.” Lexa growled and fisted her hands. She barely slept last night.  The fact that her Clarke was developing feelings for Alexandria had shifted things greatly. She was sure she could fight any potential suitor if and only if she had any kind of hope with Clarke, but how could she fight against herself? Alexandria was better, kind and trusted by many, and now had the attention of Clarke. Lexa, on the other hand was hated and less trusted.

“I hate you.” Lexa violently pushed everything off her desk, scattering the items on the floor. She grabbed some old editions of the magazine and threw them off her bookshelves - destroying her office until Ryder came in to check out the noise.

“Boss?”

“Leave, Ryder.” Lexa was gasping for breath, her office was a disaster, and her pain was still raw, bleeding her to death. She heard the click of the door being closed again, and she sat back in her chair. She needed a change of scenery, being here was too much, too real and isn’t it ironic? Alexandria conquered Clarke. She was losing the love of her life to this other part of her, the one that was designed to steer Clarke away from Lexa.

Lexa thought it would be a good starting to point to begin mending the friendship between Anya, Costia and her. Nothing to do about Alexandria for the moment.

 

 

The woman joined Costia at the Ark University fair with Anya.  The book was done, and she had spent several weeks burying herself in work and teaching.  She desperately needed to do something else to do with her life besides hating Alexandria who was getting too damn close to Clarke.

Costia was all smiles; she was always the easygoing member of their group.  No wonder Anya was crushing hard on her. And the best thing is that she fit into their little dynamic because she was the total opposite of Anya’s and Lexa’s natural broodiness. Costia was the ray of light in a garden of flowers.

“Okay, now that you know where all the stands are, make sure to check them out. I promised to visit a friend so I’ll meet you girls later, okay?” Costia looked at the two women.

“Yes, loud and clear.” Lexa smiled.

Anya and Lexa split from Costia and began their exploration of the fair.

The duo stopped by the literature club stand and bought cotton candy. Next they played the darts game at the theatre club stand, and Lexa won a 18 inch raccoon plush. Anya told her that the stuffed animal’s eyes reminded her of Lexa. Lexa just rolled her eyes and kept moving onto the rest of the fair booths.

After some time wandering around playing other games, they reached ‘The Arkers’ stand. The popular soccer team’s booth was packed as expected, and the lines caught their attention.  

Lexa preferred to visit first the less crowded area when she spotted the hair that shone brighter than the sun.

“Clarke.” Lexa mumbled. And then Lexas realized that Clarke was not alone, she was walking with Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother, and that caused her a harsh sting in her abdomen. The way she leaned on him laughing, holding hands like the perfect couple. Lexa had no idea how close they were, but it did bother her.

“Yooo Commander!” Raven’s voice pulled Lexa’s eyes away from glaring at Clarke and Bellamy. Lexa noticed that Raven was alone and wondered why the Blake girl wasn’t with her.

“Grounder Princess, always a pleasure to see you too. Having fun?” Raven put her hands inside her red jacket to warm her hands and protect them from the cool breeze.

“Yes, very much Raven.” Lexa answered politely.

“Anything interesting around Reyes?” Anya asked.

“Hmm besides me?” Raven grinned. “The fishing competition is fun. The soccer stand has the soccer kick game and the kissing booth.”

“I was good at playing soccer. I bet I can get a prize there.” Anya cracked her knuckles confidently.

Raven arched her brow, crossing her arms. “I’d want to see that.”

“Lex, you should go to the kissing booth. God knows you need some loving nerd.” Anya removed her leather jacket and handed it to Lexa. She wouldn’t want to ruin her expensive jacket while kicking soccer balls.

“Only if it’s a hot chick Anya. I’m not kissing a man.”

“Oh the soccer team is all hot girls Commander; I bet you’ll find someone suitable for you.” Raven winked. “Oh and tonight there’s a big party at my place. You should totally come. Free booze and good music. Clarke is going to be there.”

“I don’t want to ruin your party Raven.”

Raven shook her head and rested her hand on Lexa’s shoulder - her hold firm, secure. “Lexa, you’re my pal, okay? You have the sexiest car on the block too so it is my job to try to get some brownie points.”

“You’re my pal too, Raven.” Lexa was incredibly honored to have won Raven’s trust. This meant the world to her. “I’ll be there.”

“Cool, now let’s get Miss Forrest to the soccer field before my leg starts fucking me up again.”

“Just Anya, Reyes. We’re not close enough to be pals though, but I tolerate you enough to allow us to be on a first name basis.”

Raven tilted her head and with her usual sass, she approached Anya. “Anya then. Everyone wants to befriend the genius, wise decision. Team Reyes for the win!” She lifted her hand to high five Anya.

In return she got a huff and eye roll from the World History teacher.

The mechanic waved goodbye. “Alright Lexa, see ya around.”

Raven departed with Anya, and she was left in the middle of campus with her raccoon and nothing else to do. She might as well go to the kissing booth.

 

Lexa stood in line thinking about going to that party. She had been working nonstop with her novel, the column of the magazine, and teaching. She needed to party hard and loosen up. That might be what she needed, one night of fun.

The line advanced at a good pace. Lexa almost the end when she saw Clarke talking with Costia out of the corner of her eye. Her two ex-girlfriends laughing and eating ice cream together. That had to be the most ironic imagery in the whole world. Lexa would have preferred not to feel anything at all, but her stupid heart was screaming at her - _mine_ \- which was ridiculous and not true. Clarke was not hers.

“Envy.” Lexa said to no one. That had to be what she was feeling now. Not jealousy because Costia was a friend, and she was the one who asked her to stay close in the first place. She trusted Costia. Still, it hurt to see Clarke having fun with everybody but her.

“Hey Miss Woods!!! You here for a kiss?”

Lexa blinked. She had been distracted and had not noticed Monroe with a quirky smile and starry eyes aimed at her.

“Hey Monroe. You’re on the team as well?” Lexa was surprised to say the least.

“Yup. Same as Octavia, Harper and Echo.”

“That’s remarkable. I’m glad.”

“So, getting a kiss?” Monroe asked again.

“Um, yes sure.” Lexa paid for the ticket and walked closer to the booth and offered her cheek.

Monroe smiled with a little pinkness on her cheeks. She approached Lexa but soon was interrupted by a very agitated Clarke.

“MONROOOOOE!!!” Clarke was breathing heavily, the lack of oxygen in her lungs destroying any form of speech she had at the moment. The blonde supported her arms on her knees trying to fill her lungs with needed air.

“Harper… Harper…” Clarke definitely required physical conditioning. Too much time sitting on front of the couch watching Netflix.

Monroe creased her brows not understanding a thing.

“She needs you in the, um you know, field.” Clarke finally said pointing to the area of the soccer kick game.

I’m working Clarke, can’t leave the booth you know?”

“I’ll hold the fort for you. Hurry up.” Clarke entered the booth while Monroe went to find Harper.

Lexa watched Clarke with certain confusion. One second she was with Costia, and the next thing she sees is Clarke standing right here in front of her catching her breath.

“I think I paid for a kiss.” Lexa’s tone was serious, but it held a hint of playfulness.

“Yeah you did.” Clarke took step forward and pecked Lexa’s lips. “Now you got it. Off you go Lexa.”

Lexa was confused by the blonde’s quick dismissal, not understanding the odd behavior of the artist. Lexa took a step away, but before she left she faced the girl again. “Clarke.”

“What?”

Lexa offered the plush she won earlier. “For you.”

Clarke observed the raccoon, then Lexa, and back at the raccoon. Clarke took the raccoon and smiled politely. She squeezed it in her arms. “Thanks.”

Lexa’s lips curved enough to form a shy smile and began walking away to meet Anya and Reyes.

The boy next in line, not much older than Clarke, was excited. “I want a kiss too just like that,” he said.

“Sorry dude, I’m not on the soccer team; I’m just a lazy art student taking care of the booth. But my friend should be back in a second.” Clarke winked and waited for Monroe to come back after looking for no one.  As soon as Costia pointed out too excitedly that Lexa was about to get smooched real good by Monroe, Clarke took off running for the booth.

“But you kissed her!” The boy whined.

“Listen, she already had paid for her ticket. Only way she gets a kiss is if she pays, and she did. You wait for Monroe.”

Lexa heard that last part as she made her way to the soccer field. The words stung like acid on her skin knowing that the short peck they shared was because she paid. There was no way Clarke would have kissed her because she wanted to.

 

Lexa kept walking until she reached the soccer field of ‘The Arkers’ home. “What time at your place, Raven?” Lexa gave Anya her jacket back with a sour expression. The taller woman put it on and rolled up the sleeves before positioning herself to kick the soccer ball.

“Starts at 9.”

Anya kicked the last ball and bounced on the edge of the 100 point goal. “Shit! Well it was close Reyes. You win this time.” Anya pulled out a 20 bill and gave it to the mechanic.

“Always a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Okay I’ll see you then, Raven. Take care.” Lexa and Anya went out to look for Costia so they could head back to her place and get ready for the party.

 

 

Lexa decided after several hours of indecision to wear plain black skinny jeans and a white muscle shirt. After all it was a party, and there was no need to wear suits or be formal. She fixed her hair and makeup, making sure her eyeliner game was on point. Lexa had to admit that the reason why she was paying so much attention to her looks today was because Clarke was going to be there. And Lexa Woods had to impress her woman, even though they were at odds at the moment.

Alexandria might have Clarke’s interest right now, but Lexa wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Tonight she wanted to look good and hoped to catch Clarke’s attention somehow.

She picked up her car keys and made her way to the lower floor when she heard Anya and Costia having a conversation. Lexa was going to interrupt when she realized this was big.

“Wait!” Anya walked towards Costia. “Don’t go.”

Costia turned around on her heel to face again the blonde. “I don’t want to fight Anya. I’m tired of us fighting for nothing!”

“I know.” Anya rubbed the back of her neck and shoved her free hand into her jeans pocket. She licked her lips and looked back at the dark brown eyes staring at her hazel ones. “I’m sorry I’ve been acting like a moron in school.”

Costia tilted her head, narrowing her eyes not sure she was hearing right. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Tell me what is wrong? Have I hurt you in any way?” Costia dropped her defensive stance and let her arms fall limp to her sides, the concern in her voice was genuine, and Anya bowed her head remorseful for her terrible behavior.

“You’ve done nothing Costia. It’s me. I’ve been a terrible friend because I um, I developed feelings for you.”

Costia frowned, her mouth opened slightly.

“Yeah, I’m in love with you Cos. For some time actually. Since things started to crumble between you and Lexa.”

“What?” Costia was surprised, shocked.

Anya took a tentative step forward. “I love you Costia.”

Lexa heard nothing for several minutes.  She was holding her breath not sure how this was going to end, remaining still behind the stairs to avoid being spotted and ruining this moment.

“Anya I’m, I’m sorry, I ah, I thought that… oh God.” Costia was overwhelmed by this confession. She had never considered the possibility that Anya would see her as anything other than a friend.

Anya lowered her head embarrassed. “It’s okay Costia. I get it. You don’t see me that way.” Anya laughed, but the sound was empty. “The heart wants what it wants. Don’t feel bad. I hope we can still be friends unless I ruined that as well.”

“We’re friends Anya, always.” Costia picked her purse. “I better get going.” Costia tried to reassure Anya with a smile that they were good, she turned around and went to the front door.

 

As the door clicked Lexa came out of her hiding spot and what she saw broke her heart more. Anya was her best friend, her protector, and there was nothing she could do right now to make her smile. Lexa simply pulled Anya to her and offered a hug.

She was terrible at comforting people, but she had learned a little from Clarke. A hug was all she could give Anya.

“You should go Lex.” Anya pushed Lexa away. “At least she knows now how I feel.”

“I’m here for you.” Lexa insisted.  She couldn’t care much about a party when her best friend was in pain.

“No, go and have fun for me. I’ll drink myself to sleep, don’t worry.” Anya patted Lexa on the arm and waved goodbye.

Okay, that was the cue to leave Anya alone. Lexa took a deep breath and headed to Raven’s place.

_________________

Clarke had spent the last 40 minutes trying to choose a nice dress to go to the party. She wanted something comfortable but nice fitting. In the end she opted for a deep blue taffeta cocktail sleeveless dress accompanied with black heels. The knee length dress showed a medium amount of cleavage so Clarke put on a necklace to complement the gown. She pinned her hair down in a simple bun, she checked herself in the mirror one more time and left her dorm.

“Jesus Raven, let me help you with those crates!” Octavia followed behind Raven trying to take the boxes from the arms of the mechanic.

“Octavia, I’m not handicapped, just stop treating me like I’m useless!” Raven pressed her lips together, eyeing Octavia hard.

“I’m not Raven. I just wanna help.” Octavia grabbed the boxes and went out of dorm to finish packing Clarke’s car.

“I’ll wait downstairs Clarke.” Raven let out a long-suffering sigh and went outside.

Clarke went to the kitchen table and grabbed her phone; she slid the screen to see if she had another message from Alexandria. She pouted when there was nothing on screen, she was so used to interacting with the woman almost every minute of everyday. She missed her online friend, well, online crush now. She hoped she didn’t spook her with her bluntness.

 

Checking that everything was in her car Clarke returned to her bedroom to pick up her car keys and noticed the cute raccoon plush on her bed that Lexa gave her.

A small smile appeared on her face. The cute plush reminded her of Lexa to some extent. Maybe it was the constant frown that the brunette sported, maybe even the eyeliner. She walked to the mattress and picked up the soft toy.

Clarke was torn between her feelings for Lexa and Alexandria. She was crushing on the mystery writer because this weird friendship they developed felt close to Clarke’s heart. Little by little the woman won her trust with her honest advice. Even when Clarke had been a brat, Alexandria never shut her down.  On the contrary, she encouraged her.

Nonetheless, her other problem remained. Lexa was back in her life.  The woman who broke her heart also was the same one she had met in school. Always caring, being there for her even when she acted like a bitch. Lexa stood by her side like the strong rock she was.

The wound left in her heart was still raw, bleeding every single day because the traitor thought she was doing what was best for them. Clarke understood it, and yet, she couldn’t forgive her.

Not yet.

Clarke put back the plush on her bed and went to the parking lot. It was time to move on and bury these confusing thoughts for the night.

 

 

Two hours later, and the party was at its peak. Jasper and Monty had provided the booze that was moving freely around the building’s social area. Music pumped through a good sound system, and some of their friends danced while others played beer pong at a table nearby.

The few lamps that worked provided a bit of illumination, still most of the area was pretty dark. The brightest light came from the TV set that Monty installed to play Mario Kart while others got high in a corner and others danced.

Harper and Monroe were now battling in beer pong so Clarke decided to go to the bar to get more moonshine. Miller was standing near the barrel and smiled as soon as Clarke stopped by.

“Hey Nate, fill this up please.”

“You got it Clarke.” Miller smiled and filled her plastic red cup with the alcoholic beverage.

Clarke took a sip and watched as Jasper raised his fist after winning the last race. On the other side of the social area, she met Bellamy who was waving at her.

 

Clarke quickly went to meet Bellamy, hugging him and kissing his cheek. “Hey Bell, can’t believe you came!”

“Yeah, my shift ended earlier, and I was in need of a break. You look pretty good Clarke.” The man raked his fingers through the dark curls of hair falling on his face and took a step back to appreciate Clarke’s dress. “Nice party too.”

“It is. Let me tell O you’re around. Get comfy at the bar, and I’ll be back.” Clarke finished her cup and threw it in the nearest trashcan. She spotted Octavia talking with Murphy at the back of the social area so she headed there.

 

Octavia was drinking listening to Murphy complain about his shitty job and crappy life. Murphy was already smashed by the way he leaned on the wall to support his weight.

“Really Octavia, you’re one lucky bitch!” Murphy tipped his red cup draining all its contents, smashing it in his hand before throwing it on the grass. “Nice school, hot chick. No blood on your hands.” Murphy laughed. “You gonna get married to Reyes and live your happy life, Blake”

Octavia drank from her cup cackling in laughter. “Dude, no one’s getting married yet and what happened with Finn… there was nothing you could have done about that.”

“Whatever Blake, you get the point. You can get any girl or boy if you get bored of carrying Reyes around, keep playing or not, I don’t have that luxury!” Murphy slurred.

“Raven’s not a burden, she’s my responsibility. You have guilt and so do I.” Octavia said.

“Guilt?” Raven arched her brow, eyes dead cold looking at Octavia. “It’s always been like this hasn’t it? You don’t love me, you pity me! I don’t need your pity O. You feel obliged to care for me, to be with me. You didn’t tell Bell about us because this doesn’t mean a thing to you! It’s all because you feel guilty that I ended up like this for you!”

“No Raven! I love you!” Octavia tried to reach and hold Raven, but Raven yanked her hand away.

“Save it, O. Don’t worry, you don’t have to carry me around anymore. We’re done.” Raven turned around and walked away.

Murphy chuckled. “Damn, she’s pissed!”

“Ray, wait!” Octavia was going to run after Raven, but Clarke stopped her.

“Shut it Murphy!” Clarke was about to kick his ass, but she didn’t want to cause any more trouble at Raven’s party. “Bell is here O. Raven needs her space, and you should speak with her but with less alcohol in your system.”

Octavia stood still, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’ll check on Raven, O. Go with your bro.”

 

Clarke was following the path that lead back to the front of the apartment complex.  She saw Raven go around the next corner.  As she got closer she heard Raven speaking with someone.

“Yeah I’m fine Commander.” Raven told Lexa and limped her way back to her floor.

“Wait! I think a ride will make you feel better.”

Raven face lit up her eyes moving to the keychain hanging from Lexa’s fingertip.

“You fucking with me?” Raven returned to Lexa.

Lexa shook her head. “Go take it around the block, and let me know if it needs a tune up.”

Raven took the keys from Lexa. “Sure thing Commander, have fun.”

Lexa lifted her gaze and noticed Clarke standing in the back. Clarke stared at the woman in front of her under the dim lights of the backyard. The black jeans framed her lean long legs, and that muscle shirt revealed the tattoo on her right arm. Clarke was gazing at every inch of skin available to her delight, but she shook her head scolding herself mentally for being stupid.

“I’m not stalking you.” Was the first thing Lexa said. “I got invited.”

Clarke didn’t know who might have invited Lexa, maybe Monroe, but she was here.   And she looked so damn hot, however, Clarke couldn’t show weakness. “I don’t care Lexa, do whatever you want.” With that Clarke turned around and made her way back to Bellamy and Octavia.

 

She spent the rest of the night drinking and brooding with Octavia while Bellamy watched Caris and Emori play beer pong to the sound of Ariana Grande’s ‘Break Free.’ She couldn’t deny that she stole glances whenever she could at Lexa who was currently playing Mario Kart with Jasper, Monty and Echo. Who would have thought that Lexa was going to fit in so well with her group of friends?

“Fuuuuck. The commander wins again.” Jasper grabbed his head. “Okay this requires extra drinks. Miller bring the booze man!”

Monty was laughing seeing Jasper abashed by the abilities of the brunette in the game. “Clarke you wanna play? Maybe Clarke’s Peach can beat Lexa’s Luigi.”

“Nah Monty, I’m dancing with Bell.” Clarke stood up from her stool and pulled Bellamy to the dance floor.

Lexa just kept staring at her with that characteristic glare of hers. Once Miller refilled everyone’s liquor the game resumed.

 

Clarke danced with Bellamy to the rhythm of Rudimental’s ‘Never Let you Go’ moving to the beat of the music.  More people went to dance since Lexa was kicking major ass in the video game zone. The two danced softly side to side and when the song’s beat picked up so did they.

Lexa decided it was a good time to go to the bar and get something stronger.  That dancing was making her nauseous.

Clarke was not going to be intimidated by that asshole that looked so effing good in that muscle shirt and tight black pants sitting at the bar.  She was going to have fun. She danced shaking her head and arms, and Bellamy tried to keep up, but he wasn’t a good dancer.  Still he tried.

The rhythm changed, and now she was dancing to Fifth Harmony’s ‘Worth It’. That is the moment Clarke decided it was a time to move that booty of hers. She could feel Lexa’s gaze on her back so why not tease that traitor a bit?

With the sexy bass dropping, Clarke moved closer to Bell, swaying her hips in slow circles, feeling the beat in her bones. She turned around swaying her ass close to Bell’s front so she could see Lexa. Her green eyes were locked on hers as she moved. Clarke was pleased to see the woman drinking and following every movement of her legs and ass. Clarke smirked, she took a drink of her almost empty cup, letting a bit escape her lips, run down her throat and into the cleavage she was showing. Lexa’s predatory eyes followed the liquid moving inch by slow inch, her lips slightly open at the magnificent view.

Clarke chuckled and turned as she circled her arms around Bellamy’s neck.

Clarke felt sexier than ever, particularly by the way Lexa’s body reacted to hers. She loved to feel that power over the stoic woman who was calming the heavy thirst with the cool booze.

This was going to be a long night.

 

Octavia was sitting with Lexa at the bar.  Lexa tried to ignore Clarke and instead made convo with another piece of the triad.

“How’s it going Octavia?” Lexa drank the whole shot in one gulp and asked for more.

Octavia let a long desperate sigh leave her lips. “Everything is shit Lexa. I’m the worst girlfriend on the fucking planet.” Octavia lifted her cup and chugged it down in one gulp.

Lexa shrugged with a tiny smile on her lips. “I don’t think so. I hold the title as far as I know.” Lexa turned around to see Clarke still dancing with Bellamy, now to the ‘The Feeling’ by Justin Bieber feat. Halsey.

“Raven is pretty strong. Whatever it is going on I believe you can fix it.” Lexa gulped down another shot.

“She is.” Octavia pouted. “She went through so much, and I’ve been acting like an ass with her.”

“Nothing that Lord Byron can’t fix Octavia:

‘She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.’”

“Woah, that is smooth Commander, Clarke might dig that shit. I’m gonna have to try something else to impress Ray.” Octavia took a swig of her beer. “Gooosh I’m so drunk. Are you drunk?”

“Drunk and in love.” Lexa mumbled as she gulped down yet another shot.

Octavia cracked in laughter raising her cup in toast. “Drunk and in love, you said it right Commander.”

Lexa lifted her gaze and observed how pretty Clarke was in that dress, how she moved like a goddess with those curves that she wanted to trace and worship.

“I owe her a dance, last year we were interrupted. Excuse me.” Lexa’s legs were heavy.  She didn’t think she drank too much, but she felt brave and made her way through the darkness keeping her eyes on Clarke.

 

Bellamy wiped the sweat from his forehead and leaned forward to make himself be heard. “Clarke, you think now is the best time to approach Echo?”

Clarke looked over her shoulder, she spotted Echo in the beer pong area. “I guess Bell, be smooth okay?”

“I’m always smooth.” Bellamy kissed Clarke’s cheek before departing to chat with Echo.

Clarke looked around, and she lost Lexa.  She was gone, or so she thought.

The sound of Jetta’s ‘I’d Love to Change the World’ (Matstubs Remix) started to play.

Clarke closed her eyes hearing the piano softly, the ominous sound filling her senses as the vocals of the song began. She started to move her body swaying her hips ever so slowly, and then she felt light fingers on her hips steadying her. Clarke opened her eyes, and she smiled. She knew who it was just by the feel of body heat and the earthy smell mixed with alcohol.

“Dance with me.” Lexa whispered in her ear, the breath was hot against her ear.

Clarke turned around and was met with emerald green eyes that looked as if they had been swallowed by a black hole.

Green. Green. Green.

“Please?” Lexa asked. Moving her fingers along Clarke’s spine slowly. Looking at Clarke intently and drowning in the pool of those blue orbs, holding her breath for her answer.

“I’d love to.” Clarke sang with the song, and the sick beat dropped.

Clarke laced her hands behind Lexa’s neck, and they moved in unison with the beat, their bodies colliding as if it was a battle to see who would back off first. Clarke moved swaying her hips hard and rubbing her chest against Lexa. Lexa pressed a thigh between Clarke’s legs keeping a steady pressure while her fingers traveled lower, along Clarke’s thigh until she could lift the edge of the dress and be in contact with the hot damp skin.

Lexa gasped, and Clarke bit her lower lip as Lexa touched the electric skin. Clarke turned around so Lexa would have to shift her grip. This time Clarke didn’t shy away from grinding her ass against Lexa’s crotch, and Lexa captured the blonde by her abdomen, her palm splayed over her tight stomach muscles while the other ran over her thigh. Lexa leaned down and dared to trace her lips on Clarke’s neck and shoulder’s sweaty skin. Clarke moaned softly and thanked Jesus that the lighting in this place was crappy or else all her friends were going to see some show.

They were safe in the dark.

 

Clarke twisted and pulled Lexa to her.  There was zero distance between their bodies moving against each other; she was so worked up that if Lexa touched her down there she was going to come asap.

Lexa kept her hips rolling against Clarke, their noses bumping by how close they were dancing or dry humping or whatever they were actually doing. Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheek “But I don’t know what to do.” She sang softly against Clarke’s lips barely touching them. “So I’ll leave it up to you.”

Clarke chuckled at Lexa’s terrible singing. It was cute nonetheless, and Lexa was hot and very close so Clarke closed the gap between them and kissed Lexa softly, just like their first kiss during the Winter Formal.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the music or maybe the taste of chapped lips on hers, but it felt magical, surreal, fireworks blowing up behind her eyelids as soft calloused hands roamed her lower back and ass.

The song was coming to an end, and Lexa broke the kiss gasping desperately for the needed oxygen, her lungs expanding and contracting, begging to be filled. Clarke was heaving as well.

“Upstairs.” She managed to say and started to walk to Raven’s apartment pulling Lexa with her.

 

Once they reached Raven’s quieter apartment, Clarke pushed the door open and led them to the empty bedroom. Once inside Clarke shut the door and admired Lexa from head to toe.

Clarke claimed Lexa’s lips with more passion than their previous kisses, the two kissing as two women starving for sustenance, the heat of their bodies burning them as they moved awkwardly towards the twin bed.

Clarke pulled apart breaking the kiss momentarily; she wasn’t that drunk, and she had to make sure Lexa consented to this. “Lexa, you wanna have sex with me?”

Lexa nodded. “Yes Clarke, I want you.”

“Lexa you’re wasted. How can you be sure you’re agreeing to this?”

“I’m 45% sober Clarke. I want this.” Lexa circled Clarke’s waist, her hands moving enticingly over Clarke’s hips.

“What about your girlfriend? Won’t she get mad?” Clarke kissed Lexa’s throat.

“I don’t have a girlfriend Clarke. What about Bellamy?” Lexa asked in her intimidating tone. Not that it worked with Clarke because she laughed.

“None of your business. Too much talking Commander.”

And just like that they resumed kissing - fumbling to get rid of their clothes and scattering them around the room. Lexa removed the bobby pins from Clarke’s hair setting the wondrous hair free. Clarke popped open Lexa’s jeans and unzipped them, sliding her hand right where she wanted and was met with wonderful wetness.

“Fuck!” Lexa gasped at the contact.

Clarke was the first who bumped the mattress and laid on the bed moving until she reached the pillows on top. Lexa quickly removed the material away from her legs along her underwear.  Her muscle shirt had already been discarded moments ago.

Clarke’s dress came off easily, the blonde pulled it above her head and threw it.

“Shit!” Lexa muttered and bit her lip. “Matching underwear.” Lexa babbled as she removed her bra.

“Don’t stand there silly, come and take it off.”

Lexa complied and crawled quickly to the bed and hooked her fingers on the panties and pulled them away. She straddled Clarke and unhooked her bra to reveal her ample bosom. The brunette gulped down trying to ease the dryness of her throat at the marvelous view.

Lexa leaned down, but this time she kissed her slowly, adoringly, moving one hand over the curves of her hip while her other hand cupped a breast. Clarke whimpered under the touch and arched her back. Lexa was quick to move her mouth along the line of her neck to Clarke’s collarbone and met her breasts. Her tongue lapped over the pink nipple until it pebbled, and she proceeded to suck it gently while she tended to the other breast with her thumb..

Clarke was in ecstasy. Lexa was focused in giving her pleasure, to take care of her needs. Clarke couldn’t let her turn this into a fucking lovemaking session. She rolled them over and clasped Lexa’s wrists taking control quickly, straddling the brunette and pinning her firmly underneath.

 

“I’m gonna have my fun first.” Clarke smirked and lowered herself to Lexa’s naked body, balancing herself on top with one hand firmly placed on the mattress and the other tracing Lexa’s hipbone tats, her mouth sucking the perky breasts. Lexa arched herself more, one hand entangled in the blonde curls desperate to feel her mouth.

“Someone’s eager.” Clarke chuckled and moved to the abs kissing her way south, her tongue tasting the saltiness of the skin.  She stopped at Lexa’s navel and continued licking. Clarke kept exploring this body that she had memorized. As an artist she could close her eyes and sketch this naked body in a matter of minutes. The familiarity of being with Lexa again was comfortable, and she had missed it.

Clarke moved between the thighs of the brunette, leaving marks along the tanned skin of her legs. She bit and sucked until their were angry marks to remind Lexa of her pain. Clarke stopped just above her mound and looked at Lexa’s dark glassy eyes, extending her torture a tad longer.

“Please Clarke.” Lexa whimpered.

Clarke nodded and sank her mouth in the soft flesh, heat and wetness welcoming her as she dug her tongue between the labia of the woman she loved.

Okay no, she didn’t love her. This was just sex. Raw, good, fucking sex.

Lexa shut her eyes. With one hand, she dug her nails in the sheets and the other held the golden locks to keep Clarke where she needed her the most. Clarke thrusted with her tongue first the tight ring of muscles and kept circling the sensitive nub with her thumb. Her tongue was merciless in her fucking, alternating between soft and hard strokes so that she kept the woman on edge. Teasing her until Lexa begged for more. This was home for Clarke, this sweet scent mixed with the sour flavors coming from Lexa’s wet channel, flooding her, invading her greedy mouth. This was where Clarke wanted to spend her days and nights.

“Please” Lexa was on the verge of madness.

“Open your eyes, Lex. I want to see you.” Clarke said.

Green. Green. Green.

She repositioned herself into a comfortable position and slid one finger inside, then another, and began pumping hard. Her mouth constantly sucked on the clit as her drenched fingers were knuckle deep inside, curving them slightly to reach the spot that brought the most pleasure to Lexa.

“Claaarke, I’m gonna, fuuuuck… Claaaarke!”

“Let go baby, I got you!” Clarke slid three fingers and her pace was relentless, hitting the g-spot of the woman who changed her, Lexa buckled her hips matching Clarke thrust by thrust until it was too much. Lexa curled her toes and screamed Clarke’s name as she came.

She let her ride her orgasm with care until Lexa was okay. Clarke crawled back up after cleaning her good with her mouth and kissed her tenderly, Lexa hummed feeling herself in Clarke’s mouth. “You okay?”

Lexa affirmed with a nod. “Never better.”

Clarke kissed her shoulder and traced the tattoo of the arm of the brunette with her fingertips as she cuddled her.

“It’s my turn.” Lexa sat on the bed, her body glowing with the thick layer of perspiration watching Clarke smile lazily.

“Don’t you need to rest?”

Lexa laughed. “Clarke I’m 26, not 62. I don’t need rest.”

Clarke burst in laughter. “So full of yourself Commander”

Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheek and kissed her. “I’m serious, I have the stamina to keep you busy all night.”

Clarke sat and arched her brow. “Can you prove it?”

A smirk was displayed on Lexa’s face. A bit cocky if you asked her. “It would be my utmost pleasure to prove myself.”

“We’ll see about that.”

 

Lexa was quick with her hands and mouth, claiming every single inch of skin. She kissed her breasts and sucked them with her usual gentleness, her fingers traced her curves until she reached her drenched pussy and slid her index finger knuckle deep. Clarke hissed and dug her fingers hard on Lexa’s arms.

“More!” Clarke demanded. and Lexa complied pushing two fingers while her magical tongue lapped over the ridges of her hot skin, and sucked at her clit. Once Lexa felt Clarke was comfortable enough, she pushed three fingers inside giving some time for the wall of muscles to take her in. Clarke’s nails dug hard in her scalp and long slim back, but Lexa didn’t care.

“Fuck Lexa!” Clarke was a whimpering mess, but Lexa still had to show her she wasn't kidding. She pulled out to a very disappointed Clarke.

“What the…”

“Turn around.” Lexa ordered. Clarke shifted and once she was in all fours Lexa lifted her ass in the air and plunged her fingers again.

“Holy fuck!” With the change of angle Lexa was going deeper and faster, fucking her from behind.

Lexa was on her knees pressing her wet pussy against Clarke’s butt as her fingers went inside and out of her cunt relentlessly, the sound of wet skin slapping against skin resounded in the dark bedroom along deep growls and moans.

“Lex… oh fuuck. Lexa!”

“Come Clarke!” Lexa’s arm was about to fall off, but that didn't stop her.  She wanted to hear Clarke screaming her name. “Come for me!”

Clarke screamed Lexa’s name loud enough for all the neighbors to hear.

Clarke collapsed on the mattress followed by Lexa. Clarke pulled the sheets over her drenched body, the bed was pretty small so she took a corner, and her eyes started to shut. Lexa took the space behind Clarke and snuggled her.

“Not so bad.” Clarke mumbled. She was spent.

Lexa kissed Clarke’s cheek. “You weren’t that bad either Clarke.”

The two laughed. The silence started to fill the bedroom little by little.

“You’re going to regret this, aren’t you?” Lexa pressed her body to Clarke, as if spooning her was going to stop Clarke from running away in the morning.

“Probably.” Clarke said. “But it’s still dark.”

Lexa sighed sadly, she kissed Clarke’s neck and inhaled the delicious scent of the girl. What if she told her the truth right now, maybe this moment would be more meaningful if she did. “I have to tell you something.”

“You’re going to ruin this. Don’t.”

Lexa sighed in resignation. “Good night Clarke.”

“Night Lex.”

 

 

The morning light crept through the dark room.  It was eerily silent, and her head was killing her. Clarke opened one eye and realized this was not her bedroom nor her bed.

“Shit!” Clarke whispered keeping it as quiet as possible. She sat up slowly on the bed and took a look around. The first thing she met was the gorgeous tattoo that she displayed at her art expo last year.

_Fuck me._

No dream or imagination. She slept with none other than Lexa Woods. Her ex-girlfriend whom she hated more than words could express.

Clarke couldn’t panic now; she needed to get her stuff and bolt.

This had been a big mistake.

The blonde slipped slowly off the bed and started to look for her clothes, which were in a galaxy far far away. She started to walk on her tiptoes and stepped on one of her bobby pins, she hissed, but was able to shut her mouth and not scream in pain.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

She finally found her panties and put them on.  She kept looking around the bedroom trying to find her bra and dress.

 

After five minutes of crawling, she finally was decent enough to do her walk of shame. She took a last glance at the sleeping woman on the bed. Her even breaths as she slept, her back not just had the gorgeous tattoo as Clarke had left a memento of her own. Her blue eyes moved over the uncovered skin and noticed that she had left Lexa with several red marks on the tanned skin. Clarke quickly made her way to the bathroom and checked herself in the mirror. Her skin was flawless, Lexa was always careful not to leave any love marks of her own. Clarke had no idea if she wanted to sigh in relief or in disappointment. The only evidence of their night together was the deep throbbing of her insides that reminder her that she had been fucked real good.

She grabbed her heels that were thrown in the corner and silently left the bedroom. She let out a long breath now that Lexa was out of sight.

“Sonofabitch!”

The blonde escaped and hoped Lexa was drunker than her last night. She needed to forget this happened.

Sadly for Clarke, Lexa had been awake for hours unable to sleep because the brunette knew that as soon as the light came her time with Clarke was over. She could allow herself to love Clarke in the dark.

She knew Clarke was regretting this, but she didn’t. This was the only time she allowed herself to be weak, the only time she chose Clarke instead of her head.

And now, she had to live with the consequences and the pain.

Because this time it was Clarke who walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stuff going on: some got lucky, others got heartbroken. And I hear next week we're getting an interview!
> 
> Hope everyone is having a good time.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Tana


	10. Chapter 10

The soft morning light started to shine brightly inside the bedroom. Her head was pounding, and her stomach was queasy.  Lexa had never had a large tolerance for alcohol, but she managed it to the best of her ability.  However, last night she knew she went overboard trying to drown the pang of jealousy in her stomach.

Blinking softly Lexa opened her eyes and found herself naked in god knows whose bed. She sat slowly before she threw up in this strange bedroom. Looking at the empty side of the bed, she remembered that Clarke had left her first thing this morning, running away with regret.

Lexa sighed and started to look for her clothes which had apparently been thrown haphazardly around the bedroom. The bed was a mess, and it still smelled of sweat, sex and that familiar mixture of Clarke’s perfume and hers. Lexa felt terrible for the disaster they created in the bedroom so she pulled the sheets away from the bed and took them with her. She had to at least clean them before giving them back.

She opened the door into the small living room and smelled the coffee beans being roasted. Her stomach growled in response, and she walked slowly holding the sheets in one hand and holding her weight against the wall with the other.

 

“Good morning Commander!” Raven greeted from the kitchenette.

“Raven. Hi.”

“Sit down Lexa, coffee is ready and breakfast will be in a couple more minutes.” Raven smiled seeing the love bites on the neck of the woman, and her messy post sex hair. “I guess we both had the ride of our lives last night, huh? Your mustang is a true beauty Lexa.”

Lexa drop the sheets on the couch and pulled a chair to sit at the small table. “It’s a nice car.”

“I bet that riding Clarke was much better.” Raven turned off the stove and served two plates. Raven laughed seeing Lexa’s red face. “Relax Commander we’re friends. When I got back I was pretty surprised to see you two in my bed deep asleep. I’m glad you got some of that angry thirsty frustration out.”

“Your bed?” Lexa took the plate thankful. Raven offered next a hot cup of coffee.

“Yup. My bed.”

“Sorry I uh, I’ll clean your sheets first thing Raven.” Lexa took a sip of the black coffee, which she desperately needed to recover from the pounding in her head.

“Thanks Lexa. So? You two are back to being lovey dovey?” Raven asked, concerned for her best friend and new friend as well.

“No. It was a one-time thing. She bolted first thing this morning Raven. It was just drunken sex.” Lexa hummed feeling the warm food in her stomach. “Clarke doesn’t want me that way. Not anymore.”

“Sorry to hear that. I was hoping you two were going to reach some understanding, but I guess not.”

“And what about Octavia? I spoke with her last night, and she was miserable.”

“She feels guilty for what happened to me. I can’t deal with her pity Lexa. I think we’re in need of a night out my friend. You and I need to forget the ladies that make us suffer.”

Lexa nodded. “I think Octavia is regretful Raven, maybe you should speak with her.”

“Nah Commander, it will only hurt more. I’m tired of holding this together when she really doesn’t see me as anything but a bother.”

“I see. But you shouldn’t give up Raven, being without the one you love is not something I desire for you.”

“It’s okay. I can handle it.”

 

The two fell into a comfortable silence having their breakfast together. Lexa was thankful for Raven’s company and headed to the restroom to wash her face and make herself look halfway presentable before heading back home to Anya who probably was a mess too.

Lexa heard the noise outside of the restroom, someone banging on the door pretty hard.

“What the fuck?” Raven exclaimed a bit worried.

Another hit and the door was down.

“Hey!” Raven stood up from the chair to meet a man big enough to throw her like a rag doll.

“Hello little bird, did you miss me?”

“Emerson what the fuck!?”

“Your mommy keeps owing us cash sweetie, and the boss says we need to collect.”

“I fucking paid! I’m done with this shit!”

Lexa recognized that name. It was the bastard who almost hurt Raven last time; she quickly toweled her face and made her way to the entrance.

Raven was being dragged away forcefully when Lexa interrupted.

“Leave her alone!”

“Holy shit, it’s that psycho bitch again!” Emerson pointed to one of his goons. “Get rid of her too. Raven and I are going on a little ride.”

Lexa fisted her hands and went to meet the two dudes standing on her way. “Let her go!”

In a second the brawl exploded. The men were hitting hard enough to cause serious damage, and even though Lexa wasn’t as sharp as usual thanks to her wicked hangover, she was still faster than the goons. She hit in a quick combination of fists to the ribs and solar plexus of one attacker and met the other with a kick to the chin. She ran after Emerson who was pulling Raven down the stairs while the mechanic struggled to escape from the man’s iron grip.

Once Emerson reached the ground with Raven, Lexa jumped from several steps up and pushed the man as far from Raven as she could. Emerson landed in the dirt and then stood up, but not before throwing sand at Lexa’s eyes.  She lost  visibility for a second and absorbed hits on her torso and jaw.

“Lexa!” Raven cried. She was trying to stand, but her leg was in extreme pain after the fall during Lexa’s attack.

Lexa shook her head and managed to dodge the last strike by rolling on the floor and kicking  Emerson’s knee from behind, making him fumble. She started a relentless rain of fists when she was struck on the back by a blunt object.

Lexa was a tad disoriented, but she went full speed ahead against the predator, elbowing him in his stomach and unleashing a combination of fists and kicks. Lexa hoped that she bought enough time for Raven to get the hell out of there, and she kept punching even when her knuckles were bruised and bloodied. One man connected a kick to her ribs and quickly followed up a butterfly knife.  Lexa barely dodged the first slash that grazed her arm. The man’s hand was fast, and he slashed again with the intent to kill by stabbing Lexa in her face. Lexa scarcely had time to catch the blade with her bare hand holding it away from her, but the man was bigger and stronger. He was pushing the knife to Lexa’s face. She was holding onto the blade with all of her strength, but her hand was slipping because of the blood dripping from her cuts. The edge of the silver point approached her left eye; Lexa pushed a bit harder and growled as the tip of the blade pierced  her skin right above her eye.

“We don’t have time for this, just kill her!” Emerson ordered as he recovered from Lexa’s previous onslaught.

Another of his gang members pulled out a 9mm Glock ready to shoot Lexa who was struggling to gather herself after the blade attack.

“No!” Raven found a chair, and she hit the arm of the man right before he pulled the trigger.

_BANG!_

In the background she could hear the sirens of the cops approaching which meant someone thankfully called them. The bullet missed its intended target, and Lexa used the distraction to throw an uppercut to the man’s jaw who lost his knife in the process.

“This bitch fucked this up again. Let’s go!” Emerson retreated leaving Lexa and Raven on the patio of the building alone. “This isn’t over Reyes,” and the men bolted from the building complex.

 

“Shit! Are you okay Lexa?” Raven was shaking, but she managed to walk to the brunette whose face and hand were bleeding a copious amount of blood.

“I’m fine. Did they hurt you?” Lexa stumbled a bit, and Raven held her.

“No, no. I’m okay.”

Lexa nodded, and Raven helped Lexa sit down.

“What the hell Raven?” Lexa asked trying to catch her breath after such intense brawl. “I thought you were done with those men.”

“I was.” Raven leaned against the wall next to Lexa. “Emerson came to the shop one day. My mom, she kept getting herself in trouble after I left and well, I paid Emerson to clear her debts.”

Lexa sighed; she was starting to feel dizzy too. “Raven, no. Those people won’t leave you alone, and your mother will drag you with her if she can. She’s an addict.  She refused your help, and you can’t throw away what you have accomplished. I won’t let you ruin your future for her.”

“What do you suggest then?”

“You’ll stay with me. You’re not coming back to this place. And we’re moving your shop as well. I’ll keep you safe.”

Raven frowned and eyed Lexa. “Okay Commander you’re losing a lot of blood. Let’s get you to a clinic.” Raven tore two pieces from her shirt to press on the bleeding gash over Lexa’s eyebrow and the deep knife cut on her hand.

“I’m serious Raven. The Mount Weather gang is dangerous, and you’re a friend. Please accept my help. I have the resources to expose them. I promise you I won’t rest until they are gone.”

 

“Raven?” Bellamy arrived at the scene interrupting the conversation. “Oh man, are you okay? We got a call, and I recognized your address. Came as fast as we could.” Bellamy went to check Raven then he saw Lexa. “Holy shit! Let’s get you to the hospital.” Bellamy went to grab Lexa, but she yanked her arm away.

“I’m fine Mr. Blake.” Lexa noticed the slight purple mark on his neck hidden behind his collar, and she felt a thousand times worse. Just thinking that right before she and Clarke went upstairs, Clarke had her fun with Bellamy.

“I don’t think so Miss Woods.” Bellamy ordered one of the officers to help Lexa get in the car and transport her to the hospital. Lexa went with some reluctance, but her vision was becoming blurry, and her head was screaming in pain.

“Raven, what happened?”

“A robbery.” Raven stated simply. Lexa turned to eye Raven knowing that the girl was lying, probably to keep the cop away from getting involved with that gang.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes clearly not believing what Raven said. “Raven, you’re my family. If anyone is trying to hurt you I need to know.”

Raven limped her way to the police car. “Don’t worry Bell. You know this ‘hood is pretty hectic.”

“Okay, my guys will check your apartment to be safe and see if they can gather any witness statements. I should call O to let her—“

“NO! You won’t call anyone Bell.” Raven stated firmly. “No one else needs to get involved. Just make sure to take Lexa to the hospital please.”

“Alright. Fine. But O will worry Ray, you know that.” Bellamy made his way back to the police car, and they headed to the hospital to make sure Lexa was all right.

 

 

After getting stitches for the deep cut in her right hand and the slash on her face, she received lots of pain medication that was supposed to help with her bruised ribs as well.  Then Anya drove Raven and Lexa back to the penthouse.

“Jesus Lex, you look like the Pillsbury doughboy.” Anya commented with a tiny smirk in place.

“Ha! You’re hilarious Anya.  Maybe you should be a comic.” Lexa limped her way to her living room followed shyly by Raven who was whistling as she appreciated the nice apartment where Lexa and Anya lived.

“Polis clearly pays their employees well, hot damn.” Raven took in all the details of the place and the nature visible from the large windows letting the sunlight in.

“Make yourself comfortable Raven. I have to arrange something first but—“

“Nope.” Anya stopped Lexa. “You need to rest your dumb ass Lexa. I’ll make sure Raven gets her things from her old place and help her settle in here.”

“Thanks Anya.” Raven smiled grateful for having these two amazing women on her side.

“Don’t get used to it Reyes.” Anya offered a playful smile while helping Lexa up the stairs. “This is all because I love this idiot with all my heart.”

“You’re so cute today Anya, really. Shut up.” Lexa complained and was thankful when she was left on her big ass bed.

 

Lexa was laid down carefully by Anya who helped her remove her shoes. “Well I can totally see that those bruises on your neck have nothing to do with the beating, huh?” Anya giggled as she helped her friend to be more at ease in the bed.

“I can still kick your butt Anya. Enough!”

Anya smiled widely taking out clean clothes for the brunette. “Look, if Griffin makes you happy, I’ll support you Lexa. Yeah, I dislike that brat, but if she means that much to you, know that you’ll always have me. I’m your sister, and if having Griffin is what you want so be it.”

Lexa placed her hand instinctively on her ribs since she was having trouble breathing due to the pain. “Thank you Anya, but don’t worry about me. Clarke wants me miles away from her. She doesn’t feel the same way.  She wants Alexandria or Bellamy, not me. She just wanted a good fuck, and I provided it, that was it.” Lexa’s body was in excruciating pain, however, what hurt the most was her heart. Because she knew that after Clarke walked away from her this morning, there was no chance for them. Clarke was moving on with Bellamy apparently.

“God, we are truly fucked. None of the women who have our affections love us back. We need alcohol for this shit. Be right back Lexa. I’ll help Raven move, and you don’t do anything stupid until I come back.  Stay in bed.”

“I hear you.”

 

Lexa changed into clean clothes and threw the bloodied ones into the laundry even though she suspected she would have to throw them away. She was sitting against the headboard on the bed starting to doze when her phone bleeped. She grabbed it from the night table and checked the screen.

 **Princess69** : hey, can I tell you smth?

“Yes Clarke, you can finish destroying my heart.” Lexa said, but she typed something different of course.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Always.

 **Princess69** : I slept w my ex. A big mistake but, idk, I feel bad.

Lexa closed her eyes; this was going to ruin her completely.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Why? Did you do it to punish her?

Lexa awaited several minutes for a response, it seems that Clarke typed and deleted her text message and then typed it again.

 **Princess69** : No, I really wanted to do it. I think I missed the physical contact. I’m not sure if that is all tho. I’m confused because I’m angry but I still like her.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : You can’t use people like that! You’re selfish so make up your mind and stop playing games!

“Fuck!” Lexa didn’t even think about her response.  She mixed her personal feelings with her alter ego Alexandria’s persona, and the anger spilled out.

“Come on. Answer me Clarke. Shit!” Lexa waited and waited, but there was no response for what felt like forever.  Finally, the phone bleeped again.

 **Princess69** : I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : No, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Please forgive me.

Princess69 didn’t reply. Lexa knew she probably fucked that up as well. She threw her phone back on the night stand and tried to sleep the pain away.

 

 

After a several days stuck in bed because her injuries, Lexa was finally able to get back to her office. She needed to return to her usual routine of answering her fans and writing her column in an effort to bury her feelings for Clarke.  She knew she had to stop loving her because this was never going to work between them. She was losing hope, and the loneliness had never affected her as much as it did now. Tasting heaven only to lose it again had been brutal, more so than the fight. A moment of intimacy between her and Clarke had never been as wonderful or as painful. Lexa wanted more and Clarke wanted none.

Clarke had stopped texting Alexandria proving that Lexa had fucked that up too.  First she had to get a grip on her life before trying to get Alexandria back on good terms with Clarke.

A knock on the door announced a visitor. Lexa lifted her gaze to the door to greet him.

“Hey boss, Mr. Dante needs a word.” Ryder peeked through the door.

“Be there in 5.”

Ryder nodded and shut the door. Lexa quickly sent a couple more messages to some fans before heading to Dante Wallace’s office.

 

The walk to the magazine owner’s office was short. Once you took the lift to the top floor, you were met by his receptionist Maya with a warm smile.

“Good day Miss Woods.” Maya greeted from her desk.

“Hey Maya. Mr. Wallace wants to talk?”

“Yes, one second.” Maya pressed some buttons on her phone and announced Lexa. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” Lexa walked to the back of the reception area where a double door awaited her.

Lexa turned the knob and went in to see the man who had employed her and offered her the chance to write her first book.

The old man smiled and offered Lexa one of the chairs in front of his big desk. “Thank you for coming Lexa.”

“What is it Mr. Dante? A problem with the column?” Lexa sat and crossed her legs one on top of the other. Her eyes noticed how he scanned her bruised face and her heavily bandaged hand, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“No, not at all. Actually it’s about this.” The man pulled another magazine from her drawer. “This article about Clarke Griffin, the hero of TonDC High.”

Lexa’s eyes widened just for the briefest of seconds. That was ‘Azgeda Times,’ the magazine where Nia worked, and she knew this were going to be bad news.

“Read it please.” Dante offered the magazine to Lexa who accepted it with a stern expression and flipped through the pages until she found Clarke’s picture and began to read.

 

The article offered an insight into Clarke’s life as a student and how she changed after the massacre of TonDC High. The way art had become a way to soothe her ghosts from the past. Everything seemed pretty normal until she reached the more intimate part of the interview. Attached on the side was a picture of her and Clarke hugging in the cemetery during the remembrance of the fallen during the Winter Formal. Lexa had no idea she was being followed.

_“Clarke confessed that she had been attracted by the passion of her teacher Lexa, but her lies trapped Clarke in a web of deception. The teacher used her power to manipulate the innocent girl and to start a toxic relationship that ended when Clarke threatened to escape.”_

Lexa felt a cold tremor ran down her spine. “Sir, I…”

“Did you have an illicit affair with this girl Lexa?” Dante asked.

Lexa shook her head. She couldn’t believe Clarke trusted Nia with this information, much less that she hated her enough to tell Nia a twisted version of their relationship.  Surely Clarke wouldn’t intentionally sabotage her career.

_“Lexa Woods was the best substitute teacher and the biggest liar there is, confessed Clarke. Lexa inspired me, and I couldn’t help but to fall for her smart mind and passion, but it was all lies because she left me behind. Clarke admitted as much…”_

“This is bullshit!” Lexa stood up crunching the magazine in her hand.

“Look Lexa, this interview reveals things that negatively affect your name. And since you are one of our writers, I would rather keep this separate from our magazine until everything calms down. Everyone in DC knows who Clarke is, and once you reveal you’re Alexandria, the scandal will explode. Until we get a better and objective view of what really happened, I have no choice but to suspend you until further notice.”

“What? Sir, Nia did this on purpose.  She manipulated the interview and young naïve Clarke fell for it.  Please. This is all I have left!”

“I’m sorry Lexa. I promise once we get the full version of the facts, we’ll meet again to discuss your future as a writer for Polis. But for now it’s better for you to keep a low profile. You will be at the center of media storm since you were involved with your student, the infamous Clarke Griffin, regardless of the circumstances.”

Lexa clenched her jaw, she nodded and turned on her heel. There was nothing else to do.

Lexa returned to her desk and shoved her things in a box as fast as she could her and headed back home.

 

 

“Fuck this shit!” Raven threw the magazine back on the table looking incredulously at Lexa who was drinking with Anya and her in ‘The Dropship’ at the end of one of the worst days of Lexa’s life.

Lexa shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, I’m suspended, and Nia is probably laughing with Clarke about my tarnished reputation.”

“Enough with stupid journalists. Let’s not mind them.” Anya drank her tequila shot.

“Come on Lexa, Clarke might be angry, but she’s not a bitch. She’s all heart.  She’d never say something like this.” Raven had to give the benefit of the doubt to her friend. She knew Clarke could hold a grudge, but to do this and ruin a good woman’s reputation was not Clarke’s style.

Lexa drank her shot and bit the lime after. “It doesn’t matter Raven. As long as there is no further proof, nothing will go beyond this stupid article. We just have to let the storm pass.”

Anya’s phone started to ring, and she noticed it was Costia calling. “Uh It’s Cos. Guess she’s worried about you.” With some sadness Anya walked to a quieter area to answer her friend. After a brief time away, the tall blonde returned to their table. Anya gulped down the rest of her booze and poured herself some more. “You know?” Anya slurred. “It’s kind of funny that the women of our dreams don’t love us, and the irony is that we each took a bullet for each one of them too.” Anya pressed her hand over her bullet scar near her heart.

“Shit, that’s true.” Raven glanced at her useless leg inside her brace.  After pushing Octavia to save her life, her leg was rendered useless. And she has been a burden to her friend ever since.

“Yes, it’s weird. It’s like it was meant to be. Connected by a sick game of destiny to love people who elude us. We were ready to die for those women and look at us now. Drunk and alone.” Lexa grabbed the bottle and poured herself more; the numbness she felt at least helped her ease her pain to some extent.

“This is all fucked up.” Raven raised her shot. “Let’s have fun though. Cheers!”

 

The trio of new friends drank until they were practically kicked out of the club.

“Oh man, I would totally fuck a random stranger, but I feel too sad tonight.” Anya pulled out her wallet and left several bills.

Lexa did the same paying for her drinks and Raven’s. “Better go home. Can you get us a cab Anya?”

“You got it.”

Anya went ahead of them. Raven and Lexa made their way out of the club a couple of minutes later holding each other to avoid falling on their drunken asses.

“This is not fair!” Raven said absentmindedly, and Lexa turned to face the young mechanic.

“We’ve done what we could to survive in this harsh world, and yet this is how life treats us.” Raven lowered her head and fisted her hands.

“It’s a test.  We need to be strong Raven. Push those feelings aside and stand tall no matter what.” Lexa cupped Raven’s cheek with care trying to infuse some hope into Raven.

“I miss O, but if she can’t value me for myself then what do I have left? I’m just a mechanic, I fix cars for a living, and my mom is an alcoholic. I’ll never be good enough!”

“You are enough Raven.”

Raven laughed bitterly and leaned in to embrace Lexa, sinking her head against Lexa’s collared shirt. Lexa was a bit stiff at first, but the hug made her feel a little better so she surrounded Raven as well. Supporting each other was the only thing they had left. “You too Commander. If Clarke can’t see that, it’s her loss.”

“It’s all my fault Raven. I turned her into this woman who’s angry and bitter. I tried to fix things with Alexandria, but Clarke ended up hating me more and falling for her.” Lexa chuckled sadly.

Raven pushed away from the hug blinking rapidly to remove the tears in her eyes. “What? Alexandria from Between the Sheets?”

Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, Clarke is crushing on her fucking hard. What do you have to do with her?”

“I’m her Raven. Alexandria is just my pen name.”

“Holy fuck! You and THE Alexandria are the same? Shit!” Raven gaped completely surprised.

“Yes, one and the same.”

__________________

Clarke grumbled under her pillow wondering why her phone was ringing nonstop. She peeked out from under her sheets to check the watch on nightstand. It was still early.  Some rays of light were filtering through her curtains, and the sound of birds singing meant it was way too early to be awake on a Saturday morning.

Clarke reached blindly for her phone to see what in the world was going on that demanded her attention on a Saturday morning. When she slid the lock screen, she read all of her text messages.

“What the fuck?” Clarke was reading all the texts from her friends  - everyone from Echo to Monroe asking her about her dalliance with Lexa.

Clarke jumped out of her bed. She washed her face with the cold water, dried it and went directly to Octavia’s room.  She was probably asleep after the two of them had a pizza and beer last night.

Clarke knocked on her friend’s door. “O, wake up please!” Clarke knocked again, louder this time.

“Shit Clarke. One sec!” After a couple of minutes, Octavia opened her door rubbing her sleepy eyes. “Sup?”

Clarke shoved her phone into Octavia’s face for her to read. “What the...? How did they found out?”

“I don’t know. I was in the workshop all day and left my phone here. It had been bleeping  nonstop so I ignored it.” Clarke assumed it had been Alexandria. After their last text convo, things ended on an awkward note even though both apologized. Clarke hated that the woman had been right though; she was selfish keeping Lexa on a leash while fooling around.  She had no right, and Alexandria forced her to see the ugly truth. She had to text her friend again and offer a better apology.

“Let me text Monroe to see what is going on.” Octavia went back inside her room, and Clarke paced in the living room wondering how on earth people reached that conclusion.

Octavia came out seconds later. “It’s your interview Clarke. Check ‘Azgeda Times’ for the article.”

 

Clarke quickly went to her room and put on a hoodie and sweatpants.  She grabbed her wallet and practically ran to the campus bookstore. As soon as she saw the magazine on the stand, she grabbed it and paid.

She made her way to the park and sat under a tree to read the article.

Clarke almost choked when she saw pictures of her and Lexa hugging. The art student read the whole article, and her mouth was on the floor. It’s like her words had been altered somehow; the tone in which her interview was written seemed more bitter and angry than it actually was.

“Nia will hear from me about this.”

 

Clarke stood up, and before she made it back to her dorm to shower before going to see Nia, she was stopped by none other than Costia.

“Do you really think Lexa used you? That she abused her power to charm you?” Costia was serious, her lips were a firm thin line, and her usual brown eyes were despondent and hostile. She had never seen Costia pissed before.

Clarke shook her head. “This is not what I said, I was misquoted!” Clarke waved the magazine. “This isn’t what I meant Costia.  Please believe me.”

“The damage is done Clarke. Last I heard from Anya, Lexa has been suspended from ‘Polis’. Principal Kane also spoke with me and wanted me to provide any information about this, but I did damage control to the best of my ability. I guess you should speak with your mother in case Marcus calls her to check her version. This interview makes Lexa look like a monster Clarke, like a ruthless woman who abused her power. After she got beat up and now with the suspension she is—“

“Slow down, beat up? What?” Clarke was stunned.

“That was several days ago Clarke. Lexa is much better, don’t worry.” Costia informed. “Listen Clarke, I know you’re a good person, but sometimes you let anger consume you and revenge only brings more pain. If you’re not going to be with Lexa anymore, just let her go. As long as you’re in the picture, she won’t move on, and she’s in pain.” Costia took Clarke’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “She’s my friend, and I can only hope she finds someone that makes her as happy as you did, but stop hurting her Clarke. Lexa is the kind of woman who would hold the weight of the world on her shoulders for your sake, and she has had enough.” Costia smiled honestly, her brown eyes scanning Clarke’s face.

“I’m really sorry Costia. I had no idea, shit, Lexa warned me, and I knew Nia wasn’t to be trusted but I… Hell, I know I fucked up but I will fix this. I promise.”

Costia pulled the young blonde into her arms, keeping her steady in her wrecked state and offering soothing words to her ear. Clarke was sobbing into the warmth of her neck using the comfort to ease the guilt she felt. Costia was truly a gift from heaven,  this woman’s capacity to forgive and to love was one of the things Clarke really needs to learn from her. This woman was practically perfect, and nothing but the best should happen to Costia Greene.

 

However, that was far away from happening at the moment because on the other side of campus stood Anya Forrest, watching the woman she loved holding the blonde who ruined her best friend’s life, peppering kisses on the top of her blonde locks with love and care. Anya had gone to ‘Ark U’ to kick Clarke’s ass.  But now that Costia was holding Clarke, Anya felt her heart break into even smaller pieces.  Anya knew she would never recover, sighed resigned and headed back to her car.

Clarke finally calmed down and let go of Costia. “I’ll make things right Costia. Thank you.”

Costia smiled once again and watched the young girl go.

 

 

The ‘Azgeda Times’ building was farther than expected. The drive took Clarke several hours. Octavia had joined her to offer moral support in this messed up situation. Together they headed north to reach Nia Quinn.

Clarke didn’t expect that her affair with Lexa was going to be the latest gossip in town. Several reporters were calling the famous hero of TonDC for an exclusive interview, but Clarke had shut down her phone. She needed to clear things up with Nia and make sure that she explained why her interview and article was a distorted view of the truth.

Clarke parked and got out of her blue shiny car. Octavia took a look around and zipped her jacket to keep herself warm against the cold gust of wind.

“Let’s go, O.”

The two girls entered the building with its imposing white walls. The air was chilly in this part of the town, and Clarke could feel the hair on her arms prickling. They pushed opened the door, and Clarke announced herself at the receptionist desk hoping to get a meeting with Nia.

After waiting for several minutes, Clarke was allowed in Nia’s office. When Clarke entered, she was met with a wide space, white walls and minimalist decoration. Nia was smiling in that way of hers that made Clarke’s stomach churn inside.

“Clarke, this is a wonderful surprise.”

“Cut the crap! You changed my words! I never spoke about Lexa like that!” Clarke’s face was red in anger, and her fists clenched hard.

Nia smiled and observed Clarke. “Clarke, those were your words, I simply transcribed what you said.” Nia pulled out a black tiny recorder from a drawer and pushed a button.

 _“Lexa cared for me and then she turned on me. She had no honor and betrayed me. I loved her.”_ That was Clarke’s voice, and you could hear the sadness and anger.

Nia stopped the recorder. “I interpreted your pain Clarke.  That was my job. You did the rest.” Nia chuckled lightly.

“Your questions, they pushed me to say those things.” Clarke couldn’t believe that she had been played, she fell like a fool in Nia’s game. “You’re a bi—“

“Careful, Clarke. I’m just helping you. Lexa is not the woman you think she is. She’s a predator looking for young girls like you.” Nia was smiling widely.

“What do you mean?”

Nia grabbed a yellow folder off her desk and pulled out some pictures. “Look for yourself.”

Clarke approached the desk with caution, wary of Nia’s intentions. She picked up the pictures and circled in red marker was the face of Lexa and

“Raven?” Clarke shook her head. Lexa and Raven were holding each other intimately.  They were outside a club, probably ‘The Dropship.’

“Yes, Lexa now lives with her. Like I said, she likes them young.”

Clarke shook her head moving to the next picture. There was no mistake; it was Lexa and Raven. “No, Raven wouldn’t. She…”

“Clarke, who are you going to trust?”

Clarke didn’t say anything.  She simply glared at Nia and threw the photos back on her desk.

“Clearly not you. Lexa is not the woman described in that fake interview. I will make a statement to the press and you and I are done.”

Clarke turned around and quickly headed to the exit with angry strides and a confused mind.

 

 

The drive to Raven’s apartment from ‘Azgeda Times’ building gave Clarke plenty of time to think. Clarke’s head was pounding in anger and guilt knowing that this was her fault. She had to explain this to the press and assure them that Lexa had not done anything that the interview tried to portray. Her knuckles were white while she gripped the steering wheel hating herself for her stupidity and believing in Nia. She should have known Lexa would never lie to her or hurt her on purpose.

“Here we are.” Octavia mentioned bringing Clarke out of her inner thoughts..

Clarke nodded. “Yeah so um, I know that you two aren’t speaking right now so I uh, I’ll go check on her while you wait here.”

Clarke got out of the car and went into the old building and up the stairs until she reached Raven’s apartment. The door was smashed and had yellow police tape blocking the entrance.

“What the…” Clarke stared inside the apartment observing the mess inside and the dried blood on the tiles. Clarke rushed back to her car. Her face was paler than ever which caused Octavia to touch her shoulder with a concerned expression.

“Where is she?”

“I, I uh, I don’t know.” Clarke didn’t want to believe Nia, but those pictures were real. Lexa and Raven hugging outside a club. Like since when did Lexa hug people like that?

“Her shop is shut down too, so where is she?” Octavia pulled out her phone to call Raven. She knew she had been an ass with her, and they haven’t spoken since that party a couple of weeks ago, but she had to find out where she was.

Clarke waited for Octavia to call her friend, her fingers tapping on the wheel impatiently.

“She’s not answering me.” Octavia said with disappointment.

“Let me try.” Clarke made her call, but she didn’t get a response either.  She closed her eyes sighing. She thought again about what Nia said and called someone who could help them out. “Hey Monty I need a favor. Yeah, you got it. I need the address of Lexa Woods.”

Minutes later Clarke received a text message and tapped a thankful response to Monty, and she began to drive to the address.

Octavia frowned at Clarke obviously questioning why they were heading to Lexa’s place, but Clarke didn’t want her to tell her about Raven’s involvement with Lexa.

“I’ll apologize for the article,” was the only information Clarke provided.

 

Driving further away from the center of the city, they encountered less cars on the road as they reached a fancy huge building standing among the trees.

Octavia whistled as she observed the luxury tower, and Clarke parked.

“Wait for me O.”

Clarke headed to the front of the building and announced herself to the security guard at the front door.  She didn’t know what floor Lexa lived on, and she needed to buzz someone to let her in.  Lucky for her, a pizza delivery guy approached the buzzer and pressed a button to penthouse A. Clarke smiled awkwardly at the man who smiled back. A familiar voice answered the call.

_“Yeah?”_

“Pizza for Anya.”

The door opened, and Clarke headed to the door holding it. “Hey man, I’m going right to that floor, Anya is waiting for me too.”

Clarke pulled out a $20, “I’ll pay for it,” and gave a charming smile to the delivery guy. The man shrugged and offered a smile back to the blonde. Clarke winked and went inside the building. She pushed the lift button. When the doors opened, she pushed the top floor to reach the penthouse.

The elevator didn’t stop anywhere else so Clarke reached the floor quickly. “Daaaamn, Lexa has to earn a lot of money now.”

Clarke took a glance outside a window and marveled at how pretty the view was from here. You could still see the lights of the buildings in the city from here, but also could appreciate nature. It was a beautiful place, and Clarke would have loved being here with Lexa. She remembered the days she spent in Lexa’s old place back in the suburbs and how happy they have been there. Feeding each other in the most domestic way and cuddling, watching movies on the couch. The briefest of romances but the most significant of her life that unfortunately had burned a hole in her heart that was never going to heal completely.

 

She took a deep breath when she reached the double doors of the apartment. There was the doorbell, and Clarke was going to press it when she heard a voice.

“OH MY GOD! Right fucking there!”

Clarke put her ear closely against the door. _Raven?_

“Yes, yes yessss! Oh fuck, Lexa!”

Clarke took a step back, her heart started beating erratically.

“Oh no! Don’t you fucking dare! Get off my ass!”

Clarke was about to have a heart attack. She really didn’t want to imagine what the hell Lexa was doing to Raven’s ass; she was shaking like a leaf.

“Oh poor Reyes, she can’t handle a simple banana.”

Clarke’s eyes widened when she heard Anya laughing.

_What the hell is going on? Anya, Raven and Lexa?_

Clarke was feeling sick, her stomach queasy. She never thought that Lexa was that kind of woman. She wasn’t going to start kink shaming though, she had to admit that pulling Lexa’s braids was a thing she had but…

“Are you going to come in?”

“Jesus!” Clarke jumped almost dropping the pizza box. She removed her hand from her chest  and raised her gaze to meet the usual green that made her melt on the inside.

Green. Green. Green.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke gulped down and hid her cheeks in embarrassment seeing that Lexa was fully clothed.

“Is that our pizza? I imagined the delivery boy was supposed to arrive minutes ago, but here you are.”

“Ah yeah, here.” Clarke passed the box to Lexa.

The woman’s hand was heavily wrapped; she had a bandage on her forehead and you could see the fading purple of bruises on her face. Clarke suddenly got worried. What if Nia sent people to hurt Lexa? Would that woman go to those extremes?

Lexa turned around leaving the door open. Clarke remained outside because she wasn’t going to interrupt whatever was going on with Lexa and company, but from her position she spotted the huge TV screen with Mario Kart on display.

_Shit! Of course it had to be fucking Mario._

Clarke felt awkward and embarrassed seeing that the three women were racing, not fucking each other.

 

Lexa returned with her hands inside the pockets of her sweatpants.  She was wearing an ‘Ark U’ hoodie with the colors of the soccer team.  Even when she was dressed casually, Clarke noticed the small gait while she walked.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.” Clarke looked into the depths of the beautiful eyes of the brunette. Sometimes Clarke had to wonder how her eyes could look so green sometimes. As green as the nature outside of this penthouse.

Green. Green. Green.

“About what happened at Raven’s party…” Lexa took her out of her reverie.

“What about it?” Clarke asked, as if she had no recollection of the events. Of course Lexa could read her. “I uh, it’s fuzzy for me.” Clarke lied.

Lexa nodded understanding that this was how it was going to be. Clarke wasn’t going to acknowledge what happened between them.

A mistake Clarke had texted about to Alexandria.  Therefore, Lexa knew she remembered.

 

“Hey Commander we’re hungry, when are you— Clarke?” Raven walked to the entrance interrupting Clarke and Lexa’s conversation pretty surprised to see the blonde standing at the door.

“So it’s true. You two live together now?” Clarke asked looking at her friend and Lexa.  They seemed to be pretty comfortable with one another like they have been hanging out for some time.

“Oh woah slow down Clarke, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not what it looks like.” Raven took a step forward.

“You were together at ‘The Dropship’ too. I saw some pics of you two being very cozy.” Clarke spat, hard blue eyes on Raven and Lexa.

“Pictures?” Lexa frowned in that trademark way of hers when she is confused. “Nia.” Lexa concluded.

“Look Lexa, I’m sorry about how Nia’s interview turned out. I’ll make sure to clear things up.” Clarke apologized truthfully. “ And uh, since when you two are buddies huh? Is anything else going on between you two?”

“Hell no!” Raven turned around and smirked at Lexa. “No offense Commander, you’re hot but not my type.” The mechanic pulled Clarke to the empty hall. “Let’s talk.”

Lexa observed once more the hypnotizing sad blue eyes and left into the living room with Anya giving some privacy to Raven and Clarke.

 

“What the fuck Raven? Now you’re Lexa’s bff?”

“Clarke calm down. Listen.” Raven took a deep breath and exhaled, relaxing her body as much as she could. “Lexa’s been helping me out since last year. She picked me up at work and dropped me at my place every night since it was dangerous and she’s all chivalrous and shit.”

“Since last year?” Clarke shook her head, not believing that they had been seeing each other for so long.

“We made small conversation at first, but Lexa is really interesting, and she knows a lot of stuff. We started to talk more, and we became friends bonding over you. Just friends Clarke, she’s still pining and being broody for you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t she? Why the lie?”

“Because you would have gotten like this. Angry and unreasonable Griff, so I kept my mouth shut. You hated Lexa, and I was getting to know her. I consider her a friend and Anya too. I owe her so much. She saved my sorry ass again, you know? Emerson came back, and she kept me safe. She risked her life for me Clarke.”

“Emerson!?! Why you didn’t tell us, Ray? I have to find out all of this information from others and not you who are supposed to be MY friend. It’s like I don’t know you anymore!” Clarke growled biting her lower lip to stop it from shaking. “You’re another liar! Makes sense that the liars are going to get acquainted with each other. I can’t trust you either Ray.”

“Clarke, just fucking listen to me!”

“You know what? I’m not gonna rob you of time with your friends Raven. Go back to your amazing Lexa. You two deserve each other.” Clarke turned on her heel and punched the button of the elevator to get the hell away from there, leaving a stunned Raven with her shoulders slumped looking at nothing.

 

“Shit, she’s mad.” Raven went back into the apartment and found Lexa standing close which meant she heard the discussion. “I’m sorry man, I should’ve been honest with her. Clarke now thinks the worst of us.”

“You’re right. We should have been honest. I lied too, and I paid the price. But I guess I have one more chance to tell the truth. No more lies Raven. Closing off has caused me nothing but trouble with Clarke.”

Raven raked her hands through her hair and put it back into a high ponytail. “Whatcha gonna do?”

“I guess it’s time for Clarke to know who Alexandria is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, nothing can go well for our fave badasses, can't it?  
> Yoooo get your 'Azgeda Times' people, don't get left behind the ultimate scoop about the Hero of TonDC High and next week we are having a book launch, how exciting!
> 
> See you then,
> 
> Tana


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke popped another nacho with cheese in her mouth and gulped it down with a bottle of Corona. Octavia munched beside the blonde now that they were back in their dorm. The two students were missing the third member of their special group, the third musketeer, the third powerpuff girl of their triad.

Octavia noticed that their bag of nachos was almost empty, she finished her beer and went to the fridge to get out the ice cream pints.  She offered one to Clarke, and she took the other.

“I miss her.” Octavia pouted, she took a spoonful of her cookies and cream ice cream.

“Yeah, but she’s pretty happy with her new buddies Lexa and Anya.” Clarke took a swig of her beer and drank it with bitterness.

“Clarke, come on! I failed Raven as her girlfriend and friend.  It’s not her fault that someone like Lexa befriended her. Lexa’s pretty cool with her poems and romantic stuff.”

Clarke arched her brows looking at Octavia. “Oh gosh, you have fallen under her spell too, O.”

Octavia dug her spoon into her ice cream. “Clarke, I’m serious. Lexa’s not the devil incarnate.  I get you’re still angry with her, but she’s doing her best, and I’m glad she was there for Raven. Lexa kept Raven safe when I couldn’t. She didn’t even let me know what happened Clarke.” Octavia took another spoonful of her ice cream.

Clarke thought about the fading bruises on Lexa’s face, the bandage on her forehead and hand, of how she kept someone important to her safe. That was Lexa Woods, selfless and caring even when her body language screamed broody and scary. Clarke felt bad for lying to her. What happened between them had been special. She couldn’t lie to herself; it was not just a good fuck.  It meant a lot to her. But again, she behaved like a bitter child and lied to Lexa. Not to mention the debacle with the interview, she truly fucked it up big time.

“Raven kept silent about Emerson. We could have helped her!” Clarke opened her pint and took a big spoonful.

“You know Ray deals with her shit alone. She’s independent as fuck and wouldn’t tell us anything.” Octavia looked at the lockscreen on her phone where she was in celebrating victory in the soccer field after the ‘Grounders’ beat the ‘Mountaineers’ and won the high school championship.

“Lexa was hurt too. She protected Raven again and I… shit.” Clarke closed her eyes for an instant, and she smiled at the memory of wounded Lexa laying on her couch trying to sleep. She was kneeling at her side, just leaning over her and about to steal a kiss back when Lexa was forbidden, and all she wanted was to taste her lips. “I really have to fix this shit Nia did. Well, that I did. It’s the least I can do to repay her for what she did for Raven. I will help Lexa get her job back.”

“Yeah, you do that Clarke. I’ll try to talk to Raven and see if we can meet up and talk, if she answers any of my texts that is. She’s my girl Clarkey. My number one girl, and I can’t lose her.” Octavia sobbed and dug the spoon deep into the ice cream pint. “I don’t pity her. I admire her, I wish I was half as strong as she is.”

“Man, we are a true mess. I have to text Alexandria too. I was an idiot with her, and I haven’t texted her again. I have a lot of things to mend so I’m off O, good night.”

“Yeah, good night Clarke.”

 

Clarke got off the couch and picked up her trash. She disposed of her items and headed to the washroom. She showered and changed into comfortable clothes before sitting on her bed. She opened the drawer, pulled out her cell phone,  and opened the bird app to text the woman who had been nothing other than caring and sweet.

Clarke leaned on the headboard of the bed, extending her legs comfortably on the mattress. She turned on the TV and texted the writer.

 **Princess69** : I’m sorry for being radio silent for so long. I’m sorry I acted like a moron. Forgive me?

Clarke hoped that it was a good time to chat with Alexandria. Hopefully they could mend their friendship even though Clarke was feeling something else for the woman. She wanted to talk like they used to do. Almost like when she used to talk with Lexa in the art classroom. The only difference is that Alexandria was lighter, less problematic than Lexa.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : There is nothing to forgive Wanheda69.

Clarke smiled happy to see she got a response, and the good humor of the woman made her heart skip a beat.  This was a good sign. She started to type again hoping to get back on track.

 **Princess69** : I’m truly sorry for being an ass. I’ve been acting like the ultimate brat, and I did something stupid too.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : People make mistakes.

 **Princess69** : yeah, but what I did ruined someone who didn’t deserve it. I need to speak with your boss.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Dante Wallace is his name. What business do you have with him?

 **Princess69** : the person I hurt works with you. idk if you know her, but she writes for Polis too. Her name is Lexa.

Alexandria took her time to answer.  After a couple of minutes a notification popped on Clarke’s screen.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Yes, I know her very well.

Clarke was amazed that Alexandria knew who Lexa was. It had never occurred to her that Lexa might know Alexandria. ‘Polis Magazine’ was huge, and the fact that these two knew each other meant that Clarke could find out about the mystery writer if and only _if_ she dared to speak with Lexa again. As things were right now she doubted it. The situation between them was a complete disaster of feelings and pain.

 **Princess69** : cool. Dante then. I’ll speak w him to clear things up. Thanks Alexandria, you rock <3

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I’m here to help.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I also think it’s time we meet each other, don’t you think Wanheda?

Clarke gasped. “Are you serious? You wanna meet me?” Clarke was totally stunned and excited.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I mean, if you want to. I trust you, and I want to be honest. I’ve been wanting  to tell you something for some time, but it has to be face to face.

“Oh God. She wants to tell me something!” Clarke was now gasping for air. Her mind raced as the thought of all the reasons Alexandria, the most popular writer of ‘Polis Mag,’ wanted to see her. Clarke was ecstatic. “What if she’s gonna tell me she’s in love with me?” Clarke started to do little squeals. “What if she forgot about her lover and now wants to tell me she feels something for me?” Clarke didn’t waste any time and typed a quick reply.

 **Princess69** : sure. I wanna meet you too :)

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I’ll send you an invitation to my book launch party. I’ll meet you there. If you don’t mind providing me an address I’ll mail your invitation.

 **Princess69** : right, send it to Ark University, Arkadia Street, Dorm 309. The name’s Clarke.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I will.

 **Princess69** : thanks a lot. I’m so excited to see you. It’s kinda late so ttyl ;)

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Sleep well, Clarke.

 

Clarke jumped out of her bed and raised her fists into the air.  She was so damn excited to meet the woman who brought easy smiles and peace of mind back into her life. Alexandria was a friend who came with her silly romantic column and conquered that darkness with her light. She pushed away the pain left by the traitor and replaced the sadness with happiness. Clarke was on the moon just thinking about seeing for the first time the woman who saved her from the pit of despair and lifted her up. Yes, she might never be able to rip Lexa out of her heart and soul, but Alexandria could be a new beginning, a new start.  Clarke could think of nothing better than meeting the famous writer of ‘Between the Sheets’ and at none other than her debut novel launch.

After all the euphoria Clarke returned to her bed and turned off the lamp.  She pulled the covers over her body and closed her eyes. She was still feeling the excitement of meeting the writer when she began to dream of times when she felt just like this. Of times when she was happy to be in love with a certain English literature teacher.

She dreamt of her deep green eyes, and her soft mouth, of calloused hands busted by fights to protect the people she cared about. The glorious mane with its wild curls, and that intricate back tattoo crafted with such detail. Clarke could almost feel her fingertips running through each shape and contour, the little gasps of the woman she loved low and alluring. As she started to kiss the warm skin between her shoulder blades, to trace the tiny scars left by the violence of the world, Clarke could inhale her earthy scent, of musk and rain. And Lexa would smile faintly and cup her face in the tenderest way to kiss her, and tell her how much she loved her.

 

Clarke snapped her eyes open.  She could feel the cold tears on her cheeks running wildly without her consent. Angrily, Clarke wiped them off and pulled herself against the headboard, her knees up against her chest, and she leaned her forehead on her knees. She sobbed for several minutes, the night’s cold enveloping her in solitude and heartbreak. She missed the protective heat of the woman who told her she was going to love her in the dark.

“It’s dark! Where are you now Lexa!? Where!” Clarke growled fisting her hand in the sheets. “You told me you were going to love me, but you lied, and you left me alone. You left me, and you didn’t care!”

The blonde remained in bed a second before standing up. Clarke rummaged through her desk and pulled out her phone. She violently punched the number that she had memorized as soon as she got it. She made her way back to her bed and waited the ringtone. Not two seconds later, she got an answer.

“...” Clarke kept silent listening to her voice. She had been asleep by her sleepy tone.

“Why did you leave me? Why did you stab me in the back?” Clarke was angry and hurt, she got out everything she had locked away inside. When she finished ranting, she wanted to smash the phone, but she waited.

Gosh, she hated the way she said her name, like it was sacred.

“Forget it, I shouldn’t have called. Goodbye Lexa.” She abruptly ended the call and stashed her phone back in its drawer. She heard the ringtone, but she ignored it and tried to sleep again.

 

 

After Clarke got out of her last class of the day, she checked her father’s watch that she had worn since he passed away. She had time today to do what she promised and fix Lexa’s reputation. She hopped in her car, texted Octavia briefly letting her know that she was going to DC and drove towards the Polis offices.

She had been beating herself up after calling Lexa on the phone last night. She knew that had been another big mistake on her long list of fuck ups.

First, she trusted Nia who basically used her to get back at Lexa.

Second, she slept with Lexa because of course she couldn’t contain how attracted she is to her ex. She wasn’t going to mention the word love because nope. Not a good idea at this stage.

Third, she denied in Lexa’s face that she remembered anything about their fling because she is a coward who is still harboring feelings for her. No, not love.

Fourth, Clarke called her ex to pour her pain out in the most pathetic and humiliating way because she missed her. No, she is not in love with her.

At this rate, what other mistakes could Clarke make to keep destroying herself and Lexa on her path of revenge and bitterness?

 

The drive gave Clarke time to adjust the inner turmoil she was feeling and keep a cool head. She was supposed to clear the air and correct Nia’s so-called ‘interview.’  In order to do that, she had to be objective and right now she was anything but objective. For some reason, she noticed that spring was reaching its end, and the summer heat was around the corner.

Clarke parked in front of the large office building and made her way to the entrance of ‘Polis Magazine’ to meet Dante Wallace.

Clarke smiled politely at the secretary. “Hi, I need to speak with Dante Wallace, um my name is Clarke Griffin and I have to speak with him. It’s important.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Erh, no I don’t, but please tell him it’s me. I believe he might be interested in speaking with me.”

“One second,” the secretary called and spoke with someone else. She waited another couple of minutes until the secretary concluded the short call. “Very well, head to the top floor.” The woman handed Clarke a visitor’s pass.

“Thank you.” She was going to move on but she stopped in her tracks. “By the way, do you know if Alexandria is here?”

“Who?” The woman frowned.

“Alexandria, the writer of the ‘Between the Sheets’ column of your mag? They are on the 12th floor.”

“Oh right, yes. If anyone knows about her it should be Ryder, otherwise I don’t know.”

“Really? Is she sick?”

“I have no idea.”

“Okay, thanks.”

 

Clarke thought about buying some flowers to wish her a speedy recovery or something if she was indeed sick. She pushed the lift button and waited a couple of seconds. When the elevator opened its doors, she pushed the button for the top floor.  Right before the doors closed someone called to hold the doors. Clarke pressed another button to keep the doors open when the woman rushed in breathing heavily.

“Thank you.” As soon as the woman faced her, the smile Clarke was sporting was gone.

“You. Just great.”

“Hello Clarke, or should I say the hero of TonDC?”

“Ha, ha. I love your sense of humor, no wonder Lexa is so into you. Broody with jokester. Ontari, right?”

“Indeed. What brings you to Polis?” Ontari selected the 12th floor, drawing Clarke’s curiosity. Maybe this woman also knew Alexandria.

The lift began its ascent. Just Clarke’s luck, she was stuck with Ontari.  The elevator stopped on every floor as people kept getting in and off.  The ride to the 12th floor was going to take forever.

“I’m going to speak with Mr. Wallace about Lexa. What Azgeda published wasn’t all true. I was misquoted.”

“Good for you.” Ontari smiled playfully. “Remorseful?”

“Not quite.”

“You know? I can totally see why you make Lexa weak. You have this spark that makes you volatile, which is appealing to some. You and her also are very much alike in your stubbornness.”

Clarke shook her head in disbelief. “You know nothing about me.”

“I know enough.” Ontari chuckled. “See? Even your snarky remarks are similar.”

“Gosh, you’re pretty annoying. How does Lexa even deal with you?” Clarke mumbled drawing a cheery laugh from the brunette.

“Yep, you’re like a grumpy cat all right. Totally Lexa’s type. If only my sexy writer knew how to deal with your shit Clarke, I bet everything would be much better. Sadly, Lexa is pretty incompetent when you’re around.”

“Not so incompetent when YOU are around.” Clarke eyed Ontari with a cold glare.

Ontari winked and aimed a flirty smile at Clarke. “That’s my job. Not that she needs to look good because well, Lexa is a nice piece of ass. And you know about that don’t you? Grumpy Clarke got a taste. I want some too, and everyone else will want a taste soon, Clarke. Be ready when that happens.”

DING!

“See you later Clarke.” Ontari walked out of the elevator.

Clarke was perplexed. “What do you mean!?” Clarke shouted, but the lift doors closed again with a satisfied Ontari waving goodbye. “Shit!” Clarke sighed letting her aggravation dissipate That woman was seriously a pain in the ass. Why would everyone want a taste of Lexa to begin with?

_No way in hell. No one is getting a taste of Lexa, much less that woman._

 

Finally after what felt an eternity Clarke reached the upper floor. She walked out to meet a young woman with short, dark, frizzy hair and very pale skin. The woman whose name tag read Maya smiled at Clarke.

“Hey uh, I came to speak with Mr. Wallace. I’m Clarke.”

“Oh right, one moment please.” Maya picked her phone and made a call, she announced Clarke. “Please go ahead, Mr. Wallace is waiting.”

“Thanks.”

Clarke crossed the long hall and pushed the door open to meet the big shot of the magazine. His white hair and wrinkles around his eyes were his most prominent features.

“Good day Clarke. I have to say that it is an honor to meet you.”

“For killing people? I’m not sure if I’d be honored Mr. Wallace.” Clarke took the chair in front of the old man.

The man offered a sympathetic smile. “What you did was save lives. You’re a brave girl.”

“Look I’m not here to talk about me. I’m here to explain that interview and speak on behalf of Miss Woods.”

“Lexa is one talented writer, but those allegations are anything but flattering.”

“I know. I was angry at her, but not for the reasons stated in that interview. If you let me I want to clear things up.”

“Sounds good. How do you want to proceed?”

“Um, can we record a video and post it on your magazine website? I don’t want to be misquoted again sir.”

“Very well, we can do that.”

 

Dante and Clarke moved to another room where the man interviewed Clarke for several minutes. Clarke made sure to answer as honestly as she could. This was going to reveal exactly what happened between them. Of course, she left out certain aspects of their relationship because the idea was to help Lexa, not to make things worse for her.

“Thank you for letting me fix this. Lexa doesn’t deserve to be suspended anymore. This job means the world to her; this is her dream coming true.”

A small smile tugged on Dante’s lips. “I can totally see that. Lexa is extremely passionate, which of course translates in her writing. People respect her here, she is a true leader in every sense of the word. I do hope one day she can take the position of editor-in-chief since my son Cage decided to move on with his own business. He doesn’t care for this at all.”

Clarke smiled satisfied with her interview. “She’s pretty smart Mr. Wallace. Miss Woods will do what needs to be done. It is a wise decision sir, if you decide to give Lexa control of the magazine. Thanks again.”

Clarke headed back to the dorms knowing that she did what was right. At least she wouldn’t feel as guilty for treating Lexa like crap.

________________

Rolling on her bed, Lexa mumbled in her sleep. She could feel Clarke’s hands around her throat squeezing her windpipe; her eyes had turned cold. As if the ice of the cold winter had transformed her into a monster.

_No, not winter. You did this._

Lexa remained still nonetheless, allowing Clarke to take her life because that was the least she could do.  If this is what Clarke needed to do to heal, Lexa was willing for it to happen.

_Is this what you want?_

Lexa tried to speak, but she was gasping for the so needed air. Clarke’s hands trembled, but oh her sweet eyes were lifeless, the eyes of a monster and all because of her.

_Claaaarke..._

And the darkness started to swallow her whole, falling on a precipice so dark and twisted, the screams and the gunshots, people running everywhere, blood dripping from wounds and gashes, and in the end she saw Clarke, bathed in a pool of blood, and Lexa’s heart stopped in that instant.

 

Taking a deep breath Lexa sat on her bed startled. She breathed in and out trying to steady her heartbeat.  Her eyes moved to the clock on her night table, the red numbers read 2:04am. Lexa sighed slowly, letting the tremors of her body pass with the nightmare.

She rolled off the bed and padded to her restroom and washed her face with cool water, wiping the sweat and the dread.  She toweled her face and took a couple more of deep breaths trying to keep the horrible images out of her mind.

Lexa was heading back to her bed when her phone started to ring. She frowned wondering who on earth was calling her at this time. She thought about turning off her phone to try and get some sleep. She opened her drawer and was going to reject the call when she saw the name of the girl whose number she never deleted.

“Hello? Clarke?” She was worried. After that nightmare and Clarke calling her after almost a year of being apart, she imagined the worst-case scenario.

“Please, talk to me. Are you okay?” Lexa insisted when Clarke was reluctant to speak, but the call was still connected, and that was a good sign.

The girl finally spoke, and her voice was teary, broken and irritated. She let out all the things that were eating her inside, and Lexa listened and took it all. Lexa had to swallow hard to keep her shit together, her own sadness overcoming her iron will to remain firm.

“Clarke I...” Lexa closed her eyes and let her breath escape her lips shakily. “I did what was best, Clarke.”

Clarke definitely became angrier; she could feel her fury in waves.

“Clarke no! Wait! Just listen to...”

Too late, Clarke ended the call.

 

Lexa stashed her phone and sat on the bed, rubbing her tired eyes. She couldn’t keep doing this. Clarke hated her as much as Lexa loved her.  It was ironic.

Lexa leaned back on the bed pulling up the covers and thinking about her options. Alexandria was a means to an end. Now Clarke was back on good terms with her, Lexa could keep an eye on her and provide the blonde as much help as she could through Alexandria. On the other hand Lexa was in deep shit with Clarke, the girl of azure eyes hated her with the intensity of a thunderstorm. The book debut was extremely close and that was the day she would come clean with Clarke. It was going to be a disaster if things didn’t go as she planned, and she would lose Clarke forever.

The priority right now, however, was to help Raven deal with those gangsters and help the girl repair her friendships. Lexa closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to wander far away until she could claim sleep again.

 

 

During the following days Lexa, taking advantage of her suspension, worked extra hard speaking with people that moved in the same circles as dangerous people of Mount Weather. She uncovered interesting information that once exposed could create havoc in the ranks of Mount Weather and rid the streets of that scum. All she had to do was deliver all the information she had gathered to the cops. The question now was to find a person whom she could trust with this information and would follow it through. If they were crooked, it was going to end badly for her.

_RIP Lexa._

After transcribing all files, Lexa loaded them and pictures that could be evidence against Carl Emerson and headed to ‘The Dropship’ where she was going to meet Anya and Raven.

 

By the time she managed to drive to the popular coffee shop, Anya was already finished with work and should been waiting inside the coffee shop. Raven’s carshop new location was a block away in a more secure area. Therefore, the young mechanic should be arriving soon as well.

Lexa parked and strolled to the busy coffee shop; she greeted by Anya first and took her seat. Raven arrived 5 minutes later.

“Seriously Commander, stop that shit right away. If fucking Emerson hears you’re digging in his turf, you’ll end up dead.” Raven warned before biting her muffin.

“I’m not afraid, Raven.” Lexa said nonchalantly. Her tea was steamy and the aroma helped Lexa to relax after these past few days of intense researching.      

“Don’t worry Reyes. Lexa here knows her craft. And if it comes to kicking ass, know you’re not alone. Daaaaamn, it was so much fun back in high school.” Anya laughed reminiscing how many times she got Lexa in trouble.

“Fun for you who was watching me deal with the drunkards An.” Lexa sipped her tea shaking her head in annoyance.

“Yeah, sorry about that Lex.” Anya winked.

 

“Are you really inviting me to your book event?” Raven changed the topic abruptly. She received her invitation a couple of days ago at her shop, and she had to admit she was surprised.

“Of course, Raven. You’re a friend, and I’d be honored by your presence.”

“Well, that’s a fancy event. I don’t have like fancy clothes to wear.”

“I don’t mind, you’re my guest Raven. If you want to wear jeans and your jacket, go ahead.”

“Alright, but at least let me help with something. I don’t know, the music or the lightning.”

“Sure. I think you should speak with my editor Ontari. She’s helping me with the event.”

“Cool, you got it.”

“Lexa, Ontari is pretty and successful. That woman is smitten so all you have to do is ask her out.” Anya intervened after the three of them were almost done with their pastries and beverages.

Lexa dipped her head slightly, wondering if it was the right move when there was nothing else she wanted than being with Clarke. “I know Anya, but you know I can’t.”

“Gosh, that is a wasted opportunity. I’d take it if I were you.” Anya finished her coffee placing her cup back on the table. “Costia seems more interested in Clarke anyways. I guess that is the signal to move on Lex, for both of us.”

“What?” Lexa raised her eyes fixing them on Anya. “What are you talking about?”

“That sounds fake, but okay?” Raven frowned.

“I’ve seen them together. And it looks authentic. They care for each other. I went to the Ark campus to speak with Clarke weeks ago, and I saw them hugging pretty tightly.”

“Costia?” Lexa felt a hole opening in her chest. She had seen Costia and Clarke together at the fair. They looked comfortable with one another. Could it be that she was denying what her eyes were seeing? “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, Anya. Maybe it’s all wrong.” Lexa didn’t want to believe that Costia was developing a thing for her Clarke. That was going to be extremely awful if it ended up being true.

“Clarke respects Miss Greene. I don’t think it has to be romantic guys so chill you two. We’re already fucked enough to start worrying about more drama.” Raven gulped down her coffee and popped the last piece of her muffin in her mouth.

“That’s right, we need to calm down Anya.” Lexa agreed with Raven. Or else her mind was going to play a game she really wanted to avoid.

 

“Do you trust Bellamy?” Lexa asked Raven after a moment of tense silence.

“Bell is a good guy Lexa. A good cop too.”

“If I give him what I gathered, do you think he will see that the investigation runs till the end?”

Raven pondered a bit. “Yeah I think so. I’m just worried that Octavia might get involved somehow since they’re related.”

“If it comes to that, I’ll make sure to keep an eye on her as well Raven.”

“Why do you care so much about us Lexa? We’re nothing but Clarke’s friends.”

Anya snorted.

Raven giggled following Anya. “Yeah I guess I answered my own question. It’s all because of Clarke.”

“That’s not the sole reason. You two had our back when Clarke and I were together, and I really appreciate your friendship. It has never been easy for me to make friends and finding friendship feels good.”

“Aw Lexa, that is so cute.” Raven grinned cheekily.

“Shut it Reyes before she slits your throat. Don’t push it.” Anya laughed seeing Raven’s expression changing from amused to freaked out.

Lexa shook her head. “Let’s go home. I need to speak with Ontari about the launch party later and also, to deal with some papers for my English class.”

 

 

The trio returned back to Lexa’s place where Anya and Raven sat down to play Mario Kart. Lexa grabbed her laptop with her class material and padded to her empty studio. She opened the door and let herself in locking the door behind her.

She sat on the carpet and rested her laptop in her lap. She kept her eyes stuck on the sole painting in the room. This was Clarke’s workshop, and it was going to remain empty forever if she never had the chance to redeem herself with the young woman.

Lexa accessed the website of the magazine to answer some readers questions when she caught on the home page a picture of Clarke attached to the headline: _‘Clarke Griffin: The honest truth.’_

Lexa clicked to access to the full article and found the video embedded on the site. Lexa clicked the screen and watched as Clarke chatted with Dante Wallace and spoke candidly about her interview with Nia Quinn.

 _“... And Miss Woods was there for me. She was the one who pulled me out of the mud; she never stopped believing in me. What that interview portrayed was me being angry and unfair with Miss Woods.”_ Clarke looked at the camera, and her sky blue eyes had such brightness You could feel her sincerity through the lens. _“She never did anything with the intention to cause me any damage. I apologize if there was any confusion regarding her integrity. Lexa Woods is an outstanding woman, far from abusive like the Azgeda interview indicated. I hope that I have clarified everything regarding the person who saved me from myself. I guess it was easier to hate her, to put the blame on Miss Woods when it was all my responsibility. Yes, I had feelings for her, but Miss Woods never did anything to compromise her position at TonDC High. I respect her, and I consider her a friend.”_ With that last statement, Clarke concluded her interview with Dante, and the video ended.

 

Lexa softly released a shaky breath. This was supposed to make her feel better since her reputation as the abusive woman who took advantage of an innocent high school teen had been cleared, but the wording had hurt her like nothing else could.

“She _had_ feelings. Past tense. And now we’re friends? Is that what I am to you, Clarke? Just a fuck buddy?”

Lexa was helplessly in love with Clarke Griffin. Her heart beat everyday with the hope to find her way back to the girl she loved more than anyone else in this world.  And yet, Clarke found ways to stab her in her heart, to cut her with sharp words every single time. Clarke didn’t want to acknowledge that what happened between them at Raven’s meant something, Clarke called it a mistake to Alexandria, and now she stated that she had feelings, being clear that it was all in the past. Lexa realized that to earn Clarke’s respect and even some kind of friendship was going to be truly hard, if not impossible.

Lexa shook these thoughts away; she still needed to work on her class material and speak with Ontari about her book launch party.

 

After an hour of grading papers of her special English class, she moved on to check her blog now that she had pushed thoughts of Clarke away.

Answering questions and offering advice whenever she could was the only thing she had left. As the clock kept moving on, Lexa submerged herself deeper in her alter-ego. But for some reason, the Alexandria haters were getting her today. She never paid attention to the sexual innuendos, people telling her how she sucked at writing, name calling, or the death threats. However, today she was sensitive, and everything felt like a blow.

Lexa shut down her laptop and stood up from the carpet and went to the wall where Clarke’s painting was hanging alone in the empty room. She traced the shapes with her fingertips and closed her eyes. As if with the simple touch she could feel Clarke a bit closer to her.

Her phone started to ring bringing her back to her lonely reality; she pulled her phone out of her jeans pocket.

“Hi Ontari, I was going to call you after I finished my work.” Lexa paced in the room. “Thanks for delivering all the invitations. I’m not nervous.  I know it’s huge, but I’m ready. Yes, we should celebrate so um...” Lexa took one last glance at Clarke’s painting. “I’d love to go out with you, it will be fun.” Lexa paused waiting for Ontari’s reply. “Yes great, see you in an hour then.” Lexa ended the call and went to her bedroom to shower so she could meet Ontari to celebrate the launch of her book with her editor and friend.

Maybe what Lexa really needed to do was give someone else a chance to remove Clarke from her heart.

Okay, who she was fooling. Lexa knew that was never going to happen.

 

On her way to the bedroom her phone rang again, Lexa answered quickly as she pulled out clean clothes to meet Ontari.

“Mr. Wallace? Yes, I watched the video.” Lexa opened the shower to allow the heater to warm the water before she got inside. “That means my suspension has been lifted? Sure I’ll speak with you tomorrow first thing in the morning sir.” She started to remove her jeans, pulling them away. “I understand, of course sir. Thank you.” The brunette left the phone on her bed and removed her shirt to get inside the shower.

At least she got her job back thanks to Clarke. Clarke might still hate her, but the blonde had a good heart. If only Lexa could appeal to that good heart, maybe not everything was lost.  There could be a slight chance that Clarke could understand her.

“One more chance, don’t blew it Lexa.”

 

 

Lexa had spent months writing like a mad woman, pouring her soul into every single dialogue, spending days of rain and thunder inside a small room, writing to give life to two characters that were close to her heart.   She passed lonely nights creating a world where these two women could meet and fall in love.

Tonight was the big day, the day where she was going to officially launch her first novel.  Her story about two women who were perfect for each other and yet life tested them in the cruelest way possible, splitting them apart before arranging for them to meet again after a tortuous time apart. A story  meant to be kept between the sheets.

This was a dream come true for Lexa Woods. The aspiring writer had in her hand her first novel, the hardcover of her book was beautiful, the art had been inspired by what she felt for Clarke. A simple picture of a disheveled bed, the sheets messy, the mattress missing the two lovers that used the bed and declared their love sharing their flesh and love between the sheets .

The title in bold white letters read ‘Between the Sheets’ and the name ‘Alexandria Woods’ printed in smaller fine letters on the bottom of the cover.

The ringing phone startled Lexa; she blinked and quickly went to find her phone. She swiped the screen and smiled at the familiar username that she adored, Princess69.

 **Princess69** : hey there, I’m almost ready to meet you. idk why but I’m pretty nervous.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Don’t be.

 **Princess69** : how am I going to find you?

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I’ll find you, Clarke.

 **Princess69** : shit, you read my interview and watched the video that was posted 2 weeks ago, didn’t you???

 **AlexandriaBTS** : Yes. Clarke is a very unique and beautiful name so it made sense that the video was about you and your ex. You looked gorgeous by the way.

 **Princess69** : gosh, pulling your moves on me already? ;)

Lexa curved her lips, she could almost picture Clarke blushing faintly. The flirtiness was so Clarke, and Lexa felt stupid butterflies in her belly every time they drifted into this flirty kind of sexting behavior.

 **AlexandriaBTS** : I’m just stating the truth. See you soon xx

Lexa shoved her phone in her purse and went to finish her make up for the special night. Her long black dress and black heels were pretty sober but also offered sexiness, revealing her back and arm tattoos. Her makeup was upped for the event. Usually she wore light makeup, but tonight she was relying on silver and a slight of black on her eyelids. Her eyeliner game also was on point, and her lips had a soft rose tone that matched her makeup.

 

Lexa made her way to the limousine that Ontari had hired for this special event. Anya and Raven awaited Lexa, and when Anya saw her she lifted her thumbs up, and Raven whistled.

“Big night Lex. I’m fucking proud of how far you’ve come dumbass.” Anya wore an elegant pencil skirt and a white blouse, simple yet sophisticated.

“Congrats Commander Hot Stuff. You are honoring your nickname tonight!” Raven was wearing a simple ensemble provided by Anya. They both looked really good.

“Shall we?” Lexa opened the door and her two companions followed.

 

 

The limo ride had been fun, and Raven and Anya were already pre-gaming with the champagne sent courtesy of Ontari. Lexa would rather stay sober before the nerves wrecked her and she made a fool of herself.

By the time they arrived, there were several guests already enjoying the party. There was music and booze, and the waiters offered food moving around the dance floor and at the end of the luxurious hall was the stage. Lexa took a deep breath before immersing herself in the mayhem of the celebration.

Lexa split for a second from Anya and Raven to greet several people from the magazine. It was amusing that 70% of Polis collaborators had no idea who Alexandria really was. She had made sure that the people of the 12th floor kept the information heavily guarded. Lexa was a very private person and being Alexandria was sometimes overwhelming due to all the attention she got. The fanmail she received on a daily basis was insane and the fanbase of her column had grown exponentially since its launch last summer. It has been a journey and today she was going to address the press as Alexandria Woods, the person who was soft, who cared for her readers and who was madly in love with a person who people believed was fictitious.

Not anymore. Tonight she was going to bare herself to the only person that mattered.

Clarke Griffin.

 

“Lexa, I have amazing news!” Ontari moved through some guests to pull Lexa away from a conversation with Ryder.

“What is it Ontari?”

“Your book online is right now number one. We have to wait until the end of the week to see how you did with the paperback and hardcover editions, but this is going to be a bestseller Lexa. You did it!” Ontari was jumping and hugged Lexa with all the enthusiasm she was feeling.

“This is great news, Ontari.” Lexa should feel ecstatic, but all she could think of was where the hell was Clarke.

“The reviews so far are pretty good as well Lexa, it’s incredible!” Ontari jumped in excitement for her writer.

“Yes, it is very flattering to hear that.” Lexa smiled thankful for her editor and friend who helped her during this long process.

“Lexa, you’re going to the podium in 5 minutes to address our guests and press. Get ready!” Ontari smiled and surprisingly pecked Lexa on the lips before heading to the stage to introduce Alexandria to the audience.

 

“Well, your girlfriend is pretty chirpy tonight.”

“Clarke.” Lexa’s turned around and her mouth opened as she took in the gorgeous dress Clarke was wearing. A cocktail dress that revealed her legs, the pale grey of the fabric contrasted with her sunny hair that was loose today, a gold sash was tied around her waist and her curves were visible since the dress hugged her in the right places.

“Anyway, I’m not here for you. Excuse me.” Clarke began to move again but Lexa clasped her shoulder gently.

“Wait! We need to talk. I have to tell you something.”

“Lexa, I don’t wanna talk. I’m done fighting with you.”

“I don’t want to fight either. Clarke, I know you’re angry with me but I need you to listen. I know you feel that—“

“I said I don’t wanna hear you, Lexa!” Clarke spat angrily; she was getting impatient.

“Clarke, I never stopped caring about you. If you stopped hating me for a second you’d see me! I’m Al—“

“Ladies and gentlemen, Alexandria Woods!” Ontari announced on the microphone. Immediately a huge round of applause flooded the hall muting Lexa’s confession.

Clarke kept her eyes glued to the stage scanning for the person that she was dying to meet.

“Alexandria, come up here! You’re fans await!” Ontari encouraged.

 

Lexa sighed sadly; she straightened her spine and lifted her chin up. She moved past Clarke and walked pushing through the guests until she reached the stairs and went up the stage.

The applause died slowly as Lexa stepped in front of the microphone, she nodded to Ontari who smiled and walked away to give the spotlight to the writer.

“Hello.” Lexa greeted the audience, her green eyes moved over Clarke who was visible from where she was standing. “I’m Lexa, a writer at ‘Polis Magazine,’ and I want to tell you a story.

A lonely woman fell in love with a person whose eyes were as blue as the ocean and hair as bright and golden like the sun. The woman broke this person’s heart and to cope with her guilt she began to write letters to them. Letters that were only for them, and yet, _you_ read them too with the promise to keep them between the sheets.”

Clarke’s face started to change from excitement to confusion, the deep frown marking the blonde’s face. This was not the first time she had heard this because she read it.

Every. Single. Month.

“My name is Lexa, but _you_ know me as Alexandria, author of the column and the book I’m launching today called _Between the Sheets_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the truth is finally out. No more lies. Now to deal with the consequences.
> 
> Until then,  
> Tana


	12. Chapter 12

“No.” Clarke started to shake her head side to side.

_No, no no no no no no._

Clarke took a step back, her body trembling as she heard Lexa’s voice utter familiar words.

_God no, please no. This can’t be._

But it was, Ontari introduced Alexandria, of course there was no mistake.

A sob managed to escape Clarke’s lips, and that was her cue to get the hell away from this place. She was drowning in despair and rage. Lexa fooled her, and she fell again into her game of lies.

“Clarke!”

Clarke turned around as she made her escape and met Raven.

“Of course you knew, how could you do this to me Raven!? You’re as bad as she is.”

Raven followed the blonde trying to stop her in her tracks. “Clarke, don’t go! Listen to Lexa. I promise that this was not a plan to hurt you!”

“Go to hell Raven!”

Clarke ran away from Raven, from the noise, from the claps and cheers and only stopped when she left the crowded area through the double doors. She was gasping for air, she propped her hands on her thighs to hold herself steady.

Clarke sniffed, and she didn’t notice she was crying until she felt the cold tears on her face. She stood up straight and wiped them off. She just wanted to go back home and never hear of Lexa again.

 

“Clarke? Oh god, are you okay?” Costia, who was probably just arriving at the event, noticed Clarke’s distress and immediately went to her.  She cupped the face of the blonde to see if she was hurt.

“Hey, it’s okay, Clarke. I’m right here. What happened?” Costia tucked a blonde curl behind her ear, her thumbs caressing her soft cheeks.

“Did you know about Lexa and Alexandria? Did you?” Clarke cried biting her cheek to make herself stop crying. She couldn’t take if someone else she trusted lied to her. If Costia knew about Lexa, she would not be able to handle it.

“What? Wait Lexa and Alexandria?” Costia was lost and confused.

Clarke chuckled. “She lied to you too. I feel relieved now.” Clarke laughed harder bending a bit holding her belly.

“Wait. Alexandria the famous writer, is Lexa?”

“You can bet your ass she is.”

Costia let out a soft breath and pulled Clarke in a comforting hug.  The woman understood why her protegé was nearly hysterical. The best she could do for her right now was offer her kindness and friendship. Costia was going to have some words with Lexa about this, but not now.

Clarke found solace in Costia’s embrace.  The worried woman started to caress Clarke’s back tenderly trying to calm down the young artist.

“I knew she worked as a writer in Polis, but I had no idea she used a pseudonym for the popular column. I think she didn’t want people to know for a reason. Lexa never does anything without giving proper thought, Clarke.” Costia commented, keeping a low steady pressure on Clarke’s body.  The younger woman pressed her head on her shoulder, and Costia tightened her embrace.

“Is this because of the interview? Is this how she takes her revenge? How I pay for making her look weak in the public eye?”

“No!” Costia pulled Clarke gently apart and lifted her chin up to make Clarke look at her. “Lexa would never… Not you, Clarke. Not you.”

 

Clarke wanted to disappear as she remembered all the things she told Alexandria. She trusted her with her problems, with her fears, even with her heart. This was the sickest joke ever.  She had been crushing, perhaps even slowly falling for, the same person that she hated the most. Clarke felt numb inside, and she needed to feel something, anything. And who could make her feel safer right now than Costia Greene?

“I wanna go home.” The sad girl asked her mentor and friend.

“Okay, let’s go. I’ll escort you back home. Let’s find a cab.” Costia walked Clarke to the main street to find a taxi for the art student.

Costia offered a sweet smile to reassure Clarke that everything was going to be fine.

Clarke didn’t think so. However, she could be fine if she at least could feel that her heart was working in some capacity, that her soul had not been smashed like broken glass. Clarke leaned in and stole a kiss.

Costia’s eyes were wide at the contact. She didn’t move an inch. Costia was clearly caught by surprise and couldn’t process the reality that Clarke was kissing her.

“CLARKE!” Lexa called. She noticed the two figures far away and ran to catch the blonde, but as she approached, she watched the scene unfolding before her eyes and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Clarke!” Lexa called again as her sadness amplified tenfold.

Clarke pulled away from Costia. “Shit, I’m sorry Costia. I uh, fuck!”

“Clarke, I know you’re hurting, but I can’t give you this kind of comfort if that is what you’re looking for.”

“I know. I’m sorry Costia.”

Clarke turned her head back towards the building only to see the biggest liar in the world. A rage possessed her immediately. Clarke was furious, and Clarke’s head was swimming with what she wanted to do to Lexa, from punching her to spitting on her.

“You lying bitch!” Clarke was going to rip her head off. She headed ready to strike that stupid face. Lexa was right there in front of her, standing tall. “I hate you!” Clarke lifted her arm, her fist about to launch her onslaught.

Costia, however, grabbed her forcefully to hold the tiny ball of rage that was Clarke Griffin. Costia hailed a cab and pushed Clarke inside before something else happened.

“Let’s take you home Clarke.”

Costia offered an apologetic smile to the brunette who watched as the girl was taken away from her.

 

 

To say that this revelation had been devastating was an understatement. Clarke hid in her dorm room spending her time hating Lexa, despising her with all her might. She had no idea what to do to ease the sting of being betrayed for the second time by the same person who she thought she could trust again.

Everything went to hell in the blink of an eye.  Even when Costia had been coming to check on her regularly, and Octavia was trying to do her best, Clarke couldn’t snap out of it.

It was going to take time for her to move past this. The question, however, was how she was going to be able to do that when she had conflicting feelings for the woman who kept her safe.

 

Seven days had passed.  Seven days that Clarke let everything simmer inside her soul, as it darkened until there was no light left. Seven tortuous days where she relived all that she had gone through the past two years, since she met Lexa in that classroom to the book launch party of Alexandria.

It was going to be impossible to reach a point of mutual understanding if Clarke kept bottling up all these feelings inside. Octavia had a hard time with the blonde who barely ate. Clarke’s sobs at night tore her apart because she wanted nothing more than to help her.  But there was nothing she could do except keep an eye on the artist. Clarke was pushing her and everyone else away. No texts, no calls, not anything, and Octavia had no idea how to help. Instead she gave Clarke space and allowed her to find her own answers in solitude.

 

Today, in the early morning when the sun was starting to make its mighty appearance above the horizon, Clarke was sprawled on her bed looking like shit with all her Polis magazines she bought since last summer scattered on the floor and her bed. Clarke had been reading each article since she became a fan of _Between the Sheets_. Every single piece written by Alexandria a.k.a. the betrayer had been about her. And now everything clicked.

There was an article, the first one she read when she discovered the famous writer about forgiveness. Clarke picked up that magazine and opened to the article and read the part that she connected the most with.

_“...I just can’t stop thinking about you, I know that it’s been some time and yet, here I am. Missing you. I can’t forget about you, about your eyes tearing me into pieces. Is this my punishment? I guess, but in the end it was all for you._

_Do I deserve to be forgiven? I don’t want your forgiveness, I don’t need it, I can live with that. What I cannot live with is if you erase me from your heart._ _Do you remember the first time we touched? The first time we kissed? The first time we joined our bodies as one?_

_I’ll never forget, I have you ingrained in my memory, forever. And as always, keep this between the sheets.”_

Clarke began to sob uncontrollably. This was about them, their relationship, and all the pain she felt when Lexa left her in that mountain alone. And reading how Lexa felt through Alexandria made everything clear to her. Lexa had been in as much pain as she had. Lexa missed her as much as she did and yet, she hid behind a magazine, behind pretty words, behind a false name.

“Yeah, don’t expect my understanding ever.” Clarke threw the magazine against the wall bumping a frame.

Clarke could understand why she felt connected instantly to the article, why she felt the words touched her.

It had been Lexa all this time.

 

Clarke grabbed another magazine opening it to the famous column and read.

_“And to you, my love. I miss you. I know you don’t want me anymore but what can I say other than I need you to understand me. I feel certain that you’ll come around one day; you’re smart and wonderful. Your heart is what makes you strong, don’t let the pain take that away from you…”_

“LIES!” Clarke growled and smashed the magazine on the door, and then picked up another one.

_“I wish I did not feel the way I do, but my beloved being with someone that is not me, hurts. And it burns and it is painful acknowledging that you are happier without me. I wish those smiles were for me, that your touches were for me but they're not. Being in love is not easy, it takes courage to endure the pain…”_

“I’ll never be yours, so go fuck yourself Lexa!”

She ripped the magazine and threw the papers around her bedroom. Doing this didn’t do anything to fix her insides though; her heart was still in pain. The worse thing was that after 7 days of immersing herself in every single article Alexandria wrote, she saw Lexa underneath it all. For some reason, it made her angrier that Lexa had felt the same pain and sadness of being apart. Both have been moving on without really being ready to move on.  Both have been in pain for the same reason. It was pretty ironic that both have been lonely, and yet they found their way back to each other through Alexandria.

Alexandria brought them together, and they kept each other company during the past year of their separation.

Alexandria was the friend that Lexa had been in school for Clarke.

Alexandria was the inevitable proof that she was still madly in love with Lexa Woods.

 

“Clarke, please stop. Come out and let's talk.” Octavia obviously heard her angry rants and now was outside her bedroom begging her friend to stop this madness, but Clarke ignored her and made herself into a ball in the bed trying to drown her sorrows and feed herself hate.

Three knocks on the door alerted of a visitor. Clarke knotted her brows thinking who could be in her dorm at this time.

“One second!” Octavia moved to open the door of their dorm, and Clarke moved to her door to spy on the intruder.

Octavia opened the door and met Raven who was standing at the door with a concerned expression.

“Raven hi.” Octavia took a step back. “Please come in.”

Raven limped her way to the living room of their small dorm.  She waited for Octavia, and the two of them sat in the chairs opposite of each other.

“This is a surprise. You’re not one to wake up before the sun rises.” Octavia tried to joke to make the weird awkwardness between them go away.

“Yeah, um I made Anya wake up early so she could drive me here. I don’t want Lexa to know we’re here.”

“Oh okay.”

“How is she doing O?” Raven asked. Clarke could hear the concern in her voice.

Octavia slumped in the chair. “She’s mad and pretty pissed, but also she’s hurting Ray.  I don’t know how to help her this time.”

“Yeah, I guessed as much.”

 

After a minute or so of tense silence Octavia said. “I miss you Raven, and I know Clarke misses you too. You’ve been our friend since elementary; we’ve been together for so long. I don’t want to be like this anymore.”

“I miss you both.” Raven admitted. “Lexa and Anya became my friends too Octavia. I don’t want this situation to get worse. I don’t wanna choose a side. I care for you and Clarke so much, but I have learned to care for Lexa and Anya. It’s awkward being in the middle of this rift, but I refuse to choose a side.”

“You don’t have to Raven. Clarke overreacted. You know she didn’t mean to hurt you like I know she did. I’m glad you have Lexa on your side. I respect her, and I know she’s good to you.” Octavia wanted badly to reach for Raven, but she had to tread carefully.

Raven smiled. “Yeah, they’re good people, and I care for Clarke a lot.  You two are my best friends which is the reason why I’m here. I want this mess to end. Commander Hot Stuff also is a disaster.  She of course will deny it, but a single look at her and you can see the overwhelming sadness. The dumbass has been inside her secret studio brooding, and it has been a mess for Anya too.”

“I’m pretty sad without you too Ray.” Octavia added with hopefulness.

“O, I don’t think this is the right time.”

“Then when? I’ve been texting and calling. You keep ignoring me. Are we going to turn into the next Clexa?”

 

Raven chuckled, moved to the couch and threw a pillow at Octavia, alleviating the distance between them. “Clexa? Jesus that sounds dumb, I’m way sexier than those two.” Raven shook her head. “No O. We won’t turn into the next Clexa.”

“I’m sorry Raven if I ever made you feel less than anyone. I don’t feel pity, and I don’t care for you because of guilt. I love you so fucking much. I want to be useful to you. I was afraid to hurt you, and I ended up fucking up.” Octavia walked towards Raven and took the spot next to her on the couch. She took her hands in hers holding them close to her chest. “You’re my best friend and my best everything. I’ll do better. If you need space or for me to back off just tell me, and I will do it. I can’t lose you again Raven. I’m losing Clarke in that room, I can’t lose you too.”

Raven cupped Octavia’s cheek. “Am I enough for you O? I’m just a mechanic. The best damn mechanic in this fucking city that is. My history is pretty crappy, and you know most of it. Are you ashamed of me? Is that why you didn’t tell Bell about us?”

Octavia laughed at the smugness that's so Raven. “Yeah, you’re enough Reyes. You’re all I need. Bell is extremely overprotective, and I was scared that he was going to get between us. That he wouldn’t approve of me being with you, not because you’re you.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Raven smiled. In an instant the two of them were kissing tenderly, they broke the kiss and you could feel their dynamic return to normal.

“Now regarding Clarkey. We won’t let her sink back into her old broken self O. I bought her some art stuff that I know can help her. Give it to her please. Tell her that I love her and that I don’t resent her. I gotta go now, Anya must be ready to dump me here any minute now.”

Octavia nodded and escorted Raven back to the door. They kissed once more before Raven departed from the dorm.

 

Octavia made her way back to Clarke’s room so the blonde quickly shut the door to avoid being spotted.

“Hey Griff, Raven stopped by and says she loves you and that she’s not mad at you for being an ass.” Octavia prodded to see if she got any kind of reaction. Clarke remained quiet; therefore, Octavia knew she had to let her be. “Okay then, um, I’m leaving an art supply package courtesy of Raven in front of your door. I hope you use it Clarkey, okay? I have to go to soccer practice. There is food in the fridge and uh, call me if you need anything, okay? Okay.” Octavia left the bag on the floor and went to her bedroom to grab her gym bag and go to her practice.

Clarke waited until the dorm was silent and only then did she risk opening her bedroom door. Right like Octavia said there was a bag full with brushes and paints, charcoal and a notepad.

Her room stank, and of course she was smelly as well.  It was disgusting; maybe some cool air could clear her head. Clarke took a quick shower finally feeling clean and less dread. She took the bag with supplies and put it inside her backpack. She slung it on her shoulder and headed to the art workshop.

 

 

To the sound of her betrayal music playlist Clarke painted aggressively on the canvas set on the easel. She slashed her brush furiously at the blank space with raw strokes, singing Bon Jovi’s ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ to the top of her lungs as she spread more paint.

Clarke was deep in the zone, her mind focused on the colors, shapes and traces. Her eyes fixed on a single point as she made sure that her wrist moved with the precision required for this specific pattern. She changed brushes and added another color. Fine lines of red to create the illusion of physical pain, bleeding wounds that no one could heal. Clarke kept adding shades of black to create the contrast and next, she continued with the shades of green.

Green. Green. Green.

 

Another song to sing to the top of her lungs in her playlist, ‘You Ought to Know’ by Alanis Morissette played. The sun was already going down in the horizon, and Clarke was still with her canvas.   Her hands were numb because she couldn’t stop;  she wouldn’t stop.

The speakers were booming at full volume encasing Clarke in her creative bubble of angst and pain that she didn’t hear someone come inside the workshop.

The young artist was singing hard, until her throat hurt, painting with attention to the shape that was taking definitive form in front of her eyes. She forgot about the world for this brief instant, and this is what could allow Clarke to push past her anger. Surrounding herself in her world of colors was her shelter, her safety harbor. At least by being here she could keep sailing away from home.

(Home = Lexa)

The heavy steps were getting closer to a very focused Clarke. She was singing and painting relieving the weight that shackled her heart. She danced feeling herself float away into space. Art was her escape.  She could taste the freedom between each stroke, in every color adorning the canvas. Going far away to a place where she was safe, where no one could hurt her.

(Or so she thought.)

Clarke was even head banging with the rock song. Her muscles weren’t tense from holding her anger anymore. Actually she was relaxing, painting with joy, the ghost of a smile barely there in her lips. It was almost like when she painted with her happy playlist. When Lexa would come into the art classroom and watch her paint with happiness.

(Almost.)

 

She was trying hard to avoid thinking about Lexa, but hearing from Raven’s mouth that the woman was brooding and suffering as much as she was filled her with a sudden sadness and of course, guilt.

Clarke knew she was guilty of being a complete bitch with Lexa these past few months. She never gave the woman a chance to really explain herself. Clarke came to her own conclusions and shut Lexa down completely. However, Alexandria was there to open up her eyes, to lead her into a place where she could smile again and laugh freely.  She showed her how to push past the betrayal and move on. How strange that it was the same person all along. Lexa couldn’t have known it was her from the beginning. It didn’t make sense. What if Clarke jumped to another wrong conclusion? What if she had struck again without further evidence and she was judging without hearing the reasoning behind Lexa’s actions?

(She did.)

“‘Cause the joke that you laid in the bed

That was me and I’m not gonna fade

As soon as you close your eyes, and you know it

And every time I scratch my nails

Down someone else’s back I hope you feel it

Well, can you feel it?”

“CLARKE!”

 

Clarke jumped and quickly pressed the stop command on her Ipod. The blonde turned around and met Costia.

“Jesus fuck, you scared me!” Clarke exhaled relieved to see the amicable face of her mentor.

Costia giggled looking at the startled blonde. “Sorry Clarke, I heard some weird noises and came to check.”

“Nah, it’s just me. Sorry about the noise.”

“No, not at all. It wasn’t your music or your outstanding singing.” Costia smirked.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind.” Clarke automatically spilled until she caught what she just said. The easy smile completely gone from her face.

“Learned from the best, Clarke.” Costia rested her hand over the shoulder of the young woman. “That is beautiful.” The raven-haired woman pointed to the canvas.

Clarke sighed and walked closer to the canvas. “You think so?”

“Absolutely. Look at the colors, and the depth. The technique is good, obviously not perfect because the anger is clear in the strokes, but this is what sets this painting apart from the rest of your classmates.” Costia made a closer inspection. “You paint with your heart Clarke. You bleed your feelings through the canvas, and it is so moving. This is the kind of artist you are, and you’ll succeed with works like this. I can assure you this painting will be sold for a good amount of money. What do you call this?”

“Weeping Woods.” Clarke smirked and made her way to the washroom to clean her hands; she returned to the shop and began packing her supplies in her backpack.  It was already getting late, and she was famished.

 

Costia took a stool, and of course that meant that it was talking time. Clarke pulled another stool next to the art teacher and faced her.

“I hurt someone that means a lot to me, Clarke.” Costia began. “I wish I had a magical switch to turn my feelings on and off at will, but I can’t.” Costia with a small smile grabbed Clarke’s hand. “I wish you could do the same, to shut down this pain that you feel, but that’s not going to happen to either of us.”

“Then what do we do?”

“We stop running.” Costia gave a squeeze to the painter’s hand. “We face our fears upfront, Clarke.” Costia offered Clarke a magazine. Clarke looked at the front page and realized that this was the new monthly edition of ‘Polis Magazine,’ and that meant that there was a new _Between the Sheets_ as well.

Clarke stared at the object with trepidation, as if the magazine had the power to destroy her, to annihilate her completely.

“I’m not asking you to read it right now.” Costia stood up from the chair and made her way to the exit. She eyed Clarke with her deep brown eyes and smiled. “Read it whenever you feel like it Clarke. The magazine won’t hurt you.”

“Costia?” Clarke called before the woman left the shop. “Why are you doing this? Did Lexa—”

“No!” Costia cut quickly. “I’m not doing this because Lexa told me to. Actually, I haven’t spoken with her or Anya because I’m a coward, because I’m scared of facing the woman who loves me beyond words, and I don’t know how to face her without hurting her more.”

Clarke knitted her brows, her blue eyes cold, which made Costia laugh with lightness and even humor.

“Not Lexa.” Costia chuckled, “gosh you’re pretty possessive of her Clarke. Don’t stay too late, okay?” With that Costia made her way back to her office leaving Clarke alone with the magazine.

 

 

After packing all her supplies and storing her latest painting, Clarke headed toward her dorm. The hot summer season was upon them, and the day was sunny and pleasant. The breeze invited to remain in the outdoors and so, Clarke deviated from her path and went to the small park close to her dorm.

She walked over the soft green grass until she reached a fantastic spot underneath a big dense tree closer to the gazebo in the middle of the park. She leaned against the bark and closed her eyes.  She let herself drift back into dreams of better days.

_“Clarke! What did you do?” Lexa looked horrified seeing her books stacked on her desk, and her drafts scattered over._

_“What?” Clarke shrugged. “I needed to put my supplies somewhere or what? Would you have preferred that I painted risking your precious books?” Clarke pushed her easel to the corner of Lexa’s small living room._

_“At least you could have asked me first, you know? Communication?” Lexa glared at the blonde._

_“Oh well apologies oh great Commander. Next time I’ll make sure to ask for your permission in your home.” Clarke started to aggressively pack her things in her backpack to leave._

_Lexa sighed and went to meet the girl she loved to the moon and back._

_“Clarke.”_

_“…”_

_“Clarke please don’t be like this.” Lexa quickly surrounded Clarke with her strong arms pulling the girl closer to her. “I told you to make yourself at home, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”_

_Clarke turned around and sunk her head in Lexa’s shoulder kissing her neck softly. “I should have asked you first where could I put my art stuff. Sorry.”_

_Lexa chuckled. “This was like our first dumb fight. I never thought I was going to live enough to be in one of those.”_

_Clarke filled with kisses Lexa’s jawline. “It was our first fight as a couple, and I think we survived, didn’t we?”_

_Lexa nodded and kissed Clarke’s crown of her head. “ We did.”_

_Stepping away Clarke looked mischievously at the brunette. “So um, what do you say if we try our first make-up sex?”_

_The smile that tugged in the teacher’s face said it all. She started to guide Clarke back to her bedroom where the two of them enjoyed the pleasure of the flesh and the love they felt for each other._

 

Clarke opened her eyes slowly, blinking trying to adjust her sight. Clarke craned her neck because she fell asleep in an awkward position and sighed.  She didn’t want to return to her bedroom yet, her bed was a mess, and it made her feel like shit.

Instead she pulled out the magazine from her backpack and rested it on her lap. Analyzing it, her fingertips on the edge tempting her to flip the pages to the article awaiting her.

Even though they had several arguments, the first stupid fight with Lexa that invaded her dreams was special. That one cemented the fact that they were indeed a couple, that they were in a relationship. Yes, a forbidden relationship but nonetheless real and authentic.

They both had promised after the Winter Formal to love each other.

 _“I’ll love you in the dark Clarke, if you let me.  I’ll love you and cherish you because all the light I need is you.”_ Lexa said that day in the workshop.

 _“I love you Lexa Woods, in the dark or in the light. I love you.”_ Clarke had replied to the brunette and yet, here they were. Hating instead of loving.

 

Clarke opened the magazine and flipped the pages until she reached the usual column, the one she devoured every single month with desperation, with the need to feel her connection with Alexandria.

Today’s column was about regret. Things that people should have done and things that they had to do instead. The what ifs and all the possible outcomes of one single decision that could affect your whole future. Alexandria shared her insight with her quirkiness and light humor.  It was refreshing, and Clarke could recognize the part that was Lexa.

She was sharing the anecdote about when she went to Law School to please her parents. Lexa told Clarke that story a long time ago but in more gritty detail. Clarke noticed that this version of Lexa was more open. This Lexa didn’t carry the weight of her title or last name.  She was free of her responsibilities as Lexa Woods, the woman who had an affair with Clarke Griffin or the woman who was known as the Commander, this woman was heart instead of head. Alexandria was free of all the darkness that surrounded Lexa, but deep down it was Lexa all the same.

Clarke was finally understanding the role of Alexandria. She was getting the reason why Lexa created this persona to deal with the real world. Or at least she was getting glimpses of why Lexa would lie about this to her.

_To love you in the light and dark. Holy shit!_

(Yes, Lexa did fulfil her promise.)

 

And here it was, the letter of Alexandria to her not so mysterious love interest anymore, at least in Clarke’s point of view.

_“I’m sorry, I never meant to lie to you. Do I regret leaving you? No, but god, how it haunted me. Every day and every night for 3 long months not being there for you drove me insane, but you were safe. You were living your dream.  Then, we met again, and I was reborn._

_I’m sorry that I never had the chance to tell you the truth like I wanted to. I regret that too._

_I know you’re angry, that you hate me and that’s okay. I accept that is what I deserve, but give me one more chance to be honest with you, to bare my soul to you and only you._

_Meet me where I made love to you with the stars as our witnesses, where also I broke both of our hearts. The third saturday of this month at 5pm._

_And like always, let’s keep this between the sheets.”_

 

Clarke let out a deep sigh. She checked her calendar. “That’s in two weeks.”

Clarke put the magazine back in her backpack and lifted her butt from the grass. She had 2 weeks to decide if she should go or not to the place where everything went to shit. But how could Clarke not go when she realized that Lexa was dark and Alexandria was light, and both loved her?

Clarke plugged in her earphones and started to walk to her dorm to speak with Octavia and  apologize for her shitty behavior. She pushed the play button, and ‘Baby Don’t Lie’ by Gwen Stefani started to play making Clarke laugh at the irony. Of all the songs on her playlist, this one had to be the one playing now.  She walked listening to the lyrics because she could have sworn this was destiny speaking to her.  This was the signal she was waiting for.

“‘If we ever give up, then we’re gonna die

Look me in the eye, baby don’t lie.’”

Clarke sang out loud and smiled.

She had her answer.

“Back to the Mountain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back to the mountain!!! Congrats people! Right back at the beginning then. However, I think you do remember how things ended the first time, huh? The second time can get better, right?
> 
> Until then,
> 
> Tana


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll never forget about you  
> Rewind the time before I lost my mind  
> (I think I lost my mind)  
> There were something special but us  
> Remember when we thought it'll never end
> 
> Icona Pop - First Time

The birds were chirping as they flew over the trees.  The sun was high above with its golden light shining through the thick forest, and the white puffy clouds covered the light blue sky. The soft wind blew, and the tree branches moved with it as if they were in a slow dance.

With each step she took towards her destination, her heart beat faster.  The only sound disturbing the peaceful nature of this cursed place was the sound of crunching leaves under her heavy boots.

Her breaths came out harsh as if the physical activity was demanding. But she was as nervous as when she first met _her_.

This meeting could change everything or maybe she needed to do more cardio. God knows she had been a lazy ass on the weekends.

Clarke Griffin, art student of Ark University, was doing exactly what her common sense was telling her not to do. To return to the place where her heart had been smashed into a thousand pieces such a long time ago.

Back to the mountain.

Pretty stupid plan but here she was again, like a trusting fool, and trust was the worst thing she could do right now. Clarke was usually torn between punching her or kissing her senseless. That was the effect that Lexa Woods had on her.  It didn’t matter that they had been at this for the past year.  No, this stupid dance between them had to come to an end.

Today.

Clarke followed the dirty trail of mud and rocks that lead right to where she knew Lexa was waiting.  This weather had been unforgiving lately, and the heat was drowning Clarke.  Sweat coated her skin as she made her way up the mountain - the place where Lexa betrayed her love.  She kept her pace steady, not too fast nor too slow, she didn’t want to seem eager. It was better to make Lexa wait just like Clarke waited for her last year.

In her short 19 years of life she had learned two important things:

  1.     Love was weakness.
  2.     Lexa was full of shit.



Clarke chuckled just thinking about the hard lessons of life given by the woman at the top of the mountain - the traitor, the liar, and the lover. Lexa was all of those things to her, not necessarily in that order. If Clarke learned something else from her own experiences, it was:

  1.     Maybe they both deserved better than this.



And that’s why Clarke accepted the invitation to come to this forsaken place that was full of memories, TonDC - where Lexa was everywhere. She had hated her. God knows she did despise Lexa with all her heart and soul, and yet, when Lexa came back into her life with her stupid smirk, with her green eyes full of love and desire, it had been hard to keep her walls up.  After all, Lexa knew how to reach her just like Clarke could see through her idiotic coldness.

The worst part of this story, or probably the best, depending on your point of view had to be fucking Alexandria.

Alexandria who was so open and kind.

Alexandria who was there for Clarke whenever she needed to talk to someone.

Alexandria who was light versus Lexa’s dark.

Alexandria who made her fell in love again (with that lying moron) and ruined her forever.

In conclusion, she couldn’t escape Lexa Woods.  She couldn’t deny her destiny anymore and so she had to face it.

Clarke reached the clearing at the end of the thickest area of the forest. There she found Lexa standing on a rock as if she were a conqueror or a commander looking down at her troops. Here was the woman who wrecked her completely, who she couldn't simply forget no matter how hard she tried, and she had tried.  But Clarke wasn’t going to admit that out loud, less in front of her, not yet.

Lexa was staring into the horizon, lost in thought, her hands clasped at her back, her legs spread apart, her body relaxed but alert. The black pants hugged her mile long legs, and the grey shirt she wore under a black open coat revealed a bit of cleavage.

_Boobs. Yeah, my weakness. Fucking Lexa._

Clarke took a deep breath before crossing the final path and walked until she was just a few feet away from the brunette.

 

“You came.” Lexa said without turning around while she kept her attention fixed on the natural surroundings.

“I did.”

Lexa turned on her heel and finally met Clarke face to face jumping down the rock. Her big green eyes mixed with those tiny gold flecks were buried in her own blue. Lexa’s expression was soft, not angry nor irritated as Clarke was or at least tried to appear, but peaceful, hopeful. This was the mystery of Lexa Woods.  Clarke could see the vulnerability in moments between them because Lexa only allowed herself to be _weak_ in her presence.

“So?” Clarke arched her brow, crossing her arms in front of her chest, boot tapping on the ground with impatience.

Lexa smirked with that charm that made Clarke’s heart skip a beat; the brunette shook her head and started to walk back into the woods. “When is it going to be the day when you learn to be patient, Clarke? Come, let’s sit.”

Clarke rolled her eyes but trailed after Lexa nonetheless, following another rocky road that led to the resting area for hikers. “In case you haven’t noticed, this is not a date, Lexa. You asked me to come to clear things up, so let’s cut this bullshit so I can go back—”

“Where to?” Lexa cut fast. “To the Ark? To Costia? Or Bellamy?” Lexa’s tone clearly indicated her petulance and a tiny tint of jealousy, but her face stayed composed and never betrayed her thoughts. The brunette indicated with her hand an empty bench inviting Clarke to sit.

The blonde huffed but took the seat obediently; Clarke smiled flashing her white teeth, acting a bit arrogant if one must say, Clarke had to admit that she was being childish provoking Lexa. But she had to rub salt in the wound, to hurt her as much as she could. “That’s none of your business. You should be more worried for your girlfriend. Now let’s be done with this.”

“She’s not my anything. Care much?” Lexa perked her brow.

“No.”

Lexa nodded and took the empty spot in front of Clarke. “I won’t take long. Once you hear what I need to say you may as well leave me for good.”

“Great.” The sarcasm palpable in Clarke’s tone.

 

 

Clarke rested her elbows over the wooden table, her eyes scanning Lexa’s features, studying the writer in detail. The gorgeous long chestnut curls braided in the back, her high cheeks and plump lips were simply a divine masterpiece. Her chiseled jaw cut by Aphrodite herself, the deep green eyes that she has loved since she first laid eyes on them in a classroom. The scar on top of her left eyebrow courtesy of Emerson and his goons was still raw, but it was healing nicely. Clarke at least was relieved to see Lexa in peak condition after all that she had been through because of Nia, Emerson and herself.

“Congrats on the book by the way, should I say Alexandria or Lexa?” Clarke was showing her annoyance yet again; resentment in her words said with the intention to push Lexa’s buttons. “Bestseller huh? Do people know how full of crap you are?”

“Clarke.” Lexa pleaded, ”I never meant for this to happen.”

“Then why?” Clarke hit the table. “Why did you keep up the charade!?”

Lexa sighed and closed her eyes. “Because I was scared to lose you,” the woman admitted. “I tried to tell you, remember? You were so angry with me.  You wouldn’t listen because you’re too damn stubborn!”

Clarke never expected to hear that and immediately let go of some of her anger and backed off. Shouting and blaming Lexa was no way to begin this conversation.

Not if they really wanted to mend whatever they had.

“Sorry, you’re right. You said you wanted to clear things up once and for all, right? So do it!” Clarke pointed out as she glared at Lexa.  But ever since she crossed the English classroom door as a 17 year old girl and defied her former teacher two years ago, Clarke knew Lexa was always going to be part of her life.  Clarke realized that would remain true regardless of the outcome of this conversation.

“I promise once I say what I have to say I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.” Lexa rested her hands over the table crossing her fingers with one another instead of reaching for Clarke. Lexa had to keep her distance.  Right now Clarke was like a wild animal, and if she tried to touch her, she was going to get bitten in return.

“Of course, that’s what you do best, leave.” Clarke spat, her blue hard eyes set on velvet green.

Lexa’s jaw tensed one second, the flicker of her eyes showing just for a brief instant how hurt she was, but her walls were back up almost as soon as she let them down.

“You say you don’t care about me.”

“I don’t.” Clarke added quickly.

Lexa chuckled and after a lapse said. “Do you remember the article I wrote about forgiveness?”

“Yeah?” Clarke knew every single article written by Alexandria. Clarke became an avid reader of ‘Between the Sheets,’ and that’s how her relationship with Alexandria began, not knowing that Lexa and Alexandria were one and the same.

“Then you know I don’t regret leaving you here, at the mountain. I did what was best for you Clarke.”

“I already told you that I got your decision so if that’s what you came to say then we have nothing else to discuss.” Clarke lifted up from the table and started back towards her car.

 

Lexa jumped up and chased after Clarke, standing in front of her cutting off her current path through the foliage.

“No, you don’t get it Clarke! That’s the problem. You still think you were the only one who suffered! I never stopped caring for you!”

“Lexa please, I’m not that stupid kid anymore.”

“Deep down you know my words are true Clarke, but your anger won’t let you see past the hate.”

“Oh really? And what about Raven? Huh? Was that a lie too?” Clarke clenched her fists, she was at a breaking point now.

“I swear nothing happened! It was all Nia’s fault!”

“I can’t seem to trust you Lexa, not anymore.” Clarke seemed defeated, too tired of all this crap.

“You let Nia gain your trust, to fool you. You forgot my words Clarke, my promise. To love you in the dark. You forgot everything between us, because that was real, not what Nia told you!” Lexa was frustrated. She was losing Clarke because that psychopath had found her weakness.  She failed to protect Clarke, and now she was going to pay the price.

“I don't wanna hear you anymore.” Clarke shoved Lexa away and began her walk back to the road.

“You’re not going anywhere, not until you remember!” Lexa grasped Clarke’s arm. She wasn’t going to let her go, not ever, if Clarke gave her a chance.

“Remember what!?” Clarke rested her hands over her hips, steely gaze on Lexa.

“Remember when we used to be between the sheets.” Lexa responded.

Clarke rolled her eyes and snickered shaking her head side to side. “Gosh Lexa, please tell me you’re writing an article about this meeting because that’s how it sounds.” Clarke began her stroll again pushing past Lexa. Clarke knew she made a big mistake coming here in the first place.

“Clarke, please just listen to me for once!” Lexa caught up with Clarke thanks to her longer stride and stopped her again. “I hurt you. I know.”

“Then why!? Why did you lie? Why did you keep me in the dark all this time?” Clarke cried wiping angrily at the tears spilling down her face. “I loved you, Lexa. I was broken, and you came and healed me just to break me again!”

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa said with her softest voice looking with teary eyes at the sad blue.

“I believed in you, well in Alexandria. I did, and you lied over and over again!”

“I had no idea it was you Clarke! I didn’t realize it until it was too late!”

Clarke shook her head and headed to a big fallen trunk to sit down. They really needed to have this conversation one way or another.  Better stop the damn arguing and finish it.

 

Lexa followed the blonde a heartbeat later and took the spot near Clarke. The slumped shoulders and defeated stance were nothing but a shadow of the Clarke Lexa had fallen in love with. Lexa felt awful to see with her lies did to Clarke.  It was devastating to look at this carcass of the person that was Clarke.

She let out a deep breath and continued. “Let me start from the beginning. I left you because Nia knew about us. She’s the one who told your mother about us, and when everything blew up, I feared for you.”

Clarke glanced at Lexa but didn’t say a word. She was finally willing to listen the full version of Lexa’s story.

“Nia is very ambitious and power hungry.  We were competing for the same position at Polis, and I got it. She didn’t take it well, and I knew that I had to cut my ties with you because Nia is like a hound. She was going to follow that trail, and it was going to lead back to you.” Lexa snaked her fingers through her hair a bit frustrated, hoping that she could reach Clarke somehow, but she doubted it by the woman’s cool demeanor.

“I could have stood by you, Lexa.” Clarke spoke as she fidgeted with a small branch she found on the soil. “I could have fought a thousand armies if you were by my side. Why didn’t you trust me?”

“I had hoped to keep you away from my enemies. I wanted you to have a good education too, Clarke. Away from all this mess.”

“And yet, you kept spying on me.”

Lexa shook her head. “Costia was there to guide you, to make sure you were okay. That is all I asked of her. But she’s a remarkable woman, and she genuinely befriended you. Costia was the one who asked me to be at your Art Exposition without mentioning that you were going to be there, or else I wouldn’t have gone.”

“Costia is a great woman indeed. I’m grateful for her help.” Clarke made a pause still playing with the twig. “I’m thankful for what you did for me too.”

At that Lexa arched both her brows, clearly surprised by the admission.

“You broke my heart, Lexa. When you opted to push me away, you hurt me.  And I was  angry, because I thought this was for real—”

“It was!”

“And yet, you left _me_. I get it Lexa. You wanted to protect me, but in the end you broke me. Not even Nia could have hurt me like you did. This pain is not physical. It sucks because I wish I could rip out my own heart, but I can’t. I never recovered completely.  But then, Alexandria cheered me up. I was damaged, but she could see past the anger and made me smile. I thought I could begin again.” The sad laughter bubbling from her lips resonated in the lonely woods. “I was an idiot.”

“You’re not. The reason why I began writing _Between the Sheets_ was because I wanted to be free to love you. I couldn’t do it as Lexa knowing well that Nia wouldn’t rest until she ruined me, but being Alexandria was the door to show you my heart. I would like to help all the readers who seek advice to the extent I can, but I wanted to help Princess69 because she reminded me of you. Princess69 was special.” Lexa curved her lips remembering how feisty their interactions had been. “I discovered it was you the day you told me how to address you.”

“Wanheda.”

Lexa dipped her chin in affirmation. “I wanted to tell you, but you still needed a friend. I knew you hated me, but I could still do some good through Alexandria. And I hated her because of it. I despised Alexandria because she could be there for you without fear and not me. I am truly sorry. I did what I thought was in your best interest, but in the end I failed you again.”

“We both failed each other Lexa.” Clarke finally conceded. She threw away the small twig and turned her body to be able to look Lexa straight in the eye. “I let my anger consume me. I wasn’t whole anymore, and it was easy to hate you, to blame you because I was broken. I hurt my friends, and they don’t deserve this.”

“No, they don’t.”

Clarke smiled. “Finally something we agree on.”

 

After several minutes of tense silence Lexa spoke again.

“I didn’t mean to cause you pain, Clarke.”

“There were a lot of things we didn’t mean to do Lexa. We both fucked this up and badly. And I’m thinking about how to fix this, but maybe there’s nothing else to fix.”

Lexa frowned tilting her head slightly. She looked at her hands afraid to see the truth behind Clarke’s eyes. What if this was it?

“I acted wrongly, I admit it. I was letting my anger drive me, and I should’ve given you a chance to clear things up before things with Nia went too far. I said things to spite you, and I am sorry for the backlash that you suffered. I know that your work means a lot to you.”

“Not as much as you mean to me, Clarke.”

Clarke chuckled keeping her head low. “Always so smooth Lexa. God dammit!”

“I told you I was good.” Lexa replied with a shy smile.

“I guess. Yeah.” Clarke said looking at the vast expanse of green that surrounded them. Clarke let out a long wistful sigh. “I have nothing with Costia or Bellamy. They’re both my friends and nothing more. I’m sorry I kissed Costia without her consent. I apologized to her already, but just wanted to let you know that.”

“Ontari is my editor. Yes, she might be interested in me, but I’m not looking for temporary relief. We’re friends too.”

“Good to know. So um, what now?”

Lexa shrugged, “let’s go for a walk.” Lexa offered her hand to help Clarke stand up.  The blonde took it and Lexa lifted her up from the trunk.

 

 

The two walked along a rocky path.  They could hear birds above the trees, and the soft breeze shaking the leaves. The sounds of boots on the soil kicking pebbles along the road, and the quiet calm that surrounded the two women was the only company they had.

They reached a clearing, and Clarke looked immediately recognized the area. They did lots of naughty things against the tree standing tall in the background. Lexa and Clarke came for a walk to Mount Weather on one of their secret dates. In the end they did more than walk in the forest.

Clarke closed her eyes a second and remembered every touch and every moan she elicited from Lexa that night. And the image of Lexa kneeling and worshipping her most sensitive spot as Clarke stared into the stars above them to ground her to reality before Lexa made her break apart with her wise mouth.   An experience ingrained forever in her memory.

They had loved each other truthfully, it had been beautiful and innocent. A love that was only theirs. That is until everything went to hell.

“I don’t want you to think that I never cared about you Clarke. I did things that are questionable, but they were done with the utmost love.” Lexa turned around to face Clarke, burying her eyes into the blue ones that made her feel complete.

“I understand Lexa. I really do. You tried to protect me because that’s who you are. You put others before yourself. I get it because I’d probably done the same if the situation was reversed. Now I can see it.”

“Still, I should’ve come clean with the Alexandria thing. It wasn’t fair to you who trusted her. I promise I won’t ever lie to you again Clarke.” Lexa took another step forward bringing herself just feet away from the art student. Her eyes fixed on the azure orbs making sure that she had all of Clarke’s attention. “I promise to listen to you and take into account your needs and desires. To be there for you whenever you need. You have my word that I’ll care for your friends as much as I care for you. This is my commitment to you, Clarke.” Lexa was pouring her heart out. This was her last chance, and she had nothing else to lose. This was it. And Lexa opened up and became vulnerable in front of the girl she hurt the most. She had to make sure that Clarke believed her.

Clarke cupped Lexa’s face tenderly, her thumb sliding up and down her cheek. Eyes scanning for lies, but there was nothing but truth. And Clarke knew it.

“I believe you.”

Lexa offered a smile in return.

 

The two women remained there contemplating what to say or what to do. The past year spent arguing, fighting, lying and insulting each other affected and deeply hurt each of them.  However, this honest conversation meant a new beginning, the start of trusting each other again. Baby steps that could lead them to a brighter future.

A future in the light.

(Or not.)

“What you did with Alexandria brightening the days of so many people is something you need to keep doing. I’ve seen young girls laughing and crying with your column in their hand, and they need you. They need Alexandria, and you have a wonderful future as a writer. You can’t do that if you dwell on the past - on me. You’re a good woman Lexa. You need someone who is whole to care and to love.”

Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers when she noticed the slight tension in Lexa’s expression, trying to erase the worry from her face. “You can change the world Lexa. Your words can reach so many, and I have to find my own path. To find myself again, I need to grow and to be someone who can be proud and not just remnants of a girl filled with sadness and pain. What I’m trying to say is that I want you to move on.”

“Is this...” Lexa gulped down trying to calm the constriction she felt in her throat. “Is this what you really want?”

“Yeah. I want you to move on and be happy. I can’t be happy with you Lexa, not when I’m not happy with myself. Not when I have been suffering for something that I knew was never meant to be. Guess I’m pretty late to the party but yeah, I get it now.”

“I don’t want to give up, Clarke. I can give you space, and I swear to stay away as long as you need.”

“You’re too fucking good Lexa, and you’ve earned all the success that you have right now. I’ll keep working to be a great artist too, but I can’t do this to you. I resent you, and I’d be hurting you more if we continue. I’m done with this story of anger between us. I shouldn’t have aimed for the forbidden fruit. For once I’m going to act like an adult, and that is being conscious of the fact that I’m not ready. Recognizing that you deserve much more than I can give.”

“I uh, I understand.” Lexa felt her insides crumble, but she respected Clarke’s decision and even was proud to see such maturity from her. Still, this hurt like a bitch, and nothing in the world could stop the pain she was feeling inside. Clarke didn’t feel the same as her. Clarke didn’t love her, not anymore.

“I’ll remember what you taught me. I’ll remember when we used to be happy, even when we fought. I’ll remember everything. I thought that this was never going to end, but I was naive. I’m going to learn from my mistakes and grow up. This is my promise to you Lexa, but now it is me who leaves you here for your own good.” Clarke reluctantly let go of Lexa’s hand.

Lexa licked her lips, looking at the girl who would hold her heart forever. “I hope we can at least be friends?”

The smile on Clarke’s face was small, the usual glow of her features long gone. “I don’t think I can be friends with you Lexa.”

_Because it would hurt being there while you fall in love with someone else._

_Because if I remain by your side I don’t think I’d let you go._

_Because I still love you._

“Okay.” Lexa nodded and shifted her stance. She placed her hands inside her jacket keeping her from doing something dumb, like chase Clarke.

“Promise me that you’ll try to be happy. Can you do that for me?”

Of course Lexa would do anything for Clarke, and the blonde knew it. She always knew how to use her words wisely.

“Yes, Clarke.”

“Okay.” Clarke offered her hand waiting for Lexa to reciprocate the gesture that meant the end of the bad blood that had stained their relationship for so long. “May we meet again, Lexa.”

Lexa grasped the forearm in return, holding Clarke with a firm grip fighting her urges to not let go. Accepting that maybe this is how the story they both kept in the dark had to end.

“May we meet again, Clarke.”

 

With a last glance, Clarke made her way back to her car feeling empty and yet for the first time in peace. Like she let out everything that hurt her here on this mountain to never return. She was going to hate herself for what she did because Lexa was going to move on without her. But she couldn’t keep holding Lexa back even when a part of her was screaming that they still could make it work because her love for Lexa was still beating strong. However, Costia had been right, and Clarke couldn’t be selfish anymore. She had to let her go.

This is how things were supposed to be.

Let Lexa find her light while Clarke remained in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have come full circle again. Wonderful, don't you think?  
> Now they can start over, letting go of all the horrible shit that they went through. The question is if can they find a way back to each other or maybe start over with someone else? No more secrets. No more lies. No more between the sheets.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Tanagariel


	14. Chapter 14

Her body felt so numb as if ice suddenly was running through her veins, and her body didn’t feel warmth anymore. It was like she was alive and yet, a piece inside of her was dead.

Lexa took a deep breath staring into nature through the floor-to-ceiling window of her home office. A magnificent view that would be considered romantic at certain times of day and magical when the sky was clear and full of stars. Today, it was black and white. It was dull and lacked its usual brightness; there was no light anymore. For her light had been turned off, blown away by the cold wind of unrequited love. Her clothing reflected her mood - her oldest pair of black jeans and a tattered, old, black t-shirt.

Clarke didn’t love her anymore, and that broke her completely.

Lexa looked down at her hands resting in her lap. Hands that were responsible for typing words to help heal the souls and hearts of many of her readers, but they couldn’t heal her.

Lexa stared at the computer screen, the cursor blinking waiting for her to start doing something, anything. But words wouldn’t come to her.

Lexa minimized the window and logged into the magazine blog to answer some questions from her fans and readers.

Reading through their inquiries, she answered as best as she could, but her responses were lacking their usual spark. Her deep concern was absent. She huffed in frustration and leaned back on her chair.

 

“Lexa? Lunch is here.” Anya announced peeking through the door of the office.

“Thank you,” was the simple answer Lexa provided, but she didn’t move. She was stuck to the chair and Anya, her best friend and roommate knew Lexa was not going anywhere.

“Talk to me Lex. You can’t keep holding the pain inside. I know things went wrong with Clarke. Octavia told Raven as much. You can’t keep your emotions bottled up and expect to be fine. No one expects you to be fine. It’s okay to let it out Lex. No one will judge you for that.” Anya moved inside the office cautiously, respectful of the privacy Lexa was seeking. Anya approached Lexa with concern, her steps slow.

It has been several days since Lexa returned from her meeting Clarke on their mountain, and she has been acting robotic ever since. Lexa’s defense mechanism was to close off, pushing her emotions down deep and act cold. Anya knew that sometimes it was good to be in touch with your emotional side and grieve, cry, or whatever allowed you to process your situation. Lexa, however, made everything more difficult because of her coping mechanism.

Hazel eyes scanned the hermetic expression of the young writer. She was hoping to find a way in and make Lexa open up when the third member of the Woods residence came through the office door.

 

“I’m trying to be polite and wait for you two before I start eating the pizza, but Jesus, you’re taking forever!”

Anya wanted to murder Raven, but this girl was usually like this, too noisy and with a big attitude. No wonder she despised her former student during her World History classes.

Raven smirked at Anya when she noticed the murderous glare in her direction. “Look Commander Hot Stuff, I think something warm will make you feel better. Or we can skip the pizza and head straight to the ice cream. You’ve been in this office for too long, and Anya is being a whiny ass.”

Anya perked her brow and crossed her arms. She really was going to murder the mechanic one of these days.

Lexa lifted her gaze to meet Raven. “Ice cream?” Of course that would make her react. Clarke told her. No. Princess69 suggested that Alexandria offer ice cream to make peace with Anya. Apparently ice cream was the solution for world peace if things kept like this. However, it couldn’t treat heartbreak.

“Come on! I’m starving, and if I die it’s gonna be your fault.”

At least Lexa followed Raven, and Anya sighed in relief.

 

The three friends ate in silence at the kitchen island. Lexa kept quiet when usually they had interesting conversations.

The ominous silence irritated Raven, and she needed to get Lexa’s head out of her ass before it was too late.

“Clarke left you. Why?”

Anya choked with a portion of her pizza slice. Raven was blunt as usual and her lack of tact was unnerving. Anya started contemplating how she was going to kill Raven and get away with it.

Lexa stopped chewing and clenched her jaw for an instant before resuming eating her lunch; her green eyes looked at the brown of Raven daring her to continue.

Of course Raven kept pushing. “O told me some stuff. Clarke was pretty vague with her, but I know that whatever she said was utter bullshit. I’ve known Clarke since we were in elementary, and that idiot will make sure everyone is fine but her. I bet my ass she sabotaged herself.”  

“She wants me to be happy. To move on.” Lexa confessed, her tone small, like a whisper, as if trying to make the words coming from her mouth a lie.

Anya perked her brow, maybe she wasn’t going to murder Raven. After all she made Lexa talk, but Anya was supposed to be the best friend here.

“Of course.” Raven propped her elbow on the table and leaned her head in her palm. “Fucking Clarke! I‘m going to punch her, of course she’d do that. She loves you Lexa.”

“She doesn’t love me, Raven!” Lexa blurted the words as if they were poison, venomous words that killed her that day. “Clarke doesn’t feel the same for me. Not anymore, and I’m the one at fault here. I didn’t trust her and lost her. End of story.”

Raven frowned trying to come up with something to say. But really what could she say when her best friend wanted nothing to do with Lexa anymore. She knew Clarke was lying. “Lexa. I know you’re hurting, but I assure you that Clarke loves you.”

The brunette left out a long breath and took a sip of her water bottle. She was tempted to believe Raven’s words because she wanted nothing more than for Clarke to love her. But she couldn’t do that to herself. Not when Clarke had been clear regarding her intentions. Not even a friendship could withstand their torn relationship. It was better to stop hoping once and for all.

Raven’s cell phone bleeped, and the mechanic took a look at the screen. “It’s Clarke, she wants to talk with me. We haven’t talked since your book launch party.” Raven pondered for a second before sending a reply. “I think this is a good time for me to fix my misunderstanding with Clarke.”

“Yes, that’s good Raven. You’re a good friend, and she needs you.” Lexa couldn’t be close to Clarke, but at least Raven could and that was enough for Lexa. Knowing that Clarke was going to have her friends to support her on her path to heal and be happy again.

 

They resumed eating their lunch. Anya had a silly conversation with Raven while Lexa simply nodded as if she were listening but really not paying much attention.

When they were done, Raven quickly cleaned the table and before she left to meet Clarke, she really needed to say what she was keeping inside. “Listen Lexa, that dumbass has been thirsting for you since she met you back in school. I witnessed the way she basically stripped you naked with her mind every day during class.”

“Ew Raven for fuck’s sake that is not the kind of imagery I need right now.” Anya groaned moving to the kitchen sink to wash the dishes.

“You get the point. Like, how can you erase that strong connection? Whatever this is, it has nothing to do with lack of love Lexa.”

“It’s okay Raven. I respect Clarke’s decision. I’ll move on just like she wants.” After a pause she added, “I’m leaving.”

Raven blinked several times trying to assimilate this new information. Anya dropped the dishes in surprise. Miraculously, none of them broke.  Anya turned to face Lexa. “What? Going where?”

The writer walked to the nearest couch and sat down looking at the taller woman. “My publishers want to do a nationwide tour for the rest of the year to promote the novel. Since it’s doing so well they think this will help to boost the sales even more so we can announce the sequel.”

“Holy shit, that’s 6 months! At least I hope you’re done before Christmas, Lexa. And you got another book deal?” Anya perked her brow, excitement on her face. Lexa had worked hard to make this dream come true, and now people were hoping for more.

“Yes, I got an offer to write another book. Already spoke with Ontari and I’m set to write it during the next year.”

“But what about Polis?” Raven asked. “The magazine is a freaking success too.”

“I have a meeting with Mr. Wallace to arrange that as well. Writing is what I love the most and I really want to focus on this opportunity to grow as a professional.”

(Actually Clarke is what Lexa loves the most but she wasn’t going to mention that.)

“Congrats Commander Hot Stuff, you really kicked ass in sales. Best fucking seller and still number 1 in romance fiction.” The mechanic put on her red jacket and headed to the front door. “I have to go now, but I’m shocked and excited. I’ll bring beers tonight to celebrate with you two losers.” Raven waved goodbye and left the penthouse.

 

Lexa went back to her bedroom now that she revealed what she planned to do.  She shut the door softly and sat in her big cold bed.

In the loneliness and darkness of the room the tears that she was fighting to keep controlled didn’t give a shit and started to stream down her face. She sobbed holding a pillow against her body and finally let it all out after holding in the indescribable pain of the past few days.

How was Lexa going to do all of this and keep her word to be happy? She had no idea. Clarke was her happiness, and she lost her because she had been an idiot. Lying had been her mistake, and now she was paying the price. She should have trusted in Clarke. Lexa didn’t regret her decision of stepping away the first time, but she could have told Clarke the reason for doing so.

It doesn’t matter though; it was too late.

She could never hate Clarke, not when her heart was full of forgiveness and love for the art student. Clarke was in good hands and she had to let go. Her writing was the only thing she had left. This was her only chance of surviving in a world without Clarke.

Anya heard Lexa crying her heart out and rapped on the door softly before going inside the bedroom.

Seeing Lexa this devastated reminded Anya of when they were younger, barely teens in school when Lexa was rejected and mocked by the cheerleader squad. Lexa was a pure soul and had the biggest heart in the whole world.  And seeing her suffering like that tore her into pieces.  That experience is the reason why she swore to protect her little sister of the heart. Together they went through a lot of shit during high school but being together made Anya feel invincible. They were family, and they had each other’s backs.

Anya sat on the bed and slowly embraced the crying woman. “It’s going to pass Lex. I promise the pain will fade.”

“Did the pain fade when Costia rejected you?” Lexa lifted her gaze to meet Anya’s. “Costia doesn’t love you back.  Have you stopped hurting?”

Anya traced comforting circles on Lexa’s back. Lexa’s words stung Anya, but she understood where these words were coming from. “No. It still hurts Lexa. No one said this was easy. But I hope that maybe one day I can finally look at Costia without feeling that my heart is ripped into pieces. There’s nothing else for us to do other than to wait. Time will help us heal.”

“I don’t want to feel this anymore!” The sobs tore through Anya’s heart. She had never seen Lexa diminished to this person concerned with despair. Lexa, who was strong-willed, who endured every trial with bravery, a girl who stopped relying on her feelings and became of stone, a girl who never gave up. That was the Lexa she befriended back in the day.

This Lexa, however, was a woman with a broken heart, and it was the most human she had ever seen her. Clarke Griffin made this possible. A Lexa that opened herself up to the art student and for the first time allowed herself to be exposed and vulnerable. Anya was surprised to see the extent of Lexa’s feelings for the first time in their years of friendship. And she knew that there was not going to be anyone else for her best friend. Lexa could love again, yes. But not with the same passion that Lexa loved Clarke Griffin.

“I know Lexa. Trust me, I want this to stop too. Guess our hearts are too stubborn to let go.”

Lexa smiled defeated and made her way to her restroom to wash her face and take a shower before she sat again to work.

The blonde best friend took this as the cue to leave her alone.

 

 

The end of summer had been full of work for the writer. The column of the magazine was as popular as ever, and the blog had been visited by millions of people every week. Lexa managed to keep herself grounded when there were so many people interested in the life of Alexandria Woods, the famed author of the bestseller _Between the Sheets_. Her fan base had grown exponentially and during her current tour Lexa met all kinds of fans, from the sweet shy ones to pretty crazy ones. It was a surreal experience that kept her engaged in her job. Lexa was really happy talking about how she had touched someone’s life, how a simple article written by her had helped someone who felt alone, or maybe eased the pain of a girl who was going through a difficult time.

This was what she loved the most about her job, the people. Helping people meant the world to the brunette.

 

Lexa was stuck in her hotel in New York during a chilly August evening writing her column in the privacy of her room for the magazine’s next edition. She sipped from her tea and kept typing on her laptop the words in her mind to complete the article before heading down with Ontari for dinner to discuss her next book.

_“Looking through so many faces has made me realize that the world is full of beauty, smiles and so much love. I’m so grateful for sharing with you my book and spending time with my amazing readers during this tour._

_I know that it’s been sometime since I have touched on such a personal topic again, but whenever I write I do it with my heart. And my heart speaks to you and only you._

_Yes, I know that you don’t want me the way I want you. I don’t even know if you are still reading these words. Whether you do or not, I hope that you’re smiling. I miss your smile. Seeing so many smiles from my fans made me see what I have lost._

_I’m trying to fulfill my promise to you. I’m having fun meeting all my readers, and I feel blessed. Every word is in total honesty. This is how I truly feel, and let me tell you, I am happy or at least as happy as I can be without you. I do hope that you are too.  Forever yours, until next time we see each other between the sheets.”_

Lexa saved the file and sent it to Ryder so he could work on the final touches for the printed edition.

 

She checked her watch and realizing it was almost time to meet her editor Lexa went to the restroom to tuck her white blouse inside her jeans. She quickly combed her hair and fixed her makeup.

Lexa made her way to the restaurant on the bottom floor. On her way she met a couple of fans and graciously smiled for some selfies and signed autographs. That probably were going to make her mentions explode again on Twitter and Instagram. Ontari waited in the corner with a sweet smile crinkling the corner of her eyes.

“Look at you all rich and famous.” The shorter woman kissed Lexa on the cheek before taking her hand and guiding her to their table.

“It’s the least I can do. They’ve been very supportive and even recite to me passages from the book. If that’s not incredible I don’t know what is.” Lexa pulled out a chair for Ontari, and then she sat across from her. The waiter promptly offered a menu, and Lexa skimmed the list of the available food. After ordering some wine and their respective dinners, the two friends began their discussion of Lexa’s next project.

 

“I really want to make that happen Ontari. These characters have lost hope, and they are finding themselves in this book.” Lexa took a small sip of her wine and continued. “The pain left has subsided, and both are more confident and have mutual respect for each other.”

Ontari smiled. Those red lips curving offering a sweet sexy smile that never failed to amuse Lexa. “Lexa, I believe that you say that now.  But once you start writing the first draft I assure you the drama will be your priority.”

Shaking her head Lexa laughed casually. “Thanks for giving me a reality check.”

Smoothly Ontari rested her hand on top of Lexa’s, giving it a light comfortable squeeze. Her brown eyes resting on the green of the writer. “Lexa, you’re living in constant angst. I know you want to give a quick solution, but trust me on this one. Your readers will be delighted with a challenging reunion.”

Lexa frowned, she took another swig of her wine, letting the alcohol wash away her doubt and inner desires. “You’re right. A challenge makes it more fun.”

“Your next stop is Chicago, and the tickets for the meet and greet are sold out. Also, your last stop is in Los Angeles by mid-December. Titus called me and arranged an exclusive live interview for you on a morning talk show - your TV debut.”

“Oh, that’s incredible. Thanks for recommending Titus to help me with all the management. He’s pretty serious about it but also very keen.” Lexa finished her wine and paid the bill.

“I only recommend the best, Lexa.” A flirty wink was thrown in Lexa’s direction.

 

The two women held hands during their ride in the elevator up to their rooms. Walking like this felt good, it was familiar and made Lexa feel warm. Lexa escorted Ontari back to her bedroom as the gentlewoman she was. The green-eyed woman tucked her hands in her pockets as Ontari slid her card key inside the lock until it clicked to allow her to enter.

“Rest well Ontari.” Lexa wished.

Ontari turned around to face Lexa and cupped her face. She took two steps forward and kissed her softly on the lips. She pulled apart with a sweet smile, still holding Lexa’s face who was shocked by the gesture.

“Why don’t you stay with me?” Ontari began kissing Lexa’s jawline. “Sleep with me, Lexa.” Another kiss on the corner of her mouth.

Lexa closed her eyes, and God how she missed this contact - to be cared for, to be wanted, to be touched. Lexa quickly closed the gap between them and kissed Ontari with desperation. Her hands snaked around the slender waist of her editor and pulled her closer, pressing their bodies together in the middle of the hall.

Ontari moved them inside her bedroom and closed the door as they kissed frantically. Lexa pressed her fingers into the lower back of the woman in her hands and when Ontari bit her neck, Lexa’s nails left crescent moon marks over hips.

In an awkward entanglement of limbs they clumsily reached the bed. Hitting the edge of the bed first, Ontari fell on her back. Lexa quickly crawled on top capturing those sinful red lips. Lexa was throbbing between her legs already.   It has been some time since she took care of herself. Working as hard as she has been doing between the book tour and fan meets left no time for physical pleasure, except that now she had the chance. No strings attached sex. No cuddling or holding, zero calls after, except that they were working together.

Lexa felt a hand slide inside the waistband of her jeans, and she snapped her eyes open, meeting dark eyes devouring her with a promise of sin and pleasure.

(No, not blue.)

Lexa tried to shake those thoughts, those feelings that were burning inside of her. Remembering Clarke entangled in the sheets with her. Kissing her slowly and lovingly, worshipping her body and being careful of leaving marks of her desire on the white milky skin. She dug her head into the collarbones of the brunette underneath and bit her tenderly making her gasp.

(No, it wasn’t her gasps.)

 

Lexa pulled away with regret sitting some distance from her editor. She caught Ontari’s hand and respectfully placed it away from her. “I can’t. You’re my editor!”

Ontari sat on the bed with a disappointed expression, leaning on the headboard of the bed. “Geez Lexa, why do you have to be like this? You can have sex with me, and I swear our relationship wouldn’t change.”

Lexa stood up from the bed ashamed and extremely embarrassed. She was so worked up that she was going to need release as soon as possible. “I uh, this is not okay. I told you I want to keep this professional between us. Nothing personal.”

Ontari chuckled shaking her head in disbelief. “Lexa, that is bullshit! You’re so wrapped around your blonde’s finger that you can’t even think of being with another because all you want is her.”

Okay, that hurt and Lexa couldn’t refute that. Ontari was right about that. Lexa simply couldn’t let herself fuck another when her thoughts were about blue eyes and soft pale skin.

“I’m sorry Ontari. Maybe one day I can allow myself this distraction but not right now.”

(Not when Lexa still hoped that Clarke could love her back.)

“She might never love you again, Lexa. Why not have some fun? It’s not like you would be cheating or anything.”

“I know, but I’d be lying to myself. I’m not there yet.  I’m not ready to open up and give myself to someone else.”

“Okay, but you know if that day arrives you can always count on me. One of my life goals is to fuck you really good Lex. Don’t ruin my dreams.”

“I’ll try.”

Lexa hurried back to her hotel room and finished herself off in 5 seconds solely by thinking about her angel fallen from the sky.  Then she went to sleep.

 

 

The tour had been hectic. Flying from city to city without much rest and sleep was intense, keeping the magazine column up to date was demanding, and time was passing by so fast that she couldn’t believe they were already near the end of October.

The library in Boston where Lexa was doing her fan meetup today had a line that stretched around the block. It took her several hours to reach the last person in line because she wanted to meet everyone who took the time to withstand the cold day just to meet Alexandria.

With fall in all its glory, the view at least was gorgeous with the orange and red leaves. After they were done Lexa made a walk to a nearby park and decided this was a good time to write before going back to her hotel room. The tour was draining her, and the minutes she had for herself were few and precious. She pulled out her  laptop out of her backpack and sat on a bench to write with tea in hand to keep warm.

_“Is it really true that people can forget someone by getting underneath someone else’s skin? I don’t think I can give you an answer reader, because I couldn’t do it. In all honesty I did try some months ago, it didn’t work out. I kissed someone else who wasn’t you, and I felt empty, and it wasn’t fair. Sometimes I do wonder if there is a cure for a broken heart. Would I take a pill to make me forget about what we shared to stop this pain? No. I rather feel this pain and know that whatever was between us was real. Because it was._

_I admit that it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. At least, I’m glad it is not an excruciating pain. Nonetheless my biggest fear is that I might really forget about you. Can I really do that? Time will tell. For now, I’m still thinking about us when we used to be between the sheets.”_

Lexa checked her watch and noticed she had spent a long time in the park. No wonder she was cold.

 

When she began to return to the hotel, her cellphone kept in her back pocket vibrated, and she pulled it out. It was Raven being a total annoying little shit.

 **MechaRay** : yoooo Commander, get your head back in the game. Clarkey has been spotted laughing with a hot barista named Niylah. Cute but not you.

Lexa sighed and typed a quick response.

 **Lexa** : I told you I’m not interested in hearing about Clarke’s life. Let her do whatever she wants.

 **MechaRay** : don’t be an idiot Lexa, I’m being a good sport here and helping Clarke realize that Niylah is not what she needs. For that to happen I need you to get your shit together and call her, tweet her, do something!!!

 **Lexa** : Clarke doesn’t want my friendship or anything to do with me.

 **MechaRay** : ffs Lexa, C is jealous af whenever she sees your pictures w your fans. That moron is thirsting and hard, always complaining about how they grab you and kiss you. Niylah is hot and really nice, but she’s ruining my dynamic of blonde/brunette.

Lexa chuckled and typed her reply before heading inside the lobby.

 **Lexa** : Sorry I ruined your f/f pairing Raven but maybe you should focus on your own gf instead of your best friend’s love life.

 

Lexa called the lift but of course some fans were there waiting for her, and Lexa hung out with them briefly, signed autographs and took pictures before finally getting back to her room.

Another message bleeped on her screen. She slid the lockscreen, and as she removed her boots she noticed it was someone else.

 **Pocahontas** : aaaaaayyyy bitches, don’t you worry Lexie, we’ll make sure to keep Clarke single until you return.

Lexa frowned realizing she just got included in a chat group.

 **GrounderPrincess** : OMFG Raven. WTF is this?

 **ZeroGRay** : It’s Lexa’s support group Anya. Clarkey wants to bang the hot barista while thirsting for Lexa.

 **GrounderPrincess** : Who, Niylah? Sweet.

 **Lexa** : Sweet? Anya why are you supporting Clarke getting it on with whomever this Niylah is?

 **Pocahontas** : someone is jelly XD

 **GrounderPrincess** : I agree she’s hot Lex not that I want Clarke to screw her. Chill. I would bang 10/10

Anya attached a picture and saw a tall slender blonde woman with a sweet smile and caring brown eyes at the coffee shop counter speaking with Clarke.

“Fuck!” Okay this wasn’t good at all. Niylah was beautiful, and the churning in Lexa’s belly was a bad sign.

 **Lexa** : Wait, are you there right now?

 **GrounderPrincess** : Yup :) This monkey here forced me to hang out with her squad. It’s pretty weird.

 **ZeroGRay** : Anya, admit you love to hang out with the three powerpuff girls ;P

Lexa could clearly imagine the huge eye roll Anya was giving Raven right now.

 **Pocahontas** : ok C is coming back. We got you Commander. C wants only to be friends w Niylah cos at our nacho nights all she babbles about in her drunken state is you. How pretty you look with your loose braidless hair, your pretty lips and all that shit.

 **GrounderPrincess** : we totally should include in this chat group the almighty Wanheda. I mean she’s the only one left out :(

 **Lexa** : Hell no!

 **ZeroGRay** : Anyway Lexa, get your whipped ass back here and get your gal pal back. We’ll hold the fort for you.

 

Lexa was smiling, and she was happy. Who could have imagined that she was going to be glad to meet Raven and company? Their friendship was gold and even Octavia was nice, after warming up to her after a difficult beginning. She could really get used to have more than just a couple of friends. The only thing that bothered her was this Niylah woman. For Lexa no one could be good enough for her Clarke. However, if Clarke was going to smile and be happy, then Lexa could deal with it.

 

 

Lexa changed into comfortable clothes and decided to Skype with Anya, but seeing that her best friend was not online, she decided to call instead Costia. December had arrived faster than Lexa imagined. Being away from home had been difficult but also rewarding. She met so many people who had been inspired and touched by Alexandria. It was an incredible journey that gave her time to focus on other aspects of her life, and let her be at peace with Clarke.

Yes, Clarke and Niylah dated very briefly according to her chat support group that basically turned into a fun escape and made her feel less alone. According to them Clarke realized finally that she was still in love with her. Lexa couldn’t dare to hope yet. She wasn’t going to survive heartbreak again.

After a couple of seconds the video call connected, and the warm brown eyes and easy smile of the dark skinned woman who was like a saint to her greeted her with kindness.

“Hey Lexa, how is everything going? I heard Boston was a success, same thing with Minnesota. I am proud of what you’re doing.”

“Thank you, Cos. It’s exciting, but I have to admit I miss Anya and of course you.”

Costia giggled; she leaned on her desk and propped her elbows over her desk resting her head in her palms. “We miss you too Lexa. Anya is grumpier at school though, and complains a lot about Raven, Octavia and Clarke. It’s pretty amazing that she joined them in their adventures. At least they have established a good friendship.”

“Yes. Surprisingly they get along really well.”

Costia laughed with bliss.

“How are you?” Lexa asked.

“I’m staying busy organizing my holidays in New York. I’m bringing more of Clarke’s work to our gallery. That girl has done incredible artwork during these past 6 months Lexa. She paints with her heart and it’s beautiful. It’s like my old student is back.”

“I’m proud of her. Clarke is extremely talented.”

Costia grinned and nodded. “She is.”

“And things with Anya?” Lexa really needed to know if there was a chance for her two friends to really hit it off. Lexa suspected that Anya hanging out with the trio had more to do with staying away from Costia than anything else.

Costia sighed with such a tender expression. Costia cared for Anya, and they had gone through some shit in the past, but they were so good and strong together. It was seriously a big question of why things didn’t work like Anya thought they would when she confessed. “We’re good Lexa. I mean, we talk at work and um, sometimes when Raven and Octavia hang out with Clarke here at the Ark, Anya joins them and um...”

Lexa saw the pain in her eyes, it was the same as hers. Costia cared maybe a bit more than she admitted at the moment for Anya. She was truly suffering from Anya’s distance.

“Hey Cos. I assure you Anya still loves you. Just because she’s now friends with Raven, Octavia and Clarke doesn’t mean anything. She’s still your friend.” Lexa reassured the artist.

Costia narrowed her eyes the slightest.

“What? Is that not right?”

“Yes, we’re friends but…” Costia raked her hands through her curls. “She’s always keeping our conversations short. She barely looks at me anymore and I miss her stupid jokes. Anya is still friendly but not like before, and I miss the old Anya.”

“I understand.” Lexa clearly understood what was going on with Anya; it could be the same situation between her and Clarke if she had remained close to her. Pining for someone who didn’t love them back. “Anya is still Anya. The problem is that she assumed she ruined things when she told you about her feelings and of course, Anya doesn’t know how to act with you anymore because it hurts. I get it because that’s how I feel about Clarke.”

Costia remained silent for several minutes; Lexa noticed the subtle changes in Costia’s facial expression. Those eyes were hopeful and yet, there was some kind of hesitation in her body language - confusion even.

“This is too frustrating. Anyway,” Costia changed the subject abruptly, “Clarke’s still reading Polis. You know what that means?”

 

That information was clearly unexpected. Lexa had imagined that Clarke severed all their ties, and her so-called support group didn’t say anything, unless they had no idea. Which meant that Clarke read in the privacy of the art workshop away from prying eyes.

“Is she?”

“Yep, Clarke looks more relaxed and happier now when she reads. She knows it’s you now, and she has this dumb smile when she thinks no one is watching, but I notice. She enjoys what you write Lexa.”

“Thanks for telling me this Costia. I wish I could Skype more, but I’m really tired. And tomorrow I’ll have to do that live interview.”

“We can’t wait to watch you on TV. Good luck and come back home soon.”

Lexa shut down her laptop, and after brushing her teeth and taking a quick shower she went to bed with a hopeful smile on her face. If Clarke was still reading her column, this could mean that maybe Clarke was ready to forgive her once and for all.

Maybe Clarke could see past Alexandria and see the real Lexa. The Lexa who opened up for her and only her.

 _Maybe_ was better than _never_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late update, after the events that transpired on Thursday night, my heart ended up broken into million of pieces after being in a high of hope and happiness. I could have never imagined this was going to hit me as hard as it did. It had been a couple of rough days because I am mourning as if I had lost someone very special to me. I am still coping and it's going to be a slow process to get back on track but thank you for your kind messages and the love you have for this story and all my other fics.  
> I write with my emotions and right now I don't feel it in my bones to write. I really don't want to promise you a chapter next week because I am not sure if I am going to be in the emotional mindset to keep writing, maybe I will. I do promise you that I finish all my works, I won't leave you hanging kru. So I beg you please be patient and I hope that in the next days everything returns to normalcy or at least as close to normalcy as possible. I need more laughter instead of the tears I've been shedding this last days. Together we will keep this ship alive. Clexa were and are important and we won't dishonor that beautiful relationship. We will cherish it and continue to promote a healthy loving f/f relationship that we are so proud of. This has been a hard hit and one that we won't ever forget but let's make our Heda and Clarke proud.
> 
> Hugs to you all kru,
> 
> Carmen


	15. Chapter 15

October had proven to be fruitful but exhausting. Clarke was attending her last class of the day delivering a full report that she spent a week writing.  A huge achievement for the art student because she wrote it while her two best friends were fucking like rabbits and distracting her at all times.  Raven and Anya developed a routine.  Every day after work, Anya would drive them to Ark University.  Raven and Octavia would spend time together, and Anya would disappear. Clarke always wondered what Anya did during that time.  Was she seeing someone at the University?  Why else would she spend several hours a day taking Raven to and from the dorm?. Thankfully Anya was the one in charge of dragging Raven away from the dorms to Clarke’s relief every single night.

 

Clarke packed her things after the class was dismissed and went to the campus coffee shop where her friends and Anya, the weird but not unwelcome addition to their tight knit group were waiting for her.

These past few months after she left Lexa had been hard, she just left the woman she loved with all her heart, but Clarke thought this was for the best. She had been so angry, so bitter that she was never going to heal properly if she were with Lexa in this emotional state. Instead, she walked away and began her process of coping and healing, trying to move on after all the truths were revealed.

After all this time she felt light, free of the rage that had consumed her. Clarke was at ease with who she was, of what she was becoming. Her grades were pretty good, and her art had become less somber and more colorful.

That didn’t mean that she was over Lexa. Oh no. She was missing her and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t permanently remove herself from Lexa’s orbit.  Not when she kept buying the damn magazine, like the one she had hidden inside her backpack right now.

Every monthly issue of ‘Polis Mag’ had been bought and read even after leaving Lexa. She was still a fan.  Now that Clarke knew the truth, she could really see the woman behind the words she was falling deeper and deeper for her. Because that was the Lexa that loved her, the Lexa that was open and vulnerable with her - not the fake facade of Alexandria Woods who snaps selfies with her fans and signs autographs. That was the entire exterior, but on the inside the writer who discussed about her lover ever month was the woman she fell in love with. And yet, she had asked Lexa to move on. Clarke knew that she couldn’t bring anything good to someone as good and noble as Lexa. It hurt, but she had to let her go.

 

Checking her watch she noticed she still had some time before meeting her friends. Clarke walked to the campus park and sat under a big tree. Making sure that no one was around she pulled out the magazine to read this month’s column.

“You better not be kissing anyone else.” Clarke warned as she flipped the pages until she found the famous column she wanted to read. Reading about Lexa’s ways to move on had left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she accepted it. Lexa could find someone better, more suitable to be the support that the now famous writer needed.

_“I have been wondering about the concept of forever lately. When people swear to love each other until their last breaths and even after death is something that makes me curious. We learn about love and we give that love to someone - might be a family member or a special friend, even a significant other; but sometimes that love vanishes, it falls apart, the distance is too much to overcome; sometimes, too much resentment._

_Is there someone out there that will make you love them with so much intensity that you don’t even know how to contain so many emotions, someone that makes you love them with every fiber of your body and think: I will love you forever?_

_I’ve been thinking because I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I always worry and I have no idea if this is what is happening to me. That I didn’t realize that you took my heart and I never got it back. That this love I have for you is forever, when I breathe my last breath it is you whom I want to see in my final hour. It is you whom I want holding me before I move on. And even after that, I know I won’t stop for a single second loving you the way I do.”_

Clarke sniffed a bit and wiped quickly the tears that adorned her face. “What kind of bullshit is this, Lexa? You emo dweeb this is not what you’re supposed to be writing about.” Clarke shut the magazine and stashed it back in her backpack. She was going to finish reading it later because right now she was in anguish courtesy of that dumbass of Lexa.

Clarke was tempted to tweet Alexandria for old time’s sake and tell her to fuck off with her dramatic bullshit. Clarke even clicked her phone app but seeing her TL with happy fans with the idiot of her ex Clarke felt another kind of feeling.

“If only all those girls knew what a nerd you are,” Clarke smiled looking at the shy smile of the brunette. Her green eyes kind and the happy lucky fan hugging her like their life depended on it. “Why do they always have to aim for the boobs? Motherfucker.” Clarke mumbled as she put her phone in her pocket and made her way to the Camp Jaha, where her group of friends was waiting.

 

 

The place was located pretty close to her dorm, and it was a very comfortable welcoming place. The light filtering through the windows created a good ambiance. The soft cream paint on the walls reflected the sunlight, and the hardwood flooring complemented the homey style of the coffee shop. Soft music played in the background, and the chatter of the students animated the place.

Once Clarke pushed the door open, she met her friends sitting at a table in the back of the small shop.

Clarke smiled and greeted Octavia, Raven and Anya. “Hey guys, how’s everything?”

“Hey Clarkey, we were just talking about the weekend plans. There is a Halloween party with the rest of the soccer team.”

“We totally should go.” Raven smiled and linked her hand with Octavia.

“Oh god no. I’m not joining the powerpuff girls in your orgies.” Anya rolled her eyes. “Tell me the address, and I’ll drop you off.”

“Oh don’t be a party pooper Anya. This is the chance to ask Ms. Greene out.” Raven grinned looking at the slight blush in Anya’s cheeks.

“Yeah. So? Watcha say, Griff?” Octavia looked at Clarke expectantly.

“Um, sure. Sounds fun. I uh, I’ll go order.” Clarke dropped her backpack in her chair and walked to the counter. There she smiled at her friend and best barista around, Niylah.

 

“The usual?” Niylah offered a sweet smile to the shorter student.

“Yeah. How are you? How’s your dad?” Clarke leaned on the counter, her eyes following the slender blonde.

“I’m good, and my father is out. He wants to open his shop in DC so...” Niylah pressed the blender to mix the coffee. Once it was thoroughly mixed,  she poured the coffee into a plastic cup. “Here you go, Clarke and your pastry.”

“Thanks Niylah.” Clarke was about to return to her table, but she stopped herself. “Um, what are you doing in Halloween?”

Niylah’s hazel eyes narrowed. “Hmm, I work that day, but I’ll be out by 9.”

“Great um, so ah, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me to a halloween party. Meet there?”

The wide smile Niylah offered was enough answer. “Sure, sounds fun.”

“It will be fun.” Clarke took her things and winked before making it back to her table.

 

“Really?” Clarke arched her brow and sat back in her place beside Anya. “You all come here just to chat on the phone?”

“What? No, not at all.” Raven quickly closed her chat screen to stop Clarke from snooping around and finding Lexa’s support group chat open.

“I was showing them a fun raccoon video Clarke. Look.” Octavia showed her screen to Clarke.

“No thanks. I invited Niylah to the Halloween party, is that okay?”

Anya choked with her beverage, and Raven hit her back. “Poor Anya, she always laughs with that dumb raccoon video.”

“If that is what you wanna do, go ahead Clarke.” Octavia simply stated. Not much emotion or excitement for her friend.

Tilting her head and looking at her friends, Clarke had to wonder what they were really talking about since they were acting strange. “Alright, it’s all set.”

 

 

The party was packed with all the girls from the soccer team and their guests. Loud music pumping through a sound system set in the living room of the dorm. The red cups with alcohol moving around the hands of the college students.

Raven, Octavia, Clarke and yes, Anya too went inside the house. Anya simply crossed her arms looking at the younger ones having fun and the more experienced students doing dumb stuff.

Raven and Octavia had decided to wear matching costumes. The two dressed as pirates’ while Clarke was dressed as a vampire hunter. Anya was simply Anya.

“Can’t believe I let you drag me here.” Anya commented over the loud music.

“I told you, Anya. Being here is better than being home alone pining for Ms. Greene.” Raven quickly grabbed a couple of red cups from the nearby tray and offered one to Octavia.  She pulled out a water bottle from a cooler below and handed it to Anya. “Let’s have fun tonight.”

Anya sighed in defeat and took a sip of the cold liquid. “That is bullshit. You want me here to babysit Clarke and be your DD as well.”

Octavia joined her girlfriend and new friend. “Yes that too. We can’t be close or else Clarke will get annoyed at us, but you kind of hate Clarke so that works. Don’t let her bang Niylah.”

“Lexa would kill me if she knew I’m here to tacoblock that brat.”

“She would be thankful. Do it for her Anya.” Raven winked before leaving Anya to trail after Clarke.

 

Clarke scanned the room and noticed Monroe and Echo. They said their hellos, and Clarke moved on exploring the place until she found Niylah.

“Hello nurse.” Clarke eyed the nurse outfit that looked really nice on Niylah.

“Hey you. Need me to check any wound?” Niylah checked Clarke’s tight ripped jeans and her bloody shirt with her weapon belt tied around her waist.

“Yeah, just the one in my heart.”  It wasn’t meant to sound sad, but it did. “Can you fix it?” Clarke tried to cheer herself up. She knew she had to push herself to move on. To let go of the brunette in her mind.

Niylah walked and circled Clarke’s hips. “I can try.”

Clarke smiled and pulled Niylah to the dance floor.  The two danced to the loud music moving with frenzy and engaging in small conversation when the music allowed.

Clarke was really happy at that moment.  The burden that weighed her down for so long was barely there. She was being the Clarke that was bold, fun and wild.

The two women danced close, feeling the heat between their bodies. Clarke stared into the hazel eyes looking back at her with so much care and hope; Clarke wanted to feel that again inside in heart. Yes, she was not drowning in anger anymore, but she still felt empty inside. She cupped the nape of Niylah’s neck and pulled her closer to kiss her lips.

Niylah was hesitant at first.  But with a little encouragement from Clarke, the two kissed deeper, savoring  the taste of alcohol on each other’s lips.

 

It wasn’t long until the two looked for a more private spot in the dorm.  Clarke and Niylah made their way to the backyard, and they kissed giggling and sharing fun stories. It felt good to have someone to share these things. Someone who could hold you and kiss you, the warmth of another body up close.

“This is really nice.” Niylah commented, her bright smile making Clarke reply with a smile of her own.

“Yeah, it is.” Clarke leaned in and pecked Niylah’s lips, “You feel soft, and you’re great company.”

Niylah laughed shaking her head. “Thanks. I guess this is when I ask you on another date.”

Clarke chuckled and leaned on Niylah’s shoulder. “I’d love to.”

The two held each other, and Clarke was feeling suddenly cold.  She cupped Niylah’s cheek and kissed her with more intensity. Things started to heat up, just like Clarke wanted because she was cold.  She needed some kind of warmth right now.

“Okay, time’s up.” Anya quickly pulled Clarke’s shirt to remove the blonde who was practically straddling Niylah.

“Ow!? What the hell Anya?” Clarke complained, trying to get out of the grasp of the not-so-happy woman without success.  Actually Clarke was having issues standing upright.

“You drank too much. Let’s go.” Anya didn’t care about Niylah glaring at her and pulled Clarke away back inside the building, pushing her until they were in the front of the dorms.

 

“What is wrong with you? I’m not drunk!”

“Yeah, says the girl who couldn’t even hold herself up. You’re not going to fuck anyone under the influence tonight.”

“Oh thanks for protecting my virtue Anya.” Clarke mocked crossing her arms.  She had to sit in the grass because she at least had to admit she was tipsy.

“I really don’t care about your virtue, Clarke. I really don’t give a shit about you, but your friends care. I’m just doing them a favor.”

“As expected. We don’t have to like each other anyway. You’re grumpy as fuck. Maybe you should take care of your own business and not meddle in mine.” Clarke brought her knees up to her chest and rested her hands there.  She leaned her head in her arms and shut her eyes trying to ease the killer headache that appeared out of nowhere a minute ago.

“I’d like to, but I can’t do that. You being safe is my priority.” Anya sat beside the girl in the grass. “Someone I care about very much would be sad if something happened to you.”

There was no need to ask whom that someone was. Clarke knew. She sighed and kept quiet waiting for her friends to meet them outside to go back home.

 

 

Half month of dating Niylah proved to Clarke what she already suspected. She could fall in love again, be content and find some happiness, but she was never going to love anyone else the way she loved Lexa Woods. The kind of love that they shared was unique, special and irreplaceable.

Niylah was a really wonderful woman, but Clarke couldn’t keep fooling herself, much less Niylah. Love was never going to be part of their relationship. Trying was not good enough.

Clarke stopped dating the barista and agreed to keep things between them as friendly as possible.

 

December white tones washed away the red and orange, and the cold in her bedroom made Clarke wrap herself tighter in her blanket.

Clarke decided to stay with her mom as usual during the holiday break. Spending time together had helped them strengthen their filial relationship to the point that it was almost like it used to be before they both lost the man of their life.

Clarke turned the TV out of boredom and started to surf channels until she found a morning talk show that was pretty entertaining. ‘Live with Becca’ was a really popular talk show because it offered entertainment news along with lots of fun sketches.

After some interactions with the audience that made Clarke cackled in laughter, Becca, the host, announced their next special guest. Clarke was munching chips splayed in her bed observing the woman in red wondering what actor they were going to interview today.

“And for the first time ever on TV let’s welcome Alexandria Woods.” Becca announced to thunderous applause and cheers from the audience, welcoming the brunette into the studio.

Clarke had to gulp down the chips to avoid choking. Clarke had no idea that Lexa was going to be on TV.  She had disconnected as much as she could from the woman’s book tour.

 

Her eyes were wide watching the brunette walk to the couch to be interviewed by the dark-haired woman, to the sound of deafening applause and screams from some enthusiastic fans.

Lexa was beyond beautiful. She was wearing a simple ensemble - a white button up shirt and black pants. Her black sandals gave her a sophisticated look. And her gorgeous hair tied up in a nice bun revealed a bit of her back tattoo.

The interview began with the usual questions about the magazine and the idea for the column. Followed up by the success of her novel, which Clarke had avoided at all costs to read.

Lexa was as eloquent as ever, her answers graceful, smart and thoughtful.

“ _Between the Sheets_ is engaging, and the fans are raving about the story. A story where young girls can finally identify with the heroine. A girl who is in love with another girl.” The host commented.

Lexa nodded. “Yes, I’m very happy to hear that they have found in this character someone to look up to.  A character that is not just a sexuality but a multi-faceted character in the story.”

“But the ending left your fans pretty sad. It was heartbreaking.”

Lexa chuckled. “Yes, it was a difficult thing to do. I believe that their love will surpass any obstacles if they really sit down and speak truthfully; that’s the reason why they needed to split in order to heal again. Of course, I’m not done with this story.  I’ll begin writing the sequel next year.”

The fans went nuts with the announcement that Lexa was going to continue the story, and Clarke couldn’t be happier for her ex. Lexa deserved this level of success and all of the attention she was receiving.

“You heard it right here. Alexandria is writing the sequel to her bestseller. Now, these fans adore you. They are loyal, and I bet they would like to know more about the woman behind the sweet loving words.”

“I appreciate all of my fans, Becca.” Lexa smiled shyly, and Clarke wanted to die right there from the cuteness. Lexa was flushing the slightest, the pink shade spreading up to her tiny ears.

 

“The big question that everyone is desperate to know. Is this person whom you write about in your column every month real?”

Lexa looked at the camera, then back to the show host who looked at her intently. “As real as you are, Becca.”

“But you’re single, right?”

“Very single.”

The fans screamed in excitement. Clarke rolled her eyes and huffed.

“Can you tell us about this person who inspired such an extraordinary story?” Becca prodded for an answer.

Lexa remained thoughtful before giving her response, a bit hesitant but then she did. “She’s a wonderful person. A young woman who’s kind, loyal to her friends, and I respect her a lot. She’s special.”

The crowd sighed wistfully with _aaaw_ and _so cute_ comments.

“Special for sure, Alexandria. You portray your articles with such love for this woman that it melts the hearts of all your readers.” Becca joked. “Any chance for your readers to win your heart?”

Lexa smiled. “No, not yet at least. But I do appreciate their support.”

The crowd went insane. Becca laughed. “You heard it here.  You’re still in contention to win Alexandria’s heart.”

“The hell they are!” Clarke pouted munching more chips aggressively.

“The words you speak are made of love, and many of your fans have fallen in love with you through every monthly edition. Why do you think that has happened?”

“Because I’m honest. I’m not lying when I say that I miss her, that I will always care for her. But I also wanted to share this love with the world, and so I never assigned a gender to the object of my affection, making it universal. Whether you are into men, women or both, you can feel that bond between us. Because love is love.” Lexa answered, and she was really baring herself to the audience.

Clarke was astonished to see this openness from Lexa. She could clearly see how much progress Lexa made in this time that they have been away from each other. Clarke was happy to see that the weight dragging the writer down was lifted from her too.

“Love is universal, and in your book that love goes and defies the odds through time, again and again.” Becca added.

Lexa affirmed with a slight dip of her chin. “Yes, in the sequel I want to explore that. How the characters even after some time meet again, and how they deal with what they shared. They are the only ones that know what happened between the sheets.”

 

“Okay, that sounds really exciting, and we can’t wait to read your next book. Now, let’s read some questions that some fans tweeted.” Becca began to read the questions. Some were about the book, others about the likes and dislikes of Alexandria. Lexa answered as best as she could,  offering bits and pieces of Alexandria to the world. But Clarke knew her so well; she didn’t need to hear this because she knew Lexa inside and out.

“This question by @Alexandriafanclub says ‘Are you looking for love right now?’”

Lexa smiled. “Absolutely. As long as I meet the right woman who understands me, and I can love back, then yes. Still looking.”

The fans were beyond excited, and Clarke clenched her jaw.  She didn’t like that answer at all.

“You’re not dating one of those crazy bitches, Lexa.” Clarke spat.

“And we have @BTSthirstyfans asking ‘Could you show us your tattoo?’”

“What the fuck is wrong with these people?” Clarke was beyond angry.

The girls in the crowd were out of their minds in desire, and Clarke wanted to murder them all as Lexa lifted her sleeve and showed them her arm tattoo.

“Okay, let’s go with one more...” Becca scrolled through her feed. “This one is juicy, @wrenchmonkey says ‘Ask Alexandria about Princess69. The sexual tension was real.’ User Princess69 huh?”

Lexa paled as she heard the question, she looked at the camera, and you could see the sudden tension as she stiffened her back.

“What the fuck?” Clarke was gaping at the TV screen.

“Princess69 was someone who needed a friend. That’s over now. No one to worry about.”

And Clarke’s heart shattered into pieces. Lexa seemed sad but also determined to close off.

After that Clarke didn’t hear anything else, the host thanked Lexa, and they cut to the commercial break.

“So I’m no one now, huh?” Clarke slumped in the bed, looking at the ceiling trying to calm down a bit. Clarke laughed bitterly. “This is what you wanted, don’t complain. You asked for this.”

 

 

Christmas Eve had been fun and joyful with her mom, Octavia and Raven. A moment to bask in the happiness with your family and friends. Clarke was happy. As happy as she could be without the woman who owned her heart. Her friends could fill some spaces but not everything; Abby could patch her up but still it wasn’t going to be enough to fill the gap that loving Lexa left inside.

They had a wonderful dinner and spent some time talking about their ideas for the upcoming year. She had been a 20 year old young art student since September who still needed to figure things out.  This was creating too much anxiety for the blonde. Finding her purpose in life when so far nothing was going as she had hoped. The world expected her to be an adult, but Clarke struggled with daily things. It was a mission impossible for her. Even her friends seemed to have a better sense of direction.

“Cheer up, Clarkey. Next year will be better.” Raven hugged her goodbye.

“I hope so, Ray. Merry Christmas you two.” Clarke wished to her two best friends.

“Merry Christmas, Clarke.” Octavia hugged Clarke too before stepping away and heading to the front door with her girlfriend, who were going to conclude their Christmas celebration with Anya.

Clarke let out a long sigh observing her two friends get in a cab to head to Lexa’s place. Anya was spending this holiday alone since Lexa was still working in Los Angeles promoting her book. Her two friends had become close with their former World History teacher, and they had a good relationship. Too bad Clarke wasn’t on the same page because Anya hated her after all the crap she pulled on Lexa. Clearly she wasn’t going to be welcomed there and right now, Clarke wasn’t in the mood to create a tense atmosphere and ruin the holiday for them.

Instead, Clarke went straight to bed, earlier than usual, and dreamt of green, green, green.

 

 

The next day, before her mom woke up Clarke hopped in her car and drove to the cemetery to visit her father. It has been several months since she came to visit his grave.  It was never easy to do it, but Clarke was more than ready. She could manage this pain.

The blonde parked her car and made her way to the tombstone that read ‘Jake Griffin: Beloved father and husband.’

Clarke reached the cold stone and sat in front of the grave. With her fingertips she traced the fonts of the name engraved in gold.

“Hey dad. It’s been some time. Um, sorry I didn’t visit you sooner.” Clarke sighed and pulled out ‘Polis Magazine’ from her backpack. “You never knew that I loved Lexa, dad. You assumed she was just a worried teacher, but she was more to me than that. I fell in love with her slowly but surely.”

Clarke zipped her jacket and adjusted her beanie on top of her heard. “I wonder all the time what would happen if you knew about Lexa and I. Maybe you would have supported me. I really think you would have loved Lexa, dad.”

Clarke swiped the pages and sat to read a passage of the column to her father. “You see? She writes beautifully and,” Clarke remained pensive for a second. “I miss her dad, as much as I miss you. What do I do? Tell me. What should I do about Lexa? Send me a sign, anything. Please.”

Clarke kept silent; she chuckled because it was dumb to wait for an answer.

“I love you dad. Merry Christmas.”

She stood up wiping the dirt from her clothes and returned to her car to head home.

 

Once she arrived at her place she hung her coat in the perch as she entered and walked to the kitchen. She cooked a small breakfast for her and her mother who was about to wake up soon. She poured hot coffee in a cup and along with two plates full with bacon and scrambled eggs on the table she sat to wait.

A minute later Abby came downstairs and greeted her daughter with a heartfelt hug and kiss. “Merry Christmas, Clarke.”

“Merry Christmas, mom.”

“This looks delicious honey, thanks.” Abby smiled kindly and patted her hand with love.

“Enjoy.”

Mother and daughter ate while having light conversation. They discussed about work and classes trying to keep a fun and happy tone, but also both remembering Jake and how they both missed him.

 

“Now the present exchange.” Abby walked to the Christmas tree and grabbed a small gift.

Clarke did the same and offered her wrapped box to her mother. “This is for you, mom. Hope you like it.”

Abby thanked Clarke and opened her gift. “Oh baby this is really nice.”

The doctor pulled out from the box a comfy sweater, with soft brown tones that matched the color of her eyes. Abby hugged her daughter and kissed her cheek. “This is really nice and soft, baby. Thanks.” Abby offered her gift to Clarke. “I hope you like this.”

Clarke giggled and quickly ripped the red and green paper wrap to find a book. Her smile disappeared, and she looked back at her mother in utter confusion.

“What the?” Clarke returned her sight to the book in her hands. In bold letters was written _Between the Sheets_. “Why?”

“I think you should read it.” Abby said, resting her hand over Clarke’s shoulder. “You know? It has taken me some time to see how you’ve changed. You’ve grown up too fast baby, and even though you’ll always be my little girl, I know I have to let you choose your own path.”

The blue eyes rested back on the older features of the woman who loved her with all her might. “Lexa wrote this book, mom.”

“I know, Clarke.” Abby smiled and cupped Clarke’s face to look at her intently. “I realized that the time you were the happiest was when you two were together. I made a horrible mistake too; I judged Lexa harshly. I didn’t give her a chance, and I lost my daughter to the anger and sadness of a heartbreak.” Abby planted a kiss on the top of her head. “I know that time has passed, that maybe Lexa is now in a better place. My only hope is that you heal too, and this book is what you need.”

Clarke frowned looking at her mom with apprehension. Abby just laughed it off shaking her head. “I read it, honey and _you_ need to read it.”

 

After opening the gifts from Octavia and Raven and texting their friends wishing them happy holidays, Clarke returned to her bedroom. She shut the door and sat on the bed with the book in her hands.

Leaning against the headboard Clarke extended her legs and rested the book on her lap. Observing the cover and the name of the author Alexandria Woods.

The last two Christmases Lexa gave Clarke books.  This Christmas was the first one that she didn’t send her anything. Not that Clarke was expecting it after going separate ways  last June. But having this book precisely in her hands was pretty strange, it was almost creepy.

“A sign.” Clarke stared at the picture frame with her dad smiling at the camera. “Is this your way of telling me to get her back, dad?”

Fixing her gaze back on the cover, Clarke passed the first several pages until she found a line that caught her eye. A simple phrase before getting into the contents of the book.

_“If you ever read this I hope that maybe someday, you’ll let me love you in the light.”_

“Maybe someday...” Clarke traced the letters in the book, her heart beating stronger than ever. Hopeful because this is what life was granting her, an opportunity to love again, “…we won’t have to hide between the sheets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back. Apologies for the delay but it has been kind of weird trying to find back my footing after that low blow. It is clearly taking me more time to get in the proper headspace but it's going slowly but surely. Thanks a lot for all your kind words of encouragement and together we will fight to keep this wonderful ship alive.  
> Thanks again for reading my stuff, it means a lot knowing that you enjoy it. And I really hope to be able to keep providing this escape for all of you.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Tana


	16. Chapter 16

Punching the keyboard swiftly, key after key, Lexa typed the words that moved through her mind. Watching tiny letters fill the laptop screen, Lexa wrote the next chapter of her new book from her rented apartment in Los Angeles on a fresh February morning.

After the tour ended Lexa was tired and really wanted to go back home, however, there was nothing left for her there. Instead, with the help of Ontari, she found herself a nice apartment where she could go for walks on the beach and peacefully renew herself and refocus.

She missed Anya immensely. She left DC 8 months ago due to her career commitment. But even though she missed her best friend and almost sister, she wasn’t strong enough to return home and find herself so close and yet far away from Clarke.

The writer had been keeping up with her work at Polis to the best of her capabilities.   Answering the blog and Twitter questions was draining, but she wanted to make sure that her readers were tended to and treated with the utmost care.

After her live interview, more appointments were made, and Titus had been good enough to schedule them at a more suitable time for her. She was really living her dream for the first time ever. This was the moment when Lexa realized that she made it. That Lexa Woods finally was someone to whom her parents could be proud of. And yet, her best-selling book and her hugely successful column in the magazine didn’t fill the hollowness inside.

Lexa was supposed to be blissful; to be in an eternal high since all her hard work was paying off.  Lexa had the money, the fans and the recognition of the critics. Her book was a bestseller, and the reviews raved about the incredible heartfelt ride of the protagonists sending a message of equality and above all, love. Yet, what she wanted the most she couldn’t have. How sad was that? Lexa would trade every single aspect of her career for one more chance with Clarke.

 

Lexa sighed and slumped in her chair. She rubbed her eyes trying to push away the tiredness.

“Gosh, my back hurts.” Lexa twisted her torso trying to stretch her back muscles from being seated for so long.

Lexa made her way to the small kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge before making her way back to her desk. She scrolled on the Polis website when she noticed the latest headline.

“What the… Mount Weather gang out of commission?” Lexa clicked the article and read it really fast. Apparently, after she handled the information she gathered last year to Bellamy before she embarked in her book tour, the man followed her clues till the end. Carl Emerson had been apprehended after trying to escape once the evidence of his crimes was in the hands of the DC Police Department. Lexa exhaled in total relief. “Raven is going to be safe. At least you did something good.” Lexa was relieved now that the young mechanic was going to be in peace and not living scared that those bastards were going to stalk her again for money.

Lexa texted her support chat group, which wasn’t offering much support at all, but she still appreciated their efforts to cheer her up.

 **Lexa** : I read that Emerson is in jail. That is amazing.

 **GrounderPrincess** : Yes, he is.

 **Pocahontas** : Ray is fucking happy, you’ve no idea Commander.

 **GrounderPrincess** : Extremely happy I must say. Raven has not stopped being an ass since she heard the news, thankfully she is in the carshop with mini Blake and not in the apartment yet.

 **Pocahontas** : Hey! I’m not mini nothing. Anyway, Ray is really thankful. She told me what you did Commander. Thanks for doing this.

Lexa smiled knowing that the young mechanic was finally going to sleep without being afraid. The girl already suffered enough thanks to her rough life. She deserved this moment.

 **Lexa** : I’m glad she’s happy, but you should thank your brother, Octavia. He followed through with the investigation. Enjoy the celebration and take care.

 **GrounderPrincess** : Lex, when you’re coming back? Are you staying in LA forever?

Lexa thought about that. She couldn’t deny that it has crossed her mind to move herself to another place where she could continue working and writing.

But DC was her home.

 _Wrong_.

Clarke was her home.

 **Lexa** : I don’t know yet, Anya. I have to finish working so I’ll call you tomorrow and talk about it.

She left her phone on the desk and remained thoughtful. She had to finish writing her next piece and wake up tomorrow to go to a small conference she had in UCLA. A long day of business would help her keep her mind busy instead of wondering about the girl who she couldn’t forget.

 

 

The next day Lexa made a special appearance at UCLA where she did a Q&A and discussed her novel with writing and literature students. The session was part of her commitment to visit educational institutions to promote writing to young aspiring students and help them in their own path as well.

She answered the questions from the audience and discussed her upcoming book offering insight in what to expect and what topics she was going to cover. Lexa provided tips and explained her writing process in depth. The audience was engaged and interacted with the writer with interesting questions and comments.

After her presentation, Lexa made sure to greet as many fans as possible, taking pictures with them and signing autographs before departing to continue her work. Ontari needed some material to see the development of the story as soon as possible, and Lexa was pressed to provide enough material to give to her editor and await her feedback.

Once her fans left with a big grin on their faces, Lexa finally picked up her messenger bag with her notebook filled with thousand of notes and ideas about her book and strolled around the campus to reach the parking lot. She caught sight of a small coffee shop and decided to grab a drink before heading back home.

 _Not home_ , Lexa had to remind herself.

 

On her way to the shop she distracted herself a bit and almost hit someone. “Oh excuse… me.”

“Oh well, this is surprising.”

“Sorority girl. What are the odds?”

“Hell, who would have thought that I was going to bump into the famous Alexandria today?”

Lexa seriously eyed the student. “Small world.”

The marine biologist smiled eyeing the writer. “I was wondering where were you during the holidays? You know how much I love visiting DC and for some reason wherever Clarke is, you’re there too.” The young woman studied Lexa, and then her eyes glinted in recognition at the slight change in demeanor.

Clenching her jaw Lexa swallowed hard. “I’m glad you enjoyed your holidays with your cousin, now if you’ll excuse me.” The brunette was going to depart before she was stopped.

“Chill, I only visited Echo. Clarke was staying with her mother during the holidays, so no, we were not hooking up if that is what you think.”

Immediately Lexa relaxed.

Luna huffed, “You’re pretty whipped. Like, since I met you two, it has always been this weird sexual tension and murdering glares towards other people. I always try to imagine what did Clarke saw in you. I guess now that I have removed my crush glasses I can see it.”

Lexa didn’t let her comment affect her. She never liked the girl simply because she had been Clarke’s fuck buddy during a brief period during Clarke’s school days. Still, she composed herself trying to be an emotionless wall. “What do you want?”

“Relax. I’m not here to cause trouble. Geez,” Luna scratched the nape of her neck. “Come on. Let me buy you a drink as a peace offering and talk a bit, deal?”

“Okay. Why not.” Lexa answered after a moment of thought.

 

The two walked in silence to the coffee shop. Luna bought both of them a drink and sat at a small table outside to enjoy the crisp air. Lexa closed her jacket to feel comfortable and eyed Luna with weariness.

“Clarke has never stopped thinking about you, you know? Even when we had our dalliance years ago, it was you she thought about.” Luna snorted, “yeah how disappointing that was. I knew right there, that she was never going to give me her heart. She wanted you instead.”

“She doesn’t…” Lexa hesitated. “Things have changed between us.”

“I can see that. You’re here and Clarke is far away. She might really move on.”

“Clarke has suffered enough, and it’s best if she finds someone who cares for her.”

“Basically you’re giving your blessing to whoever wants to win Clarke’s heart?”

Lexa drank her coffee, leaving the empty cup on the white table. “I just want her to be happy. If it means seeing Clarke with another boy or a girl, then yes.”

“Clarke knows what she wants. She’s very confident in her skills and yeah, she can totally make another person fall in love with her, but I do know that she won’t love them. Not the way she loves you. Do you think that’s fair? Leaving the crumbs of her love for others to take?”

 

Gathering her thoughts and making sure she was not going to show weakness in front of this girl, not show her how desperate she was to have her blonde girl back in her life, Lexa said “Clarke is not interested in me, and I moved on.”

Luna chuckled shaking her head. “Moved on? You write every month about Clarke. I watched your TV interview, and I knew right there it was all about her.” Luna bit her pastry, and added. “Clarke is in love with you. Always has been, always will be. I couldn’t compete with whatever you had. No one can. Yeah, she might be able to fall in love again but like I said, she won’t love anyone else the way she loves you.”

Lexa looked at her empty cold hands, thinking about Luna’s words. Was she really wrong? Allowing someone else to take Clarke’s leftovers of her heart?

“You’re a really good writer. I read your book and when I realized it was you, everything clicked for me. The way you love her is selfless, and I was envious because I wish someone loved me like that, Clarke is a lucky girl. Stop being so stubborn and be happy. Clarke deserves it and so do you.”

“Why are you saying this?” Lexa was baffled. She knew she had not been the nicest person to Luna. She acted petty and rude with her because she was a jealous moron.

“Last time I saw Clarke she missed that spark that attracted me in the first place. Yes, she smiles and laughs more, but you can see in her eyes how superficial that happiness is. I know you’re the one responsible. I appreciate Clarke a lot, and I want to make sure you know that she cares. Don’t waste more time because one day it will be too late.” Luna smiled and picked up her backpack, she slung it over her shoulder and gave a courtly nod to Lexa before she walked away. Leaving Lexa with deep thoughts about what to do.

 

To say that the conversation with Luna left her confused was an understatement. Lexa was left with hope, and that was the most dangerous thing that she could dare to feel right now. She had already resigned herself months ago that she would never again feel Clarke’s lips against her, hold her hand and hold her tight. Lexa had adjusted to the idea of a life without Clarke already. But hearing Luna speak about Clarke still harboring feelings for her made Lexa hope that she might still have a chance. That maybe Clarke still loved her. Possibly, there was time to find each other again. After all, there were no more lies between them. They spoke their truths, and the only thing left was their raw hearts bleeding for each other.

 

 

The next days were filled with utter confusion. Her writing was slow.  Her inspiration cut short because her heart wanted to go back and get her girl, while her head was fighting to stay safe and protected, trying to avoid another heartbreak. Keeping her as far as possible from the source of her pain.

Today was no different. Lexa was pacing in her living room. Her head was filled with so many things, trying to focus on her work and thinking about Clarke. No one has told her anything about Clarke’s whereabouts. Her chat group had remained silent about Clarke. The last thing she heard was that Clarke broke up with Niylah and has been single ever since. Lexa was relieved hearing that news because she was selfish in that aspect. But also she was sad because Clarke was again alone without someone who could offer her the love the girl  badly needed and deserved.

 

“Godammit!” Lexa huffed in frustration and sat on the couch, holding her head with both hands trying to remove this anxiety. Damn the hour she met with Luna. Her resolve to look out for Clarke had been wavering but now, it was about to be broken, and she couldn’t do that. She needed to speak with Anya.  Her friend would know how to put some sense into her.

Walking to her tiny office, Lexa plugged in her laptop and made her vidcall. A couple of rings and on the screen her best friend appeared.

“Hey Lex. You bored already?” Anya was clearly working by the stack of papers that were visible over her desk.

“Hey, I don’t need to be bored to call my best friend.” Lexa curved her lips, relaxing a bit just by hearing the other woman.

“How is it going? You look like shit.” Anya remarked. Which was not surprising considering that she had barely slept. The dark circles under her green eyes evidence enough.

“I miss Clarke.” Lexa admitted hiding her face from the camera. At that Anya stopped working to pay full attention to the writer.

“I uh, I’ve been thinking, and I don’t know what to do. It’s been 8 months, and I haven’t stopped caring for her.”

Anya could see the inner conflict and how it was affecting her friend’s usual demeanor. “Come back Lex. You’re a mess. You promised to be happy, but you’re not.” Anya began. “I’m not a fan of Clarke, but she’s the one who put a smile on your face. The one who made you write with such passion. You both have had time to heal. It’s time for you to return Lexa.”

“Is that the right thing to do? I hurt Clarke so much and I... I’m not sure I can risk her again like that.” Lexa clenched her fists. She loved Clarke with every fiber of her being, and if she might hurt her again, then she truly didn’t deserve another chance.

 

“Lexa, I’m telling you. You have a chance.” Anya didn’t sound as confident as before.

Lexa noticed and met Anya’s frown. “Hey An, what is it?” Anya had always been there for her, the least Lexa could do was for once be there for her friend. “Is it Costia?” Lexa took a guess and by the teacher’s gulp, she knew she hit the jackpot.

“We had one of those talks. I spent more time at the Ark while I drove Raven around and uh, I bumped into her so we walked around and just talked.” Anya started to play with a pen, looking at it as if it could give her the answers she needed. “Costia loves you Lex, and I’m so tired. I hate feeling this envy that is threatening to consume me. I hate that she loves you and not me; that she rather be alone than to give me an opportunity. You have a chance with Clarke but me? I have nothing. Zero hope.”

“And so you walked away from her.” Lexa knew how Costia felt now that Anya had become acquainted with the infamous trio of friends. Both women were really hopeless. “You don’t speak to her unless you have to and Costia feels your distance An. She definitely cares about you. Don’t dismiss it just yet.”

Anya shook her head. “Lexa, just stop. Costia won’t ever choose me, let’s be real. Just come back home and fix your shit with Clarke so I can do my own thing cos I can’t stand Reyes and Blake, much less Griffin.”

Lexa smiled widely, her friend needed her. Anya needed her company and her support. Family first, hoes before bros, and Anya was her number one hoe. Maybe Clarke was a topic she wasn’t ready to tackle just yet, but she knew where she needed to be.

“Okay. I’m coming home, Anya.”

_______________

“NO!” Clarke re-read the paragraph of the Christmas gift her mother gave her again. “What the fuck?” Clarke was in her dorm reading chapter 16 of _Between the Sheets_. Since she received the book back in December she has been taking her time, reading whenever she had a chance after gruesome work in class and after painting for her final project before concluding her undergraduate degree in art. By mid February she was close to finishing the 20-chapter book.

Clarke didn’t devour the book like she did other novels. No, she was reading and taking notes, highlighting her favorite scenes and immersing herself in this story like she has never done before.

It was almost like making sweet love to the book instead of having a quickie with it.

“Hell no! Why would you do that?!” Clarke grunted and shut the book. Clarke shook her head and turned on the TV.

 

Clarke walked to the kitchen to grab some chips and a drink; she waved at Octavia who was studying on the couch.

“Hey Clarke, all good?” Octavia asked the blonde who quickly opened the pantry and pulled out the bag of chips.

“Yeah.”

“Really? You kinda sounded distressed a moment ago.”

Clarke shook her head giggling. “Yeah, I’m good. I was reading some material for a class which has me stressed, but I’m good, O.”

“Okay, cool. Don’t stress too much Clarkey.” Octavia waved to her friend and returned her attention to her notes.

Obviously Clarke couldn’t let anyone know that she was reading Lexa’s book. No way they were going to know about it because she knew her friends would never stop teasing her about it.

 

She sat back on the bed and opened the chips, popping one in her mouth. She hummed at the salty flavor and thought about the latest chapter she read.

“Why does fucking Alexis have to be so selfless? Like I get why she would push Jane away, but that fucker can’t stop loving her just like that. Trust me I’ve tried!” Another chip crunched in her mouth. The TV filling the silence with its sound effects while Clarke was still mulling over the story in her head.

After spending time necessary to really grasp Alex’s decision, Clarke returned to reading the chapter.

 

 

March had become less intense.  Spring break was around the corner, and her schedule was more flexible this term, which allowed her more time to prepare her final art project. She had been studying art for the past three years and soon she was going to obtain her BFA. Her technique had improved and she developed a style of her own, finally feeling comfortable with her work and innovative art.

In the quiet art workshop, Clarke was adding the finishing touches to one of her art projects for her Advanced Painting class. The strokes she applied were done with precision and mastery. And the combination of colors in the piece were bright, giving the contemporary piece life.

“There we go.” Clarke took a step back to check her work. Satisfied with it, she washed her hands and sat comfortably in one of the chairs in the studio, pulling out her book to read chapter 19 of _Between the Sheets_.

 

Reading this chapter was pivotal to the final outcome of the book. After Alexis and Jane had reunited again, they exchanged their passion in a rather graphic steamy scene that made Clarke blush like a teen. In this part, however, external forces at play were again testing the infinite love the two women felt for each other.

“Come on! Jane don’t be a dick and tell her you love her already!” Clarke turned the page to continue reading, her eyes reading every sentence with dread; she could feel that something was off.

“Clarke?” Clarke lifted her eyes from the page and turned the corner down to mark her place.

“Yeah, in here.” Clarke stood up and greeted her friend and mentor Costia who had been nothing but amazing with her art, giving her pointers and encouraging her to do better.

 

Costia entered the workshop smiling at the blonde; she pulled one of the stools and sat on it. “Your painting looks stunning. You’ve come a long way Clarke, one of the best students of the Foundation for sure.”

Grinning and embarrassed, Clarke thanked her mentor and friend. “Anything you need Costia? I’m done for the day, and I gotta go back to the dorm soon cause I’m spending spring break back home.”

“Oh yes, I was wondering if you would like to be part of a small exhibit in New York. The Foundation would be honored to have you donate one of your paintings for a charity event”

Clarke arched her brows. “You want to put one of my paintings into a charity auction? Isn’t that too risky? I’m not known and um, I’m just about to conclude my BFA. It’s not worth anything at all.”

Costia smiled as she usually did, with encouragement and kindness. “I’m good at what I do, Clarke, and I can assure you that your name and work is already spreading in the art world. I’ll make sure to promote your art beforehand nonetheless, since I’ll be moving to New York in the fall.”

Clarke’s face changed from surprise to shock. “Wait, what? You’re leaving DC permanently?”

Costia nodded with a sad smile. “Yes. After the school year ends in May, I’ll finish my job with the University and move to the Foundation HQ’s location.”

Clarke was truly in disbelief. “Not that I’m not excited for you, but um, why are you leaving? You’re one of the best teachers I ever had in school. You helped me to become a better artist, you trusted in me. I bet that other kids will need Mrs. Greene in their classroom as well to be motivated.”

“Thank you, Clarke. However, you did this all by yourself.” Costia assured the young student. “I need to find my place again, and being here is just too painful.”

 

Clarke sighed, if anyone in this world deserved infinite happiness, it was Costia Greene. “Is this because of me and um, Lexa? I mean, she’s gone now but...”

Costia shook her head. “No, she’s back. I wanted to Skype with her to say hi and found out she’s been here since mid-February. I had to learn that she was back by myself and not because someone I thought was my friend told me.”

“Woah, Lexa’s back? Lexa Woods is in DC?” Clarke’s heart started to flutter. The pit of her stomach began to fill with butterflies all over again. “Anyway, she’s all famous now so she can do whatever she wants.” Clarke quickly tried to feign disinterest.

“Lexa decided to continue writing back home instead of LA, that is what she told me.”

“I guess Anya forgot to tell you. I mean, with Raven moving out I imagine it’s pretty hectic there.” Clarke quickly changed the topic.

“No, she didn’t forget. She doesn’t talk to me. Not anymore.”

“Oh shit. Is this because Anya is hanging out with us now? Well, not us exactly. She has been hanging more with Raven and O, and she hates me, but I thought you two were okay?”

“Anya is a stranger now, and it’s my fault.” Costia’s eyes began to fill with tears, and Clarke had never seen the woman so sad. “She thinks I used her. That she was nothing but a shoulder to cry on when Lexa left me. Now she doesn’t even talks to me. Last time we spoke I wanted her to know that she meant much more to me, that she was the only one I could rely on.” Costia sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. “She said she couldn’t be my friend, and everything went downhill from there. She avoids me. She doesn’t even look at me and it hurts too much. She rather be with you guys than me. No offense.”

Clarke chuckled and shook her head. Trying to be of some help, Clarke rested her hand on the woman’s arm. “Non taken. And I know what it feels to lose someone you love. When I was with—”

“Oh no.” Costia cut in, the woman finished wiping the tears, and her shy smile extended briefly. “That is not… No, it’s nothing like that. I mean, she’s a friend… just a good friend that has left me with a big hole inside.”

Clarke simply shrugged at the babbling of the artist. “Okay. Whatever you say, teacher.” The blonde widened her smile. “Count me in. I’d love to help the Foundation.”

“Great. Um, thanks Clarke. I’ll give you the details later. I better go. Enjoy the break, and we’ll be in touch.”

 

 

After packing her things in the dorm and helping Octavia as well, Clarke drove them back to the city. A couple of hours later Octavia was going to see her brother, and Clarke was heading  home.

When Clarke entered the house she found everything silent and most lights off, except for the lamp in the living room. She flicked the lights on and noticed a note from her mother on top of the kitchen counter and 20$ for dinner in a jar, Abby was at the hospital and was returning late today.

The blonde dragged her bag upstairs and strolled into her bedroom. She unpacked some clothes and took a bath before ordering pizza.

 

Comfortable in sweatpants and a baggy shirt Clarke brushed her teeth after dinner and headed into the comfortable bed. She pulled out the book from her luggage and opened it up ito the last page she read.

The art student had plenty of time to finish reading it tonight, and since her mom wasn’t going to come home early, she might as well get busy reading the novel.

Clarke passed from one page to the next, completely immersed in the love story. She was smiling like an idiot seeing how happy Alexis and Jane were.

“Come on you moron! Tell her you love her!” Clarke exclaimed after reading a tender moment in chapter 20. Everything pointed to an ending where they were going to make it.  Clarke had ignored the spoilers as much as possible.  Even when she knew some people were sad about the ending, Clarke wanted to find out for herself what had gone wrong. Because as far as she was reading Alexis and Jane were fucking soulmates, not even Jane’s stoic broody male love interest was enough to break them apart.

 

“Come on Alexis, why else did you bring Jane to your favorite place in the world if not to propose, huh?” Clarke asked seeing that the characters were in their special place where they consummated their love for one another.

Clarke’s smile was erased as soon as she read the next sentence. “WHAT?” Clarke kept reading, deeply involved in the situation going on between the two women. “No! NO!”

Clarke suddenly noticed drops staining the pages of her worn-out book, touching her face she realized she was crying.

“Alexis, no! Tell her you love her, tell her that you need her. Jane can understand, please.” But no matter how much Clarke begged, Alexis broke Jane’s heart.

“What is this bullshit? Alexis cannot leave Jane with that dude, Boris or whatever his name is just to keep her safe? Why would you do that?”

Alexis’ family hated Jane because it was evidence that her perfect daughter was not who they wanted her to be. Alexis was a lesbian who had to hide who she really was, that was until she met Jane. Jane changed Alexis, teaching her to be open, to be herself. Together they fought against the odds. That was until they got caught.

 

Clarke was pacing in the room, tears falling over the pages nonstop, Clarke read how Alexis made her best friend Tito promise to always keep Jane safe in her absence. She read when Alexis packed her things and took a plane without looking back hoping that Jane was going to be okay, that her family was not going to hurt her now that she was leaving. Clarke read how Jane suffered her loss and hoped that maybe someday they could be reunited again. Hoped that maybe one day they didn’t have to hide between the sheets.

“The end? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Clarke was in denial, she was angry and she wanted to murder a man.

______________

Lexa helped Raven pack the last of her items. She couldn’t believe how much stuff Raven kept in her room. She sealed the box and carried the box downstairs to give it to Raven who was ready to move after finding a nice apartment in a good neighborhood.

“Are you really sure you want to move, Raven?” Lexa left the box on the table and looked at the young mechanic. “I’m not kicking you out or anything.”

Raven grinned. “I know, Commander. I don’t want to impose anymore, you’ve already done enough for me, and I can be on my own now that there is no danger. It’s all cool.”

“Okay. If you need anything you know you can count on me.” Lexa was honest.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks for everything.” Raven offered her hand to Lexa, who shook it in response, then the dark-haired woman grabbed her last box and headed to the door followed by Anya.

“Once I make sure she’s all settled, I’ll come back. Don’t wait for me for dinner though, I bet she’s going to take her damn time.” Anya winked at her best friend and shut the door behind her.

Lexa strolled to the kitchen realizing that her apartment was going to be quieter now that Raven was gone. Not that silence was bad at all, since she needed to get back to writing, and she was a bit behind her schedule. Nonetheless she was going to miss the company of the sassy mechanic.

 

The brunette put a teapot in the stove; she decided that she was going to write with a warm cup of tea. Lexa was going to her office when the doorbell rang. Lexa sighed, and turned around. “You forgot the keys, didn’t you Anya?”

Lexa reached the knob and turned it, however, the woman standing in front of her was not exactly the blonde she was expecting to see.

“Clarke?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats on winning the Zimbio poll Clexakru. We did amazing and I am so proud to be one of you. To celebrate I offered to let you decide which Clexa AU I would write next so make sure to vote in this poll to state your opinion. http://www.poll-maker.com/poll630707x5B784704-26 The one that wins will be my next multi.
> 
> Anyway, the two have met again. Is third time the charm?  
> Until next week guys, keep fighting hard and trending next Thursday, make sure to write to all sponsors as well to raise awareness to the real issue here and send your postcard to the CW.
> 
> Until next time,  
> Tana


	17. Chapter 17

Here she was, standing in front of the woman who broke her heart 2 summers ago. Her deep green eyes filled with surprise and something like concern. Her stoic regal features softened as they locked eyes. Lexa Woods looked pretty much the same as when Clarke last saw her on Mount Weather, when Clarke was the one who walked away letting Lexa go.

Nine months later and Clarke was standing in Lexa’s apartment squeezing the novel that opened her eyes in her hands. The book that told the story of an impossible love, a love that was forbidden because of unchangeable circumstances.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked tenderly. The brunette stood in place just waiting for the blonde to say something.

The name that she loved to hear Lexa say came out as if it was sacred, rolling the _r_ and clicking the _k_ in a unique way that sent shivers down Clarke’s spine. Even without hearing her smooth velvet voice for months, one word and Clarke was already a mess.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked in a serious tone filled with worry.

Right, Clarke was anything but okay. She was angry with Lexa for writing such a horrible ending. She had been crying nonstop, and she knew she looked like crap. Her red eyes evidence of the tears she shed, and she had the audacity of leaving her home in sweatpants and a v-neck shirt. Of course Lexa was going to be thinking that something terrible had happened.

Clarke chuckled and shook her head. “If I’m okay?”

Lexa frowned.  Clearly she had no idea what brought Clarke to her doorstep today.

“Peachy. All thanks to Alexandria, The Great.” Clarke joked trying to ease the sudden tension around them. It was as if the air suddenly became thick, making it hard to breathe even to the point that her body felt stiff. But good god, Lexa looked amazing even in those casual black skinny jeans and her black lace top, her hair completely loose hanging over her shoulder, free of braids. Clarke seriously had no clue how it was possible to look this good in real life. On TV Lexa was gorgeous but in person? Lexa was an actual goddess and Clarke the undeserving mortal staring at her beauty.

“Okay?” Lexa was confused by the attitude Clarke was giving her. Lexa arched a brow. “And what did I do this time, Clarke?”

And that is what sparked the anger and hurt bubbling inside of the blonde. Suddenly Lexa felt a light shove against her chest and when she checked what hit her she noticed her book.

“Oh.”

Yes, Lexa was in big trouble.

 

“How could you do this?” Clarke growled. “Why did you destroy them?” Clarke started to jab her finger into Lexa’s shoulder pointing at her humanity with hard glares, the menacing attitude and anger was rolling off in waves from the blonde. Clarke was backing up Lexa until the brunette bumped a concrete pillar, and she had nowhere else to go. Clarke’s questioning becoming more desperate by the minute. “Why you couldn’t let them be happy?”

“What?” Lexa frowned, the words hitting her hard. “Clarke, wait! That’s not what—“

“You fucking asshole!” Clarke hit Lexa with the book on her chest again. “It was us! Jane and Alexis were _us_!”

Clarke sniffed and finally pulled away from a bewildered Lexa who was still backed up against the column in the middle of her living room.

Clarke raked her trembling hands in her blonde curls, tears falling in a constant stream of pain, she was looking at the fine marble tiles on the floor, and then she turned around and met Lexa’s eyes. “I was your Jane, and you were my Alexis. You dumbass, you wrote about us.” Clarke wiped the sad tears from her eyes trying to calm the huge torrent of emotions.

Lexa felt her heart clench, seeing Clarke broken again because of her unleashed the guilt and sadness she had been storing since they parted ways a second time.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa had nothing else to say, but to apologize not for the book, but for everything else. For the lies, for her betrayal, for hurting Clarke over and over again. And Lexa could tell that Clarke understood what she meant by the clarity in her baby blue eyes. This conversation was not about the characters of the book but about them. It was always about them.

“I never meant to hurt you. Not again, not like this.” Lexa said in the softest voice she could muster.

Clarke shook her head, disbelief in her gestures. “Even in fiction, we can’t be happy, huh?”

Lexa took a hesitant step towards the blonde, making herself smaller and less intimidating, keeping herself open in case Clarke smacked her with the book again.

Of course Clarke would see them reflected in the novel because that is what Lexa did. She wrote them as fictional characters hoping to pour into the pages her own despair and want, and Clarke saw through it right away. “Alexis loves Jane. She will come back for her, Clarke. She won’t let her family or anyone else push her away from her soulmate, never again. I promise they will find their way to each other.”

After leaving her reply hanging for a couple of tense minutes, Clarke spoke. “Can they?” Clarke asked, she bit her lower lip.

 _Can we find a way back to each other_? was the question that Clarke meant to ask but didn’t voice.

Lexa looked at Clarke, and those azure eyes that hypnotized her since day one were full of hope, but also fear. Lexa had to choose her words carefully.  If she jumped and said yes, she could rush things, and they wouldn’t be able to recover from a misstep again. No, they both needed to take things slowly, thread it carefully as if they were standing in a spider web that could break at any sudden movement. Lexa shut the entrance door and approached Clarke with the utmost respect.

Obviously they had come a long way since they met a couple of years ago, but the question was whether they were ready now to be together, to commit to one another permanently. “Come with me.” Lexa offered her hand to Clarke. “Please.”

Clarke frowned, staring at the calloused hand with those long fingers that were magic against her skin. And after a moment’s hesitation, she took Lexa’s offered hand.

 

 

Lexa guided Clarke upstairs, both walking in silence through the halls of the huge place. Clarke marveled at the apartment’s beauty. From the details of the handrail along the stairs to the lamps providing a comfortable light, everything was luxurious and yet so Lexa.

“Taking me to bed so quickly, Ms. Woods?” Clarke broke the silence with ease.

Lexa instantly flushed and cleared her throat. “I’m taking you to my office, Clarke.”

“Aw, what a shame. I thought you bedded some of your most hardcore fans.” Clarke shrugged casually still teasing the stoic woman.

Lexa faced Clarke with a smirk in place. “You admit you’re one of those hardcore fans?”

Clarke grinned, “In your dreams.”

Lexa chuckled lightly until they reached the wooden door that led to Lexa’s office.  

 

Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand that was anchoring them to each other and opened the door and held the door for Clarke. The blonde had never been this deep into the apartment before, and she was fascinated by the openness and the gorgeous view from the floor-to-ceiling windows.

“This is where I wrote the first book.” Lexa shoved her hands inside her jeans pockets keeping a small distance away from Clarke, giving her enough space to avoid making her feel crowded or trapped.

The blue eyes roamed through the office gazed at the fine details, such as the fine oak desk or the coffee table surrounded by a comfy sofa. Clarke became nostalgic as she scanned the books filling the bookshelves with Lexa’s favorite authors and poets, remembering how Lexa kept the same books neatly arranged in her old place.

This room represented Lexa, the writer. The woman that made Clarke fall in love with her poems of love and anger, who made her English class engaging.

Lexa noticed the shape of the book in Clarke’s hand.  The spine of the book was worn, and Lexa could see the possessiveness of Clarke holding the novel. The blonde was not letting it go and for some reason that made Lexa puff her chest in pride. Clarke loved her book. Though after the finale she maybe hated it at the moment.

“I want to give you something.” Lexa startled Clarke from her musings.  The brunette sat in her leather chair and booted her laptop. After a couple of minutes she pressed briefly some keys here and there and began printing. “I hope this gives you the reassurance you need, Clarke.”

Clarke cocked her brow as she was unsure if trusting Lexa again was a good idea after that moronic writer ruined the relationship she was rooting for in the book. The relationship that reminded her of exactly what happened to them that ominous summer after she graduated high school.

“Like the one Alexandria gave her fans?” Clarke started to wander with more confidence the office of the brunette.

“Yes. But this is not from Alexandria. At least, not yet. This is from me.” Lexa simply stated and waited until the printer finished.

 

After several minutes Lexa picked up the printed pages and arranging them neatly in a small stack she stapled it and handed it to Clarke.

Clarke accepted the pages looking at Lexa for an explanation. The blonde read the title. “ _Remember When_?”

Lexa affirmed. “Yes, that is the tentative title of my second book.”

Clarke arched her brows, her eyes wide. “Wait? This is the sequel to your novel?”

Lexa curved her lips slightly in a half-amused smile. “It is, I told you this was mine, not Alexandria’s. You have only the first 5 chapters, unedited. I want you to have it.”

“But, but why?” Clarke skimmed over the pages to make sure this was not some sick joke, but it was real with new dialogue and new characters.

“I want you to believe in love, Clarke. To know that you can hope to find it again.”

“This is crazy. What if I leak this? What if I release spoilers about your book? Your loyal fans are eager to know what is going to happen.”

Lexa chuckled and walked towards the window, looking at the faraway city from her tower. “Yes, good question. My manager, Titus, would kill me for sure if he knew I gave you this.” Lexa turned around and faced Clarke again. “I trust you, Clarke. What you do with those chapters is up to you. I won’t get mad if you decide to post that info.”

“I won’t post anything, Lexa. I’m not as petty as you think I am.” Clarke promised.

“I know you’re not. I taught you to put head over heart. You taught me to listen to both. I guess we both learned something.”

She licked her lips and scratched the nape of her neck in bashfulness. “I’m really sorry for overreacting. I know it’s just a book and I got a bit carried away. I am truly sorry, Lexa.”

“Don’t be.” Lexa didn’t want Clarke to think that this was her way of getting rid of the troublesome art student. “Reading becomes an escape for so many, and when I wrote about a female/female pairing as the main couple in the book, I knew I was responsible to deliver it as best as I could. I understood that many readers were going to be engaged with them and pour their hopes of a happier life into Alexis and Jane. I get that the ending was not what most wanted, but it is still full of hope. I’d never dare to rip the hope out of people with real life struggles, Clarke. I totally get it.”

“I know you do. Your book deeply touched me. Even when you used some _Steal the Bride_ references, huh?” Clarke began pacing around the gorgeous office remembering when they watched that movie together years ago, hidden from the outside world. Romantic comedies weren’t Lexa’s thing, but the brunette insisted on watching something that Clarke really liked.

“Yes, I enjoyed that movie. I guess I owe you that too.”

“I can understand why Alexis did what she did. I know it was hard for her to do that to Jane. I get she had no other choice and she sacrificed her own love for Jane in order to keep her safe. I can see her point of view now. And I’m sorry it took me so long to really get it. Thank you for writing such an incredible book. Your fans are grateful.”

 _I am grateful_. Again, Clarke kept her mouth shut.

That was the most Clarke was going to admit in front of Lexa. She clearly wasn’t ready to expose herself as being the number 1 stan of _Between the Sheets_ , reading and analyzing every single chapter, rambling with other fans in forums as Princess69 returned to life in social media. But as usual, it was hard to lie to the person that still knows you best.

This was Clarke saying to Lexa that she understood now every single aspect of her decision and how much Lexa sacrificed for her. After spending too much time asking herself how could Lexa do something like that, Clarke finally had her answers in the book she held onto for dear life.

 

“I wrote it for you.”

Okay, Lexa didn’t mean to say that either, but her stupid heart was taking control of her words versus her head that was demanding more distance between them.

When had Lexa gotten so close to Clarke though? Because as Clarke lifted her gaze to meet Lexa’s they were inches apart from each other.

Clarke was blushing hard now. Lexa had to gulp down the sudden lump in her throat - having Clarke this close was dangerous for her health. She could smell her shampoo from where she stood and could see in detail her gorgeous eyes being engulfed by the blackness of her pupils.

Lexa’s thoughts were loud, but she couldn’t stop staring at those soft lips that Clarke licked suddenly and that perfect nose. Her hands itched to touch the lower part of Clarke’s back.

Clarke just had to lean in a bit more, and she would have a taste of heaven, enraptured in her favorite color that made her feel safe.

Green, green, green.

“I have to go.” Clarke quickly broke the spell between them and took a cautionary step back from the brunette. Clarke couldn’t risk messing up whatever this was between them.

Lexa took the cue and moved away.

“Right, yes. Of course.” Lexa escorted Clarke back to the lower floor.

 

 

As soon as Lexa opened the door Clarke stepped outside slowly. She turned on her heel and looking into Lexa’s jade orbs she asked what was plaguing her mind.

“Are you happy?”

Lexa pondered that question with all the seriousness it deserved. Lexa had promised Clarke to be happy, and she intended to keep the promise. However, as hard as she tried, she couldn’t be as happy as she could potentially be.

“Yes. As happy as a writer can be.” Not all the truth but neither a lie.

Clarke gulped down and nodded. “Okay, good. That’s all I hoped for; you truly are a good woman Lexa. I meant what I said last time we spoke.” Clarke smiled again keeping her composure because she honestly wanted Lexa to be happy.

“Do you still resent me?” Lexa retorted with a question of her own, evoking their last conversation at the mountain as well.

“No. I couldn’t forgive myself for all the things that happened, and I blamed you. I was unfair, but I learned from my mistakes. Gosh, I wish I could go back in time and fix all the things that happened between us.”

“There’s no point dwelling on the past, Clarke. Are you happy now?”

“I uh, I guess?” Clarke said with a small smile. “As happy as a painter can be.”

Lexa nodded. “Fair enough.”

Clarke waved goodbye to Lexa and strolled to the elevator.

 

“Wait!” Lexa stopped Clarke in her tracks before she reached the lift. “We have mutual friends and I don’t want to impose…”

That was a good point. During their time apart Raven, Octavia and Anya forged a strange but genuine friendship. Even when Anya was a grumpy ass with Clarke, she enjoyed her company.

“You wouldn’t. You’re their friend, you’re welcome to join whenever you like.”

“And what about you? Can we be friends?”

“Yeah, I think we can. If you’re okay being my friend.”

The genuine smile that appeared on Lexa’s face was all the answer the blonde needed. “I’d love to.”

“Sounds good. Um, so it’s cool if I call to discuss your sequel?”

“It would mean a lot to hear what you think of it.”

“Okay, cool.” Clarke pressed the lift button to head back home. “Your fans might be crazy in love with Alexandria, but they truly are missing the amazing woman behind the persona. Take care, Ms. Woods.” Clarke winked in her old ballsy manner when she was just a 17 year old girl and strolled inside the lift. Leaving Lexa trembling with the sudden huskiness of her voice and desire, swelling deep in her lower abdomen.

______________

Who could have thought that her debut bestseller book was what was going to connect Lexa with Clarke again? When they met back in March, Lexa had been left uncertain about how Clarke truly felt about her. She didn’t want to make assumptions and took the offered friendship for what it was, a new fresh start. She could be Clarke’s friend. Even when Anya, Raven and Octavia insisted she was being delusional.

Months working harder than ever in her column and writing her sequel had been glorious because she had an excuse to call the blonde to discuss her plot. They had been talking about the drafts she sent Clarke, and it was pleasantly comfortable to speak with someone who had as deep of an understanding of the characters as Lexa did. No, it had nothing to do about the fact that Alexis and Jane were a reflection of what Lexa and Clarke were to each other.

Weeks of sharing her ideas with Clarke felt like a breeze hitting you softly in the ocean. Smooth and enjoyable. The two had exchanged so many views and thoughts about soulmates that the number of times their group of friends gagged or excused themselves to stop hearing the women was ridiculous.

Spring had been blissful and soon summer began its appearance. Lexa kept making brief appearances on radio and TV, but her focus was now writing the book. Therefore, she had more free time to also spend with her friends.

 

Lexa parked her car in front of the art workshop building on the ‘Ark U’ campus and made her way to Costia’s office. The brunette had agreed to pick up her good friend and together they were going to meet with the rest of their new group to have some coffee in the nearby shop.

Things during these past months had been a bit rough being in the middle between her best friend and her ex. For Lexa, the situation was uncomfortable and she hated to see two people she cared about being that distant with one another.

Her only hope was for them to at least keep it civil, which is the reason why their clubbing nights had been reduced to coffee shops.

“Hey Cos.” Lexa greeted as soon as she entered her friend’s office.

“Looking good, Lex.” Costia packed her things and they headed to the coffee shop around the corner.

“So, how are things going?” Costia began their conversation.

“Good. Work is going well.”

Costia chuckled. “Don’t be a smart ass, you know what I mean.”

Lexa sighed. “Things with Clarke are okay. We’re talking a lot and it feels perfect.”

“I thought so. Clarke is usually painting with loud music and singing to the top of her lungs. You can tell how happy she is.”

“And what about you and An? Anya has been hermetic since last week; she just won’t open up. Why is she furious now?” They rounded the curb and reached the small coffee shop on the Ark campus.

Costia took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I quit TonDC High.”

Lexa arched her brow. “What?” Why?”

“I thought Clarke would have told you about my plans.”

“No she didn’t. I assumed she considered it something between you two.”

“I’m moving to New York in the fall and I uh, I told Anya about it. She hates me even more now.”

“Oh no, Anya could never hate you. I know you have your reasons for leaving, but is this forever?”

“I’ll work with the Foundation directly now. My parents are ecstatic. So yes, I’m moving permanently.”

Lexa smiled trying to give Costia all the best wishes and sharing her optimism. “I know you’re going to do great. I’ll support you in anything you decide Cos.”

 

“About time, Commander!” Raven was the first who spotted the two women entering the coffee shop interrupting their chat.

“Hello Raven.” Lexa slid into the booth where the three musketeers and Anya were waiting. “Hi Octavia, Clarke.” Lexa sat next to Anya and Costia next to Lexa.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled at the brunette.

“So, everyone ready to order?” Clarke asked as she stood up.

“The usual Griff.” Raven smiled and laced her hand with Octavia.

“I’m not hungry.” Anya pouted and started to brood in the corner.

“Tea for me.” Lexa smiled at Clarke.

Costia stood from the chair. “I better go. I have to arrange some things. I’m heading to Manhattan in a couple of days to start arranging my move.”

“What? Come on Cos, you’re welcome to hang out with us.” Lexa insisted, but the curly haired woman just smiled and politely declined the invite.

“Um, call me when you can Clarke to set you up. Take care, guys.”

They waved goodbye to the art teacher and returned to their normal banter.

 

Lexa sighed in frustration and punched Anya in her shoulder when Costia left the shop.

“Ow! The fuck Lex?”

“You’re an ass-hat, Anya. She told you she’s leaving and you’re acting like a douche.”

“What? I can’t be upset now?”

“This isn’t about you! This is about her and you being a selfish moron!” Clarke spat. Anya arched her brows offended at the verbal onslaught. “Costia is not just a mentor to me but a real friend and you have been hurting her. You’re mad at me because of what I did to Lexa? Well, guess what? I’m mad at you for what you’re doing to Costia.” And with that Clarke headed to the cashier to order.

“Woah, you got roasted.” Octavia laughed trying to ease the sudden dark atmosphere.

“Totally owned.” Raven added high-fiving Octavia.

“Shit, am I really as whiny as Griffin?” Anya asked herself.

“Worse.” Raven winked.

“Just talk to her Anya. Before she leaves, okay?” Lexa begged hoping that Anya could mend things with Costia.

 

“Yo Commander, your girl is flirting with Niylah. You’re not going to do anything about that?” Raven wiggled her brows and pointed with her chin at the tall blonde with hazel eyes helping Clarke with her order.

“Niylah?” Lexa had heard the name before but couldn’t place it.

“Yup, she boned your girl in your absence.”

“Oh, that Niylah.”

“Ugh, Raven could you be more inappropriate?” Anya rolled her eyes at the mechanic.

Raven shrugged it with her characteristic sass. “Just saying.”

“Clarke can do whatever she wants.” Lexa said and with a last death glare signaled that the topic was off the table.

Clarke thanked Niylah for helping her bring all the stuff to the table and sat to chat with her friends.

 

Chatting with Clarke felt comfortable, like they have been doing this for years, and it was smooth. The topics changing from one to the next and even the laughter that bubbled in Clarke’s mouth caused Lexa to join in.

Lexa had missed this connection. This thing that she had with Clarke was hard to explain, it was difficult to put it into words, but it was there. This electricity existed every time they locked eyes or when they accidentally touched passing a napkin. This special bond that they shared had not faded after all this time, and Lexa could see why she could never find it with anyone else. Because Clarke was the only one who could make her explode with laughter, the only one who made her feel fuzzy inside.

Her words were a lullaby and her tongue was wise as she spoke. Lexa could see how much Clarke had grown as a person. A maturity that suited her well.

 

 

After they had their drinks, they went out for a walk in the park were Clarke spent countless afternoons reading Lexa’s column.

“I’m serious, Clarke.” Lexa commented as she shared stories about her tour. “I was scared to go out there and make a fool of myself.”

“You were incredible, Lexa.” Clarke without even thinking touched Lexa’s hand. The heat between their hands was scalding, and she retrieved it when she realized her mistake. “I liked what you said.”

“Thanks, Clarke.” Lexa was still reeling from the touch.

“Uh excuse me, Alexandria?” A young student approached them in the park; she was smiling and bouncing with excitement.

And Clarke knew this was going to be inevitable. Lexa was well-known now, and she had to share Lexa with the world.

Lexa smiled and took a picture with the fan and returned to Clarke.

Clarke giggled looking at how shy Lexa was with her fans. “You have fans everywhere, huh? I bet the hot ones just throw themselves at you. You’re like a rock star now.”

Lexa laughed shaking her head. “I don’t think so, Clarke. I don’t get bras thrown in my face.”

Clarke arched her brow. “You want bras thrown in your face?”

Lexa definitely was messing up saying the most inappropriate things. “What? No, no, no, that’s not, I mean, I was trying to say something else.” Lexa babbled making Clarke laugh with joy.

“And what you wanted to say, Ms. Woods? Because last time I remember in your column you wrote you were kissing girls.”

“Yes. I mean no.” Lexa sighed and hid her face in her hands.

Clarke’s laughter erupted again seeing Lexa ramble. It was so cute seeing the usual stoic writer being with her like this, relaxed and happy.

“I am totally embarrassing myself now.”

Clarke shook her head and clasped her hand with one of Lexa’s. “Never. It’s rather cute.”

Lexa smiled at the blonde. “Enough of my boring stories. How is your art going?”

“Actually it’s going well. Costia asked me to prepare some paintings for one of her auctions in New York. I’m leaving with her this weekend to begin the preparations.”

“Oh.” Lexa had heard a bit of what Costia said in the coffee shop to Clarke, to set her up, but she had no idea she was leaving so soon. “That is impressive. Costia doesn’t showcase just anyone, Clarke.” Lexa knew how much this could mean for the young artist, a huge opportunity to gain notoriety. It was in her best interest to leave DC. “I’m proud of how far you’ve come.”

“I had the right people behind me.” Clarke confessed, and that was true. If it wasn’t for Lexa pushing her away to complete her studies and for Costia guiding her every step of the way, she couldn’t have accomplished as much.

“You have always been talented Clarke. You deserve that and more.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand and how good it felt. “How long are you staying in New York?”

“I’m not sure. I’m going to work on some paintings there so um, maybe three to four weeks. I’m heading home to start packing this weekend. I’m leaving next week so…”

“I see. Well, I wish you all the best.” Lexa tried to show her support, but it was hard knowing well that she was going to be apart from Clarke again.

 

 

Once they were done walking around, Lexa escorted Clarke back to the parking lot where her friends were supposedly waiting for them. The two walked slowly, taking their time on the short trail to keep this illusion a bit longer. Clarke reached her car, and Lexa stood beside her.

“I’m really excited about where your story is going by the way.” Clarke commented. “I finished all the drafts and took some notes. I was thinking that the title feels flat.”

“You think so?”

“Yup. Jane never forgot about Alexis. Not after all this time.”

“Neither Alexis. She never stopped loving her,” Lexa added.

“Exactly. They both kept remembering what they had, which was very special because during the first book no one else knew about it. It was their secret.”

“Yes, until everything went to hell,” said Lexa.

“Right. However, that love never faded away. It is still ingrained in their memory.” Clarke stared at Lexa and in a low raspy voice added. “Forever.”

Lexa nodded taking a step closer completely lost into Clarke’s blue orbs. “Remember when…”

“We used to be between the sheets,” Clarke completed.

Time stood still as they drank in each other, both confessing their truths, truths hidden behind a shield of words that protected their hearts.

Lexa could feel Clarke’s body heat, her sweet perfume that drove her to madness. But she wasn’t going to move, she couldn’t risk taking that step. It was all in the hands of Clarke because even now Lexa wasn’t sure that Clarke could feel anything beyond friendship for her.

“I have to go.” Clarke broke the stillness between them.

“Right.” Lexa smiled shyly and offered her hand to the blonde who shook it amicably.

“It was nice talking to you.”

“Yes, I enjoyed it very—“

 

“You have to be kidding me!”

Blonde and brunette pulled apart hearing the familiar voice behind several cars and noticed that she was followed by two more familiar figures.

“Oh my God. Raven? What the fuck?” Clarke jumped from the shock of seeing her group of friends coming to meet them.

“What kind of bullshit is that?” Raven grumbled fisting her hands in the air. “What kind of code conversation are you two having? Argh, you two are exhausting!”

“Yeah, you’re killing me there, Lex.” Anya crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I thought you had more game than that.”

“Anya? You three were spying on us?” Lexa asked her friend, shocked to find her here with Raven and Octavia.

“Not spying” Octavia countered. “We were waiting for you two to finish your romantic stroll, but daaaaamn, as soon as we saw the heart eyes we knew it was going to be a while.”

“Except that you two are the worst! Like speaking so much BS when in reality you Clarke have been a complete mess since Lexa left and you, Lexa, have been the broodiest lesbian to ever brood. Just kiss already!” Raven ranted in frustration and kicked a tiny rock on her path. “Shaking hands? Are you joking!?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Seriously, what did I do to deserve these bitches as best friends?”

“Oh come on, Clarke. You love us.” Octavia giggled seeing at how embarrassed the blonde and the writer were.

“I think we should go back to the dorm.” Clarke told Octavia who was kissing Raven goodbye. “Drive safely.” Clarke said to Lexa before getting into her car.

Lexa smiled and watched as the blonde and Octavia drove away.

 

“Come on, Romeo. We need to improve your strategy.” Raven began walking towards Lexa’s car followed by Anya.

“Oh shut up, Reyes. You are no one to talk.”

“Hey, I’m the one getting laid between the three of us.”

“Too much information, Reyes.” Anya quickly got into the car.

Lexa enjoyed being friends with all of them, even with Clarke. However for Lexa, the only thing she dreamt about Clarke all this time was to drown in the sky blue of her eyes.

Blue, blue, blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are back in the game. Friendship is a good start and I really think it's as genuine as it can be. What else would you want? Two people having a friendly talk without killing each other is progress af. And with those amazing friends they have in common our two protagonists have a great support group. Yeah, that was a shoutout to Steal the Bride ya'll, in case you were wondering wtf Clarke and Lexa were talking about ;)  
> Thanks a lot for all your comments, I am truly happy to hear how much enjoyment you have while reading this. Hope it stays that way.
> 
> Until next time,  
> Tana


	18. Chapter 18

Sitting at her desk in her home office, Lexa was finishing her article for the magazine’s next edition. However, she was having a hard time finding the right wording. Her mind was fractured because she knew that Clarke was leaving on Sunday morning for New York. There were only a couple days before the blonde left with Costia for her auction preparation. Yes, the trip scheduled was 3 to 4 weeks, but Clarke was talented. The chance that she may be offered a job would be even higher after the auction and with Costia as her mentor, Clarke might decide to stay in New York as Costia did and never come back to DC.

Of course it would not be the end of the world. But for Lexa, the thought of letting go of the young art student during her semester break and risk losing her forever was almost debilitating.

Lexa was desperate to do something, anything to stop her. But Clarke had to bloom like the artist she was born to be and expose her work to the world. After all, Lexa had the opportunity to grow and fulfill her dreams.  To prevent Clarke from doing the same would be selfish and contrary to Lexa’s character.

 

Lexa sighed, pinching her nose and reclining in her chair. RIght now, the immediate concern was the writer’s block as to her article. Her book was advancing pretty well, and thanks to Clarke’s feedback she felt more confident in her sequel than ever before. She looked at the blinking cursor on her screen and the half written document. Her article was supposed to be more optimistic, even cheerful; discussing friendship was a great topic to gush about and share with her readers. Her mind was wandering. She wanted to share her insight on the value of good friends and yet, it felt like it was missing the needed emotion because her heart was in turmoil.

Her so-called friendship with Clarke was something that even though it was appreciated, it was not what she wanted. Being friends with Clarke was hard to begin with. They were all smiles and yet, she wanted more. Lexa wished she could touch her, to kiss her lips, to lace her hands with hers; but in the name of friendship she couldn’t do it. Clarke was not hers.  She was simply a friend who talked to her and shared ideas. Nothing more, nothing less. And that was the end of it.

Lexa expelled a frustrated huff and propped her elbows on her desk. Her hands held her head as Lexa tried to find a way out of this writer’s block.

She was going to be respectful of Clarke’s wishes. It didn’t matter how badly she wanted more; she had to accept that Clarke didn’t love her like that anymore. Lexa loved Clarke like the gentle breeze caressing a garden at night and as the light that shone in every star blinking in the universe. She loved her like the tides crashed on a shore with the force of a hurricane. Lexa loved Clarke with every fiber of her being, and it wasn’t not enough. It was never going to be enough.

“Friends.” Lexa reaffirmed what her traitorous heart denied. “Clarke is now my friend.” It was better than being enemies and much better than being hated.

 

Lexa resumed her typing when her phone went crazy with notifications, which was rare.

Lexa frowned and stretched her hand to reach her phone on the corner of the desk. She swiped the lock screen and checked her Twitter.

“Oh my God.” Lexa cocked her brows. This she did not expect to see.

 **@Princess69** : you have a secret crush and you kept it quiet? **@AlexandriaBTS**.

Lexa smiled seeing the insanity that one tweet of the infamous Princess69 caused online.

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : What do you mean **@Princess69** ?

A minute later she got a response from the blonde.

 **@Princess69** : What if I say I shall not wait

                       What if I burst the fleshly gate

                       And pass, escaped, to thee? – Emily Dickinson

                       Really? To whom? **@AlexandriaBTS**

“Oh no.” Lexa face-palmed.

Of course Clarke was going to react to this month’s column. Lexa addressed crushing on someone who obviously was not interested. She covered the classic crushing on straight girls dilemma too, and she shared some poems with her readers. She had hoped Clarke was going to like them or at least interpret them as her way of asking for another chance at a relationship. Apparently it backfired, and now Clarke believed Lexa had a secret crush.

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : It’s not what you think it is.

 **@Princess69** : and here I thought we were friends. We’ll talk later.

After that interaction, her notifications, exploded and that raised some flags with the press because last thing people remembered was that Alexandria and Princess69 hated each other. But by their current tweets it was more than obvious that they were on speaking terms. If not something more.

Lexa sighed completely drained and stopped pretending to write. She turned off the notifications on her app and headed to the kitchen. She had to prepare lunch before heading out with Anya to buy drinks and food for the party. Raven and Octavia planned a party for Clarke and Costia Friday night to wish them luck before they departed for New York.

 

 

She decided to try to write at Polis rather than home.  Perhaps a change of scenery would get the creative juices flowing again. After fighting with it for hours, Lexa sent Ryder her column for editing and called it a day. It was a beautiful day, and Lexa had to make sure her place was decent for the celebration party for Costia and Clarke.

Lexa was walking on the parking lot, and a weird feeling nagging her. She stopped in her tracks and kept silent looking around the empty parking lot. After seconds without any change, she opened her car and hopped in. This strange sensation of being followed was not something that happened all the time. Lexa was used to getting into situations that were dangerous, but this ominous feeling she had in her stomach didn’t settle.

Maybe it was just nerves or anxiety knowing that Clarke was leaving in two days.

 

After a comfortable ride back home, Lexa met with Anya in the living room, bottle of beer in hand sipping from the couch watching a movie. By the rest of bottles around the blonde, Lexa assumed Anya had been drinking for some time now.

“Hey An. You kinda started the party before the rest of the guests arrived.” Lexa went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine.

“Better start early and be numb enough to ignore Reyes and her annoying group of friends.”

Lexa sat beside her friend and squeezed her thigh. “They are your friends, too. It’s going to be fun, don’t be an ass today, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Anya finished her beer and set it aside.

Lexa started to cheer up her friend when the doorbell announced visitors. “Guess they are already here.” The brunette headed to the door and when she opened it she saw Raven, Octavia, Costia and Clarke.

“Welcome, please make yourself at home.” Lexa stepped aside letting the lively group move inside.

“Time for video game racing while Clarkey cooks!” Raven started to set up the game console while Octavia put more booze inside the fridge. Then the young soccer player joined her girlfriend in the couch.

“Alright Reyes, ready to lose?” Anya grabbed a controller trying to busy herself.

“Ha! In your dreams." Raven smirked and pecked the lips of Octavia who was on her side ready to play as well.

 

Lexa only played for a bit because she was focused on Clarke and Costia who were preparing pizza. Therefore she was distracted and not paying any attention to the game. Seeing the two of them smiling and enjoying themselves made Lexa feel content. At least Clarke was really happy and excited for her upcoming trip.

After some more disastrous runs in the game, Lexa gave up and wandered into the kitchen.

“Need any help?” Lexa asked her ex who was preheating the oven for the pizza that she made with Clarke.

“I got this Lex. Why don’t you and Clarke go have a chat while I take care of things here? We’re already done with the pizza. I only have to put it in the oven.” The former art teacher smiled kindly at Clarke.

“You sure?” Clarke washed her hands and dried them with the small kitchen towel.

“Yes, this will be done in a bit so go rest. Thanks for helping me.” Costia winked, she shut the oven door and went to the living room to have fun with the rest of the girls.

 

Lexa and Clarke stood awkwardly in the kitchen. Lexa clasped her hands behind her back and looked at Clarke offering a shy smile. “Are you ready for your big trip?”

“Yeah, all my supplies are packed, just need to finish tomorrow with my clothes.”

Lexa nodded, “that’s good. This is going to be a good experience for you. Maybe you’ll be able to attract clients.”

“I’m stoked, if my work sells well that could be a great step in sharing my art with the world.”

“Absolutely. You’ll do great.” Lexa’s heart was heavy. She really wanted to be happier for Clarke, but the fact that she was leaving the city saddened her. She wished she could keep Clarke with her.

“Thanks. I hope you’re right.”

“I’m always right.” The playful smirk made Clarke laugh.

“Don’t get cocky on me, Ms. Woods. Your fans might believe all that silly crap you write. Not me.” Clarke chuckled.

“I know, that’s why I— ” Lexa gulped down. “That’s why you’re you.”

The two smiled awkwardly again, completely missing the huge eyeroll that Raven threw in their direction.

“Wanna race me?”

“I’d love to.” Lexa followed the blonde back to the living room, cherishing the company of the girl she loved the most.

 

 

The group of friends ate pizza and enjoyed playing Mario Kart. Eventually, Lexa and the young trio were the only ones left in the living room. The four of them were engaged in an extremely intense game at the moment. Clarke’s Princess Peach was shooting at Raven when Lexa’s Luigi passed her.

“Fuck off Clarke!” Raven pouted as she lost her position in the race.

“I’ll avenge you, babe!” Octavia shot a shell at Clarke but missed.

“Oh hell no!” Clarke got rid of the stupid banana as she tried to catch with Lexa who was in the lead.

“What is it, Clarke? I thought you were good at this?” Lexa mocked as she took the next curve bringing her closer to the finish line.

“Oh, I’m good.” Clarke leaned closer to Lexa, whispering with a husky voice in her ear. “Or did you forget how we used to be between the sheets?”

Lexa turned a crimson red. Her focus shifting from the screen to Clarke who was grinning. “Eyes up, _Heda_.”

“Shit.” Lexa paid attention to the TV screen too late; she crashed and lost her advantage with a laughing Clarke taking the first spot.

“Fuck, this was some insane race.” Raven huffed after all of them completed the track. “Revenge is going to be sweeter this time.” The mechanic rubbed her hands ominously.

“You guys go ahead. I’m going to leave these plates in the sink.” Lexa grabbed the dirty dishes  and made it back to the kitchen.

 

She took a deep breath calming her racing heart. The mental images that came to mind were pretty explicit. She was never going to forget the way Clarke felt against her, how her soft body fit right next to hers. It has been years since they last had sex, drunken sex actually, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t erase that Lexa had been missing action for a long time, and the simple explicit thoughts had her hot and bothered.

She washed the dishes trying to calm her traitorous mind.  She heard the laughter and jokes of her guests in the living room, which meant she could really take a good break.

Lexa strolled to the stairs when she spotted Anya having an argument with Costia on the balcony. Lexa shook her head disappointed.  She thought Anya was going to be a good friend today and not give Costia any shit.

Anya clearly had issues dealing with her feelings.  Lexa totally understood because she used to be like the same way - closed off to the world and keeping her feelings tightly secured inside. Anya had taught her to be strong, and Lexa learned from her. However, when she met Clarke, the young woman destroyed every wall she built. Costia tore down her best friend’s defenses. Nonetheless, for Anya dealing with this situation was something new, and Lexa needed to help her more, especially considering how drunk Anya was at the moment. She should have stopped her from drinking more.

 

“It’s not just about our work, Anya. We’ve turned into complete strangers. You avoided me every single day. You spent your days with Raven and friends. You decided to push me away!” Costia clenched her jaw, breathing in and out trying to calm down.

“You’re right, I fucked up, and it’s my fault for loving you!” Anya leaned on the rail looking at the horizon, her head spinning and her pain flowing freely. “I was angry at my best friend because she was the object of your affection. I hated myself because I was not enough, and I couldn’t stand seeing you and pretending that it was okay.” Anya turned around and locked her hazel eyes with the brown of Costia. “I’m sorry for being a selfish asshole, but what can I say? You’re running away because you can’t stand that Lexa belongs with that brat. Guess what? Life sucks!”

Lexa had to interrupt because Anya was mad and was spitting out her anger without any filter. “Come on, you need to lay down.” Lexa tried to grab Anya, but Anya pushed the writer away.

“Fuck off, Lexa!”

“Anya! Jesus! When you stop acting like a child then we can talk!” Costia’s eyes were misty, and she worried her lip between her teeth. Costia was always so well-spoken. She was slow to anger and had infinite patience. No wonder she was one of the most beloved teachers at TonDC High, but right now her patience was cut short thanks to the drunken woman.

“Let’s go Anya.” Lexa tried again grabbing Anya from behind and pulling her away from the balcony, but Anya struggled and accidentally elbowed Lexa on the face.

“Ah shit!” Lexa covered her bleeding nose with both hands falling on her ass.

Anya stumbled a bit and tried to help Lexa up, but Anya was in no condition to help anyone. “Fuck, I’m sorry Lex. I didn’t mean to hit you.” Anya shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her hands inside her jacket pockets trying to calm down.

Costia sighed while helping Lexa stand up. She was tired and looked defeated. “I don’t want to leave knowing that you’re in pain because of me, Anya. You were the first one who offered your friendship when we met. You introduced me to Lexa, and you were there when she broke up with me after almost 2 years of being together.” Costia wiped the tears from her face. “You were there every step of the way, Anya. You’re very special to me, but your self-pity won’t let you see how much I care!”

Anya shook her head. “Don’t lie to me. I’m just your crutch Costia, your plan B, and I’m sorry I ruined this. But I’m not Lexa, and never will be.” Anya took a step closer and cupped Costia’s face, her thumb tracing the softness of her skin, memorizing the features she loved so much before letting go forever. The blonde leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I don’t need your pity. I just wanted your love, but I know I can’t have it so it’s all good. I love you Costia Greene. Be happy wherever you go.” With that Anya made her way inside leaving a crying Costia behind.

_____________

Clarke, Raven and Octavia were having lots of fun racing when Clarke heard some shouting. She peeked around and noticed that Lexa was nowhere to be seen. Clarke frowned wondering where the brunette had gone. She left the controller on the table. “I uh, I’m gonna check what’s going on.”

“Okay Griff, just bring us chips when you return.” Octavia winked and leaned on Raven while they kept playing.

“Yeah, sit tight you two.”

Clarke decided to go to the kitchen first. Walking around the apartment was still something new to Clarke. She didn’t spend much of her time here, but each time she was overwhelmed by its beauty and comfort.

After she checked the kitchen, she thought about maybe heading upstairs to the office when she caught sight of Lexa going through French doors that led to the balcony on the other side of the Woods’ residence.

 

Clarke could hear some kind of argument going on. She approached and started peeking through the glass door when Anya came in the door stumbling around.

“Anya?”

Anya met Clarke’s eyes.  She walked towards the shorter woman and fisted her shirt in her hand. “Don’t break her heart again or I swear I’m gonna beat the hell out of you.”

Clarke gulped down seeing up close the anger rolling off in waves from the Asian. “Anya, I’m not going to hurt her.  We’re friends, and I hope we can be friends too. Don’t fight me anymore.”

Anya let go of Clarke and sighed. She wiped her face trying to remove the fogginess that she felt. “Friends? Now everyone wants to be friends with me.” Anya chuckled, “great, I’m gonna go away to avoid ruining your party,  so um, tell Costia I wish her a safe trip.”

Anya headed toward the door and began looking for her keys.  She found them in the key vase on top of the small table near the front door. Once she grabbed them, she headed out without a word.

 

Costia was checking Lexa, whose shirt was splattered with blood when Clarke went onto the balcony. Clarke panicked when she realized Lexa was bleeding and hurried to see the brunette.

“Lexa? Are you okay?” Clarke quickly replaced Costia in front of Lexa.  She cupped Lexa’s face lifting her chin to check her nose.

“Yes, it’s nothing. Just an accident.” Lexa flinched a bit at the contact, but Clarke was sure the nose was not broken.

“Come inside, let’s clean you up.” Clarke offered.

“Where’s An?” Lexa asked looking around for her friend.

“She left a minute ago, probs to a bar or something. She wished Costia a safe trip though.” Clarke reported.

“I better go and try to find her,” Costia was filled with concern; you could see the agonizing pain in her features. She and Costia acted pretty much the same regarding the women who drove them insane. It was inevitable to worry for them.

Lexa winced in pain when she scrunched her nose. “No, just let her be for some time. She’ll come to terms with your departing. She knows she’s acting like an idiot, but she loves you. She will come to accept your decision to leave.”

“Let’s clean that wound, Lexa. Please?” Clarke insisted, but Lexa declined politely.

“I got this, you go with your friends okay? I’ll join you later.”

 

Lexa left Costia and Clarke to clean her nose and change her shirt. Clarke remained behind with her friend and mentor trying to ease Costia’s pain.

“It’s gonna be okay, Costia. Anya is a bit lost because she doesn’t know how to manage her feelings. Funny thing is that Lexa was a little like her.” Clarke walked inside back to the living room with her mentor.

“That’s true. Those two have a lot in common.” Costia offered a friendly smile.

“Yeah. They’re a handful.” Clarke smiled trying to alleviate the discomfort of the woman who had become her support.

“Listen Clarke. You and Lexa have a new chance to make this thing you have work. You don’t have to hide from the world anymore. It’s been months since you two agreed to be friends, and you know Lexa is capable of waiting forever for you.  She won’t make a move. The ball is in your court Clarke. Show her how much she means to you and be happy. Don’t waste more time okay?”

“I know. I just don’t wanna to ruin this.”

“You won’t. Learn from my mistake and take a leap of faith before it’s too late.” The sadness emanating from the curly-haired woman was depressing to say the least, and Clarke wanted to do something for the woman who encouraged her and always gave her good advice.

“Hey, why don’t we watch a movie and try to relax and wait for Anya to come back?”

“I’m not in the mood to celebrate anymore, but you have fun Clarke. We’ll talk later before we leave on Sunday.”

Clarke escorted Costia out of the penthouse and returned to her two friends who were waiting for Clarke with curiosity in their faces.

 

“Dude, what the hell?” Raven asked Clarke who sat on the couch with sadness.

“Anya had an argument with Costia, and Lexa intervened. Both Costia and Anya ended up sad, and everything went to shit.” Clarke explained.

“Oh man, this totes sucks.” Octavia crossed her arms. “Now what?”

“Let’s watch a movie. Maybe we can chill for a bit, and Lexa is coming back to join us.” Clarke suggested, and that’s what they did.

 

 

As the night progressed, the friends watched a movie, but the celebratory mood and excitement were long gone.

Octavia and Raven decided to call it a night, and the two said goodbye leaving Lexa and Clarke alone.

“So um, I guess Anya is not coming back.” Lexa commented while she cleaned the living room after Octavia and Raven departed.

“Maybe she hooked up with someone.” Clarke volunteered as she removed the beer cans and bottles from the table and threw them in the bin.

“She’s my best friend, Clarke. If something happens to her I don’t know—“

“Hey,” Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers offering comfort. “She’s going to be alright. She’s just sad, and she’s gonna miss Costia a lot. She’ll be back soon.”

“I hope so.” Lexa was done cleaning. Realizing that Clarke was still around, she thought maybe this was the right time to show her how much she cared.

“Clarke?” Lexa turned around to face the blonde who was now in the kitchen closing the trash bag.

“Yeah?”

“Can I show you something before you go? I promise it won’t take long.”

Clarke smiled and nodded. “Sure.”

Lexa replied with a tight-lip smile of her own.

“I’d like to discuss certain things about your latest draft, so I am in no rush to leave.”

That made Lexa smile wider.

 

Clarke followed Lexa to the upper floor. She assumed Lexa was taking her to her office to talk about her book, but instead Lexa stopped at another door. Lexa pulled out a key from her pocket and opened the door.

When Lexa turned the lights on, it took a couple of seconds to adjust to the lighting. Her eyes roamed around the white walls, and she gasped when she noticed the only decoration in the otherwise empty room.

Lexa walked shyly to the lonely painting on the wall. “I have kept this here since I moved in. It’s my most prized possession.”

Clarke felt her heart soar with emotion. “That’s the painting that I made back in school, the one I threw in the trash. I thought that when you moved from your previous house you got rid of it.” Clarke walked until she was face to face with her painting. The vibrant colors were still glowing with life. She traced her fingers over the canvas.

“I uh, I hope it’s not weird.” Lexa scratched the back of her neck. She was nervous about showing Clarke this special place, her sanctuary.

Clarke shook her head and smiled at Lexa. “No, I’m happy you kept the painting. When I become rich and famous you can say you have a Griffin original.”

Lexa laughed and nodded. “Yes. I know you’ll become well-known.”

Clarke took the time to look around and noticed that the room would be bare if it wasn’t for the painting. The white walls felt like they were expecting to be filled with colors. On top there was a window that during the day probably allowed natural light to flood this room with its beauty without being too overwhelming. “Why is this empty?”

Lexa started to fidget with her hands. “I uh, this room had no use for me.”

“It’s a shame. This room is big enough, and the illumination must be perfect during the day.”

“Yes, it is perfect.” Lexa bit her lower lip. Clarke assumed that Lexa wanted to say more, but she wasn’t ready or maybe she wasn’t comfortable enough with Clarke to tell her.

“Anyway, um, about your last draft. I think Alexis and Jane are now in a good place. I’m glad that you have developed a slow relationship between them.”

“Right, Alexis and Jane. Give me a minute, and I’ll be right back.” Lexa disappeared for an instant leaving Clarke to look around the bare room.

She could totally work here painting if she wanted to. The space was big and in the back there was another door. Clarke opened it and thought that the space was perfect to store materials.

 

Lexa returned with several documents and a thick blanket so they could sit on the floor. “I thought it might be nice to look at your painting while we discussed the book.  Read this and let me know what you think.”

Clarke grabbed the papers and sat beside Lexa on the blanket. It was pretty comfortable and soft, plus, having Lexa so close felt good.

Felt like home.

Clarke was reading the draft of the latest chapter in Lexa’s new book in silence.  Things were developing slowly but surely between Alexis and Jane. The two women had reach a point of mutual understanding, and now there was nothing stopping them for fighting for their love.

Clarke was enjoying the reading when she reached a particularly interesting section of the book.

“Oh!” Clarke arched her brows. “They are kissing!”

Lexa chuckled and gave Clarke a slight nod.

“Nice! Go get some Jane, hell yeah!” Clarke laughed excited seeing how sweet and loving Alexis was. How tender and beautiful this moment between the two lovers evolved.

“This is amazing. Thank you for giving me hope, well, hope to all your readers.” Clarke returned the draft to Lexa hiding the slight blush on her face.

“I told you I was going to make things better, Clarke. You should’ve trust me.”

“I trust you, Lexa. The question is do you trust me?”

Lexa frowned and tilted her head in confusion. “Yes, Clarke. I do.”

“Then to whom are you dedicating poems in your latest article, huh?” Clarke cocked her brow looking smugly at the brunette who flushed a light shade of red.

“To my readers, Clarke.”

“Yeah? All your readers are special?” Clarke was lost in the deep gaze of the green-eyed woman. Taken back by how much she loved her eyes, and under the soft light Lexa looked like an ethereal being.

“Not everyone.”

Her husky low voice made Clarke tremble with desire. Her eyes locked with the gorgeous green, green, green. Clarke was absolutely enraptured by her beauty and intelligence. Lexa was never going to be a friend. Clarke had to accept that. Lexa was never going to be just someone in her life.

Lexa was _it_.

 

“It’s late.” Clarke panicked, afraid to take that leap. Her mind kept running through all possibilities of ruining this again. Instead she broke the deep silence that settled during their staring contest.

“Ah, sorry for keeping you so late. Time flies.” Lexa stood up and helped Clarke to stand.

“It does.” Clarke added smiling to this wonderful woman who was so good to her.

“I hope you have a great trip, Clarke. Be amazing and make them fall in love with you— your work.” Lexa corrected quickly and displayed her trademark almost-there smile.  She extended her hand to shake Clarke’s. Her eyes weren’t as bright as usual, more filled with melancholy.

Clarke shook the offered hand, but she couldn’t let go. She kept holding Lexa’s hand way longer than a normal handshake.

How many times was she going to let go?

Haven’t she forgiven Lexa already?

She was filled with fear and doubt. However, Clarke still didn’t let go.

The only thing Clarke could see right now was her favorite color in the whole world. The color that was spread in the lonely painting hanging on the wall in this empty room.

Green, green, green.

And that is when Clarke remembered this is exactly how she felt when she realized she was in love with Lexa and not just crushing on her when she was in high school. The memories of spending every day they spoke in the art workshop, when Lexa shared stories of her childhood with Clarke, when they were simply friends talking about trivial things in their little secret place in TonDC High came flooding back. The moment where Clarke thought that Lexa was oblivious of her feelings and how desperate she was to love her. When Lexa risked her life to help one of her friends because that was the kind of woman Lexa was, and Clarke almost stole a kiss, a forbidden kiss that wasn’t forbidden anymore.

They were free.  They were no longer in the dark but in the light.

It wasn’t complicated as Clarke wanted it to be.  It wasn’t so hard at all. Those feelings were right there in her heart, just like the first time.

She was ready.

 

Clarke gently pulled Lexa’s hand making her stumble forward, and that is when she cupped the nape of her neck and kissed her, surprising Lexa completely.

Clarke kissed her softly, like the first time they kissed in the darkness of the gym, right when the lights went out. A kiss that was sweet and loving. A kiss that felt like a star had been born making her insides burn with a sudden explosion. Her heart beat strong, probably matching Lexa’s beat. The two in sync, fitting perfectly into the other.

Lexa responded to the kiss, but she pulled away. Disbelief was written all over her face. As if she couldn’t really believe the kiss happened. She was gasping for breath, and she was trembling.  Afraid that this was yet another lie, an illusion. Simply another night of drunken sex.

Clarke cradled her face and with her thumb she traced softly her cheekbone. She held the inquisitive gaze of the older woman, telling her that she was sure.

Lexa leaned down and claimed her lips, and Clarke moaned into the kiss. Lexa’s hand moved to her hips anchoring her and keeping her steady.

The kiss became heated and desperate. Both women had missed each other tremendously and were trying to recover the lost time. Clarke’s hands roamed around until they found Lexa’s belt and unbuckled it with mastery. Clarke was smooth removing the buttons of Lexa’s clean shirt as she backed Lexa up against a wall and pressed her body against the warmth of the taller brunette. Clarke changed the angle of the kiss and moved her lips to Lexa’s neck.

Clarke quickly removed Lexa’s shirt. As she pulled away the bothersome material, she began spreading soft kisses along Lexa’s neckline until she reached her collarbones. Clarke raised her eyes to meet Lexa’s again while one of her hands held the zipper of Lexa’s jeans, making sure that this is what Lexa wanted.

Lexa was speechless. She simply nodded, and Clarke unzipped the jeans. She slid her hand under the elastic band of Lexa’s undies until she reached the wet center desperate for touch.

 

Clarke resumed kissing Lexa’s skin with all her love and care. Her left hand sunk deep into Lexa’s wetness caressing the sensitive engorged organ between Lexa’s long legs. Lexa leaned her head against the wall giving all the access Clarke needed to kiss her as she kept softly stroking Lexa’s clit.

“Shit!” Lexa gasped and dug her nails into Clarke’s back. She was about to freaking come, and Clarke was still getting started. Clarke made sure to slow down and take it easier with her woman. Clarke pulled Lexa down onto the blankets and quickly removed her own clothes to cover Lexa with her body. Keeping her lover warmth and secure.

Clarke was eager, but she kept her attention on Lexa’s responses kissing her and roaming her hands over her tight abdomen. Clarke kissed the tattoos on her hips making Lexa moan harder, eliciting slick honey from her core.

Clarke held her weight with one arm and with her left hand she returned her attention to Lexa’s lower lips. A digit inside and Lexa was breathing faster, lacking oxygen while Clarke kept kissing between her thighs. Clarke pushed in another digit, and Lexa was a goner as soon as Clarke added tongue.

Clarke moaned as her tastebuds gathered Lexa’s ambrosia. How had she survived without this taste?  She missed it so damn much.

Lexa’s hand was entangled in her blonde curls digging her nails in her scalp. Clarke could feel how close Lexa was. She slowed down and quickly lifted herself up to look Lexa in the eye as she came.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s ear, taking the earlobe between her lips and biting it carefully while she kept a steady rhythm over the sensitive bud until Lexa’s inner walls squeezed her fingers and moaned with her hoarse sexy voice. Clarke was in awe looking at  this magnificent view. Lexa cumming was the best aphrodisiac in the whole world.

 

Clarke helped Lexa ride out her orgasms.  When she pulled out, she cleaned her as best as she could, her hungry mouth not letting anything escape. Then she crawled back up to Lexa.

Lexa opened her eyes, and Clarke smiled widely. “Are you okay?” Clarke began caressing Lexa’s arms feeling the sweaty skin against her fingertips.

“I am.” Lexa continued, “Sorry about not lasting that long. It’s been awhile…”

Clarke pecked Lexa on the lips. “It’s okay. As long as you’re good, I’m good.”

“I’m good.

Clarke smiled. “Cool.”

“May I?” Lexa asked Clarke before getting to work because right now Lexa Woods was more than ready to worship every single part of Clarke Griffin.

“Yeah, please do.”

Lexa really took her time, and Clarke was left spent screaming her name.

 

After a couple more rounds, Lexa led Clarke to her bedroom to make the blonde comfortable. The two were in the bed holding each other resting from their physical activities. Clarke kissed Lexa’s shoulders feeling the slight tension of the brunette.

“Hey, something wrong?” Clarke whispered making sure to keep a soothing tone while she caressed the intricate patterns of Lexa’s arm tattoo.

“Is this for real?” Lexa finally asked, and Clarke understood her concern. Last time this happened Clarke and Lexa were slightly drunk and the blonde made her shameful escape with regret.

Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek and held her tightly. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”

Lexa shook her head. “No regrets?”

“None. I want you, Lexa. Only you.”

Lexa shifted and turned around to face Clarke. Her smile was beyond beautiful; this smile could end wars.

“Go on a date with me.”

“A date?”

“Yes, tomorrow is your last day in DC. I know you might be tired, but I want to do this right. I don’t want to hide from your mother or the rest of the world. I want to date you properly, Clarke. I won’t make the same mistakes. Please, go out with me.”

Clarke kissed Lexa sealing the deal. “Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay, now I really have to go. It’s very late.” Clarke checked her father’s watch on her wrist, strolled off the bed reluctantly and began putting on her underwear. “So um, pick me up at 5?”

“Will do.”

Clarke quickly finished dressing, and before leaving she went to the bed to kiss Lexa again.  God, she was addicted to those lips. “Are you sure you wanna go public? We can keep this between us.”

“No more secrets, Clarke.” Lexa pulled Clarke for another quick kiss. “I cherished our secret dates on Mount Weather, but this time I want to be upfront.”

“Alright then. No more hiding in the dark. Good night, Lexa.” Clarke grinned kissing the tip of Lexa’s nose careful to hurt her where Anya hit her by accident.

“Good night, Clarke.”

Once out of the fancy apartment Clarke went home with the biggest dopey smile on her face.

This time they were going to love each other in the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Clarke jumped off the cliff. Next time their first not secret date so it's going to be interesting to see how that goes and well, time to head into the final round of updates. Which as usual means basically the climax and conclusion of their long journey from their days in school to their lives as pros in their careers and life. However I am not sure how much more that is going to take so expect maybe a couple more chapters until I can figure this mess out.  
> Come say hi in inbox and see you around,
> 
> Tana.


	19. Chapter 19

The amount of clothes spread on her bed was impressive. Even though Clarke left some in her dorm back at ‘Ark U,’ she still had a lot of outfits left at her childhood home to try on. It was only Saturday afternoon, and she was already a ball of nerves. After a whole year of fighting with Lexa the two were finally back together. Clarke was ecstatic, but also nervous because the last time they went out on a date they were teacher and student.  But now? They were completely free to love each other. No one would bat an eye if they were seen together.

“Clarkey, just pick something already.” Octavia took a bite of her chocolate bar. Raven was on her side massaging her leg, which was hurting like a bitch today.

“I need to look good for her, guys. But I also don’t wanna look like desperate, you feel me?”

“Clarke, it doesn’t matter what you wear.  Everyone knows that as soon as you two get cozy in Commander Hotstuff’s tower of love the clothes come off!” Raven snarked.

Clarke reddened and continued looking for a nice outfit while her friends laughed at her embarrassment, but they weren’t wrong. Clarke was going to make up for lost time, and that included banging Lexa on every surface of her apartment. The need to be skin against skin, heartbeat against heartbeat was primordial for her survival.

 

“What do you think?” Clarke held two shirts. One was a blue crop top that showed a bit of her abdomen and the other, a grey blouse that highlights her nice cleavage.

“I say blue.” Raven suggested, “Lexa is pretty emo so she will write poems about your eyes in no time if you wear that.”

“I like the grey more,” said Octavia who threw her chocolate bar wrapper into the trash bin. “Lexa will have only eyes for your cleavage which is good for later tonight.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes looking at her reflection in the mirror standing in a corner of her bedroom trying out every shirt and deciding which one Lexa was going to like more.

“I think if you pair the blue shirt with those white jeans you’ll look sexy but not desperate.” Raven looked at Octavia waiting to hear a rebuttal to her outstanding opinion.

Octavia rolled her eyes giggling and pecked Raven on the lips. “Raven, you’re a genius. I think she’s right Clarke. Go with that combo.”

“Okay, great. Now I’m going to shower and get myself decent for sexy times later.” Clarke quickly headed to the shower and groomed herself with her best bath products.

 

By the time Clarke was ready, Octavia and Raven were kind of ignoring the movie they had on Clarke’s TV and making out.

“Seriously? You’re about to fuck in my bed.”

The two girlfriends laughed and pulled apart. Clarke made a twirl to model her ensemble with the clothes they suggested. Raven whistled getting elbowed by Octavia.

“You look great Clarke.” Octavia conceded.

Clarke joined her two friends on her bed. “I’m going to be sick. I can’t handle the butterflies in my stomach.”

Raven held Clarke from one side and Octavia on the other, sandwiching the blonde. “It’s going to be great. You know that we have your back. We won’t spill anything.”

“Don’t worry. We’re not hiding anymore. Lexa wants to make it official.”

“Then the more reason to relax, Clarke.” Octavia rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

“I hope so. Lexa wants to speak with my mom before we go out. What if my mom freaks out again?”

Raven shook her head. “I don’t think so. Abby is way understanding, and she knows your history with Lexa. She will be more accepting now.”

Clarke sighed closing her eyes. “I hope so.”

“You two enjoy your date, okay?” Raven lifted herself up from the bed. “My leg is kinda killing me today so I better go. Have fun Clarke and give us the gritty details later.” Raven hugged her friend.

“We’ll be waiting for your text.” Octavia hugged Clarke as well and then escorted Raven outside.

Now the only thing left was wait for Lexa to come pick her up in about half an hour.

 

 

Clarke was in the living room watching a talk show, and her mother in the kitchen doing the dishes when the doorbell rang. Clarke panicked, and her mother eyed her suspiciously. Clarke didn’t tell her mom anything about Lexa yet because she arrived home late yesterday, and her mom was tired from her hospital shift. She was going to learn about Clarke and Lexa now.

“I’ll get that.” Clarke curved her lips awkwardly and went to the front door. As soon as she opened the door, her legs became weak.

Lexa Woods was standing on her porch holding a bouquet of colorful roses looking good in tight black pants and a red button up shirt with her sleeves rolled up to her elbows and wearing a stylish black vest.

“Hello Clarke.” Lexa broke the reverie of the blonde. Her gorgeous hair was braided as usual, and her makeup was simple but highlighted the color of her beautiful jade eyes. Lexa curved her lips shyly, eyeing Clarke from head to toe, clearly pleased with the way the art student dressed.  She temporarily lost the ability to sleep.

“Hey, please come in.” Clarke took a step back allowing the writer inside her home.

Lexa walked inside with her usual elegance, standing tall and with such confidence that it made Clarke swoon just like the first time she confronted the brunette.

“Dr. Griffin.” Lexa stopped in the middle of the living room and greeted the older woman who was curiously observing her daughter and her surprise guest.

“Ms. Woods. What brings you to my house?” Abby arched her brow looking from her daughter to the writer.

“I’d like to speak with you about Clarke and I.”

“Of course, please take a seat.” Abby invited Lexa to join her on the couch. Lexa took the loveseat with Clarke claiming the empty spot beside Lexa and tangling their hands together.

“These are for you.” Lexa offered the flowers, and Clarke had wide eyes, not expecting Lexa to give the flowers to her mom. She had hoped they were for her.

“Oh, thank you Ms. Woods.”

“Lexa is fine, doctor.”

“Then let’s drop all formalities. What brings you here?”

Lexa nodded, and Clarke squeezed her hand trying help the woman relax. Lexa cleared her throat to begin her speech for Clarke’s mom.“I’d like to date your daughter, Abby. I know that I broke your trust and hope you know how regretful I am for not being honest with you when I was with your daughter secretly 2 years ago.” Lexa took a deep breath trying to avoid rushing her words; she wouldn’t allow her nerves to betray her in this moment. “I love your daughter with every breath I take; I swear that I’ll treat her right. I’ll keep her happy and respect her every wish. I ask you, ma’am, please let me be with Clarke.”

Clarke felt an explosion of butterflies in her belly. Lexa was solemn in her request, and Abby looked at her with certain amusement but also respect.

Abby pondered for several minutes before she offered her answer. “Are you sure you’re just asking to date my kid?”

The redness on Lexa’s cheeks and ears became evident. “Oh God, I overdid it, didn’t I? I’m going to kill Anya; she said it was fine.” Lexa mumbled and a second later she returned her attention to Abby. “Yes, I’ll be honored if you allow me to court your daughter.”

Clarke couldn’t hide the small grin on her face hearing Lexa speak with the vocabulary of a writer.  The bold writer was such a big part of Lexa that they couldn’t be set apart.

“You want to take out my daughter. Is that right?”

Lexa nodded again. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, good. I guess you’ve already proven that you never meant ill to my kid, BUT if you hurt her again, I’ll make sure you remember the Griffin name permanently.”

Lexa gulped down but nodded in acceptance. “I wouldn’t expect less.”

“Good.” Abby eyed Clarke and Lexa, carefully studying both. To the doctor, it was obvious how much love existed between them. The way Clarke leaned on Lexa and how Lexa held Clarke during their conversation was clear testimony of how much love existed between them. Abby knew without a doubt that Jake would have approved of this woman dating their daughter.

 

“Clarke can we have a word in private?” Abby lifted herself from the couch and took the flowers to the kitchen. Clarke smiled to Lexa and kissed her cheek before going after her mother.

“Yeah?”

Abby put the flowers in a vase. She closed her eyes and took a whiff of the flowers’ heavenly scent, then she took her daughter’s hands in hers. “So you two are going at it again?”

“I love her mom. I get that you might be doubtful after what happened last time. I promise we have taken the time to determine whether this is what we want.”

“Is it?”

Clarke smiled as she nodded with determination. “Yes, mom. I want her. I really do. I’ve never felt like this. You were right mom. Her book is like a huge love letter to me, and every article she writes is another sign that our love is real. I think we deserve a second chance.”

Abby pulled her daughter closer and kissed the top of her head. “This is all I want for you. Someone who loves and respects you. I believe Lexa can be that person.”

Abby pulled a lock of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear and kissed her forehead. “Let’s take you back to your date.”

 

Lexa was pacing in the living room when Clarke returned. Lexa stopped and waited for Clarke. The blonde smiled widely, and Lexa returned it with a tight-lip smile of her own. Clarke entangled her hand in Lexa’s, both standing together, side by side.

“Clarke has to be at the airport tomorrow morning. Be sure to bring her back home safe and sound, Lexa.” Abby warned, eyes locked with green.

“Yes, I’ll bring Clarke at a suitable time, and I’ll drive her tomorrow too unless it is a problem.”

“Not at all. Okay then, off you go and please be careful. At least I don’t have to worry that my daughter is going to get pregnant anytime soon.”

“Mom!” Clarke hid her face in crook of Lexa’s neck.

Abby just chuckled. “Remember to have safe sex baby, make sure to keep your nails short and—”

Clarke ran to her mother and hugged her cutting off her speech by giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, “bye mom.”

Clarke pulled Lexa by her arm to the front door escaping from the awkwardness of her mom’s comments.

Right before the door closed Lexa thanked the doctor. “Thank you, Abby,” and just like that the door was shut.

 

“Jesus, I never thought my mom was one of those moms.” Clarke walked to the Mustang parked in front of her small front yard.

“Your mom is right Clarke. Safe sex practices are my kink.”

Clarke snorted, “Oh my God, you did not say that.”

Lexa opened the passenger’s door for Clarke and offered her hand to help her sit. Lexa quickly rounded the car and hopped in the driver’s seat. “I meant every word I said to your mother, Clarke, and that includes having a healthy sex lifestyle. So I’ll make sure to get tested  for STD’s.”

“Lexa no need to get so worked up now, yeah? We’re clean.” But looking at Lexa, Clarke knew her date was not going to budge. “Okay fine, I’ll get tested too.” Clarke leaned and kissed the corner of Lexa’s lip before buckling up. “Now, where are my roses? Or did you want to woo only my mom?”

“I have another surprise for you, and I wanted to be polite with your mother. After all, last time we talked she almost put me in jail.”

“I know. But we’re not hiding anymore.”

“We’re not. Shall we?”

With one nod, Lexa turned on the engine and drove to their next destination.

 

 

Lexa drove around town for a bit until they reached the Tidal Basin. There were people running.  Others were just hanging out in the grass under the big trees.

Lexa parked and invited Clarke for a walk. She offered her arm, and Clarke hooked her arm with Lexa’s.

The two walked towards an empty path simply enjoying the scenery and the sound of birds. The darkening sky was a wonderful view.

The two walked until Lexa found a bench in front of the body of water and invited Clarke to sit.

“I wanted to stop here first to give Anya a head start on getting everything ready for us.” Lexa pulled Clarke gently to her shoulder, keeping Clarke warm and protected by holding her.

“You didn’t have to go to those lengths, Lexa. Anywhere with you is good enough for me.” Clarke tipped her face and kissed Lexa’s neck until she reached her sharp jaw.

“I want to make something special, Clarke. I’d go to any extreme to make sure you're happy.” The smile on Lexa’s face was serene, and it showed how at ease she felt with Clarke. “And also I wanted to give you this.” Lexa pulled a small silk bag from her slacks pocket.

Clarke giggled and excitedly opened it.

“This is beautiful.” Clarke looked at the fine gold necklace inside the bag; she pulled it out to examine the details. The pendant was the infinity symbol with a tiny blue crystal adorning the symbol in its center.

“That’s my statement to you Clarke. To love you forever, to infinity until I’m nothing but ashes. In the dark and in the light my love won’t waver and… Clarke?” Lexa frowned seeing tears on Clarke’s face. “Did you not like it? If it’s too much or you rather not—”

Clarke kissed Lexa, shutting down her rambles and pulling the writer closer.

“I love it. You’re the most ridiculous dorky woman I have ever met. You’re so smooth with words. Hell, no wonder you have a legion of fangirls with ruined underwear.”

“I only care about yours, Clarke.” Lexa leaned further kissing the soft lips of the blonde. Her cellphone beeped, and Lexa pulled away and checked the text. “Okay, time to go to our next destination.”

_________________

Lexa drove Clarke to her apartment after their romantic walk; the two rode the elevator in silence holding hands. Clarke was thrilled to spend some quality time with Lexa hoping they were going to watch Netflix and chill now that the romantic vibe was already gone.

How wrong she was.

As soon as Lexa let her in the penthouse, Clarke was shocked to see the apartment flooded with candles in every corner. The living room had flowers on the tables and even petals were spread around creating a magical atmosphere.

“This is beautiful, but um weren’t you worried that this might start a fire?” Clarke was in awe by the number of candles lighting the place.

Lexa took her hand and escorted her to her balcony.

“Not at all, I made sure to instruct Anya to prepare everything and keep the food warm right before we arrived.”

“Ah, you can count always on Anya.”

 

Outside on the balcony a table set for two was ready; music was playing a soft tune in the background providing a very romantic ambiance.

Lexa escorted Clarke and helped her sit by pulling the chair gently. Clarke felt like a princess living a dream with all of the tender attention. Not that Lexa never treated her right, but this was over-the-top.

Lexa disappeared for a second and brought a bottle of wine. “I hope you like what I prepared for you. Anya assisted me, but I cooked everything.  And the recipe is mine too.” Lexa poured the red liquid into a glass cup for Clarke, then she headed into the kitchen and came back with a cart filled with food.

Lexa began serving the plates; first she served the salad, then the main course, which was a dish of pasta with meat, red sauce and bacon bits. “The dessert is from ‘The Dropship’ because my cooking skills don’t reach that far.”

Clarke was euphoric seeing the amount of food and how delicious it smelled. Clarke quickly took a bite of the salad, then a piece of pasta. “Mmm, gosh. I missed your food Lexa. This is amazing.”

“You only missed my food?” Lexa cocked her brow, smirking at the young woman eating with gusto.

“You know that I missed you the most, dummy.”

Lexa laced her free hand with Clarke’s, and the two ate holding hands and making small talk.

 

Once Clarke was stuffed and after great conversation, Lexa cleaned the area and invited Clarke to join her for a dance.

“This place is gorgeous.  The view from here is incredible.” Clarke leaned into Lexa’s shoulder as Lexa moved side to side with the music, holding her close.

“Yes, it is. The sunrise is magnificent to behold.” Clarke nuzzled her nose into the crook of Lexa’s neck, the brunette leaned her head over Clarke’s and let the music guide her steps.

“I can only imagine. Bet it would be nice to paint from here.”

“You’re more than welcome to do so, Clarke. This is yours as much as mine.”

Clarke lifted her face from her comfortable spot to look at Lexa, not sure what Lexa meant by this. Lexa smiled and kissed the forehead of the young artist.

“I uh, I bought this place thinking about you. I imagined that the natural surroundings would be inspiring. The empty room upstairs? It’s yours if you want it.”

Clarke stopped dancing and stared at Lexa in shock. “Really?”

“Yes, I imagined that room could work for an art studio when I bought this place. Once I moved I left it empty because it reminded me of what I had lost. I couldn’t dare to put anything inside because that was your place even when you weren’t here anymore.”

“But we found each other again, just like your characters in your book.” Clarke cupped Lexa’s cheek trying to remove the sadness from her voice. “We’re together, and I want this to work between us. I’m ready to pursue this relationship.”

“Me too, Clarke.”

Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa. The kiss was sweet and full of hope, desire and so much love. Lexa pressed her body to Clarke’s, the contact reassuring them that they were finally together.

They split to breathe.  The kiss stole every molecule of oxygen, but they never felt more alive.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.”

Clarke cupped Lexa’s angular face, caressing that strong jawline with her thumbs.

“... You know I have to go.

But if you stay here, give me love for now

And give me one for the road, before I go.” Clarke sang softly to the background song ‘Why Ask Why’ by Kaskade to Lexa, and the brunette held her tighter, nodding her understanding.

“I’m going to miss you so much. I know it’s a month, but we’ve spent too much time apart. A month seems too long.”

“I know, but I’ll be back soon. Now would you give me some love?"

 

 

Quickly Lexa guided Clarke back upstairs, the two struggling to get rid of their clothes as they stumbled in the hall whilst kissing. The maneuver was difficult but not impossible.

Soon they were inside the bedroom of the writer. Kissing each other with such hunger, desperate to be together and not apart.

Lexa was the first to bump into the bed.  Clarke removed her pants and underwear faster than a bullet and straddled Lexa who was looking at her like the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.

They resumed kissing, Clarke bit Lexa’s lips playfully. Lexa snaked her arms around Clarke’s hips keeping her steady on top of her.

Clarke’s hands circled Lexa’s neck.  She grinded on the thigh of the brunette imbuing all of her feelings into a kiss. Showing her how much she was going to miss her.

 

Soon, Clarke became too desperate and leaned Lexa down on the bed so she could devour her completely. To claim her lover as she should have done since she stepped into this building. Clarke left her kisses on every portion of tan skin moving to the neck and next to the exposed breasts that were already pliant under her touch.

Lexa slid her hands to Clarke’s hipbones tracing her contour with her fingertips and feeling the warm flesh as Clarke kissed and licked.

“Clarke… I need you.” Lexa was barely capable of any coherent thought. Clarke’s ministrations were teasing her, extending her agony for relief.

Clarke kissed the inside of the lean thighs of the woman underneath until she finally reached the golden pot and licked her prize.

Lexa writhed in ecstasy and Clarke smiled feeling so smug about her abilities of bringing into a puddle of desire this amazing woman who she loved.

Clarke enjoyed the tangy flavor as her tongue danced around the soft flaps of skin until the hard bud was reached. Her fingers engulfed in tight muscular walls pushing deeper and in a constant rhythm. Lexa was close to oblivion and begged for release. And Clarke made sure to give her woman what she needed.

 

 

Lexa fell on top of Clarke after she finished her off.  Her breathing was hard, and she was  tired but damn satisfied making Clarke come several times. Both were sweating but smiling widely was the best outcome for them after their intense night of passion. After Lexa regained a bit of strength, she lifted her weight off of Clarke rolling onto the side of the bed. Clarke quickly surrounded Lexa with her arm.

“That was the best farewell ever.”

Lexa leaned and kissed Clarke’s forehead, “Anything for my girlfriend.”

The title was unexpected, Clarke frowned still unsure. “Is that what we are?”

Lexa pecked Clarke and cupped her face. “I meant it when I said no more hiding. I want to be your girl, Clarke.”

“My girlfriend sounds about right.” Another round of kissing began but right before things escalated her phone began to blow up with notifications.

Lexa sighed and curiously turned around to pick up her phone.

“Leave that Lexa, we have time for a bit more.” Clarke propped on her elbow, laying sideways on the bed and staring at the beautiful tattoos splayed on Lexa’s back.

 

“Oh God.”

Clarke caught the concern and tense. “What is it?”

Lexa let out a long breath before giving Clarke her phone. Clarke’s jaw fell to the floor. “Well, so much for being public, huh?”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea people were going to take pictures of us at the park.”

The twitter feed was full of Clarke and Lexa kissing on the bench and holding each other. However, the headline that was the most scandalous was the the one from ‘Azgeda Times’ claiming again exclusive information.

“Alexandria Woods busted with her lover, the hero of TonDC High, Clarke Griffin: The lovers were spotted by fans who caught the two of them on a romantic escapade. We reported the torrid romance before between the then teacher and student. And this only confirms that their denials couldn’t be further from the truth.” Clarke read.

“I’m going to kill Nia. She’s using me again to drag out that story, Clarke. I am so sorry.”

“Hey,” Clarke quickly scooted closer to ease Lexa. “This is not your fault. I mean, you're pretty well-known Lexa. I guess it was inevitable, but as long as we keep our relationship between us, no one will inquire about it.”

“I don’t intend to speaking about us in public, Clarke. This has never been my intention.”

Clarke began peppering kisses along the arms and shoulder of the writer making her smile. “Don’t worry about Nia, that bitch can’t hurt us anymore. Our past doesn't define us, Lexa. We're doing this right. I’m not going to be ashamed to be with you.”

“Me neither. I’ll make sure to let Titus know about us so he can make a single statement to avoid discussing my personal life. And Nia will hear about me, she will respect you.”

“It’s okay, Lexa. We’re together, and she won’t be able to stop us.” Clarke turned off the sound of the phone and threw it away.

They kissed each other, providing reassurances with soft tender words and loving gestures. This time they were going to be together to stop anyone who dared to threaten their happiness.

 

She turned around and checked the clock on her night table after their brief nap. Loving Clarke Griffin was exhausting but unbelievingly gratifying. “I promised to return you home early, and now it’s kind of late. You’re a big distractor Clarke.” Lexa teased a sleepy Clarke.

“I don’t want to leave, Lexa.”

Lexa would love to keep Clarke to herself, but this was a big opportunity that Clarke couldn’t waste. “Clarke, you have to take a flight tomorrow morning. This is your moment so promise me that you will do your best. and if you have a chance to work there, take it.”

“Lexa, I’m coming back to you.” Clarke leaned into Lexa’s chest holding her to never let go.

“No,” Lexa took Clarke’s hands and kissed them tenderly. “If you have the possibility to work in one of those famous galleries in whatever position, I need you to think about it. I already made my dream to write come true, but you’re just beginning. Promise me that you’ll do the right thing.”

Sighing, Clarke nodded. “I’ll make the right choice.” The blonde said reluctantly.

Lexa embraced Clarke and kissed her shoulder, then the tip of her nose.

“I love you.” Lexa was certain.  This was her absolute truth, and there was no way she was going to hide her love for this stunning young woman.

“I love you too.”

 

The drive back to Clarke’s home was spent in silence, just holding hands and listening to music while Lexa drove them back.

Once they arrived at the address, Lexa opened the door for Clarke and walked her to the front door.

“I’ll be here early to pick you up.”

Clarke hugged Lexa hiding her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck. Lexa leaned into the embrace and held Clarke. The two just stood there holding each other for what seemed like an eternity.

“I had so much fun. You’re really amazing.” Clarke kissed Lexa long and sweetly until she needed to breath air again.

“Good night, Clarke.” Lexa stepped back.

“G’night, _Heda_.” Clarke quickly pecked Lexa before she disappeared inside her home.

Lexa walked back to her car with the dumbest smile on her face. It was pretty outstanding that Clarke made her feel so young. Like she was teenager when she was nothing but a full-grown woman in love.

 

 

The following day Lexa was at Clarke’s doorstep ready to take her to the airport. She helped her with her luggage, and Clarke said her farewell to her mother.

The travel was quick and soon the two lovers were hugging each other at the terminal.

“It’s going to be a success, Clarke. Once you’re done with your paintings and the auction goes live, your work will gain notoriety.” Lexa was sure of this. She believed blindly in Clarke and had the confidence that the young student lacked.

Clarke reached for her face, her hand resting on her cheek. “You have never stopped believing in me. Why are you so good to me?”

Lexa shook her head. “How could I not? I know the kind of person you are, Clarke. You’re going to create breathtaking work.”

The call to board was announced through the speakers.

Lexa hugged Clarke, and they kissed briefly before splitting so Clarke could go to her gate. “Call me as soon as you get there, okay?”

“I will.” Another kiss and Clarke made her way to her flight.

Apparently Lexa was not the only one that wanted to see Clarke leave.  Unknown to both of them, a figure watched from the shadows.

 

Lexa’s waited until Clarke was no longer in her view, and she began heading back to her car when her phone began ringing.

“Anya? Where the hell are you? You didn’t return yesterday.” Lexa quickly went back to the car. “Jesus An, you did what?” Lexa sighed pinching her nose. “God Anya you need to stop this shit! Wait for me, I’ll get you.”

Lexa concluded the call and with one last glance at the airport wishing her girlfriend success and went to pick up her hungover friend

“Girlfriend.” Lexa repeated with a grin in her face.

Yes, it felt good to love Clarke in the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a nice date, they really deserved it. But oh the price of fame. What these two can do to get finally some peace?  
> Thanks as usual and see you next time.
> 
> Tana.


	20. Chapter 20

When Costia originally told Clarke about this auction, Clarke never imagined it was going to be such a big event. The Greene Foundation was huge in the world of art. Their mission was not just helping students with talent in the arts but also providing support to LGBT youth in need.

After several weeks focusing on her work, Clarke was finally finished. She painted or at least started many pieces, but in the end she chose the one that made her feel truly content.

Clarke never imagined that painting the right piece would have been hard, but it had been difficult to concentrate on painting when she missed her lovely girlfriend. Nonetheless, using this renewed inspiration she managed to paint a gorgeous canvas that portrayed the struggle to love in a world that was dark and violent, a painting that reflected how love was the most powerful weapon of them all.

Costia was confident that Clarke’s painting was going to sell. Clarke had her own doubts.  But Clarke submitted the work that gave her palpitations whenever she looked at it. She hoped that Costia’s confidence was well-founded.

Clarke was meeting important people in the art world today; the Foundation’s party always celebrated their investors by allowing them to meet the talented artists who donated their work and by having the Foundation students explain their art before the auction.

Clarke hoped to be immersed in this exact type of environment once she finishes her last semester of school. New York was the perfect place to get started. She had the full support of the Foundation, and Clarke still had a lot left to learn from Costia. Everything was perfect yet, her heart was missing home. Missing the woman who was her safe haven, and Clarke couldn’t even seriously consider staying here.

Yes, she had promised Lexa that if the opportunity arose she was going to take it. But how could Clarke sacrifice the woman who had been giving everything since day one for them and choose her own needs? Now that she had Lexa back into her life, she couldn’t lose her again.

 

Clarke shook the hands of another old businessman smiling and thanking them for showing interest in her painting. The adrenaline was running high as Clarke spoke to several investors. Clarke had to make sure to sell her talent to them, to let them know that she was worthy of their investment.

“This is a very interesting painting.”

Clarke turned around to meet a man in a dark grey suit. His brown hair was combed back with gel, and his dark eyes fell heavily on Clarke. His white ghostly skin looked as if he had not seen the sun in years, and his crooked smile was cocky, filled with confidence. The way he stood with his hands inside his slacks pockets was a show of power and old money.

“I think so.” Clarke responded eyeing the man with mistrust.

“Clarke Griffin.” The man widened his smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you. You’re well known in DC.”

“Am I? I had no idea.” A response meant to keep whatever this man thought about her short. “Who are you?”

“Cage Wallace.” The man offered his hand, and Clarke shook it with apprehension. This man oozed sleaziness and made Clarke uncomfortable..

“Well, um, welcome Mr. Wallace. I hope you enjoy your evening and contribute with the Foundation.”

“Of course. It is good meeting you, Clarke.” The man took a step backwards and tipped his head before moving on with his exploration.

Clarke kept staring at him in wonder. Her phone rang, and that brought her back to reality. She checked her screen and smiled happily as soon as she saw the caller ID. She quickly went to the secluded area of the gallery to take the call. Pushing the answer button Clarke greeted her girlfriend.

 

“Hey Lexa! I’m okay. Lots of people are around checking out my work.” Clarke fiddled with her hair since she had nothing else to do. A dumb smile plastered on her face as she walked up and down the hall. “I miss you so much and wish you could be here with me. Oh yeah, I hope so, Costia thinks so too. Yeah, you know I’m all for Skyping with you, babe. Yeah, I’ll be home soon, love you.” Clarke quickly concluded the call and returned to her spot now more at ease that her wonderful girlfriend called to wish her good luck with the party.

 

Costia came to speak to Clarke. The gorgeous woman was dressed to kill with a nice black dress that had a slit up her leg that showed a bit of her dark smooth skin.

“How is everything going Clarke?”

“Good I guess. Several people have stopped to ask about my work, and I think that’s cool.”

Costia giggled and took a sip from her flute of champagne. “Clarke, you have no idea of the number of people asking about your line of work. The Foundation has really been blessed with your talent. I have several names of people interested in commissioning you for some art projects. I can provide them tomorrow after the auction.”

“Wow, that’s amazing. Thanks a lot for this, Costia.”

“I’m grateful for you, Clarke. Your work is full of such intricate feelings, and the emotions feel raw in your paintings. People are going to be aggressively bidding for your work. I am more confident about that now than ever.”

“I pray for it.”

 

As the night progressed Clarke chatted with more people in the business and learned a bit more about the industry. She enjoyed herself as much as her nerves allowed and mingled with the guests.

By the time they arrived at Costia’s apartment, both of them were exhausted.  But Costia never stopped working. The woman had a dinner with her parents next and simply came to change her clothes before leaving Clarke alone in her apartment. Costia was just weeks away from moving permanently to Manhattan, and her parents wanted to make sure her daughter had everything she needed.

Clarke said her farewell and returned to her bedroom to change into a comfortable blue baggy shirt and boxer briefs.  She hopped up on the bed, turned on her laptop, opened Skype and called Lexa.

After waiting for a couple of seconds, the vidcall connected showing a working Lexa on the other side of the camera.

“Baby! Hey!” Clarke grinned looking at her amazingly loving hot girlfriend wearing reading glasses while she typed.

“Hello Clarke. How was the party?” Lexa eyed the camera and then continued typing.

“It was fun. I met a lot of people, and some might be interested in commissioning me. Others were pretty weird.”

Lexa offered a smile as she kept working. “They would be fools not to hire you. And did someone offend you?”

“No no.” Clarke recalled the features of Cage.  The image sent goosebumps down her arms. “There was this guy, Cage Wallace. He looked filthy rich, but he was strange.”

Lexa stopped typing arching her brows. “Cage Wallace? As in Dante Wallace’s son?”

Clarke shrugged, “I don’t know.”

Lexa remained pensive, her thoughts clearly disturbed at the idea of that man around Clarke. “Dante has a son, Cage. His son moved away from the magazine years ago to develop his own business. However, Dante loves art so maybe he sent his son to check out the paintings.” Lexa sounded concerned. Her sight seemed a bit unfocused, but Clarke assumed that simply had to do with Lexa being jealous of a man approaching her.

Clarke chuckled and propped her elbow over the desk. “Whatever, no need to worry about that man. How’s the book coming?”

“I’ve been writing a lot. I think I might finish before the date I promised my editor.”

“Yeah? That’s amazing. Can you read something for me?”

Lexa eyed the screen to look at Clarke. “This is not interesting at all. It’s the part where Jane is threatened by Alexis’s powerful family.”

“Really? Gosh Lexa, why do you like to be so angsty?”

“Me? The characters need to face and overcome challenges to really earn their relationship. The ending will be rewarding to the readers if they see how hard their couple fought to be together.” Lexa defended. “What else would you suggest?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke said innocently as she removed her t-shirt and tossed it on the floor. “Maybe tell me what would you do to me if you were here with me.”

Lexa’s eyes went wide seeing the exposed milky skin on her screen. “Jesus Clarke,” Lexa choked.

 

Clarke started to fondle her breasts smirking seeing Lexa’s clearly flushed cheeks and blown pupils staring at the screen. “Do you like what you see?” Clarke began to pinch her nipples and Lexa gasped, her green eyes fixed on the screen, she even sat closer to the screen.

“Are you wet for me, Lex?”

Lexa licked her lips and nodded. “Yes.” Her voice strained.

Clarke slid her hand over her smooth stomach and reached the elastic band of her underwear pushing it away until the cool of the apartment reached her wet center. “I want you inside me Lexa. Can you feel how wet I am?”

Lexa quickly unbuttoned her pants and reached for her already ruined panties. Her fingers rubbed her aching clit as Clarke pushed inside herself. “Oh fuck!” Lexa was tense, her senses on fire seeing the magnificent view of her woman splayed just for her. “Show me, Clarke.”

Clarke giggled and fixed the camera to give Lexa a better angle of her playful touches. “Mmm, I want your mouth on me, baby.”

“Clarke…” Lexa moaned as she pushed inside matching the rhythm imposed by the blonde. “Oh God, yes!”

“Lex, take me whole!”

“Yes Clarke. All of you!” Lexa was on the verge of coming. Her writing had kept her busy these past weeks without her lover, but whenever Clarke came online they always ended up doing more than chatting which was totally okay with Lexa.

“Lexa, please. Mmm faster baby, deeper!”

Lexa was breathing hard, her hand cramping from the odd position but no way on Earth was she stopping. She kept pushing as far as she could, curving her fingers just like Clarke would have done on the right spot. “Clarke I uh… Shit I’m gonna…”

“I love you Lexa!” Clarke came, and Lexa followed 2 seconds later.

The brunette rested her head on her desk, catching her breath, looking at Clarke’s glistening skin as she sucked her fingers, eliciting a moan from the brunette.

“You’re going to end me Clarke.” Lexa huffed completely spent.

“I’m almost home Lexa. Wait for me, baby.”

“I’ll wait forever, Clarke. But come back to me soon.” Lexa offered a big smile to her girlfriend. “Now go to sleep, you have a big event tomorrow. I love you.”

Clarke nodded and blew a kiss to the camera. “Love you too.”

And with that, Clarke cleaned herself up, changed into pj’s and went to bed with the most relaxed smile on her face.

 

 

The auction was exciting for Clarke. So far the winning bids had been in a good price range, and her painting would be offered soon. She was a wreck as she nervously paced around the gallery. Suddenly her phone bleeped, and she checked the notification. A quick smile spread when she saw the tweet, and her heart did a silly little jump.

 **@AlexandriaBTS:** Dreams come true. Follow them and you’ll see them through. All the best today **@Princess69**

And that’s how a celebrity causes mayhem in social media. Clarke had to silence her phone thanks to the excessive mentions she received.  The reactions included curious questions, rude Lexa stans, and even some obsessed fans sending her to the depths of hell for stealing their fave.

The sheer number of fans that Lexa had on social media and their devotion were impressive.

The amount of speculation about her relationship with Lexa was already a topic some fans discussed. Some were happy for Lexa; others were bitter. The issue was that ‘Azgeda Times’ kept publishing information about them feeding fuel to the fire and that of course, made things more complicated for Lexa, who wanted to keep this private.

Clarke made her way back to the main room of the gallery for the next auction lot and hoped she didn’t disappoint.

The announcement of her work sent chills down her spine. Clarke was nervous and prayed that someone was interested in her piece.

 

The auction opened at $500 and immediately someone raised their hand. Clarke was in the back so she had no idea who bid on her work. She moved through the bidder’s area trying to get a good look at what was going on when she spotted that weird guy, Cage. Lexa had told her he was Dante’s son. And since the old man was interested in art, she thought that was the reason his son was bidding on her painting with such enthusiasm.

Offers were proposed and bidders outbid each other. It was a battle for her art, and Clarke was stoked, not really believing that people wanted her painting in their collections.

Costia was smiling and overly pleased with herself because she never doubted this painting was going to sell.  A vastly different response to events than Clarke’s astonishment.

“ _The Flame_ by Clarke Griffin for $3,000 for bidder 319 going once, going twice—”

“$5,000!”

Someone offered suddenly, and the audience gasped.

“Uh, $5,000 to number 307?” Costia squinted to read the plate number that was lifted in the air from the back of the audience. “Mr. Wallace?” Costia asked Cage to match the new bid, but the man shook his head. “Alright, sold to bidder 307.”

Clarke couldn’t believe that her first painting sold for that much money.  It was surreal.

The rest of the evening was fun, and in the end the Foundation raised a significant amount for their charity projects and scholarships for talented youth.

 

Clarke waited in the warehouse to personally thank bidder 307 for buying her art. The bidder had slipped out immediately after finalizing the winning bid so Clarke had no idea who was coming to collect the piece.  She was a bit nervous since this painting was the first one she did in a state of full happiness, and she poured all her love for Lexa in it. Every color and every stroke bled her feelings into a masterpiece that evoked happiness in anyone that looked at it.

Clarke heard some people coming inside the warehouse, and she took a deep breath.

“Here is the wonderful art you bought.” The assistant motioned the woman towards Clarke.

“Lexa?”

“Hello Clarke. Would you show me what I bought tonight?” Lexa was standing right there, there was no mistake. It was her incredible girlfriend looking dapper than ever in a black tux, contrasting with a red tie.

“You’re here.”

“I am. I couldn’t let any Wallace have their hands on your first auction piece.  I’m a big fan of your work so this looked like a good investment.” Lexa explained casually, hands inside her dark fitted pants pockets, smirk in place.

The blonde jumped the taller woman and hugged her tightly.  It felt good to wrap her arms around Lexa after long weeks without seeing her face to face, without feeling her warmth and softness. Lexa pressed herself closer and kissed the crown of her head.

“You’re here. You’re right here.” Clarke sobbed in Lexa’s neck.

“I missed you too, Clarke.” Lexa pressed kisses softly in the golden locks of the young artist.

After embracing for several minutes enjoying the presence of one another, they split to look at each other.

 

Clearing her throat Costia appeared behind the couple. “Well, this is a surprise.”

“Hi Costia. Nice auction.” Lexa rubbed the nape of her neck, smiling timidly at her friend.

“I had no clue you had signed up to participate.” Costia approached the green-eyed woman and kissed her cheek in greeting. “I guess it doesn’t hurt to have Alexandria Woods as a guest of the Foundation.”

“I’ll make sure to be more helpful with your events, Cos.”

“And uh, is Anya here too?” Costia asked unsure.

The smile dropped from Lexa’s face. “No, sorry she um she says she’s very busy with work, but she sends her regards.”

Costia slumped her shoulders, disappointment written all over her face. “No, she didn’t Lex. No need to lie for her. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your night, and thank you for your kind contribution, Ms. Woods.”

Clarke watched with sadness as her mentor returned to the office to keep on working. “I wish they could go back to being friends, you know?”

“Cos and An? Yes. I’m not sure if they will be able to push past this and talk again, but I understand what Anya is going through. When she gives her heart, she gives it in full. She had always guarded it, but when Costia came along and I uh, you know what happened. Costia relied on Anya, and the rest is history.”

“I think Costia has feelings for Anya, way more than she implies.”

Lexa arched her brow and chuckled lightly. “And how would you know that?”

“Because she looks as broken as I was when you left.”

Lexa sighed and circled her arms around Clarke’s shoulders pulling her close and touching her forehead. “I won’t ever leave you again, Clarke. I promise we’ll face things together. So let’s not get sad reminiscing about the past.”

Clarke nodded and smiled again.

 

“I was here to invite you to dinner, though. I had no intention to push into the bidding, but I really don’t like Cage. His father doesn’t trust him to manage the company.   There is more than meets the eye to that man, so I couldn’t let someone like him have this painting.” Lexa stared at the canvas. The colors were bright, and the story that the painting told was magical. Love could conquer darkness.  It was filled with loving expectations, and it provoked tenderness in the heart of the usually stoic woman.

“I painted this thinking about you.”

“Is that how you see us?” Lexa inspected the painting closely, observing the infinity symbol, right on the skin of one of the lovers.

“Yeah, forever together.”

“I will put this in my studio, to look at when I feel down.”

The blonde laced her hand with Lexa’s and leaned her head on the shoulder of the taller woman. “It will look really good in there.”

“I hope you’re not too tired for dinner.” Lexa hooked her arm over Clarke’s shoulders keeping her close.

“Not at all.”

“Okay then, let me finish all this paperwork, and I’ll meet you outside in a bit.” With a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek, Lexa made her way to the Foundation offices to conclude her business.

This was the best surprise ever. Clarke was truly living a dream. When did she become so blessed to have the affection of such an amazing woman?

Clarke was now sure that no one was going to break them apart.

Never again.

________________

Lexa had been fervently writing her book. The magazine was planning some special editions, and the extra work was draining her. She wanted nothing more than to spend time with Clarke, but the deadline for her second book pressured the writer.  But to her, her highest priority was to keep her relationship with Clarke strong, feeding it with love, with small details. Whenever she had a few seconds to spare, she wrote a text or sent a voicemail.

After her little surprise in New York, she cemented her commitment to the young artist, and now that they were back in DC things were sailing smoothly.

As smoothly as things could go with Nia’s articles throwing shade at her for dating her former student with the intent to harm her relationship and put a darker lens on her intentions with the younger woman.

Lexa was as happy as she could be, the woman she loved, loved her back with the same level of intensity. Even though Clarke was finishing her degree now at ‘Ark U,’ they did not let the short distance impede on their time together. They chatted and Skyped whenever they had the chance and those moments were as incredible as if they were in person.

 

The notifications went haywire again on her phone, and Lexa suspected something was going on. She knew it was better to stay away but curiosity won. Lexa pulled away from her desk to check the latest scandal in social media.

The first thing she read was the headline of the competitor’s magazine. “Alexandria Woods was spotted in New York with her current lover, Clarke Griffin; her former high school student who auctioned her first work in a gallery in Manhattan,” Lexa read to her horror.

Lexa clenched her jaw. She couldn’t believe Nia would report information about this. She was going to have some words with that woman before she published harmful commentary and information concerning Clarke again. Lexa had to admit that she let her guard down, and now Nia was using that to her advantage.

Being in public meant that some people might recognize her, add to the fact that it was Nia who was publishing about her relationship made everything worse.  Nia twisted everything to make it look like Lexa was taking advantage of a young girl.  Basically, implying that Clarke was a meaningless conquest, a whore. Although she shouldn’t have been, she was in shock that there were pictures of her and Clarke dancing inside the restaurant where they went to dinner during their time in the Big Apple. Nia either had spies or was eager purchase pictures for ‘Azgeda.’

“Son of a bitch! This is enough! I’m not going to let Nia keep degrading Clarke. Current lover? Clarke is not just another woman. I’ll make a statement once and clear things up for my readers.” Lexa shut her laptop and made a call to her boss.

“Sir? I was wondering if you would let me publish a personal statement in the upcoming edition of _Between the Sheets_?” Lexa packed her things and grabbed her car keys; she was going to face that woman and end this feud between them. “Yes, Mr. Dante, I know it is a sudden change, but I need to clear things up about my relationship with Clarke. This is important, sir.”

Lexa checked her watch. “Yes, thank you sir. I’ll write it tonight, and I promise to send it for review as soon as I can. I understand this might cause a delay in printing the magazine, but I really do appreciate your help, Mr. Dante. Um yes, I can be there tomorrow. I will.” Lexa stashed her phone inside her jacket and strolled to the parking to get in her car and deal with Nia.

 

 

The drive to the building of ‘Azgeda Times’ took some time, which allowed Lexa to gather her cool instead of going in with guns blazing. She needed to show Nia that she wasn’t going to accomplish anything by publishing articles related to her or Clarke.

Lexa parked in an empty spot and walked straight to the main office of the woman who wanted nothing but to destroy her.

The secretary tried to stop Lexa, but she didn’t care. She just kept walking and pushed open the door that led to Nia’s office.

“This ends now.” Lexa growled as she stepped inside the office.

The secretary finally caught up with Lexa.  “Sorry Miss, but you can’t be here. I’ll call security,” said the secretary to Lexa.

“Leave us!” Nia ordered, and the secretary did as commanded. Nia smirked seeing the brunette in such anguish.

“Well, well, well. The incredible Alexandria Woods is in my office. To what do I owe the honor?”

 

Once they were left alone, Lexa took another step forward to stand right in front of the desk. “You won’t write anything related to Clarke again. Leave her alone Nia or I swear I’ll make you regret it.”

Nia chuckled; her cheshire smile spreading on her arrogant face. “You’re in no position to make such threats, Lexa.”

Lexa hit the desk with both her palms. “Stay away from Clarke, Nia! This is between us.” Lexa removed her hands from the desk and took a couple of steps back, regaining her calm, breathing in and out. “What is your problem? Why are you so determined to make my life miserable?”

Nia narrowed her icy blue eyes, staring at Lexa with all her hate and anger. “That’s an easy one, Lexa. You took what I worked so hard for in the blink of an eye. Polis should have been mine!”

“You’re a power hungry woman, Nia. You don’t care about the magazine, to you it was just a competition between us, and when I was chosen to stay you snapped. But guess what? I think you fit perfectly fine here at Azgeda.” Lexa started heading to the exit of the office.  She opened the door, turned and stared at Nia. “This is over. You better stay in your lane, Nia. I know about your involvement in certain business with Cage Wallace.”

The woman twitched her eye briefly, and Lexa knew she was on track.

During her research while trying to bring down the Mount Weather gang, Lexa found certain connections between Emerson’s illegal activities and their sponsors. Lexa found it all was related to Dante Wallace’s son. ‘Azgeda Times’ was a cover to launder money, and Nia being Nia had to know about this. There was something big going on here, but Lexa had to be sure before she made further accusations. Bellamy and his team had investigated the connection, but they still were lacking enough actual proof.

“You think you can take me down?” Nia threatened. Her glare was directed with so much poison that Lexa thought she could have died from it, if she weren’t used to dealing with snakes.

“Don’t test me Nia.”

With that Lexa made her exit and picked up her phone to see the text sent by Clarke. They agreed to meet with their friends tomorrow at ‘The Skybox’ to have fun Saturday night. Lexa replied with a smiley emoji and made her way back home to write her response for the magazine.

 

 

Lexa wanted to be honest, but this could open the door for more questioning. Instead of being direct, Lexa used her usual method to convey her feelings in a discreet way and also offering information.

Taking a deep breath Lexa focused on her heart and soul, trying to get out the right words to offer to the world about her relationship with Clarke.

_“I want to say something else to you. I’ve been hiding in the dark for so long that sometimes it looked as if it was the norm for me. But when you returned to my life, I could bask in the light that your heart offered me. Washing my fears with your smile and laughter. I was yours in the dark, and today, I am yours still. You’re the one I love, Clarke. Only you. And to my readers, I’m still your Alexandria.  You can count on me sending me your questions. I’m here for you as long as you want me. I only ask a favor, respect my choice to love my artist in the light. All the love – A.”_

Lexa finished her short statement and sent it to her team to add to her article for the next edition. If this wasn’t clear about whom she loved and how she expected her fans to behave regarding her relationship, then that was it. She would never put Clarke in a situation where she had to choose between her heart and her head again. She would choose Clarke.  Always. If that meant that Alexandria had to disappear, then so be it.

 

The writer stifled a yawn and stretched after sitting for so long.  After a couple of minutes, she headed into the bathroom and quickly took a bath to ease her muscles.

After she changed into comfortable sleepwear, she laid in her bed getting ready to read some poetry, but of course her phone started to send notifications right at that time. It was like she had a telepathic connection with Clarke.

A wide smile spread on her face as she read the text. Clarke always sent notes before going to bed. They chatted mostly about their days. Obviously Lexa wasn’t going to tell Clarke that she confronted Nia. She didn’t want to worry her girlfriend with that crazy obsessed woman.

 **Wanheda:** hey bby. How was your day?

 **Lexa** : It was ok. Some pending work but all good. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

 **Wanheda:** miss u 2 babe. I will make sure to make your night enjoyable ;)

 **Lexa** : I know you will.

 **Wanheda:** wanna guess what I’m wearing tonight??

Lexa laughed, Clarke would always find a way to come up with the steamy topics of conversation. Lexa thought for a minute before writing her reply.

 **Lexa** : I hope a nice comfy shirt and sweatpants.

 **Wanheda:** lol no. come on Lexa, u can do better than that ;D

Lexa exhaled softly, her mind was already picturing the non PG-13 version of Clarke’s sleepwear.

 **Lexa:** ok, what about boxers and a tank top. It’s a bit hot so I think you would like something fresh.

 **Wanheda:** close enough. tank top and my lace black panty.

Lexa gulped down. She knew the underwear she was referring to because that was the one she pulled down to eat her girlfriend properly last week in her dorm.

 **Lexa:** You must look gorgeous in it.

 **Wanheda:** babe, are u gonna touch yourself?

Lexa blushed and was thankful Clarke wasn’t able to see how flustered she was. She had good restraint. Most of the time she was able to carry on her daily life without acting like a horny teenager, but when Clarke started to tease her, to put extremely graphic imagery in her head, things escalated quickly.

 **Lexa:** we’re going to sext now?

 **Wanheda** : unless you’re too tired babe. I know you’ve been working hard on the book.

 **Lexa:** I want to save my orgasm for tomorrow, okay?

 **Wanheda:** ok bby, love u. G’ night.

 **Lexa** : Sleep well Clarke.

Lexa put the phone inside her drawer, and she decided to call it a day.  She pulled the covers over her body and closed her eyes. She was sure she was going to have a X-rated dream about her lovely girlfriend anyway.

 

 

Lexa couldn’t stop looking at the clock on the wall as she worked. She was going to meet Clarke at the nightclub in a couple more hours, and she was more than excited. The few times they managed to steal time from their duties were the most marvelous she could ever have.

Lexa was in the Polis building today finishing all her blog features and answering questions before concluding her work at the office. Also, she had a meeting with Dante Wallace before going to the club. It was a day full of work, but nothing could ruin her mood because she was seeing her lover tonight.

The writer, once ending the interactions with her fans, headed straight to her boss’s office, riding the lift until she reached the desired floor. As usual, Maya greeted Lexa with a kind smile and announced her.

A second later Maya was notified to let her through.

 

“Lexa! Thank you for coming.” Dante stood up, and Lexa quickly shook the offered hand.

“What can I help you with, sir?” Lexa pulled a chair and sat to listen to the businessman.

“As you know, I’ve been thinking about making new changes to the magazine,” Dante began. “In order to make those changes happen, I need people with the right mindset and vision.”

“Yes sir. I know that some sections of the magazine are going to disappear. There is certainly nervousness in the staff about these changes.”

“I understand. This is what I’m talking about. My employees don’t express those things to me, but to you. You have become a leader to them. They trust you, and that’s why I have decided to appoint you as our new editor-in-chief. I think you have earned it after all your hard work. That is if you’re up to the task.”

Lexa blinked a couple of times processing this new information. “But sir, I want to keep writing.”

“And you can do that in our editorial, Lexa. Even keep your blog running if that is what you want. I hope you can bring change to this magazine and make it more friendly to our readers. The other sections are lacking cohesion with yours so I need you make any necessary changes to make Polis the number one magazine in circulation.”

Dante stood up and invited Lexa to another office. The two walked side by side, and Dante opened the door of the office. It was huge, and the view from the top of the tower was beyond incredible. A balcony with a small glass table to take coffee was set up.

“This would be your office if you decide to take this role. I’ll remain in the shadows from now on, and let you lead this magazine into greatness. I believe the time has come for you Lexa.”

“Ah, I uh, I don’t know what to say, sir.” Lexa was stupefied. The office was beautiful and even when it was almost bare, the possibilities to create a more welcoming space was filled with ideas to put Clarke’s work all around.

“You’ll have more responsibilities, but you have managed so far. I’m also getting older and don’t want to work this hard anymore, but I need to leave this place in good hands.”

“Your son might not like this.”

“He abandoned this for another business opportunity. This is not his anymore. It will be yours one day, Lexa. You’ve been loyal, and I appreciate loyalty.”

Lexa teared up but still kept her composure. “I accept, sir. I assure you I won’t disappoint you or anyone in this office. I’ll make Polis the best magazine.”

Dante smiled and patted Lexa’s back. “I know you will. Make sure to let Maya know all the things you’ll need.”

After discussing her ideas with Maya, Lexa left everything to the secretary and happily jumped into her car. There were countless reasons to celebrate tonight, and Lexa was going to make sure to take advantage of every single second with Clarke.

 

 

The drive to the club took around 45 minutes, but Lexa didn’t get desperate enough to drive recklessly. Better to arrive in one piece than never.

The nightclub was filled with young people dancing and drinking at the bar. Music filled the space with beats and bops. The scent of weed, sweat and sex permeated the air as Lexa pushed past the crowd to reach the VIP area where Raven made a reservation.

“Lexaaaa!” Clarke sprinted from her table and launched herself at her girlfriend, hugging her and covering her with needy kisses.

Lexa laughed blissfully feeling the presence of her girlfriend who was finally back in her arms. “Hey beautiful. I missed you so much.” Lexa claimed the soft rosy lips in a brief kiss staring with awe at Clarke’s incredible beauty.

“Okay we get it, you two missed each other.  Now sit down will ya?” Raven quipped while Octavia delivered the drinks and shots to their table.

Lexa and Clarke walked to the table and sat side by side, never stopping holding hands.

Costia was drinking quietly, and Anya was on the opposite side of the table downing a shot.

“Alright, we gotta celebrate and make this a fun night.” Octavia raised her glass. Everyone else at the table followed her lead and drank.

 

As the music blasted through the speakers, the friends had lively conversation sharing about their work, classes and all the shenanigans in college.

“And what about you, Lex? You seem really happy.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek.

“Daaamn those are some nice skills you got there. Cos looking at Lexa’s face you can never tell if she’s pissed off or annoyed. Like happy? How can you tell, Clarkey?” Raven asked, she took a sip of her margarita and got elbowed by Octavia for always using her big mouth.

Clarke burst in laughter shaking her head and squeezing Lexa’s cheeks. “I know this face right here like the palm of my hand.” Clarke pecked Lexa’s cheek. “And no one can stop looking at this perfect piece of art. It is expected that I know my girl.”

“Nah, Lexa keeps her PDA under control.” Anya drank and winked at the brunette who rolled her eyes at her friend.

“So everything good, Lexa?”

“Actually better than good. I got promoted today to editor-in-chief, and I think I can display your work in Polis, Clarke. Also, if you allow me too, Costia, I think I can boost the Foundation in the magazine as well.”

“That is freaking amazing! You totes deserve it.” Leaning in, Clarke snatched another kiss.

“Congrats Lexa and I’ll be grateful for the extra exposure.” Costia offered a small smile, obviously a bit uncomfortable, but still trying to keep a light mood.

“Okay enough talking, let’s hit the dance floor!” Octavia jumped up and pulled Raven with her.

“I’ll get more drinks.” Clarke offered and lifted from her place.  She kissed Lexa’s head and went into the bar.

 

“You got everything ready to move, Costia?” Lexa asked filling the sudden tense silence at their table.

“Yes, my apartment is already decorated. I’m just waiting to finish moving my personal belongings.”

“That’s good.” Lexa smiled hoping to prompt Anya to say something.

The silence extended between the three friends. Music wasn’t enough to fill the void between them.

Anya took a sip of her vodka and finally gathered the courage to speak. “I uh, I’m happy that you’re going to have a new start in New York.” Anya still couldn’t meet Costia’s eyes. “I’m sorry I acted like an ass with you. I was not being reasonable, and I know that I have to move on.”

Suddenly Costia rested her hand over Anya’s. “I wasn’t understanding with you. I should have been more open to hear you out.”

Anya curved her thin lips in a sad smile. “I’m here for you if you ever need a friend.” Anya checked her watch. “I uh, I better get going, Gustus is waiting for me in a nearby restaurant.”

“Gustus?” Lexa perked her brow clearly unaware of the latest news regarding her best friend.

“Yeah, he asked me out, and I decided to accept. I guess it’s time for me to be more serious with relationships. No more fooling around for me.”

Costia bit her lower lip, her hands fidgeting nervously with her glass. “Anya don’t—“

“Here we goooo.” Clarke brought a tray with several glasses and amber bottles. “These are on me, to honor Lexa on her promotion.”

“Great, celebrate without me. I’ll be back at home later Lex.” Anya nodded at Costia who was now aloof, her mind far away. She patted Lexa on her shoulder and walked out of the club.

 

The clock kept ticking, and the group of women celebrated by drinking and dancing. Clarke and Lexa were on the dance floor moving slowly to a soft pop song.  Octavia, Raven and Costia were doing an awkward dance which was the reason why Costia decided to call it a night. She wasn’t enjoying herself anymore so she kissed her companions goodbye and went home.

“Oh my God!” Clarke jumped when she heard the next song. Her smile was wider and her blood flow sped up remembering that magical night that ended in bloodshed. “Remember when we danced to this song?”

Lexa circled her arms around Clarke’s waist, her fingertips tracing the skin underneath the grey blouse she wore. Leaning into her ear Lexa whispered. “How could I forget?”

‘Lofticries’ played in the club, and Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, dropping kisses along her neckline.

“Bring, bring the thunder and the

Loud, loud rain

Lead our woes asunder

`Neath the proud, proud veins,” Clarke sang into Lexa’s ear.

The two women danced with eyes closed reminiscing about the magical night before everything went to hell.

“You kissed me that night. You have no idea how much I wanted you to kiss me Lex.” Clarke kissed and kissed and kissed drawing small moans from Lexa.

“You drove me crazy, Clarke. You were sin personified.” Lexa chuckled and brought Clarke’s face to her level. “I have loved you ever since, Clarke.”

 

Clarke grinned, and this time kissed Lexa lacing her hands behind the nape of her neck. Her fingers played with the tiny hairs of wild curls, and Lexa deepened the kiss. Her hands became bolder and ran up the thighs of the curvy woman. Her tongue found the warmth of Clarke’s and sucked and bit.

The hand of Clarke slipped over the tight abdomen of Lexa underneath her shirt, feeling the hardened abdominal muscles.

Lexa pulled away gasping for breath. “I think we need to leave.”

Clarke affirmed eagerly. “Yeah. I’ll tell O and Rae that we’re heading out.”

Lexa wiped the sweat from her forehead and hurried to her car. It was time to take her girl home.

 

 

Lexa took them to her penthouse in record time. Before crossing the threshold, they were tangled in one another kissing and touching with unbridled desire and passion. Their love was alive, and their hearts beat with the strength of many lifetimes, consuming them with lust and love.

Inside the bedroom Clarke quickly took control, and Lexa gave herself to the young woman. She was Clarke’s, and she’ll do anything she asked of her. Clarke straddled the brunette, and her lips were sucking the tanned skin of her chest hard, her hands finding soft silk in between Lexa’s legs.

The brunette gasped, breathing shakily, desperate for the contact. “Clarke...”

“I’ve got you babe.” Clarke unclasped her bra, threw it and leaned into the body of her woman. Her hands began a soft rhythm, and her lips sucked and took care of each breast. Lexa’s nails ran along Clarke’s back, leaving behind small marks of her possession. Soon, their mouths came together clumsily, lips smashing against each other as Clarke began a steady grind of her wet core all over Lexa’s thigh.

“Ow!”

“Shit!”

Both smashed their foreheads accidentally as Clarke sped up.

“Sorry babe.”

“You have a hard head, Clarke.” Smiling with confidence Lexa cupped Clarke’s face and kissed her feverishly.

“Asshole.” Clarke snarked before pushing her fingers inside of her lover drawing stronger gasps.

It took them no more than 10 minutes to come apart.

 

Clarke sighed against Lexa’s back, spooning her with care. “Okay I admit I was already worked up since the club. No wonder I nutted so fast.”

Lexa chuckled. “I can’t last that long with you being such a tease Clarke. I assure you once I take care of you slowly, it will be much better. Round 2 will be me pleasuring you all night long.”

Another kiss over the black tattoos on Lexa’s back. “I’m ready, Lex. Let’s do this!”.

Lexa laughed chirpily and rolled around. “Wait!” Her hands quickly caught Clarke and kept her in place. “I want to ask you something.”

Seeing the seriousness of her girlfriend, Clarke nodded and waited for Lexa to speak.

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa laced her long fingers with Clarke’s. “I know we’re just starting a proper relationship, but my heart has been yours since well, a long time ago. I don’t want to be without you. You belong with me and I to you, so um, I was hoping you would move in with me when you finish school.”

Clarke traced the fine jawline of the green-eyed woman. Taking her time feeling the shape of the face she could draw with her eyes closed. “Basically you wanna u-haul huh?”

Lexa chuckled and smirked. “Yes.”

“Okay. I want to be with you because you’re my home, my family. You own my heart, Lexa.”

“I’ll speak with your mom. I don’t want her to think we’re rushing it. I’ll explain my reasons. I hope she understand though.”

“She will.”

And as the night progressed, so did their signs of affection, the moans, the whimpers, the screams. The sound of flesh against flesh, and tender skin changing color to show Clarke’s marks of her love.

A night to rejoice and love, a night to express what they meant to each other.

 

Cuddling into each other’s arms they caressed each other in silence. The sweat of their skin gave them a light glow against the small light coming from the lamp in the corner of the bedroom.

“Time for me to go.” Clarke played with Lexa’s fingers absentmindedly, looking at her lover with resignation.

“I know. Let me drive you to the campus.”

“No, no need. I’ll be there in no time. Clarke rolled off the bed and started to dress.

“One day you won’t have to leave. I’ll wait for you until then.” Lexa propped on her elbow, resting sideways and glancing at the beautiful girl who made her heart skip a beat.

Clarke pushed her head through the blouse opening and fixed it to make it presentable. “I can’t wait to move in with you. But Anya might not like this news.”

Lexa shook her head smiling. “She’s not a bad roommate, Clarke. And if I could stand her nights out with her fuck buddies, she can handle us having sex.” Lexa checked her watch. “Hmmm, speaking of the devil. It is really late. She should have been home some time ago.”

“Maybe she stayed the night?”

“With Gustus? No. She’s pining, and she can’t sleep around in her current state. God, I hope she didn’t get drunk. She’s dealing with her feelings better, but I’m afraid I’m not helping her enough.”

“Anya’s a big girl, and she’s been nicer to Costia. I think they can get along again.”

Clarke walked to say her farewell to her partner. She kissed her lips then her forehead. “She’ll be here in the morning probably. Now don’t worry and sleep, there is nothing you can do for her at the moment.”

Lexa sighed in resignation. “Right, you be careful and text me when you get to your dorm, okay?”

A nod from Clarke was enough and after one more kiss Clarke started to make her way back to college.

________________

Clarke was smiling and texted her friends asap to let them know that Lexa had asked her to move in together after she finished her degree. The cold air made her shiver, and she tightened her jacket covering her grey blouse that didn’t offer much protection. She stashed her phone back in her purse; she was humming some songs as she approached the gate of the condo.

Clarke headed to the main street to catch a cab. The only sound were her heels clicking on the pavement, at least during the first 10 meters.  Then she heard another clicking sound and she turned around.

Nothing behind her, Clarke exhaled and chuckled. “I gotta stop watching those scary movies with O and Rae.” Clarke turned around to resume walking.

“Fuck!” Clarke gasped holding her chest breathing hard. “You scared me.”

“Good.”

“What? Um, I uh. Excuse me mister, but oh I’m going that way.” Clarke looked at the man in front of her. She had never seen him, except that she might have.

“You’re not going anywhere, Clarke.” The man took a step closer to the blonde who was scurrying away.

“Look, I don’t have anything valuable if that is…” Clarke felt that she has seen this man before but couldn’t place him.

Clarke pushed the man and tried to make her escape, but he was faster. He grabbed Clarke and stabbed her neck with a syringe.

Clarke started to stumble her way away from the dangerous man, desperately trying to remember who he was and to find a way out.

Clarke was getting sleepier by the second. She fell to the floor and tried to remain awake, but all she could see was blurry, darkening more and more until everything turned black.

Black. Black. Black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are very close the the finish line people. Thank you very much for being so patient and with your amazing support. Today I would like to ask for a favor though. Could you also please drop by and give an awesome shout-out to my Beta --> cos-geek-monkey.tumblr.com/ask  
> She is the one who fixes all my crap since English is not my mother language. Without her help all of my fics would be really crappy and yeah, she has been the beta of ALL my Clexa fics guys so as much as I write, she reads and cleans it. So big thanks D.
> 
> Anyway SURPRISE BITCH, the game is ON!!! Time to see the final battle between Nia and Lexa. The time to make difficult decisions is upon us. Who will prevail?
> 
> See you next week y'all.
> 
> Tana


	21. Chapter 21

As the first rays of sun hit her face Lexa stirred in her messy bed. She blinked a couple of times trying to acclimate to the light seeping into her bedroom. Her head was pounding lightly. Lexa chuckled remembering last night and how much fun she had with Clarke. It was a blessing every day that she spent with that young woman. After wanting the forbidden woman for so long, it seemed that life was finally going to give her a break. Life was finally going to let her stay with the love of her life between the sheets.

 _Soon_ , Lexa smiled. She tried to sit up, but everything was a bit fuzzy. She was moving too fast.

 _This is what happens when you try to keep up with Clarke,_ Lexa thought. She wasn’t a lightweight when it came to drinking, but Clarke was in a league of her own.

She rolled on the bed groaning, her body was hurting in all the right places, and she reached for her phone to check the expected messages from Clarke.

Lexa slowly sat up against the bed’s headboard pulling the blankets over her naked body to keep warm. She fell asleep last night waiting for Clarke to text when she arrived back to her dorm, so Lexa was going to apologize for not replying.

Checking her lockscreen, she noticed it was bare of any text message, and Lexa frowned. Swiping her finger over the screen, she unlocked her phone to check the message app and noticed that the last text between them was before meeting at the nightclub.

Lexa found it strange that there were no messages. Clarke always sent her one when she reached her dorm. The brunette thought maybe she did something wrong last night, and Clarke was probably mad at her for something. She hadn’t been drunk enough to do something stupid or say anything that might make Clarke feel uncomfortable. Was she?

 

“Jesus!” Lexa quickly got off the bed almost falling on her ass on the lush carpet.  She threw on clean underwear and a t-shirt and rushed to her office while wondering if she did say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

She went inside her office and pulled a book from her bookshelf.  It was a special edition hardcover copy of _Between the Sheets_.

Lexa placed the book on her desk. And when she opened it, the book pages were cut to fit a tiny velvet box in its center.

Lexa let out a deep breath in relief. The box was still there.  Thank god she didn’t propose drunk last night. She lifted the lid of the tiny box and saw the golden ring with tiny sapphires in the form of an infinity symbol on top. Inside it was engraved with the word _soulmate_ waiting to be taken out and slid onto Clarke’s ring finger.

The writer closed it and left the book in its hiding place again. Lexa was waiting for the right time to pop the question. She was really eager, but after all the issues they went through, she wanted to make sure to take one step at a time. Patience was going to be her best friend, and she needed it if she hoped to make this relationship everlasting.

She made her way back to her bedroom and sent a message to her girlfriend. Clarke would probably still be asleep since she tended to sleep in on Sundays.  Lexa expected a reply when Clarke finally dragged herself out of bed.

 **Lexa:** Hey Clarke, did you arrive ok? I hope you’re not hungover. Call me when you wake up. Love you.

 

Lexa headed to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. She walked through the silent hall and made one stop before going downstairs.

She rapped on the door softly. “An? You decent?” Lexa waited for a reply or any groan from her best friend. “Anya? I’m going to prep breakfast; you want something?” Lexa opened the door and peeked inside hoping to see her best friend under the blankets.

The guest bedroom was empty.  Lexa walked inside and realized that the bed was still made.

“Anya didn’t come home.”

Lexa was starting to get worried for her almost sister.  As moody as Anya can be, she never disappeared like this. Lexa returned to her bedroom to call Gustus to see if Anya stayed with him. Maybe Clarke was right and Anya was having fun in someone else’s bed.

She searched her contact list and called her former colleague.

“Hey Gustus, it’s Lexa Woods. Yes, I’m doing great. Sorry to bother you so early um, I’m trying to locate Anya. Is she there?” Lexa walked into the bathroom as she talked and turned on the shower so the water would get hot. “Oh, so she left after dinner. Right uh, she might have crashed with other friends then. Thanks and take care Gus.” Lexa hung up and texted her chat group.

 **Lexa** : Hey guys, I’m trying to find Anya, is she there with you?

She left the phone on the counter and headed into the shower. She removed her clothes and let the water ease the slight tension she was feeling in her muscles.

 

The brief shower gave her time to plan her Sunday to make it productive. She knew that Clarke was going to work on her final project today, and there was no way she was going to disrupt her girlfriend’s concentration. That meant she should focus on finding ways to revamp Polis for a new generation of readers.

After Lexa dressed, she checked her phone and noticed the text from Raven.

 **ZeroGRay:** Anya’s not here. Only O crashed w me.

Lexa sighed in frustration and raked her long fingers through her wet hair.  Next she grabbed the comb and fixed her hair quickly leaving the wild curls loose to let them dry naturally.

 **Lexa:** Ok, I’m going to call Costia to see if Anya talked to her or something.

 **ZeroGRay:** k, if you hear from her lemme know. Anya is a sad bean atm so maybe we should do something today to cheer her up.

 **Pocahontas:** I say aye if you come back to bed Reyes.

 **ZeroGRay:** miss my sexiness already?

 **Lexa:** ok no need to read the details, just let me know if Anya calls.

 **ZeroGRay:** gotcha!

Next, Lexa looked for Costia’s phone number and called as she headed to the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea.

“Morning Costia. I’m good.” Lexa put the kettle on the stove. “I uh, I’m calling to see if Anya contacted you. She didn’t return last night, and I’m worried about her.” Lexa took a seat on a stool and waited. “I’ve already called Gustus, and Raven confirmed that she wasn’t there either, just Octavia.” The kettle whistled, and Lexa poured the water in a cup and added a teabag letting it simmer for a minute.

“No?” Lexa face-palmed, this was not what she wanted to hear. Anya was supposedly done with her drunken nights. She promised she was going to be better, and Lexa believed her. “I understand. Look, if you hear from her let me know please. Thanks Cos.” Lexa put the phone down and hid her face behind her hands.

 

She drank her cup of tea trying to think of a place where Anya could have gone. According to Gustus, Anya left the restaurant around 9 pm. She came back to the apartment with Clarke around 10 pm, and the blonde stayed for about an hour before going back to campus. Anya should have been home by midnight at the latest even if she went to drinking to forget.  But Anya was serious when she promised Lexa she wasn’t going to be drinking heavily again to ease her heart.

She decided to call Clarke since there was still no response from her girlfriend. Looking at the time, Lexa thought surely she would be awake by now. Lexa punched her number and hoped to hear her sleepy groggy voice. Instead the call went straight to voicemail.

This time Lexa called Raven, a couple of beeps and Raven answered. By her voice, she could tell that there was something going with Octavia. “Sorry to interrupt whatever it is you’re doing, Raven.  Have you heard from Clarke? She didn’t text me last night, and I just called and her phone must need to be charged. It goes straight to voicemail. Anya’s phone is apparently dead too. Oh, right let me check.”

 

Lexa practically ran into her office to try to trace her friend’s phone with the GPS. She booted her laptop and quickly scanned for Anya’s phone.

“Disconnected?” Lexa started to feel uneasy. “It’s nowhere to be seen Raven.”

Lexa started to pace in her office, her heart was beating with concern, and the dread that something was wrong was starting to seep in her bones.

“Yes, she left as usual to take a cab. I fell asleep waiting for her text, but today there was none.” She was getting anxious, and the best thing she could do was go check if Clarke was okay. Maybe she fell and hurt herself getting home since both had been drinking, and Clarke could have been way drunker than she looked. Lexa quickly looked for her car keys. “No, don’t worry, just keep trying to reach either of them and call me. I’m going to head to the university now to see if she’s okay.”

____________

Her head was spinning wildly, and her back was killing her. She was groggy, and her body felt heavy. Clarke tried to peel her eyes open, but she felt as if she had been hit with a baseball bat.

And that is when she remembered the events from last night. She was heading onto the main street to hail a cab to take her back to college since she knew she was in no condition to drive. Neither was her girlfriend who already made a big effort driving them safely from the club to her condo.

The man who snatched her injected her with something and knocked her out.

Clarke started to panic and realized she was gagged with a burlap sack over her head and her hands and feet were tied.

She was laying on a hard surface, probably a floor somewhere.  She didn’t feel any movement so at least she wasn’t inside the trunk of a car or in a van like in those abduction movies. She tried to sit up straight, grunting as she made the effort to propel her body up.  All of the sudden she heard voices nearby. She sat still and tried to listen.

“No, we wait for her orders!”

“We should kill that bitch, she fucking ripped my ear!” Another man spat in anger.

“Just put her back in the room!”

Clarke recognized the voice of the man who took her.

She heard sounds and a door clicked. Someone else was there and was growling and giving those bastards hell.

“Ow, motherfucker!” A man complained.

A hit and then a thump was heard. Clarke panicked and tried to scream but it was in vain.

“The princess is up, boss.”

One, two, three heavy steps and the sack was removed, Clarke shut her eyes to keep the light at bay. Once her eyes adjusted, she blinked to see the man who captured her.

“The hero of TonDC High.” The man mocked and pulled off the gag. “I hope you behave. We don’t want to hurt you unless it is strictly necessary. Like your friend here.”

Clarke turned her sight to her right, and that’s when she noticed a bloodied Anya breathing heavily, her body curled up into a ball.

“Fuck you Emerson!” Anya spit blood on his boot.

 

Clarke’s eyes went wide. Of course she had seen this man before. This bastard was supposed to be in prison. Bellamy had arrested him, and she saw it in the news.  That’s why his face had been familiar.

“Emerson? You fucking bastard! You hurt Raven and Lexa!” Clarke tried to stand up as much as she could considering the restraints.  Filled with rage, she tackled the man.

Anya stood up stumbling. “Don’t you dare touch her!”

“Take this bitch off me!” Emerson growled, and two more men pulled Clarke away, who was struggling to get away from her captors and kick the living shit of the man who made Raven’s life a living hell.

Anya head-butted one of the men who cried in pain. The other let go of Clarke to electrocute Anya with a baton.

“Ugh!” Anya fell to her knees, and Clarke rolled trying to aid her.

“Shit, the door!” Emerson lifted his ass from the floor, and the men followed him outside the door, locking Clarke and Anya inside the room.

 

“Anya! Talk to me!” Clarke called seeing the woman with her eyes closed.

“I’m good. Just a bit stunned.” Anya little by little started to sit up. Once she was more stable, she eyed Clarke. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I am okay.”

“Good. If something happens to you, Lexa will go berserk.” Anya flinched in pain; she instinctively covered her bruised ribs, and her face was contorted as she moved.

“If something happens to you too, Lexa dies. You’re her sister Anya.”

Anya sighed, and nodded. “Let’s be careful from now on, yeah?” Anya smirked with confidence trying to infuse humor into a terrible situation.

“Come here. Let me get this off you.” Anya pulled the ropes from Clarke’s wrists and the blonde thanked her, rubbing her already reddening wrists.

Clarke easily removed the ropes from her feet and moved to check on Anya.

Her face was starting to swell.  She had fresh blood seeping from the top of her eyebrow, and the older more blackish blood was caked around her lips.

“Jesus, they did a number on you.”

“You have to see how I left those fuckers. I ripped the ear of one of those bitches!” Anya chuckled and immediately regretted it.

“Yeah, no doubt.”

“So, Emerson huh?” Clarke ripped her blouse and cleaned Anya’s face a much as possible, applying pressure to stop the bleeding. She couldn’t do more for her than this. She hoped her wounds weren’t as bad as they seemed.

“How did he escape? As far as I know, he was supposed to be in prison.”

It dawned on Clarke that Emerson used Nia’s name for her - the hero of TonDC.  “Nia.” Clarke whispered.  “She must be involved somehow.”

“I don’t think she has that much reach beyond the media. Something else is going on here Clarke. Clearly, this is a plan to seek revenge against Lexa, maybe Raven too. Lexa was the one who gathered enough evidence to bring down Mount Weather.” Anya explained to Clarke how Lexa helped Raven again and again and again. Even when they weren’t on speaking terms, Lexa never abandoned her friend.

“We have to get out of here, Anya.” Clarke was looking around for something, anything that gave her a clue to their whereabouts.

Anya squeezed her eyes when she breathed in, holding the pain at bay. “I already tried, blondie. Emerson has around 10 more guys with him. I beat around 5 until they got me.”

“Okay, we wait for their move then. Whatever this man is planning, he must need us alive for now. We’re going to be bargained probably.”

Anya leaned her head against the concrete closing her eyes. “Yeah. Unless that bastard dares to go for Costia too!” That snapped Anya from her stupor, and she went to hit the door.

“Hey! Take it easy!” Clarke helped Anya back to their previous places. “She’s going to be fine. Costia is in a public place, and they won’t make a move in the light of day. They waited for us to be alone in the dark so nothing is going to happen to her for now.”

Anya nodded and tried to calm down, the pain was becoming unbearable.

 

The two remained in silence for some time. Clarke and Anya were trying to save their energy and keep their minds sharp.

The lock on the door clicked, and one of Emerson’s goons entered. Two men followed with guns pointed at the two women.

The man left a tray with food and darted out without saying a word.

Clarke examined the fruits and bread; there was water as well. “Okay, this looks legit.” Clarke gave Anya a portion, and she ate the other half.

The two ate in silence enjoying the food.

“They need us alive for sure.” Anya commented before she gulped down her cup of water.

“Yeah. I think we are bargaining chips.”

The taller blonde placed her plate back on the tray and tried to rearrange her sitting position into something more comfortable. Her hazel eyes locked with blue. “Don’t hurt Lexa, Clarke. If you break her heart this time—”

“I won’t.” Clarke assured. “I love her, and I get that you don’t trust me yet. But I’ve been trying hard to let you get to know me, Anya. I want to be friends with you for Lexa’s sake. You’re her family, and your approval is important not only to Lexa but to me as well.”

“Lexa is my baby sis. She has overcome a lot and what happened between you two changed her. Lexa was extremely vulnerable, and if something goes to hell again, this time I don’t know if she can recover.”

“I understand, Anya. That’s why we’re going slow. I get your doubts because yeah, last time we went head first into the abyss. The age difference might be another factor against us, but I promise Lexa means everything to me. She has my heart.”

“Good. ‘Cause if you fuck up Emerson is not the one who will end you, but me.” The smirk spread on Anya’s face was playful, still, Clarke took it seriously.

“Note taken,” Clarke replied with a grin of her own.

 

 

Clarke had no idea what was going on; it had been several hours since Emerson came to check on them. Anya was shivering. Her wounds were infected, and there was nothing here to help the woman. Clarke had her head on her lap, comforting her and trying to ease the pain she was enduring. Her ribs were heavily bruised, and Clarke thought they were probably broken.

“Hang in there, Anya. Our friends will find us.” Clarke touched the burning forehead worried about potential internal bleeding and a fast spreading infection possibly affecting vital organs.  If she didn’t get Anya to a hospital soon, she was afraid that Anya may die from her injuries.

Clarke moved slowly and carefully placed Anya’s head onto her jacket while she went to the door trying to force it open. She kicked it in frustration and started to pace around the small room looking for any item that could work as a lever to break the knob.

“My friend is sick! Open up, she needs help!” Clarke shouted kicking the door as hard as she could in her still weakened state. They both had been stripped of their belongings and were left with no way to communicate or without any item that could be used as a weapon.

“Emerson! Get in here, you coward!” Clarke insisted as Anya was mumbling in discomfort thanks to the fever.

Clarke returned to Anya’s side to check on her again.

“If something,” Anya’s words were barely audible, but she tried again. “If something happens to me, can you…” Anya gulped down trying to keep her voice controlled. Fighting the intensity of the pain and her exhaustion, she continued. “Costia…”

“Shhh, you need to rest Anya. Costia is going to be fine. Nothing is happening to us. Maybe what you both need to do when we get home is go out on a frigging date and be done with your drama.”

At least Anya managed a small smile, making Clarke laugh with her. “I’m serious. You two are worse than Lexa and I. Costia loves you way more than she admits, and you’re still crazy about her so cut with the fake dating around and woman up.”

“She’s leaving me. Costia doesn’t love me.” Anya pouted, and Clarke could see where Lexa’s logic originated. They were seriously like family. It was ridiculous how much they resembled the other in the way they kept their feelings reeled in. Or how they both kept such scary faces around other people that weren’t friends.

“Actually, it is because she does love you that she’s leaving, you dummy! Because you kept hurting her with your annoying childish behavior. Trust me Anya, tell her again how you feel, and I assure you things will change between you.”

“Okay, guess I should try again if I make it out of here alive.”

 

The door was unlocked abruptly.  Clarke stood up, standing in a defensive position as she waited for an opening to escape.

Two armed men entered follow by Emerson and-

“Cage Wallace.” Clarke recognized that ugly face immediately. “You were following me in New York. Of course, now it makes sense why Azgeda published those private pictures. You’re friends with Nia.”

Everything was starting to fall into place. This man had the means to pay for the Mount Weather gang operation and use his influence to get Emerson out of jail.

“Clarke. What a pleasure to see you.” Cage smirked eyeing Clarke with disdain.

“Why help Nia? I mean, Lexa works at Polis.” Clarke approached the disgusting man, trying to keep his attention. “She’s at the top, and her influence is much stronger and widespread than Nia’s. If you let us go, I can get Lexa to help you.” Clarke offered hoping to find a peaceful way out of this.

“Interesting but I cannot do that, Clarke. Lexa knows too much about this to let it go.”

“So you’d rather work with Nia? She will betray you, Cage.” Clarke pushed a bit more.

“Nia has been a good ally, can’t say the same for your girlfriend.” Cage began to laugh, and that irritated Clarke. She threw a punch landing on Cage’s ugly face. Instantly the men grabbed Clarke forcefully while she struggled to get her hands on that piece of human trash.

“I assure you; your days are over Cage. I’ll get out of here. And when I do, I’ll come for your ugly ass!” Clarke was struggling hard to get away when Emerson approached and knocked her out with the butt of his gun.

“Hey!” Anya lifted herself up as best as she could, but she barely could stand by herself. “You’re dead!”

“Take them out and wait for Nia’s orders. Make sure it is done quick, and don’t leave any evidence behind.” Cage demanded.  He rubbed his jaw, the bruise already forming on his ghostly skin. He fixed his suit and walked out of the small room.

“You heard him, take them into position and wait. I’ll make sure to keep an eye on the princess; you stay with the savage one.” Emerson ordered before he went into the van waiting to transport them away.

____________

Lexa had been everywhere she could think of to find Clarke -  to her dorm, to ‘Camp Jaha,’ even ‘The Dropship’ without any luck. There was simply no sign of her girlfriend or Anya. Both had vanished into thin air. Lexa was about to have a mental breakdown.

She called Raven again to see if the girls had finished looking at other places they frequented.

“Raven, any luck?” Lexa sighed disheartened while she was heading back to her apartment. “No, I also spoke with Abby. Clarke has not been there.” Lexa pulled out her keys to open her door. “Something happened Raven, something bad and it’s my fault, I should have been with her.” Lexa pushed open her door when she spotted something. Lexa stopped in her tracks and stared at a large 8½ x 11 yellow envelope right under her front door; she furrowed her brows baffled by the object. “Yes, I’m here Raven.” Lexa said after a pause. “Someone left an envelope.”

Lexa picked up the envelope, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder. “No Raven, I don’t think it’s a bomb.” Lexa tore the top to take out its contents.

A phone was inside along with several pictures.

“Shit!” Lexa saw that several of the pictures were of Clarke hanging out with her friends, being in the art workshop painting or going out with Niylah. This meant that Clarke had been followed for a very long time. The other pictures were of her friends laughing and enjoying their day. They kept tabs on everyone, including Costia. “I need you to come to my place right now Raven, call Costia and tell her to come, you’re all in danger!”

Lexa looked at the phone. It looked like a burner one so it was obvious that the sender did not want to leave a trail.  She felt sick.

Lexa headed into the living room and waited for her friends to come to make sure they were safe.

 

 

“We need to call the police.” Raven suggested after looking at the pictures sent to Lexa.

Lexa remained quiet; her face was composed yet the simmering anger and despair she felt was coming off of her in waves.

“If we involve the police, we don’t know how these people will react.” Costia commented.

“Oh shit, they might have someone in the police department on their payroll as well.” Octavia said.

Suddenly the phone started to ring, and everyone looked at the black device on the table. Lexa grabbed it and pressed to answer the call activating the speaker.

“Hello?” Lexa asked.

“How is it going Lexa? Found your lover or sister yet?”

“Nia! Where are they!?” Lexa growled.

Nia laughed hearing the anger of the woman.

“Oh, so that is a no I guess. But I can help you.”

“Cut the crap! What do you want!?”

“I want your head. But before we get to that, let’s talk. No cops, Lexa. Check your e-mail to see what will happen if you do.”

Lexa heard the notification on her phone and swiftly open the e-mail. She clicked the link and gasped seeing Clarke tied, her blonde curls were red. Anya couldn’t even stand on her own; her face was bruised and covered with blood. Lexa’s grip almost breaks her phone as she reviewed the images. Emerson then walked towards Clarke and pressed a knife into her neck.

“Hello there Lexa, look what I got here. If I see a cop around, I will slit her throat.” Emerson smiled, and the video was over.

“If something happens to them—” Lexa threatened but was cut short.

“Ah ah, I give the orders Lexa. I’ll send you an address, come alone and don’t try anything stupid. Emerson knows that if I don’t call him back, he has the green light to kill Clarke and Anya. Toodles.”

The call was over.

 

Lexa went mad with concern and couldn’t stomach looking at the pictures any longer. “I’ll go.”

“No way! You can’t go by yourself Lexa. That bitch is waiting to kill you.” Octavia shook her head.

“It’s a trap. You’ll be walking right into it.” Costia conceded. The woman was pale just looking at the video of a badly wounded Anya.

“You stay here. If you’re all safe, I can deal with Nia without worrying more.” Lexa clenched her fists.

“Lexa please…” Costia begged. “Det. Blake can help get them back. Lexa, don’t go.”

“I have to do this, Costia. It’s me they want.” Lexa then looked at Raven with more determination, “If you don’t hear from me, call Det. Blake. Promise me!”

“Okay, got it Commander.” Raven suddenly hugged Lexa and stepped back. “Be careful.”

“I’ll bring them back.”

With one last nod Lexa left. Her phone bleeped, and once she had the address she went to meet Nia.

 

Lexa drove to an old abandoned building located outside of the city. She followed the instructions given by Nia to the letter. Stepping through the metal door at the entrance of the building, she was stopped by a tall man who scanned her for weapons or any suspicious device. He removed her cellphone and then she was led to another area where she found door 211.

She went inside after taking a deep breath.

“Welcome Lexa.” Nia greeted her from behind a metal desk.

Looking around, the room was pretty bare, nothing but the desk and a couple of chairs and some monitors behind Nia. Nothing that screamed office, but at the same time it was the perfect place to have a base of operations that could be moved quickly if the need arose.

“Where are they?” Lexa stood in front of Nia, her hands balled into fists, and the only thing stopping her for snapping that woman’s neck was the safety of Clarke and Anya. And of course the goons standing near the door.

“Do you know how much trouble you have caused?” Nia stood up from her chair and walked towards Lexa. Towering over the writer and looking at her with her cold blue eyes. “You have been nothing but a pain in my ass, Lexa. Now I’m going to finally take my revenge and be done with you.”

“You kill me, and my friends will bring the police up to your door. I took measures to catch you.”

Nia chuckled shaking her head. “And where’s the fun in that? Oh no, I want to see you suffer Lexa. Death would be too merciful.”

“Where is Clarke and Anya? Last time I ask.” Lexa clenched her jaw; her patience was running out.

The wide smile spreading across Nia’s face sent shivers down Lexa’s spine. It was lacking any semblance of humanity. “Who’s more important to you, Lexa?” Nia asked. “Who is worthy to be saved?”

Lexa frowned clearly lost on the meaning behind the questions. “I don’t have time for your games, Nia. Tell me where they are!!!”

Nia walked back to the desk. And with a remote she turned on the monitors behind her. On one monitor was Anya and on the other was Clarke. Both guarded by a couple of Emerson’s goons.

“Lexa!”

“Lex!”

Anya and Clarke shouted in unison apparently seeing a live video feed of Lexa as well.

“I’m coming for you both, please hang in there!” Lexa tried to reassure both women.

“Lexa! Anya is wounded, go get her, please Lex—”

The hit of the gun in Clarke’s face sent Lexa into maddening anger. “You’re dead! Do you hear me!? You’re dead!” Lexa shouted at Emerson through the screen before Nia cut the video feed.

The men guarding Nia had to grab Lexa before she did some damage to the woman in front of her.

 

“ENOUGH!” Nia shouted, and Lexa stopped fighting. She yanked her arms away from the grasp of the bodyguards, but she remained still.

Now that everything was back under control, Nia turned on another monitor displaying a map of the city; there were two red dots in opposite directions.

“Who is worthy of salvation, Lexa? Anya Forrest is at the right dot shown in the map, and Clarke Griffin is at the left dot. One is the woman who has been with you since you were a teenager, the other is the woman you love. Platonic love and romantic love, both important.”

Lexa remained quiet, waiting.

“Emerson has orders to kill them both in 1 hour starting now. Unless you go and stop him.”

“I can’t be in two places at the same time, Nia! They are too far away from each other.”

Nia burst in laughter, bending over from the exertion. “Exactly. You can only save one of them Lexa. Who’s more important to you? Your sister or the love of your life? One will live, and the other will die.”

“NO! Take me!!! Let them go. Do what you want with me. Let. Them. GO!!!”

“I thought we discussed this already. Where’s the fun in that? You won’t be able to carry the guilt knowing that one of them had to die because of you. That is going to be exquisite to witness.” Nia kept laughing maniacally. “Choose Lexa: Anya or Clarke? Hurry up. The clock is ticking, and you won’t make it in time. The locations are on your phone and again, if the cops hear about this they are as good as dead.”

“I can’t…” Lexa started to sob. “Oh God, I can’t. Please Nia, don’t touch them. Leave them out of this. It is me you want. I'm the one who exposed Mount Weather. I’m the one who got the job at Polis. PLEASE!”

Nia giggled at Lexa’s begging.  Suddenly, she grabbed Lexa’s face squeezing it hard, leaving angry red crescent moon marks on her face. “Choose or both will die! You need to accept that today blood will be on your hands.” She let go of Lexa.

“Time is ticking Lexa. Tic-Tac. You got 54 minutes.”

Lexa recovered her belongings and got the hell out of that building and into the parking lot.

 

The brunette sprinted back to her car as fast as she could. She hopped in and turned on the engine and started to hyperventilate; her hands were shaking. She looked at the map, at the two blinking red dots. She had just enough time to reach one of the two locations, there was no way she was going to get to both.

“What I’m going to do?” Lexa hit the dashboard in frustration.

“Clarke… Anya… Forgive me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are pretty grim for our favorite author. A choice has to be made and YOU reader have the last word. You will vote in the following poll: if you were Lexa who would you choose to rescue? Whoever you choose will be Lexa's choice for the story.  
> No one said the game was going to be fair and Nia doesn't play fair.  
> VOTE NOW --> https://twitter.com/Tanagariel/status/726212449439879168  
> And the people has spoken Clarke 80% - Anya 20%  
> Thanks for participating.
> 
> See you next time,  
> Tana


	22. Chapter 22

The only sound that could be heard inside the car was her breathing, in and out at a fast rhythm. Lexa was between a rock and a hard place. To choose between family, the woman who had stood by her side growing up, and the woman who made her heart sing in bliss. She loved them both equally. Anya and Clarke were part of her, and she was part of them.

If Lexa closed her eyes, she could vividly picture Anya sitting with her during school soccer games, while Lexa looked dreamily at her crush - the redhead cheerleader who was a senior. She was a year older than Lexa who was becoming comfortable with her sexuality.

Anya never left her alone. She was always watching Lexa’s back.  Whenever she got into trouble, Anya was there for her and vice versa. Anya had been her rock.  Whenever Lexa gave in and believed that she was the spawn of evil or any other words of her father, Anya was there. Anya repeatedly held her whispering how amazing she was and words of encouragement to be herself.  Anya was her family not by blood but by choice.

And then, she met Clarke who entered the classroom with such an attitude and defied her in front of her class. A girl who was such a smarty pants because she was lonely and needed someone to be there for her. Lexa was doomed from that day because she saw a bit of herself in Clarke. Losing her heart to that young woman was inevitable. After a couple of difficult years, Clarke was finally her girlfriend, and hopefully someday something more.

 

Lexa had to lower the window, she was asphyxiating.  She couldn’t do this, but if she didn’t then both were going to die. She needed to think, to come up with something and fast. The clock was moving without mercy, steady and unchangeable, and it clearly wasn’t going to stop for her.

She stared at the map with two marked locations. Clarke was in the upper right corner of the map, and Anya was in the lower left hand corner. Impossible. She was never going to make it to both locations in 1 hour.

“Anya is wounded; she needs me but Clarke… I can’t lose her. Not now that I finally have her back.” Lexa started to hit the steering wheel, her impotence to do anything leaving her helpless.

“Head over heart, use your head! Anya is wounded, you know that’s the logical answer.  But Clarke... she’s my heart, and I cannot give her up. Maybe Nia is lying, and she’ll kill them anyway. Maybe they already are...” Lexa’s mind was a whirlwind of possibilities and catastrophic outcomes. She was on the verge of giving up, but she took a deep breath and pulled herself together. She couldn’t surrender and let Nia win.  She had to do something, anything that could buy her more time.

She pulled out her phone and quickly went to her Twitter app.  Social media had been her life blood and friend since she became Alexandria.  Maybe she could use it to her advantage.  Nia said no cops.  Fine, but if she let her audience know what was going on, Nia would have her hands busy with the press.  The publicity would force her to call off the executions since she would obviously be a suspect if anyone close to Lexa was found dead.

 **@AlexandriaBTS** : Today the lives of the people I love the most have been threatened. Nia Queen of **@AzgedaMag** is involved. If smth happens question her – A

 

As expected, the notifications blew up the second she posted it. Now Nia would be distracted since the press wasn’t going to lose the chance to dig into this.

“I’ll get Clarke first. She can help me get to Anya faster. I know Anya is stronger than I could ever be, she will hold on. Please God don’t let me be wrong about this.”

Lexa shifted the gear and slammed the pedal to the floorboard. She pushed the Mustang’s limits as she rushed to save her girlfriend and sister.

Going to Clarke first was the hardest decision she had ever made.  She was betraying not only her best friend but Clarke’s wishes.  They may never forgive her.  She was never going to forgive herself.

Never.

 

 

Her phone began to ring a couple of minutes later.  Lexa glanced down and noticed Raven on the caller id.

“Shit!” Lexa forgot to call them after her meeting with Nia. She pushed the speaker button. “Raven, I can’t talk, Clarke and Anya are in danger and I…” Lexa choked, she couldn’t even say it.

“We saw the tweet Lexa.  We can help; you’re not alone! Costia is driving us, so tell us where to go!”

“What!? No! It’s dangerous, Raven. You know how Mount Weather operates.”

“Lexa,” Costia demanded in a tone of voice that Lexa did not recognize. “Where is Anya!? I’m not letting her die, you hear me!?”

“Jesus! Guys, this is serious!”

“We’re going, and you’re not stopping us! They’re our friends too, Lexa!” Octavia was the one who spoke this time. “They said no cops; we’re not cops. We’re the bitches who’ll kick their asses!”

“This is not a game, Octavia!” Lexa kept pushing the gas pedal, speeding through the streets approaching the red dot on the map where Clarke was supposed to be. “I had to choose who to save. Pick between Clarke and Anya!” Lexa sobbed, her knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel. “This is my burden, so please…”

“Sonofabitch!” Raven was furious. She knew Emerson was a rat, but this? Forcing this incredible woman who took her under her wing choose between the two people that mattered the most to her was beyond disgusting. “You don’t have to choose Lexa. We’re there with you. You’re heading to the east, so tell us where to go, and we’ll change our course.”

Lexa was now more scared than ever.  If something happened to any of her friends, she wasn’t going to be able to live with the guilt.

“Raven I…” Lexa hesitated, she was petrified at the thought of involving more innocent people in this feud with Nia.

“This is our decision! I’m not losing Anya, so where the hell is she?” Costia’s tone of voice startled Lexa as she made it clear that nothing was going to stop her.

Lexa said a quick prayer as she sent the file to Raven.

They were right. Clarke and Anya were important to them too. She had to trust that her friends were going to do everything they could to save them.

 

“How did you know where I’m going?” Lexa had to ask.

“Err, well, check the top of your rearview mirror.” Raven instructed.

Lexa saw a tiny rounded piece of metal on top of the mirror. She had no idea it was there to begin with. “What the hell is that?” Lexa reached for the tiny piece and checked it briefly. The chip was pretty small, approximately the size of a quarter. Lexa increased her speed as she drove away from the city and into the woods.

“My baby there is Alie, my prototype chip that works as an anti-theft car system. Many clients were complaining about their stolen cars so I came up with my own design, but Alie here is not just your regular GPS. My amazing brain came up with a full recording system to ID any thief with a face recog program that is still in development. Bell still has to give me access to their database, but it’s going to be amazeballs once it’s completed.”

Octavia added on. “You called the chip Alie? Really?”

“What? It’s cute.”

“Ouch! Ow!”

The sound of more hitting could be heard from the speakers.

“It’s not!” Octavia finalized

“Ow, come on O. If I called it Octavia, I wouldn’t want to share it, cos you’re the only one for me.”

“That was smooth Ray” They probably kissed by the sound of Costia mumbling curses.

“You installed that in my car? Since when?”

“Since I knew you were going to go batshit crazy looking for Clarke -  installed it when I got to your place. And of course, also because I love your fucking car. It would be a shame if was stolen.” Lexa rolled her eyes, but she was finally smiling, truly hoping that things were going to really be okay. “Thank you guys and stay safe.” That was the only thing that she could say. She was immensely grateful that she gained friends after all the issues she had with Clarke.

And she was daring to hope.

They were really going to make it.

______________

Clarke was observing her surroundings; she had been fighting with her restraints for some time, and she was close to loosening them. Her wrists were obviously paying the price of such effort. But as long as she could get out of here and make it to Lexa and Anya, the pain would be worth it.

If she didn’t escape, she was as good as dead. She could see the hate emanating from that fucktard Emerson. Lexa, who had no business dealing with Mount Weather, took the mantle to protect one of her best friends.

Lexa was too damn caring and what she did for Raven was something that Clarke would always be grateful for. She wasn’t going to let that monster get away with this. Clarke could only imagine how Lexa felt, having to choose between her and Anya. Clarke didn’t want to put any pressure on the brunette, and she simply told her to go get the wounded woman who was like a sister to her. She made the choice for Lexa, and she really hoped Lexa did as she said.  Clarke would not be able to forgive herself if Lexa lost the only family who respected and loved her for who she was to save a brat like her. She didn’t deserve such love and devotion after all the horrible things she did to Lexa.

Clarke had to escape.  It was the least she could do at this point to protect the woman she loved.  There was never any doubt in Clarke’s mind that Lexa belonged with her. And no one was going to rob her of Lexa. Not if she could stop Nia.

 

Clarke counted only two more armed men besides Emerson. Anya thankfully took care of reducing their numbers, and Clarke wasn’t as protected. She just had to pull out her wrist from the damn rope, and she could make a move to get the hell out of there. Clarke noticed an old pipe near where she was tied. Unsurprisingly, her belongings were still nowhere to be seen, and she needed to arm herself with items available in the room, and that rusty pipe looked easy to pull out.

Her wrist was bleeding, but the blood was making it easier to slide the rope off. Clarke bit her lip keeping as quiet as possible. Her head was another story. After being knocked out, she could feel the bump on the back of her head pulsing, and her cheek was probably bruised courtesy of Emerson’s latest blow. She really needed to get away as fast as possible. Twisting and pulling her hands Clarke kept working, she could see that the sun was descending in the horizon so she must have been in captivity for several hours already. She was running out of time. Lexa was running out of time.

 

Clarke kept maneuvering her hands trying to break free of the restraints. She could feel the thick rope slicing skin, but that didn’t stop her. Clarke persisted as her eyes were moving around watching her captors that thankfully weren’t paying much attention to her. The left wrist was so damn close to sliding out; Clarke bit the inside of her cheek as she pulled with all of her strength.  Finally, one hand was free.

Clarke sighed in relief and made quick work of the rest of the ties. She looked around again.  The ‘guard’ was still distracted, and Emerson was on a call. He didn’t look too happy. The third man was probably doing rounds around the perimeter so this was the time to make her move.

Once she finished untying her legs, she started to walk to where the pipe was located. She kept her breath as quiet and steady as she could, careful to avoid making any noise.

Clarke tiptoed slowly until she reached the area with tons of old machinery and debris. It was like the remnants of an old building filled with metal wires and pipes.

Clarke ducked behind a rock and crawled the rest of the way until she got to the pipe she could try to use as a weapon. She pulled the stiff bar with the little strength she had left and made it back to her original position. Simulating being tied could be advantageous to get the man closer and get rid of him without drawing too much attention.

 

“I’m thirsty, can I have some water, please?” Clarke began her whining until the man watching her paid attention to her.

“Just some water, please.”

The man turned to face her and huffed. He took a bottle of water from his backpack and began to approach.

Clarke prepared herself.  She had one window of opportunity, and she had to take it.

The guard poured the water in a cup and offered it to Clarke. The blonde took a generous sip thankful for the liquid.

“More please.”

The man rolled his eyes, but he turned his back to Clarke to pour more water. She grabbed the pipe and swung, hitting the man right in the head, shutting his lights off.

The man was unconscious, and Clarke left her current spot as fast and as quiet as possible and intended to head into the nearby woods to make her final escape.

The problem was that she was surrounded by nothing but forest, and she had no idea where exactly she was.

Clarke paused for a moment.  She could hear that Emerson wasn’t pleased by the phone call as anger became evident in his voice. She crouched and approached Emerson as silently as possible; she hid behind some abandoned barrels where she could peek at Emerson as he spoke.

“I don’t care what she did Nia. I’m not going anywhere until that bitch comes!” Emerson was furious. Pacing from one side to the other as if he was in a cage ready to jump at the first intrusion.

“Yeah, I’ll deal with this on my own. My men will move the other savage to a new location while the press calms the fuck down. We cannot leave bodies around. Oh no, that bitch will come here. Lexa Woods is in too deep with this brat. I’ve been close enough to blondie here to know how much she matters to your soon-to-be-dead competitor. Yeah, I’ll report to Cage.” Emerson ended the call with a devilish grin.

 

Clarke gasped and covered her mouth. That meant that something had happened between Nia and Lexa that caused them to change their plans and move Anya to an undisclosed location. If Lexa didn’t go as she requested for Anya, then this was going to be all in vain. Clarke couldn’t let Lexa come here for her. She was walking right into the lion’s den and without backup.  Clarke couldn’t let that happen.  She can’t lose Lexa.  She had to warn Lexa somehow. The only way to alert her was to get her hands on a phone, any phone. Nonetheless, in her heart she felt conflicted. If what Emerson said was true, Lexa had chosen her instead of Anya. Clarke felt guilty for putting Lexa in this awful situation - forcing Lexa to choose. Clarke was never going to forgive herself for causing a rift between the two women. She had to stop Lexa and send her as far away from this place as possible.

Clarke peeked over the barrels trying to see where her phone could have been stashed. Maybe if she stole Emerson’s phone she could warn Lexa, but that was way more complicated. Her only conclusion was going back into the cabin to look for her belongings.

 

Clarke sprinted to the cabin. She was crossing a small opening in the forestry zone when she was spotted by the other guard.  How could she forget about him?   The guard started to shoot at her, and Clarke had to duck behind some trees and run deeper into her forest to avoid the gunfire.

“You idiot! We need her alive!” Emerson scolded the guard, “hurry up, and let’s get her.”

Clarke kept moving around the trees trying to lose her tormenter going deeper into the vastness of the woods. After she couldn’t hear rushed steps anymore, she stopped. Apparently she eluded the thug, but now she was lost.

She started to look around for a way out. Walking blindly towards more trees, everything was silent except for the chirping of some birds.

Clarke leaned on a tree trying to recover from the physical exertion. Her body was hurting, and her head was making her dizzy. She needed to find help or else she was going to die here. She stood up again and kept pushing her body, forcing herself to keep moving when she heard her name being called from afar.

“Lexa?” Clarke stopped and paid attention to the faint calling of her name. She waited a beat when she heard again the voice. “Oh God, no no no no no. Please go away.” Clarke whispered to no one. But Lexa kept calling for her desperate to find any clue of the blonde back at the camp site.

“Lexa!” Clarke began running following the source of Lexa’s voice trying to reach her before someone hurt her.  Clarke knew she was running in the right direction as Lexa’s voice became louder.  She sprinted around the trees.

“Claaaarke!”

“Lexaaaaa!” Clarke shouted running full speed, however, she totally missed that she just alerted everyone to her location. And right before she was about to emerge out of the deep dense green area where she had been hiding, she was tackled to the ground.

“Lex—” Clarke was crushed underneath Emerson who covered her mouth with his hand.

“Quiet, or I’ll put a bullet in your head.”

She could feel the cold barrel against her temple, and she nodded. Emerson grabbed-choked her, and the two of them walked to the clearing where Lexa was.

 

“Stop right there!” Emerson shouted to Lexa who was battling the remaining guard.

Lexa lifted her gaze and met Clarke’s.

“Clarke!” Seeing the gun that Emerson had pressed against Clarke’s temple froze Lexa in her place.

She raised her hands into the air. “Let her go! I’m here, and that’s what Nia wanted.”

Emerson kicked Clarke behind her knee, and she fell to the ground grunting. Emerson yanked her up from her hair to keep her on her knees looking at Lexa. “Not yet. You and I have some unfinished business.”

“Don’t touch her!” Lexa growled and took a step forward when she got hit by the last guard in her stomach. Lexa fell to the ground without air.

“Let’s teach this bitch a lesson.” Emerson smiled and on cue the man began kicking Lexa who was still on the ground.

Lexa was defenseless. As long as Clarke had that gun against her head, Lexa would remain still.

“Please stop!” Clarke cried seeing how the black boot sunk into Lexa’s anatomy over and over again.

“STOOOOP!” Clarke slid out of Emerson’s grasp, but before she could reach Lexa a gunshot rang out.

BANG!

Clarke stopped in her tracks, and Lexa lifted her beaten face to see if Clarke was wounded. “That was a warning shot. Next one goes into your head.” Emerson warned. “Hold her.” Emerson pointed at his lackey who lifted up Lexa.

Lexa was like a rag doll. The minion simply pulled her up from her collar of her bloodied shirt keeping her in place. Lexa may have been physically beaten, but her stare was still ice cold. The famous look of ‘The Commander’ was right in place.

Emerson left Clarke where she was. “Don’t move or you’ll be the first to go.” He kept walking until he was face to face with Lexa who was held tightly.

“Payback is a bitch!” Emerson punched Lexa in her stomach. Since she was being held, she couldn’t have avoided the hit. She was left airless again, moaning in pain. Her legs gave way, and she was basically being carried by the goon.

Emerson hit Lexa again, and Clarke ran towards Emerson. “Leave her alone!” Clarke cried.  Upon hearing the cry, Emerson turned around to point his gun at Clarke. Lexa took this chance and used the man holding her as leverage to double kick a distracted Emerson. She then head-butted the man holding her. Once her arm was free she punched him on his nose, breaking the bone rendering him out of commission in no time.

Emerson was recovering.  And before he could take his shot at Clarke, Lexa threw herself at him making him lose the gun. The two of them began fighting for control of the firearm. Lexa punched Emerson in a series of combinations before the heavier man rolled them around. Lexa was elbowed in the ribs, and Emerson pulled out a small knife from his belt.  He attempted to stab her in the throat, but Lexa resisted with as much strength as she could muster. He was still stronger than her, and she knew that she would be stabbed. Luckily she managed to redirect the knife into her shoulder.

Lexa growled in pain, clenching her teeth harder. Since the knife was stuck in her left shoulder, she used her free hand to punch Emerson again and again. But he wouldn’t budge. He started to choke her, and the lack of air was making everything difficult. Her vision was becoming blurry, and she thought this was it.

BANG!

 

Emerson released Lexa and fell on his side. Lexa scrambled out from underneath him and immediately looked for Clarke.  She found Clarke holding the smoking gun.

“Clarke?” Lexa called the blonde who was looking at the bleeding body of Emerson.

Lexa limped her way to take the gun from Clarke. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Finally, Clarke made eye contact with Lexa and relief flooded her.  She let go of the gun and threw herself into Lexa’s arms. Lexa cooed softly, her arms embracing her and shielding her from the horrors of the world.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

“Lexa,” Clarke sobbed. “I thought I lost you.”

“You’ll never lose me. I’ll be always with you. I promised, remember?” Lexa lifted her chin up smiling, checking for any mortal wound and with her free hand she touched the infinity necklace she had given Clarke.

“Yeah, forever.” Clarke returned the smile and kissed Lexa. When the brunette winced, she pulled away. “Oh God, you have a knife stuck in your shoulder.”

“Yes, let’s leave it there or else I’m going to bleed faster. Let me call the cops before we go get Anya.”

“Anya!” Clarke forgot about her for a second. “They are moving her! Something you did made Nia nervous and uh… I don’t know.” Clarke started to ramble.

“Don’t worry, our friends should be there by now. Costia went to get Anya for me.”

Clarke choked back a sob. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to choose between us. She’s your family, and you should have gone to her, Lexa!”

“Hey,” Lexa cupped Clarke’s face tenderly. “This was Nia’s doing, not yours.” Lexa kissed shakily Clarke’s temple. “You’re both my family, Clarke. You’re as important as she is. This choice is mine to carry not yours or your friends. I’ll deal with Anya when the time comes.”

 

Lexa almost fell on her ass. She was pretty shaken up. Clarke immediately offered her support holding part of her weight.  She took Lexa to the cabin, and Lexa made her first call.

“Raven? What happened? Is Anya okay?” Lexa waited and nodded. Clarke had no idea what was being said by the stoic features of her girlfriend. “Is she… did you…” Lexa was speechless, and Clarke promptly took the phone from her.

“Raven? It’s Clarke. I’m okay. Lexa has a fucking knife in her shoulder, but she’ll live. Where’s Anya? She did what? Okay, yeah I’ll do that right away. Call us if anything happens.”

Clarke didn’t waste any time and called Bellamy to inform him of the situation. She provided the address that Lexa had on the map.  Once she concluded the call, she kneeled beside the chair that cradled a slumped Lexa.  

Clarke carefully cupped her bloody face. “Look at me. Please Lexa, look at me.”

Green eyes locked with blue, and Clarke kissed her lips ever so softly. “Anya is going to make it. She’s strong as hell, just like you.”

“If she dies…” Lexa choked at the words and began sobbing.

“Shhh,” Clarke pulled Lexa into her and rubbed her back in slow circles. “There’s no bullet that can beat Anya Forrest. That woman is strong as fuck. She’ll make it Lex. Now we need to take care of you.”

Lexa remained silently sobbing until the sirens of the ambulance could be heard.

Clarke helped Lexa get in the ambulance, and together they were taken to the hospital while the cops took care of the rest.

___________

Two weeks had gone by, and Lexa went every day to the hospital to see how Anya was doing. Her best friend almost died at the hands of Cage Wallace. According to Raven, they arrived right on time. Before the van took Anya away, Costia crashed the car into the van to stop them.  When the men got out of the van to see what was going on, Raven and Octavia beat the hell out of them. However, Cage, the coward, had taken ahold of Costia while she tried to pull Anya free, keeping her at gunpoint. Anya, full of adrenaline, smacked Cage, and the two battled for control of the firearm. The firearm was shot during the struggle hitting Anya in the abdomen, but not before she squeezed Cage’s neck until it snapped.

Anya had been in the ICU for the past week, but according to Clarke’s mom she was pretty stable so she was moved to a regular room.

Costia basically camped out in that room. If it weren’t for Raven and Octavia taking turns to keep an eye on the blonde, Costia would have never moved from the spot.

Alexandria had to make a statement since she had blown up social media with the news that Nia was after her loved ones. She explained her involvement in bringing down the Mount Weather gang in her statement and why she had been targeted. Alexandria thanked her fans and asked for privacy during this difficult time.

No one knew where was Nia Quinn was hiding, she vanished. The deaths of Cage Wallace and Carl Emerson had been in self-defense so there would be no charges against Clarke nor Anya. The rest of the Mount Weather gang disappeared.

Lexa had to use crutches to allow her ankle to heal. The repeated kicking resulted in a severe strain. Her face still sported some bruises, but she was healing well. Same for Clarke who was holding Lexa’s hand as they made their way inside the room.

 

As every other day, Lexa left fresh flowers in the vase near her table and sat where Costia was waiting for Anya to wake up. She had been trying to speak with her best friend every single day, but Anya was pissed and hurt by her betrayal. If she wasn’t still connected to so many machines, Lexa would have been beaten to death. Clarke came with Lexa today to offer her support and have a word with Anya if needed.

“Hey Cos. How is she today?” Lexa sat with Clarke on the couch in front of Costia.

“She’s responding to treatment, and the painkillers are easing the pain. Obviously her body is still healing.  After her surgery to fix her punctured lungs and remove the bullet, she’s going to be here for another week.” Costia rested her hand over Anya’s carefully. “But as long as her signs remain steady, she has a good prognosis.”

Lexa nodded grateful to hear the news. She had been worried sick. The guilt had been eating her alive, and she only hoped to speak with Anya and apologize.  But so far Anya made it impossible. There was not much she could do about her decision though, she had to make a choice, and she did so with her heart.

 

“Leave traitor.” Anya’s words came out raspy. The hazel eyes focusing on her best friend.

Lexa stood up. “Anya, hey. I’m glad that—”

“Get out, Lexa.” Anya angrily glared at the brunette.

“Anya please let me explain…” Lexa tried to reach the woman, but she turned her face.

“OUT!”

A defeated Lexa nodded and walked out of the room. She stopped at the door glancing back at Anya who was ignoring her. “I uh, I guess I’ll see you back home then. No point coming back. I’m sorry.”  Lexa walked away.

“Anya, don’t be an ass.” Clarke walked to the bed. “If you wanna be angry at someone, that’s me. You have no idea how hard this has been for Lexa. She barely sleeps at night carrying the weight of the decision Nia forced her to make. This was not personal, and you know that.” Clarke sighed slowly trying to gather her composure. After all, Anya was still delicate, and she was trying to keep her frustration under control. “She loves you, and she trusted in your strength. Lexa loves you more than anything, and I’m sorry it came to that. Hate me all you want, but don’t do this to her. Hate me forever if that makes you feel better, but forgive your sister.”

Anya clenched her jaw, her eyes filled with tears. “It hurts, you know? Being second choice sucks.” Anya laughed in sarcasm. “I chose her when everything went to shit between you two. When she left you Costia, I chose her too. She left me to die!”

Clarke kept quiet. She knew how hard it was to forgive a betrayal; it took her some time to forgive Lexa for leaving her behind. “She left me too.  I know it isn’t the same situation, but she broke my heart just like she broke yours. I learned that not everything is black and white, Anya. We both need to look into the greys, and you’ll understand why she did that.” That’s all Clarke could say on behalf of her lover.

Costia cupped Anya’s face wiping the tears of the broken woman. “You’re not a second choice, Anya. Lexa won’t ever stop caring for you, but she has Clarke now. She’s her family too, and she loves her with her life. If Lexa had lost Clarke, she would have been destroyed, and you know that. She sacrificed so much for her that giving her up for the second time was cruel.” Costia stroke Anya’s face with tenderness. “Tell me, if it was Lexa or me in Nia’s hands -  Would you have chosen differently? Would you choose Lexa or me?”

Anya remained quiet, pensive in her bed. She eyed Clarke, then Costia. “Shit, that’s not good.”

Costia offered a kind smile. “No, it’s not.”

Clarke was glad that Costia was around, only that woman could put some sense into this stubborn woman. “Remember, there is more than just two colors Anya; when you find the reasoning behind her decision maybe you’ll be able to understand Lexa.” Clarke concluded her intervention. “I uh, I’m gonna go now to let you rest. Lexa still needs to have her stitches checked. And Anya? Remember what we talked in the cabin? Now is your chance, don’t waste time like I did with Lexa.” Clarke winked at Anya making sure the woman was going to grow some ovaries and tell Costia how she really felt again.

“You’re a pain in the ass, Griffin. God knows what Lexa sees in you, but I get why she would do anything to keep you safe.” Anya nodded once, then glanced at Costia. “I’d have done the same as she did. Tell Lex we’ll talk when I get out of here. I can’t talk to my lil sis semi-naked in this damn hospital gown.”

“Alright. Will do, Anya. See you later Costia.”

 

 

Clarke walked to the waiting room where she met Lexa brooding in the chair. “Hey you,” Clarke offered her hand, and Lexa took it.

With a quick kiss on the blonde curls she loved, she joined Clarke. “Anya won’t ever listen to me. You think I can be forgiven for what I did?”

“Babe, you had no choice. Remember when I stopped Finn?”

Lexa frowned, confused as to why Clarke went back in time to that dark night.

“I remember what you told me that day. Words that I have carried with me ever since. You held me together back then. Blood must have blood you said, justice was served.”

Yes, Lexa remembered what she told Clarke when they met in the hospital after the deadly events of the Winter Formal.

_Lexa sighed. “You saved us Clarke. You did what you had to do to protect your friends. Blood must have blood Clarke, and Finn paid with his for the 18 lives he took. So please stop feeling guilty, justice was served.”_

_“He did it for me, Lexa. He came and shot everyone for me. He killed Wells because I chose him, imagine if he knew about you...”_

_“That was his choice Clarke, not yours. I won’t allow you to take the blame for something you had nothing to do with. I wish I could have stopped him, not you.”_

 

“I remember,” Lexa said solemnly.

“Then you know that this was Nia’s choice. Not yours, Lexa. The same thing you said to me is what I want you to use as a reminder that this is not your fault.” Clarke kissed gently Lexa’s lips. “Promise me that you won’t take the fall for their crimes.”

Lexa chuckled. Ironic that Clarke was comforting her with the same words she had spoken to a younger version of Clarke.

“I promise.” Lexa laced her hands with Clarke’s.

“Good, now let’s get those stitches checked, Miss Woods. I am eager to celebrate that everyone made it out alive and well.”

Lexa blushed deeply, and her ears were so red it made Clarke giggle.

“Miss Woods, you have a dirty mind. I was suggesting pizza night.”

Lexa glared at Clarke. “You’re such a tease, Clarke. You’re really going to be the end of me.”

“You got that right, Miss Woods. When I finish you, you’ll be screaming my name.” Clarke whispered in her ear and jogged to the physician’s office before Lexa could come up with a snarky remark.

Lexa sighed shaking her head. “Yes, I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be the end of me Clarke.”

With a smile Lexa happily followed the blonde that made her heart beat with determination to keep her safe until her last breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next week it all ends for good. it had been a crazy ride people. Our fab ladies are still alive and kicking, not as happy as we would like them to be but breathing so it's not so bad.  
> Thanks and see you for the final chapter,
> 
> Tana


	23. Chapter 23

_When you meet someone special, your world becomes brighter and filled with colors. It’s all fireworks and rainbows, laughter and music playing all day long. There’s an instant in time that stops, and you wish you could take a picture and preserve that memory forever. Keep it guarded in a special place that only you and your special someone know. That moment is exactly when your life changes, because that special someone will leave a mark on your life._

_That moment is ingrained in my memory. I had no idea that meeting you that day was going to turn my world upside down. I met you and the impression you left in me was subtle, but it was enough to feel that you were special in every moment of every day._

_Yes, looking back some could say it was destiny. If only you had arrived right on time, then our conversation would have never happened like it did. If you hadn’t wasted time, you would have been seated listening to me and not interrupting me._

_And yet, even if we hadn’t met that day, I still believe that somehow we would have bonded. That my soul would have searched for yours._

_Congratulations on fulfilling the first step to achieve your dreams._

_Forever loving you in the light. – A_

 

“Oh my God!” Clarke was jumping with the magazine in her hand excited and swooning over the words of her favorite writer in the world. “Babe, this is so cute!” Clarke laced her arms around Lexa’s shoulders hugging her lovingly. “I can’t believe you used your column to congratulate me. You’re the sappiest of girlfriends, and I love it.”

“I told you I wanted to honor you for graduating from art school.” Lexa snaked her arms around Clarke’s waist keeping her close. “Congratulations, my love. Now you can start pursuing your dream.”

“If it wasn’t for you, I’d wouldn’t even be here, Lexa. You saved my life.”

“As you saved mine.”

“I guess that makes us even.” Clarke claimed Lexa’s full lips pulling the brunette as close as was physically possible. Her hands rested on the nape of her neck and played with the baby chestnut curls.

Only the clearing of a throat separated the very much in love couple.

 

“May I have a moment with my daughter, Lexa?” Abby stood in the middle of the two women.

“Yes, of course Abby. Lexa quickly distanced herself from the blonde. “It’s a wonderful party you planned, ma’am. Thank you for inviting me.” Lexa always acted so proper with Clarke’s mom. Clarke giggled and kissed Lexa’s cheek.

“I’ll catch you later. Go chat with Anya.”

Lexa sighed. “Okay.” Lexa excused herself and went to meet her best friend.

After several months, Anya and Lexa’s relationship was almost back to normal. Obviously Anya made sure to throw Lexa’s decision in her face once or twice. They would fight again and avoid talking each other for a day or two before Anya returned with a bucket of ice cream. Then the two would sit down, dig into it, watch a movie and talked about it. Those sessions were usually cathartic for the duo, but sometimes it was hard when the memories and the horrors came back at night. Haunting them forever.

 

“How are things between you two?” Abby asked, walking with her daughter to the food table.

“Pretty good, mom. I wish I could do more for her, you know? The fact that Anya is still resentful is my fault. That long-time friendship is in a delicate balance now because of me. I can’t forgive myself for what I did to her. How much more pain am I going to cause, mom?”

Abby held her daughter kissing the crown of her head. “Honey, that people used you and Anya in attempt to break Lexa. And I’m glad she kept her word to keep you safe, Clarke. I cannot be anything but grateful for her. Yes, it’s tough what happened between her and her friend, but it was an impossible choice.”

Clarke nodded. “It was, and I wish she could fix things soon with Anya.” Clarke looked to where Lexa and Anya were chatting. They were both smiling, but you could see how careful Anya was with her words as she kept her posture slightly guarded. The trust between them was damaged permanently, and Clarke felt horrible for it. Besides, Anya was even sadder since Costia moved in the fall to New York as planned. Those two were taking things slowly and even when they discussed their friendship, you could see Anya was moping around like a kicked puppy. “Maybe if I can provide Anya a chance to focus on her happiness - maybe she will give Lexa a second chance and trust here again.”

“Sweetie, you always want to fix everything for everyone, maybe you should let Lexa and Anya figure things out this time, okay?” Abby suggested offering her daughter some snacks.

Sighing in acceptance she nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“And do you have all your things ready?” Abby asked after she served herself dessert.

“Yup, all my things are in Lexa’s place, well, our place like she now says.”

“You’re growing up so fast, honey. Now you’re moving in with your girlfriend. Your dad would be so damn proud of your achievements and how far you’ve come. I know that Lexa will make you happy, baby. I’m so glad you have a person like her in your life.”

“Me too, mom. Lexa is amazing.”

Clarke continued chatting with her mom before going back to the rest of the guests of her graduation party.

 

 

In the living room of the Griffin residence, Octavia and Raven were playing some weird MMPRPG with Lexa and Bellamy, while Jasper and Monty were at the main table playing cards and making bets with Anya. It was a lovely evening where everyone was happy and together

Clarke couldn’t hold in the small giggle that escaped upon seeing the frown of concentration on the writer’s face. She sat on the arm of the couch to watch them play, kissing Lexa’s temple and obviously making her losing concentration to kiss Clarke’s hand.

“Hell, Clarke!” Bellamy whined. “I need Lexa to cover my back, but she becomes useless when you’re around.”

“That’s not true!” Lexa defended. “Now stop whining and get me some ammo.”

“Just hurry up you two. We need to enter this damn warehouse, and it’s filled with enemies.” Octavia was pressing buttons pretty excitedly.

“Hell yeah, time to make things go boom.” Raven poked her tongue out while she set the C4 on the building they were raiding.

“Oh man!” Jasper threw his hands in the air. “Are you kidding me?”

“Don’t be a sore loser, Jas.” Monty interjected passing the chips to Anya who was sporting a smug smile.

“Always a pleasure, gentlemen.” Anya grabbed her winnings building a new tower of chips on her side.

Suddenly, Lexa’s phone began ringing. She checked the caller ID and stood up from the couch.

“It’s Ontari, I have to take this call.” Lexa excused herself and left the living room to take the important call from her editor.

Raven leaned on Octavia’s shoulder pausing the game. “It’s also kind of late, maybe we should call it a night.”

Octavia kissed Raven’s forehead. “Your leg is okay?” Octavia rested her hand over the thigh of the mechanic with concern.

“Yeah, nothing too intense.”

“Liar.” Octavia pecked Raven lips. “It’s pretty late too so we should get going.”

“Yeah, Clarke here probably wants to rest. I’ll get you home Ray. Let’s go O.” Bellamy offered.

“Well, since you’re all leaving I guess it’s time for us to depart. Thanks for the invite and congrats Clarke.” Monty smiled, and he bid farewell to everyone followed by Jasper.

Everyone made a beeline to hug Clarke and wish her success in her art career on their way out the door.

 

Clarke helped her mother in the kitchen. After wiping her hands on a towel once the dishes were finished, she returned to the living room to find only Anya sitting in front of the TV drinking a beer. Her mom already wished Anya and Lexa goodnight leaving the blonde with the two almost sisters.

Clarke didn’t want to be rude so she joined Anya on the couch.  Lexa was still outside talking with Ontari, probably discussing her new book which was now in editing before next year’s launch.

Anya noticed her approaching and scooted to the corner of the couch, leaving enough space between them. She took another drink of her beer waiting.

“Uh, it was a nice party.” Clarke began awkwardly. This situation was tense enough already and hoping to diffuse it she threw out the first topic that came to mind.

“Yeah.” Anya replied taking another sip of the amber liquid.

Clarke sighed, this was mostly how it was. Short conversations with one word answers. They didn’t talk much, but when they did they kept it civil and short. Clarke hated that the progress she had made to establish a friendship with Anya was erased after what Nia did to them.

“Look, I know there is no fixing this between us.” Clarke turned her body to face Anya who was ignoring her, not even looking at her. The older blonde continued drinking her beer as if Clarke wasn’t there. “But we’re going to be living under the same roof from now on. Can we at least try to get along for Lexa?”

Anya rolled her eyes in annoyance. She left the bottle on the side table to look at Clarke. “You’re right, we’re not going to get along, ever. Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of your way, and you stay out of mine. I’ll get my ass out of there as soon as I find a new apartment.”

“What?” Clarke had no clue about Anya’s plans and she bet Lexa didn’t know either or else her girlfriend would be upset. “Please don’t. Lexa can’t lose you, Anya.”

Anya shook her head, raking her hands through her long blonde hair. “She doesn’t care about losing me, Clarke. She left me to die, remember? So why does it matter if I go on my own now?”

“Please, don’t do this. Lexa is trying hard to make it up to you in any way she can. Fine, I’ll stay out of your sight, but don’t go. It will kill her knowing that you plan on leaving her.” Clarke got closer to Anya joining her hands together begging her to stay. “You’re her best friend. You’ve gone through so much together, and she loves you like a sister. I get that we won’t be friends, but stay with us. Do it for Lexa.”

“Lexa made her choice, Clarke. She chose you, and I’m still alive which is very inconvenient for you two so I’ll get out of the way, and Lexa won’t ever have to choose between us again.” Anya said with decisiveness that made it clear that nothing would change her mind.  This is final.

“You’re not an inconvenience, we care about you a lot and—”

 

“There you are, my two favorite people in the whole world. I have great news.” Lexa came smiling into the living room until she saw the somber demeanor of her best friend and girlfriend. “Something wrong?”

“Not at all.” Anya dismissed it quickly, “what is it, Lex?”

“Ah yes, Ontari reviewed my final draft, and it’s a go. _Remember when_ will be published next January!”

Clarke tried to be happy for her, but she wasn’t in the mood. She felt hopeless knowing well that Anya’s plan would devastate her lover. “That’s awesome. Your fans are really going to love the sequel.”

“I hope so.” Lexa rubbed the nape of her neck embarrassed. “Let’s get you two home. It was a great party, and now we all need a good night’s sleep.” Lexa offered her hand to Clarke pulling her up from the couch.

“Yeah, we should go home. Right, Anya?”

“Sure.” Anya stated and followed the couple to the car.

 

 

Lexa and Clarke walked hand in hand up to the door, Lexa turned the key and opened the door for her girlfriend.

“Welcome home, Clarke.” Lexa offered a big smile allowing Clarke into their new home. The place where they were going to start living officially as a couple.

Anya was a bit behind the two lovebirds. She moved past the blonde and went quickly upstairs. Lexa followed her friend with her eyes but didn’t say anything and returned her attention to the azure orbs that she worshipped.

Lexa shut the door and escorted Clarke to the kitchen, where she put the kettle on the stove to make some tea before going to bed.

Clarke pulled out the stool and sat, propping her elbow on the island and waiting for Lexa to finish making tea for them both. Clarke was happy to finally be here. The fact that they were going to be able to do this every single day made her heart flutter with anticipation.

Lexa went to the cupboard and got out two cups. Once the kettle whistled, she poured the water and added the tea bags, offering a cup to Clarke. She left the kettle back in its place and joined Clarke.

“So, what are your plans now that you are a professional, Clarke?” Lexa asked taking a tiny sip from her cup, eyeing Clarke with love and devotion. It was ridiculous that she believed at one point that Lexa didn’t love her.

“Thanks to the Greene Foundation, I am making a name for myself, and I have some commissions which I want to fulfill as soon as possible.”

“That’s fantastic. I’m excited for you, Clarke.” Lexa took another short sip, then added. “I have an idea for my new book launch party. Maybe if we do the launch in a gallery where we could portray the Foundation’s artists, we can boost the Foundation, your name and your work.”

“Oh no Lexa. You already did enough by displaying my work in your office.”

Lexa smiled taking Clarke’s hand in hers. She leaned in and kissed her knuckles. “It’s never enough when it’s about you, Clarke.”

Clarke drank her tea hiding her blush from her girlfriend. “Ok, I’ll speak with Costia and think of something.”

Lexa and Clarke comfortably chatted before going to bed. Finishing their drinks both walked tucked into each other back to the master bedroom.

 

They changed into cozy sleepwear and slipped easily into the bed. Clarke on her side of the bed and Lexa on hers, both looking giddy, all smiles and flushing cheeks. Lexa started to read, and Clarke played with her phone. A tiny lamp provided the only light in the dim bedroom.

Clarke turned on her side propping up on her elbow after she got bored with her phone. Looking at the writer who was leaning against the headboard with a book in her hands, “it’s our first night living under the same roof.”

Lexa peeled her eyes off her book to pay attention to her girlfriend. “It is. I’m really happy that you won’t have to leave before the sun comes up.”

“Yeah? And how happy are you on your happiness scale, Miss Woods?” Clarke quickly straddled Lexa, removing the book from her hands and placing it on the night table. “Care to show me?”

Next, she grabbed Lexa’s hands leaving them on her hips. Clarke rested her forearms in Lexa’s shoulders. “How happy are you now?” Clarke whispered in her ear before biting her earlobe softly.

Lexa eyed Clarke, her green eyes were engulfed by the blackness of her pupils, arousal palpable in the way her pulse point trembled with her heartbeat. Lexa licked her lips, and Clarke leaned forward further taking claim of the lower lip and sucking it drawing moans from the brunette underneath her.

They kissed slow at first, lips sucking and moving against each other, teeth and tongue clashing awkwardly amidst giggles. The slow motion set the rhythm of their interaction, but Clarke began grinding against the warm thighs, encouraging Lexa who could already feel the soaked cotton material sliding eagerly over her skin. Lexa pulled Clarke closer, her hands already venturing underneath the tank top of the blonde and reaching her lower back. Clarke smiled at the easiness in which they touched each other. She moved to the slender neck and slid her tongue along the curve. Lexa dug her nails into Clarke’s back when she felt teeth scraping gently the skin and then sucking hard.

“Mmm, how happy are you?” Clarke increased her pace; she needed more friction. She needed Lexa inside of her stat.

“Very very happy, Clarke.” Lexa began thrusting her hips trying to match Clarke.

“Take me, Lexa. Now!” Clarke shut her eyes. She craved those long fingers inside her cunt right now, and she let Lexa know.

 

Lexa flipped them over on the mattress, landing over Clarke and quickly began to remove the sleepwear from the silky skin of the blonde. She pulled her shorts and her drenched undies in a second and quickly nested herself between the thighs of the artist. Clarke began playing with her breasts after tossing her top, pinching her nipples as Lexa crawled up to her, kissing her calf and making her way up to her core.

“Lexa! Shit I need you, babe!” Her clit was throbbing hard, the wetness already flooding the sheets and the only thing that could satisfy this pent up desire was her lover. But Lexa was always tender, careful and respectful. Getting it on with Lexa was always a different experience, and she couldn’t wait to enjoy them all.

Lexa slid her hands over the curves of Clarke’s hips, her lips and tongue tracing the contour of her thighs until she reached the place where Clarke was desperate to have her. Lexa lifted Clarke’s legs and rested them over her shoulders, her hands gripping her hipbones and keeping her in place. And in one single stroke, Lexa made Clarke tremble in desire. Her tongue lapped her wet folds up to her clit. Lexa moaned savoring the warm tangy liquid and smiled wickedly at Clarke who stared at her. A drop of sweat slid between the valley of Clarke’s breasts, and Lexa’s eyes were enthralled by it.

“So beautiful,” she mumbled and returned her lips to suck the engorged clit, Lexa slid with her fingertips the hood and sucked again the tiny head of the sensitive bud.

Clarke cursed and let her head fall back into the pillow as Lexa began a relenting attack on her most sensitive spot. Soon, her fingers were taunting the tight entrance, her mouth was wreaking havoc, and Clarke was pudding in Lexa’s hands.

“Shit, Lexa! Fuck me already!”

Lexa chuckled and smiled again at her lover. “Patience Clarke. I am celebrating eating to my heart’s content.”

Clarke grinned, and with her hand she traced the light scar above Lexa’s eyebrow, an old memento of Emerson on her lover’s face. “You’re a messy eater, babe.”

Lexa perked her brow, “Am I?”

“Yep, now put those long ass fingers to use.”

Lexa chuckled and dove again, inhaling that delicious smell of Clarke and arousal. It was simply comforting.

“Lexaaaa!” Clarke begged, and Lexa didn’t want to make her wait any longer and pushed a finger inside moving it at a snail’s pace. She pulled it out and sucked her finger moaning at the taste.

“My favorite flavor.” With a pop Lexa pulled her finger out of her mouth and pushed two fingers back into Clarke’s pussy, pushing them deep and began thrusting them hard.

Clarke was a writhing mess. She needed Lexa to fuck her hard and good; her hand anchored in the chestnut curls of her lover pushing her impossibly closer, desperate to crumble.

“Ah fuck yes!” That was the spot where Lexa was focusing, pushing and curving her fingers reaching her and sending her to new heights. Clarke’s breaths were labored. She was close; that tongue was doing magic on her clitoris, and the fingers were ravaging her inside. She began pushing in her hips in tandem matching Lexa’s thrusts.

“Babe!” Clarke clenched her teeth. “Oh… OH fuuuck!”

“I’m right here, my love.” Lexa reassured as she thrusted until she felt the spasm around her fingers and the husky groan echoing in their bedroom. Lexa slowed again licking the flood and delighting herself in her reward. Clarke’s afterglow of her climax was simply art to stare at all day.

 

Lexa cleaned her girlfriend good and crawled back up, her arms propped on each side of Clarke’s head and Lexa kissed her sweetly, taking her lips and then moving between her breasts, licking the tiny droplets of sweat. And with her thumb Lexa played with the rosy perked nipple.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked after Clarke rested a few minutes.

“Yeah. Fuck, that was so good.” Clarke mumbled, her eyes lidded with sleepiness.

A big smile appeared on Lexa’s face. “You’re tired, get some sleep now.”

“No, I still need you to come off too baby.” Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes peeled, she was really falling asleep.

“I’m not going anywhere; you can do that any other day, Clarke.” Lexa threw the blankets over their sweaty bodies and pulled Clarke’s head over her chest, holding her protectively. “Sleep. Tomorrow is another day.”

“I love you.” Clarke babbled before sleep took her away.

Lexa kissed her head once more and closed her eyes, she was pretty worked up but she could wait for her lover. Lexa’s goal was to provide pleasure to her girlfriend and nothing else mattered. As long as she had Clarke sleeping peacefully in her arms, there was no better feeling in the world.

___________

As the first ray of sunlight filtered through her bedroom, Lexa started to stretch slowly, feeling the warmth of Clarke on her side was the best way to get up in the morning. She wouldn’t change anything for this in the whole world.

Waking up every day to this amazing woman was a dream come true, and Lexa couldn’t reel in her happiness. She smiled and brushed a soft kiss before rolling off the bed and getting ready to make breakfast for her lover and best friend.

Lexa could get used to this lifestyle. Lazy Sunday’s making love to the woman spent on her bed and feeding her breakfast in bed.  As cliché as that was, Lexa would do it every day for the rest of her life. She had to show Clarke how much she loved her and how willing she was to take care of every single need.

Lexa changed her sleepwear into sweatpants and a baggy shirt from her girlfriend’s closet and made her way to the kitchen downstairs.

 

Lexa set out to start her morning routine.  She would begin her day opening the curtains to let the natural light enter through her penthouse living room and then she went to the kitchen. On her way to it, however, she spotted several bags tossed in a corner, and Lexa frowned. She padded through the living room until she got close enough to inspect all the luggage in the corner.

“These are Anya’s.” Lexa concluded after looking at the familiar bags. She took a deep breath. After several months of being in a weird place with her best friend, they decided not to approach the topic of what happened during the abduction. They had some ugly fights, but they have still been avoiding touching the subject directly. Some angry words were exchanged, but they tried to keep it light.

Lexa shook her head not thinking what this could mean and went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for them.

She focused on the eggs in the pan and mixing the flour with the milk and butter while making pancakes. She was deep into her task and in a couple of minutes she was pouring everything into plates and taking them to the kitchen island.

She began setting a tray to take the breakfast to Clarke when she heard the footsteps on the staircase.

Lexa made her way to the living room where she spotted Anya. She was already in casual clothes.

 

“Hey.” Lexa shoved her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants, eyeing Anya carefully.

Anya lifted her hazel eyes and rested them briefly on the greens of Lexa. “Hi.”

“Going somewhere?” Lexa asked.

Anya didn’t say anything. She walked to her bags in the corner of the living room.

“I made breakfast.” The brunette informed the blonde, who was still quietly minding her own business.

Anya checked her phone, and she stashed it in her smaller bag. “Good. Enjoy.”

Lexa closed her eyes sighing, then she met Anya’s gaze. “You’re leaving.”

No question, it was a statement that Anya decided to ignore anyway.

“Is it the sex? You’ve been always a lousy roommate, but I made sure to soundproof my room before Clarke moved. She can be loud sometimes like you.” Lexa offered trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“No need to worry about me, Lex. You can be as loud as you want.” Anya began pulling her bags to the front door.

“You don’t have to go, Anya. This is your home.” Lexa followed her sister of the heart trying to put some sense into her. This was not how she wanted to begin her new life with Clarke. Losing her best friend.

“Not anymore.” Anya shrugged.

Lexa shook her head and went to stop her from doing anything else and focus her attention on her.

“That’s not true. You don’t have to leave.”

“I have no place here anymore.” Anya pointed to Lexa’s chest, digging her finger right above her breast, signaling her heart. “I’m making things easier for you.”

“Anya, let’s talk. Please, don’t go like this. We’ve been avoiding this talk for months, but I cannot lose you just like that and not try to do better.” Lexa rested her hand on Anya’s forearm trying to anchor her friend.

“There’s not much to say, Lexa. I understand that you had no choice in the matter, that it was a sick choice to make. I don’t hate you for it. However, I can see where I stand with you.” Anya pointed to her head. “If I had a gun right now in my head, and Clarke too I know you would choose her in a heartbeat. You would always choose her over me. Those are the facts, so I’m going to make this easier for you, Lex. I’m out of your life.”

 

“Anya, I would give my life for you. You’re my family, you’re my blood! I can’t lose you!”

Lexa was saddening by the minute, to not see her friend again or talk to her, not being able to even ask her for advice. She had no one else to rely on. Clarke was her lover, the woman of her dreams, but sometimes there are things that she couldn’t just disclose to her. Anya was her confidante for everything else, and this was what she was afraid. To lose her forever.

“I’m sorry, Lex. I can’t look at you anymore and trust you with my life. You won’t have my back.”

“What do you want me to do!? What do I have to do to atone for what I did!?” Lexa cried pushing Anya back. “Do you think that was easy for me? To know that I had to sacrifice one of the only people that had been there for me when I needed a friend the most? Do you think I can sleep at night after what happened?” Lexa clenched her hands and fisted Anya’s shirt holding her tightly in place, looking through teary eyes at the hazel. “Tell me, what do you want!?”

“Let me go.” Anya growled narrowing her eyes.

“No!” Lexa didn’t back off. “Just spit it out, Anya! What do you want me to do!!!”

“LET. ME. GO!” Anya warned.

Lexa shook her head. No way she was letting go of her best friend without one last fight. Their relationship was already in a delicate balance so why not push it into a precipice and find out if they could recover from this one once and for all.

 

Anya began struggling with Lexa trying to get out of her grasp. She shoved Lexa, hard but Lexa didn’t relent and pushed back.

“Fuck you!” Anya snapped and began letting out all the anger and pain she had been holding for some time. “Fuck you Lexa. You’re a traitor and a liar! I’m fucking expendable to you!”

“You know that’s not true! You matter to me!” Lexa and Anya were still struggling with one another like two small kids fighting for a toy, fighting each other and soon things heat up between them.

“Yeah? Fucking good way to show it to me then!” Anya shoved Lexa again and hit her accidentally with her elbow.

“I’m trying, you asshole!” Lexa pushed Anya against the wall, making her friend lose a bit of air, but then Anya jumped back at Lexa, tackling her shorter friend to the carpet. Lexa bit Anya on her arm responding to her previous hit.

“Ow! I just wanted someone to fucking choose me for once!” Anya clamped her hand over Lexa’s mouth grunting over the bite. “You’re an egotistical, lousy writer who betrays everyone who dares to care!”

Lexa kneed Anya’s ribs and rolled them over. “I fucking love you, bitch! Why is it so hard to see that I’d die if something had happened to you?”

Anya was sobbing, but that didn’t stop her from smacking Lexa again. “I’d die too, you motherfucker!”

The two rolled around the floor, hitting each other and letting out all their frustration and hurt out, bumping into the items scattered on the living room.

“I claim you! Anya!”

 

The hard strong voice stopped the two women in their current fight. They dared to look at the stairs to find cool blue eyes staring at them.

“I claim you both.” Clarke said with a definitive tone. “You two matter to me. I promise to care for you both because we are all family.”

The two women were heaving after their fight, Lexa was bleeding from her mouth and Anya from her nose. The two stood up awkwardly looking at Clarke like two small children that had been caught by their mother.

“You two are idiots!” Clarke eyed the state in which the friends were, both disheveled and red after hitting each other. “You care so much for one another. It’s stupid that you keep fighting when you love each other. So cut the crap and hug it out, losers. I’m fucking starving here, and I can’t seem to enjoy my first Sunday morning here because you two are hitting each other like you’re 5.” Clarke stomped to the kitchen leaving Anya and Lexa ashamed and embarrassed of their behavior.

 

Lexa sighed and turned to look at her friend, she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt first. “I’m sorry, An. For everything. I swear I’ll do better. If you want to go that’s fine, but you’re my sister, no matter where you go nothing will stop me from caring.”

Anya smiled wiping her face too with her shirt. “Yeah, you’re my little sis. I’m sorry, I know how hard choosing between us was for you.” Anya teary eyes couldn’t hold the tears anymore and she hugged Lexa.

Lexa tightly held the taller woman, hiding her face in the crook of her neck. “We’re family.”

“Yup, we’re family.” Anya agreed. The two best friends smiling and crying into each other. Their bond now stronger than ever.

“Okay, you two. Breakfast is reheated so come and eat.” Clarke called before returning to the kitchen.

“Shall we?” Lexa pulled apart and wiped her tears.

“Sure. Don’t wanna make mad your girl again. She just claimed us both, you know?” Anya grinned and began walking towards the kitchen.

“Yes, she did. Because Clarke loves too much.” Lexa smiled following back Anya.

“Hell, you’re smitten as hell, Lex. But I get it. I’d choose Clarke too if she were mine.” Anya winked.

“Hey! Back off! She’s mine!” Lexa pouted chasing a laughing Anya into the kitchen.

Family. That never sounded so good.

 

 

Lexa left her office after a long day with extreme nervousness. Several weeks had gone by and she had never been so happier in her life. Clarke and Anya had come to treat each other like family. Living under the same roof was never boring seeing her best friend and her girlfriend argue about movie night, or bicker about loud sex. Raven and Octavia sometimes stopped by to have fun weekends and drinking nights. Their small group of friends had become tight; they were in a good place.

Christmas eve was tomorrow. Lexa had been truly blissful so far. Nothing could stop her happiness, and she was ready to pop the question after so many hardships tomorrow after dinner.

The plan was simple: have Christmas dinner and then invite Clarke to stargaze at Mount Weather to offer her gift, which of course was her ring wrapped in the book she had been hiding for months in her studio.

Lexa went back home nervous about tomorrow night.  She tried to calm herself before looking guilty as hell to Clarke. It was so hard to keep this a secret from her girlfriend, so she needed to be very careful.

 

Music echoed in the halls of her home, by the looks of it Clarke was painting in the room she turned into a painting workshop and a smile spread on Lexa’s face. There was no day that she didn’t feel blessed to have that talented young woman in her life.

A soft rap on the door and she peeked inside the workshop. “Hey, Clarke.”

Clarke shut the radio and left the brushes over a table to greet Lexa. “Hey you.” She pecked Lexa softly, embracing her in her arms with love. “How was work today?” Clarke returned to her unfinished canvas.

“It was great. The magazine just launched their new year edition, and we hope it’s going to sell well.” Lexa leaned on the doorframe watching Clarke work in her element. It was always a pleasure look at the blonde all splattered with paint swaying her hips with the music as she painted. “Also I heard that the online pre-orders of my new book are in first place.”

“They better be. You’re fans have no idea how incredible the sequel is.”

“But you do.” Lexa walked inside the studio and snaked her arms around Clarke’s waist to drop a kiss on her shoulder.

“Yeah. Those are the perks of sleeping with the writer.” Clarke kissed Lexa in return.

“That’s the only reason you’re with me?” Lexa moved to the neck taking advantage of the bun on Clarke’s head that gave her free access to the smooth skin. She peppered her with kisses making Clarke moan.

“Not the only reason. I mean, sleeping with Alexandria is amazing. But I love that dorky magazine writer more.”

Lexa grinned and leaned in the capture Clarke’s lips but was interrupted when the doorbell rang.

Clarke pulled away. “That’s for me, I think.”

Lexa arched her brow. “Expecting someone?”

“You’ll see.” Clarke grinned and wiped the paint from her hands before heading downstairs.

 

Anya was already moving to the door since she was closest to it. “I’ll get it.” She announced and shut off the TV before heading into the front door. Her long legs took her to the door in seconds, and she turned to knob.

“Cos… Costia?” Anya’s mouth fell to the floor. She did not expect to see the woman anytime soon.

“Hello Anya.” Costia smiled seeing the blonde looking good.

“You’re here.” Anya was in total disbelief.

Clarke came downstairs quickly and pushed past Anya to hug her mentor and friend. “Hey Costia, welcome!”

“Let’s sit. We have a lot to talk about.” Clarke invited Costia inside leaving a stunned Anya watching the gorgeous woman in awe.

Lexa came several minutes later to greet the artist with a warm hug. She sat with Clarke in the living room.  After closing the door securely, Anya sat on the sofa and Costia in front of them.

“It’s good to see you all after so long.” Costia had been in New York since the fall and had been missing her friends.

“Yeah, we missed you too Cos.”

“What brings you here? Not that we’re not happy to see you, but I thought you weren’t coming back.” Lexa was a bit surprised to say the least about Costia’s presence in DC.

“Yeah, that has to do with me.” Clarke smiled winking at Costia. “After I fulfilled all the commissions I had left, I sat down and thought about showcasing my work somewhere, and I thought about the Foundation. Costia and I agreed to find a permanent place to do regular expositions and expose all the students benefitting from the Foundation’s scholarship. Costia is here to finalize with me the acquisition of an old shop to make it into an art gallery.”

“That’s amazing!” Lexa beamed proud of her girlfriend. “Why you didn’t tell me? I could have given you a hand.”

“I want to do this on my own, Lexa. Can’t have your rich ass providing me everything on a silver platter. Costia and I are splitting the cost so it’s not much.” Clarke assured the brunette.

“Okay, but if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you, Lexa. But Clarke and I already had long discussions about this.  We have this under control. However, some publicity boost in your magazine wouldn’t be bad.” Costia added.

“You got it.” Lexa stood up. “This requires a celebration, let me get wine from the kitchen. Clarke wanna help me?”

“Sure.”

Clarke followed Lexa leaving Anya and Costia alone.

 

“I’m happy for you.” Anya smiled at the curly-haired woman. “It’s so good to see you. You’re spending Christmas here?”

Costia nodded shyly, eyeing Anya with care. “Yes, I have to make sure this goes smoothly.”

“Right, of course.” Anya commented a bit disappointed. “I uh, I’m really happy to see you doing so well.”

“Me too. You look really well, An.”

Anya was fidgeting with her hands; she turned into a complete mess with the woman who had taken her heart a long time ago. She was content to be friends with her. Anya had accepted that maybe that was all she was going to be for Costia, but with the woman sitting just feet away from her Anya knew that was never going to be the case.

“Grow some balls.” Anya mumbled without realizing she said it out loud.

Costia perked her brows. “What?”

“Ah, shit. Nothing… well. I mean…” Anya exhaled softly. She was a real mess. “Damn it. I am fucking it up again. Look Costia I—“

“I missed you.” Costia cut Anya’s speech. “After I left I thought I was going to be happy. I was working in auctions and selling art, promoting our students’ works. I thought that was happiness but I was wrong.”

“I missed you too.” Anya admitted, looking into the deep brown eyes of the woman whose tenderness had won over her. “I want you to be happy, Cos. If there’s something that I can do to help, you can rely on me. We’re friends, and I’m here for you.”

Costia reached for Anya’s hand, taking it and sandwiching between hers. “I know. You’re the most amazing friend I could ever asked for.” A faint smile made its way into Costia’s face.

With her free hand Anya cupped Costia’s face. Her thumb caressing the smooth cinnamon skin. “I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have let you go. I should have tried to stop you from leaving DC. I was scared to even lose our newly found friendship, and I gave up, I let you go. But that killed me. All these months I have been lonely, giving shit to Lexa and Clarke because I was a coward. I let happiness elude me because I was afraid to tell you how much I love you. Because I still love you Costia Greene. I don’t want to be just a friend, I want to love you and cherish you and I—”

Costia closed the gap between them and kissed Anya. Anya was wide eyed. Costia was kissing her. She wasn’t dreaming it. Her lips were on hers, and it was heavenly. She shut her eyes and pressed her lips more firmly until the need for air caused them to split.

“I guess we’re both cowards, An. When I thought I was going to lose you to the hands of those bastards, I knew that I was kidding myself thinking we could be just friends. I realized that I had fallen in love with you, but then you said you were ready to be my friend. My heart deflated, and I left.” Costia was in tears and Anya removed the tears carefully with her thumb. “I wasn’t happy in New York because the one I loved was far away.”

“You love me?” Anya wanted to be sure she wasn’t dreaming. This felt surreal to her.

Costia nodded enthusiastically. “I love you, Anya Forrest, and am yours if you want me.”

“I want all of you, that’s for sure.” Anya’s toothy grin made its way to her face, and she pulled Costia for a kiss. Anya believed she has found home.  “Don’t leave, Cos. Stay with me. I promise I’ll make sure to help you with your work or anything you need. Come back home.”

Costia pecked Anya, and her smile was the most wonderful thing Anya had seen. “Good thing I never got rid of my apartment here.”

The blonde couldn’t smile wider even if she tried. “I love you Cos.” They kissed again, smiling into a sloppy kiss that finally signaled the beginning of their love.

 

“Okay you two.” Clarke interrupted. “Business first, then making out.”

They laughed embarrassed and waited for Lexa and Clarke to distribute the glasses and the wine to begin this celebration.

Love was in the air.

 

After the wonderful dinner Lexa and Clarke bid goodnight to Anya and Costia who were in a rush to be left alone in the apartment. Lexa took the chance to invite Clarke for a ride and headed to her destination.

The two were happy for their friends, finally everything was as it was supposed to be.

The drive to Mount Weather took Lexa some time but nothing that a heartfelt conversation didn’t make more enjoyable.

Once Lexa parked, the two made their way up the rocky road to reach the clearing in the forest where the two used to come during their secret dates. The place that held so much history between the two of them was the perfect place for Lexa to declare her undying love for the blonde.

Walking hand in hand they reached a spot that offered the hikers the most gorgeous view to the sky.  Lexa quickly arranged some blankets on the ground so they could sit and cuddle as they made their observations of the holy sky.

“This is beautiful.” Clarke pulled Lexa closer to her to protect herself from the chilly wind.

“It is but not as beautiful as you are.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s nose.

Clarke laughed. “Of course you always have something to say, miss writer.”

“I told you I was smooth.”

 

The two held each other closer, enjoying the warmth the other provided. Lexa took a deep breath before her next words. “You know? This place holds many memories.”

“Yeah, you tell me. You dump me right here.”

Lexa quickly kissed the worry away from Clarke. “I know, but we also have many good things to remember here. Remember when we had our secret dates? We made love right under the stars and in that moment you were all mine. I never wanted to let you go.”

Clarke laced her fingers with Lexa’s and tugged herself in the crook of Lexa’s neck. “We went through a lot but here we are. Together.”

“Together,” Lexa repeated. “You inspired me to write my first novel too. You mean so much to me Clarke, and I won’t ever forget what brought us here.”

“Alexandria knows what’s good. Besides, you’re talented as hell. I’m sure the sequel will blow the minds of your fans.”

“I’ve been thinking about my next book. I was picturing a businesswoman who was detached and pretty cold. Her cousin is going to marry and this closed-off woman has to take dance lessons before the wedding. There, she will meet a dancer who is free-spirited and so open, nothing like the corporate woman. They will clash a lot for sure.”

Clarke arched her brows and propped herself on her elbow to look at her lover. “That sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“Yes, it will be a mess but what they don’t know is that their differences are what will help them grow closer. Well, that’s what I hope to convey.”

“That sounds like your next bestseller babe. I say go for it.” Clarke kissed Lexa.

 

“That’s the plan, my love.” Looking at her watch Lexa sat up and pulled from her bag the book she had ready. “Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“I have something for you.”

“Lexa! If we were going to give Christmas gifts here. I’d have brought mine.”

“No no, it’s not that. Um,” Lexa held the book in her hands, then she handed it to Clarke. “I love you Clarke Griffin, never in a million years did I think I was going to be madly in love with you, but I’m sure that we belong to each other.”

Clarke sat straighter and looked at the special edition of _Between the Sheets_ , then she looked at Lexa. “Not that I’m mad about having a special limited edition of your debut book, Lexa but I’d rather have an advance copy of _Remember when_.” Clarke joked.

“Actually, yours is under the tree.”

“WHAT!?” Clarke quickly launched herself at Lexa and began kissing her wildly all over her face. “I love you I love you I love you Lexa Woods!”

Lexa chuckled. “I love you too, Clarke. I chose that book because it represents our story. A story that still needs to be written and um, I want to write it with you by my side. Open it.” Lexa encouraged.

Clarke lifted the cover and her smile changed to curiosity and something else. “What the… Is this what I think it is?” Her blue eyes locked with Lexa’s and then back to the velveteen box inserted in the book.

“Write our story with me, Clarke. Marry me and be my wife.”

Clarke opened the box and found the gold ring glinting like the stars above them. Lexa pulled the ring out and took Clarke’s hand.

“Will you be my wife and finish writing with me the story of our lives?”

Clarke began crying but nodded. “Yes. Oh my God yes!!!”

Lexa slid the ring onto the trembling hand of her now fiancée and kissed her softly.

Clarke hugged Lexa and kissed her pouring all her love and desire into her affections.

The two kissed and cried together until it got became too cold for them to be outside. Lexa began packing their stuff to drive them back to their place. Clarke was jumping texting her friends the news and took a picture of her hand with the ring.  Next she called her mother telling her what just happened. Tomorrow morning, they agreed to celebrate Christmas together and their engagement at Lexa’s.

Lexa was finally done and slung her bag on her shoulder. “Let’s go back, Clarke.”

Clarke was ecstatic and joined the brunette kissing her cheek. “I can’t imagine being happier than I am right now, best Christmas gift ever.”

“I’m glad.” Lexa smiled, and the two began their walk to the parking lot.

“Not so fast.”

 

Lexa and Clarke stopped. The brunette quickly pushed Clarke behind her. “Nia.”

“The perfect place to bury both your bodies. Mount Weather.” Nia walked closer, pointing a gun at the lovers.

“You’re insane.” Lexa kept her eyes on the dangerous woman making sure to keep Clarke out of harm’s way.

Nia laughed and sent shivers down her spine. “I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to get rid of you, and here you are all alone. I knew I had to wait for the perfect chance. Time to die.” She cocked the gun ready to shoot.

“Nia. You won’t get away with this. Leave us before it’s too late.” Lexa reached in the back pocket of her bag. Slowly.

Clarke walked away from Lexa, splitting the attention of the mad woman. “Nia, you’re done. The police are looking for you. Now is the chance to get away and leave us in peace!”

“No way in hell! Die!” Nia pointed the gun at Clarke and right before she pulled the trigger, Lexa found the small knife in the bag.

With a growl Lexa threw the knife with deadly precision into Nia’s throat. The gunshot never came. Nia was trying to breath, but the knife was stuck in her windpipe. Lexa ran to the woman and removed the gun from her hands. Nia began choking on her own blood.  It was not a pretty sight. Clarke turned away and leaned into Lexa hiding her face in her chest.

“It’s okay, Clarke. We’re okay.”

 

After dealing with Bellamy and providing their statement to the police, they were back home. Costia and Anya were awake in horror after hearing the news.

“Shit!  Are you okay?” Anya held Lexa as soon as she crossed the door.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

Costia hugged Clarke relieved. “We heard the news about Nia, and we panicked for a second.”

“Yeah, but my fiancée saved our asses like the badass she is.” The blonde offered her best smile and kissed the brunette.

“Holy shit!” Anya laughed. “You proposed?”

Lexa affirmed with a court nod. “I did, and she said yes.”

“Congratulations!” Costia hugged the two women and right on cue the fireworks announced it was 12am. It was Christmas.

“I love you.” Lexa pulled Clarke into a kiss. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Lex.”

The two lovers made their way back to their bedroom to sleep in peace knowing that their enemies weren’t going to be a problem anymore and believing that the future holds amazing things for them.

___________

“Shit!” Clarke hit the snooze button of the alarm and threw the covers off the bed. She couldn’t believe that it was already time to go back to school; the weekend had gone by in the blink of an eye.

“Clarke! Time to get up, honey.” Abby knocked on the door peeking inside the bedroom. “Hurry up Clarke or you’re going to be late again.”

“Argh I hear you mom, gosh!” The teen complained but sat on the bed nonetheless; she muffled a yawn and stood up, moving slowly to the shower. She took a glance at her disheveled blonde hair in the mirror, her blue eyes still drowsy with sleep. She was confused looking at her surroundings.

“What kind of dream was that?” Clarke asked to her reflection. She shook her head and went into the shower hoping it was going to clear her head.

 

By the time she was ready, she found her mom and dad having breakfast. Clarke blinked seeing her father in the flesh. “Dad! You’re here!” Clarke ran and greeted her father with a kiss on his cheek, and then she greeted her mother. “Morning.”

“Hey kiddo, I’m happy to see you too.” Jake ruffled her hair.

Clarke sat and took a waffle from the plate and served herself some eggs. She couldn’t believe that her dad was actually here with her. That dreamed really fucked her up.

“Alright honey, I still have work with Thelonious regarding the water supply system. I’ll be back as soon as I can.  But make sure you have the house keys Clarke in case I can’t make it on time for dinner, okay?” Jake smiled at his daughter and took his dishes to the kitchen.

Clarke finished her breakfast, brushed her teeth and picked up her bike to go to TonDC High School.

 

 

She was already 10 minutes late by the time she reached the parking lot of the building. Clarke left her bike tightly secured and ran quickly to her locker trying to be as silent as possible. Principal Kane was strict regarding tardiness, and Clarke was already on his list of students to keep an eye on. Not that Clarke was a bad kid, the problem was when she engaged in discussions with her teachers, she annoyed the hell out of them. Clarke had to fight every single point of view. She just couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

Clarke took her books for the first round of classes and ran to her classroom, however, she heard the voice of Principal Kane in the next hall.

_Crap!_ Clarke looked around to find a place to hide. She darted behind the stairs that went to the art classroom, and waited until the man walked past by her.

“I think that you’re going to fit in here Miss Woods.” The man said to his companion while showing her around.

“I hope so, Principal Kane.” The woman walking on his side replied. Clarke peeked and noticed that the man and the brunette on his side were already at a safe distance. Clarke was hit with a weird feeling, a déjà vu of sorts. She had seen that brunette somewhere, somehow her heart began beating in an erratic way. She was late so she pushed those thoughts aside.

 

She snuck in as silently as possible to avoid interrupting the class.  She walked hurriedly to her chair in the back of the classroom right beside her best buddies and classmates.

“You’re finally here, Griffin. Too much beer over the weekend?” Raven smiled at her friend.

“I am having the strangest day ever, I don’t know why’.” Clarke whispered.

“Shut it you two or else Anya is going to—”

“So, Miss Griffin…”

“Too late.” Octavia finished.

“Since apparently your discussion with Reyes is so interesting, would you be so kind to explain to the class why Hatshepsut deemed it necessary to represent herself as a male?”

“Anya?” Clarke was frowning, she could have sworn that they were friends, or at least in her dream they were.

“Excuse me, Miss Griffin but as far as I know we’re not acquainted.”

“Sorry, Miss Forrest.”

The rest of the class Clarke was left with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. The same thing happened when she went to the visual art class with Costia.

 

“How’s your charcoal drawing going, Clarke?” Costia came to see the drawing that Clarke was working on.

Clarke pulled out her paper and showed the almost completed work. Costia eyed carefully the details - the contour, the shadow applied, the theme. She paid attention to every detail. “Looks good, I really like the depth you’re using in this area here.” The art teacher showed her on the page.

“Miss Greene, I uh, it’s about um, forget it, don’t mind me.” Clarke looked at the woman and there was this feeling again in the back of her head.

“And how’s your project going?” Costia tilted her head, she leaned her hip on the table and paid attention to the girl.

“Well, I’m stuck. I see the canvas, and I think I have this idea, but then when I try to put it on paper it just doesn’t flow.” Clarke explained with a certain degree of frustration.

Costia nodded in understanding. “As I have explained, when it’s a work so personal you want to reflect your inner feelings, Clarke. Your passion fuels you, and the creativity flows with it. If you don’t feel inspiration maybe you need to take a step back. Don’t push it. And yes, you still have a deadline, but I want you to leave that out of your mind for now and focus on your heart. Find the muse Clarke. I know you can do it.”

Clarke smiled. “Yeah, I really hope so.”

 

Clarke strolled down the long corridor to get to the next classroom, however, she was in no hurry. Language arts English 12 was the worst subject for her. Miss Rivers was impossibly boring. She always shut down Clarke when she wanted to discuss in depth a novel or a poem. She hated the old hag, so she took her time. Halfway there she met Raven and Octavia.

“Hurry up princess, you’re going to make us late.” Raven lifted up her backpack from the floor and slung it over her shoulder.

“Where’s the fire? Miss Rivers probably is still plugging the damn laptop to the projector.” Clarke dismissed her friend’s comment, she was in no hurry to reach that damn classroom.

Octavia smiled and pulled Clarke from her arm. “Just move your ass.”

Raven went in the classroom first, then Octavia followed. Clarke remained outside for a bit, she was really thinking about skipping this class. Her phone bleeped and Clarke took it out to check who was texting.

“Finn. What now?” She texted back and put the phone away, then she finally went in.

“…covering for Miss Rivers…”

Clarke slipped inside when the woman stopped speaking. Clarke froze realizing it was not Miss Rivers who was seated at the desk.

“Excuse me, I believe class began 8 minutes ago Miss?” The brunette eyed her with a stern expression.

Clarke gulped down. Those eyes, she had seen them in her dreams, those green eyes belonged to someone important.

Green. Green. Green.

Someone very special.

Green. Green. Green.

“Miss?”

“Lexa.” Clarke tasted the name in her mouth. It felt familiar, it was a safe haven.

“Excuse me?” The brunette perked her eyebrow.

“I… I uh, I’m not feeling okay.” Clarke was getting dizzy, the color of those emerald eyes driving her mad.

Green. Green. Green.

“Clarke.”

Clarke began to fade into black.

 

 

“Clarke?”

Clarke gasped and opened her eyes, her breaths labored and soon she felt warmth enveloping her.

“Clarke? What is it?”

Clarke followed that sound and met the greenest eyes that made her fall in love in the first place. Her favorite color in the world. She looked at her hand and saw the wedding band right where her wife slid it during their wedding this past summer.

“Ah I had a dream, um, I was back in school, and you had no idea who I was.”

Lexa chuckled and kissed Clarke on her forehead. “You’re under a lot of stress, Clarke. Your exposition opens next week, but you’ll do great.” Lexa pulled Clarke closer to her and kissed her lips with care. “And there’s no way I could forget you, Clarke. That attitude of yours was something to remember.”

Clarke laughed and leaned into her wife. She began playing with her hands, paying attention to the golden rings adorning both their ring fingers.

 

They married 6 months after Lexa proposed in a beautiful intimate ceremony with her mother and friends. Of course, that private ceremony didn’t last long since that was also the day that Alexandria, the famous writer, became a forbidden woman to the legions of fans. Still, some fans were truly happy for their favorite writer, others not so much. Social media exploded with the pictures taken of the brunette and the blonde holding hands with golden rings in their hands. It was a crazy week for them both.

Anya and Costia got engaged that day as well so it was a double celebration for the Griffin-Woods family.

Lexa’s second book _Remember when_ hit the bestsellers list in the fiction section for several weeks, and Lexa received more deals to write books. Her work at the magazine was flourishing as well.

Octavia, after graduating college moved with Raven and now they are expanding Raven’s business along with the sales of her modern car tracker Alie. The duo were nothing but happy and loving each other truthfully.

They were truly realizing their dreams with their loved ones.

 

“Yeah, you better remember.” A soft kiss into her wife’s cheek, and Clarke sighed seeing the time. “I have to go and shower, gotta meet with Costia to prepare the art exposition in our gallery.  If I’m not on time she’s going to kick my ass.” Clarke moved reluctantly to the edge of the bed getting ready for her busy morning.

Lexa propped on her elbow looking with hooded eyes at the naked figure of her wife in all her glory. “Come back to bed, Clarke. You still have time.”

“Lexa, you and I know what happened last time I stayed in bed with you.”

Smiling, Lexa reached for Clarke capturing again between her arms. “It was never my intention to make you be late, Clarke. But tell me about your dream. You seemed really shaken up by it.”

“It was nothing, just a reminder that I seduced my English teacher and ended up marrying her years later.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me.” Lexa leaned in and kissed those lips that made her sing praises to God.

“It was really strange, I saw my dad.” Clarke sniffed a bit but she shook up quickly the sadness.

Lexa understood how much Clarke missed her father, it was something that was always going to remind them of the fragility of life.

“He must be so proud of you, just like we all are. He believed in your art and here you are, selling paintings and doing fancy expositions. You’re doing great.”

“I am. Thanks wifey.” Giggling, Clarke kissed once more Lexa and made her escape.

Lexa pouted in the bed. “Clarke, the sun is still hiding. Come and stay with me in bed a little longer.”

“Lexa.” Clarke warned in a light hearted tone.

“It’s dark Clarke. In our wedding I vowed to love you in the dark and in the light. And the sun is still down so that means I have to fulfill my word to you.” Lexa said solemnly.

“Geez, you can fulfill your promise in the shower, Lex.”

“No, I want you right here, between the sheets.”

Clarke grinned happily. “Is that right?”

“Yes.”

Clarke made her way back to bed and rolled on top of the brunette. She cupped her wife’s face looking at her beautiful eyes. She traced the contour of her fine jawline and her regal cheekbones.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Clarke.”

As they kissed and loved each other, Clarke remembered thanks to her dream when her love was forbidden by the laws of men. A teenager who fell in love for the first time and for the last with one woman.

Together, against all the hate, the envy and the anger of so many people, Clarke and Lexa found their home into each other again.

Yes, there was something special about them, and this time it was never going to end.

Green. Green. Green.

It was her favorite color in the world.

No doubt about it.

That was never going to change.

 

 

 

 

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is a wrap for this fic and the whole BTS series. Thank you very much to each one of you who were since last year with the launch of BTS and suffered the heartbreak before you asked for a sequel. Thanks to the people that jumped into the BTS bandwagon later too who came up excited for a happy ending for these duo and their friends.
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me and this is a work out of love.
> 
> Thank you to my buddy cos-geek-monkey who was part of this project as well and who has been editing and trying to improve my mistakes since I am not an English native speaker, aquí se habla español :)
> 
> And last but not least to all the people who commented without fail every chapter. I had a blast interacting with all of you, you're enthusiasm is what motivates me to keep writing and I really appreciate all the messages here, on twitter and tumblr. Obviously I am no professional writer and all your constructive criticism is welcomed. I get it might feel a bit rushed but after 10k words I wanted to wrapt it once and for all, so apologies for that.
> 
> This is a hobby of mine and I do this for enjoyment, passion and love for what represents Clarke and Lexa. I'll be taking a break from writing big fics, but you can find me on twitter and tumblr if you want to exchange headcanons or throw at me AU ideas to discuss back and forth. I do appreciate that you dig my amateur writing and hope you read the other stories I have published if you still haven't and the ones I might possibly write in the future just for my and your entertainment.  
> Hope you caught the easter egg my friends, until then.
> 
> May we meet again,
> 
> Carmen aka Tanagariel

**Author's Note:**

> commanderlexaofthegrounders.tumblr.com/the100fics


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